BrookLyn's Journey (33 page)

I hate my parents and
t
hey let all of us down. At the same time, I
don’t
want to let them down
by
becom
ing
the failure they told me I’d become. Loving Gabby
doesn’t
make me that in my eyes but I kn
ow
in their eyes it w
ill.
That
is
part of my struggle with this relationship. I want to be successful. I want to do right by her. Gabby
gives
me comfort that I
cannot
explain.

My father, when he
speaks
of gay people
always say
s
that they need to see a psychiatrist. He
thinks
they
are
“crazy.” He
’s never
ha
d
many kind words to say about anyone, but when it c
omes
to gay people his words
are
as mean as they could be. I kn
ow
he’
ll
say worse about me
,
because I
am
his daughter
, and
he already despise
s me
for less.

After being here a few days, Gabby got my friends to give me the assignments so I wouldn't fall too far behind
in school
. I work on it at night to try
to
keep from crying. It
is, at least,
somewhat of a distraction. When Gabby come
s
home,
sometimes
I cry even harder
.
Despite all I ha
ve
been through in the past, I ha
ve
never felt like this
!
I ha
ve
moved from the prison that
my parents
created for me
,
to the prison I created for myself. I kn
ow
I ha
ve
to leave this room eventually
,
but
I’m not
sure when I’
ll
be ready.

***

As
BrookLyn
lay
in bed,
thinking
and writing,
a noise
startled her out of her deep trance
. No one was
home
but
her
.
She
closed
her
journal
and listened
.
At that moment,
she
thought
she
smelled Gabby in the air.
Although she
didn’t spend every night in the room
with BrookLyn
—
Gabby
respected BrookLyn’s
need and
desire
to be alone
—she did come to
bring homework
, and often dinner
.
Sometimes
BrookLyn went down to
eat dinner with
Gabby
,
but mainly
she’d
been in the bed thinking about this painful thing
she
called
her
life.

“Gabby?”
she
called out
,
hoping
for an
answer.
There was none.

BrookLyn
slid the pen back inside her journal,
finally ma
king
the decision
to
get up and
take a shower.
As she was about to rise from the bed
and place the journal in her book bag
, there was
a
nother
noise outside
in the hall
followed by
a
light
tap on the
bedroom
door.

“Hello?”
Gabby
peeked into the room.

She
was glad to see Gabby walk in.
She looked so beautiful.
How did
I
not
notice
before
the night of Tiffany’s party
how
pretty
she
is
?
It was
as if
Gabby
was walking off of the cover of a magazine to spend
time
with
her
each
time
BrookLyn
saw her
.
And t
oday
, right now at this moment,
BrookLyn
really
needed her company.

“Hey,” she said
. Her
smile
lit up the dreary room and
BrookLyn
’s mood as well
.

“It’s good to see you.”

“You too. Can I have a kiss?” she asked.

BrookLyn yawned and stretched.
“You know that you don’t have to ask me for a kiss, right?”

“I just want to make sure it’s okay. I never want to disrespect you.”

“I’ve been lying in your bed for weeks. You’ve waited on me
,
bringing in food and my homework. You sat on the side of the bed as I covered my head with covers and cried. You even rubbed my back when I threw up. You’ve been too much support to stop and say, can I get a kiss?”
BrookLyn
smiled
and it felt good
.

“Well, yeah. I think I deserve more than one kiss. Maybe I deserve a couple
,
but I’m not going to just take them. That’s not how I do.”

Gabby
’s look
pierced BrookLyn’s heart, melting it with her
blue
-eyed stare.

“Give me a kiss already
.
”

BrookLyn
leaned
in
, inhaled Gabby’s sweet breath,
and
then jumped back
, leaping
off the bed
.
S
he
hadn’t brushed
her
teeth
yet so she
ran to the
bathroom, leaving
Gabby
with a confused look on her face
and her palms outstretched as if to say
what did I do
?

BrookLyn brushed her teeth
—
twice
—s
he wanted to make sure her breath was fresh enough to share a kiss.

“
Hey.
I thought
you said I deserved a kiss
,
”
Gabby
yelled into the open door
.

“You would’ve been traumatized if you kissed
my
mouth. It
was
a nasty mess,”
BrookLyn
said
with a mouthful of toothpaste
.

Gabby
busted out laughing
, and she seemed to relax now that she knew
she hadn’t done anything to upset BrookLyn
.

She finished
brush
ing,
rinsed with mouthwash and
dashed back into the room.
“
There.
I feel much better
.
”
She pushed Gabby onto the bed, and t
hey
finally
shared a kiss
.

After a few minutes
,
BrookLyn
reached into
her book bag. She wanted to make sure she put her journal
toward
the bottom of the bag.
She was bent over looking when she heard Gabby moving behind her.
She waited for her touch that
she
was sure would soon follow.

“I’m worried about you, Sweets
.
”
Gabby
grabb
ed
BrookLyn
around
her
waist
and turned her toward her
.

“No need. I’m good
—
I mean, my heart hurts
,
but I’m good.”

“I know you feel really bad
,
but I
also
know you’ll be okay.
T
hings will get better for you
,
and for us.
”

When
Gabby
leaned in and
kissed
BrookLyn’s
forehead,
everything came into focus. She had been
in this bed alone the past few days
,
but now
she
realize
d just
how much
she
missed and needed
Gabby
.
“Would you spend the night in here with me?”

Gabby’s
sad eyes lit up.
“You know you don’t even have to ask.”

They stayed
in each
other’s
arms for a
moment, letting the love flow between them. As BrookLyn’s
body began to
sway to the
silent
music
of her heart.

A
simple touch of Gabby’s hand sent electricity through
BrookLyn’s
body. Her eyes
seem
e
d to beckon
each time
BrookLyn
gazed
into them. The
way they seemed to
reach out and
capture her was something that had never happen
ed
before
.
She was exactly
where
she
was supposed to be.

BrookLyn felt
lightheaded
.
“
I need to sit down
, before
I fall down
.
” Gabby’s
kisses had
such
power behind them
, and over her
. It was as if she
could feel the ground move beneath her each time their lips met.
She
had no
thing
to compare them with,
but somehow she
knew no one had kisses like
Gabby’s
.
They couldn’t possibly.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just feeling a little dizzy.”

“I
’ll
go get you something to drink
.
”

She grabbed hold of Gabby’s arm.
“Please don’t leave me.”

Gabby
pull
ed
her
close
r
.
There was so much reassurance in that simple motion that BrookLyn allowed herself to relax,
plac
ing
her
head on
Gabby’s
shoulder.
She
was beginning to feel safer
—n
ot better
,
but safe.

After a
few moments of silence,
Gabby
pulled back
again
.
“I saw Tiffany at school today. She asked about you
.
”

“She did? I haven’t talked to her since I saw her in church last. What did you tell her?”

“I told her the
short
version of what happened and that you were staying here for a bit.”

“Did you tell her about us? About this?”
BrookLyn
hadn’t told a soul
.
I
n
her
eyes, this was between
her
, Gabby and God.

“I didn’t have to
.
S
he spoke to Max.”

BrookLyn felt a twinge of panic at what Tiffany would think.
“And?”