BROKEN WINGS: GODS OF CHAOS MC (BOOK THREE) (19 page)

I felt like a fool, but fuck if I hadn’t meant every word.  I tried to tell myself she just needed time, or space, or whatever the fuck women wanted in situations like this, but the truth was I had no idea what the right thing to do was.  

I had never been in love before.  If that was truly what this was.  But what I did know was that nobody had ever made me feel this way.  That no woman had ever made me feel like my chest was about to burst wide open just by looking at her.  That I had never wanted to cry just from the pure joy of touching someone’s skin.

Late that night, after Diana had gone to sleep, and I wasn’t even able to relax enough to close my eyes, I got up and found Riot sitting alone on the front porch smoking a joint.  

“Hey brother,” he said.  “Join me.”

I sat beside him, and looked up at the stars.  I’d sat here countless nights before, memorizing the dark shadow of the tree line, staring up into space and wondering about the world.  

I knew my place here at the clubhouse.  I was good at my job, and life was simple.  I didn’t need anyone.   I enjoyed the company of various women and then they moved on.  Nothing ever got complicated.

Now, everything had changed.  Just from one fucking phone call.  If Diana hadn’t called me, I’d still be sitting here, staring up at these same stars, and I’d be able to sleep, I’d feel at home, I’d feel like I belonged.

Now I was starting to question everything.  I was starting to question who I was.  If I could let a woman turn my world upside down so easily, what did it mean about who I was?  

Maybe I was just a fucking fraud all along.

“You still believe in fate, man?” I asked Riot.

“I don’t know, man.  Why?”

“This whole Diana thing, brother.  It’s got me all fucked up.”

“How so?” he asked.

The stars sparkled above us, the moon low and bright, and almost full.  Always there, never wavering.

“I’m just…feeling shit.  Shit I never felt before, you know?"

“Yeah, I get it.  Nothing wrong with that, though.  Let’s you know your heart isn’t as dead as you thought it was, right?” he asked, half-grinning.

“Yeah, well, if it ain’t dead yet, then that means someone can still kill it.”

Riot nodded without replying.  He took a long draw on the joint, and held the smoke in his lungs for a long time, before slowly exhaling.  The cloud of smoke danced in the air around us, lit up by the moonlight streaming through the trees.

“It also means you’re alive, Slade.  Maybe you shouldn’t fight it, maybe you should live a little, you know?”

“I kinda thought I was, until now.”

“It was a different kind of living, brother.  When you got someone else to live for, it changes the game.”

“Being responsible for someone else has never been my game,” I said.

“Bullshit.  You’re a God.  We’re all fucking responsible for each other.  You’d kill for any one of us, right?”

“You fucking know it,” I replied.  It was true, there was nothing I wouldn’t do for one of my brothers.

“Well, just add Diana to the list.  It ain’t that much different.  We’re all family.”

Family, I thought, what a concept.  For someone like me, who never really knew what having a family was supposed to feel like…feeling it now just scared me, especially when I added Diana to the mix.

It was a wonderful feeling, but in the end, it just me with a whole lot left to lose.

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

The incessant chirping of birds, and Slade’s snoring, made it impossible for me to sleep once the sun had come up.  I lay there for an hour, thinking about Olivia.  Finally, I quietly got up and got dressed to go check on her.  Owls are normally nocturnal, but Slade told me he mostly spotted them at dusk or just after dawn.

Ever since Oliver had gotten hurt, because of Wyatt, the idiot, I couldn’t stop worrying about Olivia.  She hadn’t been spotted since poor Oliver had been taken away. 

I was so pissed at Wyatt, and I couldn’t wait to get him alone and give him a piece of my mind.  Or, better yet, I couldn’t wait to get back to work, and blow him out of the competition for the promotion.  That would truly be the sweetest revenge.

Although, I knew Slade had other ideas of how he planned to exact revenge on Wyatt.

I still hadn’t told him I was leaving.  I had to go back to work, I had no choice.  I couldn’t just continue to live my life in hiding.  I never should have agreed to come, but it was just so damned hard to tell Slade no while he was laying there in that damned hospital bed.

Everyone was still sleeping.  I saw Ryder and Grace’s cabin just down the road when I stepped out onto the empty porch, looking peaceful and quiet.

For a place whose theme was chaos, this was one of the most peaceful spots I had ever visited.  Slade had explained that now that Ryder and Riot had both settled down with Grace and Lacey, things were a lot quieter around there now.  I could only imagine what was it like a year ago, before Grace had come into the picture.  Slade told me that the business side of things was dwindling down now, too, now that they were so busy with Solid Ground.

I walked quietly into the forest, keeping my eyes peeled for any sign of Olivia.  I didn’t know what I could do for her, but maybe just a few words of encouragement could help, to let her know that Oliver was okay and would be coming back, maybe somehow she would understand.

I headed towards the creek, the crunch of fallen pine needles under my feet the only noise I made.  Birds sang in the trees above me, their calls clear and beautiful.  The sun streamed through the trees as the breeze made them sway overhead, creating a dancing shadow that followed me all the way to the creek.  

I looked at the water rushing past me, spilling over rocks and fallen branches, creating foamy waves that splashed in the air.  I sat on the big rock where Slade had made love to me that first day, remembering the feel of his mouth, the heat of his kisses.

He was so passionate, and yet so gentle for such a rough and tumble kind of guy.  I smiled to myself, remembering how he didn’t let the cast on his arm get in the way of anything he wanted to do to me that day.   My body shuddered at the memory of his touch, of the way he made me explode with pleasure.

We would get through this.  Somehow.  And we would end up on the other side with our love still intact.  I did love him.  I hadn’t told him yet, mainly because he wouldn’t stop kissing me long enough for me to respond yesterday, and also because fear had reared its ugly head once more, confusing me, causing me to doubt myself, to doubt my feelings.

So, as I always did when I didn’t know what to say - I said nothing at all.  

I would just have to explain everything to him.  I couldn’t just leave without telling him, I had decided.  That would have been so unfair and would have worried him like crazy.  I couldn’t hurt him like that.  

And if he didn’t want me to go back to work alone, then he would just have to go with me.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want him with me, I just couldn’t stay here at the clubhouse.  I had to go back to work, and if that meant Slade went with me, then so be it.

I looked up and was shocked to see two huge yellow eyes staring down at me.  

“Olivia!”  I waved slowly, saying her name quietly so I didn’t scare her away.

She was beautiful.  Her feathers were brown and grey and she had a big tuft of white hair on her chest.  Her ears were pointed and huge.  She sat regally on the branch, not moving anything but her huge, blinking eyes.

“Oliver is okay, Olivia!  He’ll be back soon, okay?”  I said to her, hoping if she couldn’t understand the words, she could at least interpret the feelings behind them.  “I’m so sorry he got hurt, but I promise he’ll be back!  Please be careful by yourself out here, okay?”

She blinked at me a few more times, and then, to my surprise, she began cooing at me.

“Hoo-HOO-hoo-hoo….hoo-HOO-hoo-hooooo!”

“Oh!” I exclaimed.  “That’s so pretty!”  I couldn’t remember ever having heard an owl up close and it was the coolest sound. I sighed and stood up, my mission completed.  Olivia looked just fine.

Now, it was time to go back and wake up Slade, and tell him I needed to leave. He wasn’t going to be happy, but it was the only thing I could do.

Slowly, I made my way back through the woods, stopping every now and then to take a closer look at a plant or bird in my path.  The trees were so tall, so dense, that when you were deep in the forest, you never knew how close you were to the road.  Everything was so quiet and yet the forest sounds were so loud and vibrant, it was almost as if you could hear the silence, too.

A baby robin landed in front of me and hopped onto a broken branch along the path, staring up at me, completely unafraid.

“Hello, little guy,” I said to him, as I leaned over to get a better look.  His bright orange chest stuck out proudly and his head tilted as I approached him.  I put out my hand to touch him, and he flew away.  

I sighed and stood up, turning back to the path.  When I felt a hand snake around my face and clamp down on my mouth, I tried to scream.  The smell of chemicals was the last thing I was aware of as I fell to the ground.

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

Three Hours Later

I woke up to the burning sun on my face.  I was sweaty and uncomfortable, the blanket smothering me like a heavy weight. 

“Babe?” I muttered, throwing my arm out to the other side of the bed.  It was empty.  

“Babe?” I called again to the empty room.  I opened my eyes and looked around.  No sign of Diana.  The bathroom door was open, and the light was off.  

My stomach growled with hunger, and I pulled myself out of bed.  I threw on a pair of shorts, and walked out into the hallway and into the kitchen.  The clubhouse was bustling with activity.  Cherry was in the kitchen cooking, and Doc and Lacey were sitting in front of the television show watching an old rerun of I Love Lucy.  

“Hey guys,” I mumbled.  Diana was nowhere to be seen.  

“Hey handsome,” Cherry said, her eyes raking over my half-naked body just like they always did.

“Hey Cherry,” I said, grabbing a slice of bacon off a platter by the oven.  

“Where’s Diana?” I asked.

Cherry squinted and shrugged and looked around.  Lacey and Doc looked over at me and shrugged too.

“We thought she was in your room,” Cherry said.  “Ain’t seen hide nor hair of her all mornin’, in fact.”

“Shit.  She probably went for a walk again.  Goddammit!”  I said, heading back to my room to find my shoes.  I changed out of my shorts, threw on a pair of jeans, my boots, and a black t-shirt, and ran back into the living room.