Broken Heart (Broken Heart #1) (32 page)

She came back with her cell phone and called the doctor. Margaret held my hand gently, her eyes filled with sorrow. 

“Take a warm shower Jen. You’ll feel better…or would you rather a bath?” Her eyes teared up, and she finally let loose. She cried on top of me, and as Tilly walked in, we all started to cry

together. You could hear the sniffling and whimpering echoing in the hallways of Tilly’s mini mansion.

Tilly and Margaret walked me to the bathroom. I got undressed slowly looking down at my panties stained with blood. The blood of my child…the blood of my lies that I’ve told my future husband, my partner, the love of my life. I got in the shower, feeling woozy and confused. I turned the

handle, the cold water ejected first, causing me to flinch and step back, triggering me to almost fall straight on my bottom. I held on to the glass shower doors that broke my fall. I couldn’t bear the

pain in my heart. I felt exactly the way I did when my parents were killed…emotional, abandoned and reckless. 

The next morning, Margaret, Tilly, and I had breakfast on the patio overlooking her enormous, Olympic style, in-ground pool. The scenery was spectacular, but I was too drained to enjoy it. I

couldn’t eat. I had no appetite. My eyes were swollen and the pain in my heart made my whole body ache. I didn’t call Michael, and he didn’t call me, either. I’m glad, I would have told him. I

would have told him I knew I was pregnant and that I was going to have an abortion on Friday and our relationship would have been over. 

“Tilly, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I thought you might tell Eddie.” I glanced over at her apologetically.

“I have to say, Jenesis, I’m hurt. If Michael knows, what’s the problem? How could you ever think that I would tell Eddie something so personal like that? We’re women, we have to look out for one

another.” She stared at me with her deep, aqua-blue eyes, eating her eggs benedict, and sipping on a mimosa.

“I don’t know…I was scared…I didn’t even tell Margaret until she came to pick me up yesterday morning.” I stared at my food, the nausea creeping up slowly to my mouth.

“It’s okay…I just…I know we’re not close, but we’ve known Michael for years. I want to be a part of your life, too. You can trust me. I love Michael, and you. You guys are my best friends, my

only friends.” I caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye. I felt so guilty I couldn’t look at her. I saw her quivering lips and teary eyes. 

Margaret reached over to hold Tilly’s hand. Then, I reached over and rubbed her shoulder.

“I love you guys…it’s just that…I was afraid you would judge me.” “For what? You couldn’t have known you were going to miscarry, right?

Never…” she cried into my arms, and I held her tight.

“No, but I was going to have an abortion…today. I’m sorry…I’ve never been so disappointed in myself in my life. Please…don’t cry.”

“Oh…I see. Well, sometimes we have to do what we feel is right. I’ve been there, I know. I have something to tell you.” She took a deep breath and raised her solemn blue eyes at us. “I had an abortion three years ago. I cheated on Eddie because he cheated on me with one of the women at

Dave’s precinct.” She closed her eyes and tightened her fists. “He made me do it! He told me he was in love with her.” The hatred in her voice came out as a roar.

“At the precinct? Who?” I gave her a quizzical look waiting for her to drop the name of the wench.

“She’s a police officer. Cassandra.” Her eyes bulged out of her head, and her face was flushed with anger.

“What!” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It couldn’t be my Cassandra from the front desk.

“Yes, Cassandra. You know what’s even funnier is that Eddie got accepted into the police academy and accepted a job at Dave’s precinct when he graduates just to be near that fucking bitch!”

Margaret’s eyes went blank. She stared at Tilly without saying a word. I removed myself quickly from the conversation. I needed time to absorb all of this madness. It was too much for me.

“Dave will never allow that. He’s not very fond of Eddie, is he?” I whispered. I stared at her waiting for her to respond for a moment. She didn’t. Then I thought about Michael and how pissed he must be at me right now. “I have to call Michael. He must be very angry with me right now.” I

excused myself, walked into the house, sat on the living room couch, and turned on my cell phone. Five missed calls and six text messages…Michael…the hardest phone call of my life.

“Hello?” 

“Are you fucking serious? I’ve been calling you since last night. What the hell is going on? And where the fuck are you?” he barked at me through the phone.

“I’m at Tilly’s.” My voice cracked as I giggled nervously. 

“You don’t even know Tilly! Since when did you become best friends with her during our brief encounter at dinner and at brunch once in a blue moon?” He yelled over the phone.

“Michael, I didn’t have my charger and you didn’t call the hospital. You left me there, remember?” My heart descended into my gut, who was I to say anything to him. 

“You lied to me,” he whispered angrily.

“No, I didn’t.” I hesitated.

“You knew you were pregnant…didn’t you?” He was breathing hard over the phone.

“No…I didn’t,” I said adamantly.

Michael stood quiet on the other end of the phone. Then he spoke. “You’re twenty two years old, not sixteen, you expect me to believe you don’t know your own body?”

“Really? You out of all people should know I don’t know my own body. I don’t care what you believe. You left me alone at the hospital. You abandoned me when I needed you the most. Why? Why? Did you do it to me again?” I cried.

“You want me to excuse your irresponsible behavior. You wanted me to make love to you without using a condom and now you expect me to forgive you for losing our child!” He screamed so loudly I actually stared at the phone. My heart was thrashing against my chest. I felt sick.

“I didn’t know I was pregnant! How is a miscarriage my fault? You could have used a condom, why didn’t you, Mr. thirty year old? Mr. I’m more experienced than you are!” I shouted

“This is childish. I don’t have time to deal with a child. Grow up, Jenesis.

I’m not going to wait forever,” he whispered.

“I just did. Good-bye.” I hung up the phone and sat on the living room floor, crushed and feeling hollow. I was wrong, not him. I should’ve known better. I should’ve known better.

I decided to stay another night at Tilly’s. I just couldn’t face him and I knew this would make him even angrier, but I couldn’t think about that.

I’ll suffer the consequences later because right now, I’ll be suffering the consequences of what happened for the rest of my life.

I woke up early the next morning. I was on the bed, so I’m assuming, no nightmare. I experienced some mild cramping but I felt much better than yesterday. I tried to control the thoughts running

through my head but I awoke with a lump in my throat and burst into tears as I washed my face with the vanilla scented soap Tilly had near the sink. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized

that all of this had to happen…it was unavoidable.  I was so happy that Margaret and Tilly were there for me. I was lucky to have all of them in my life. I’m sure if I told Dave he would have

never told Michael, either. But I didn’t want to hurt Dave either. I’m sure he wouldn’t have believed that I had it in me to do something this horrible.

But, he’s still not that fond of Michael. I just wish Dave and Michael would get along more like a family, someday I will have children, and I want to be able to live in peace.

Margaret and I were getting ready to take the long drive home. Tilly cried as we drove down the driveway. I could see her wiping her tears with the palm of her hand as I turned my head to wave

goodbye. She smiled and waved back then turned and went inside her house. Now I understood why she was so sentimental. She did it, too. And maybe she had a better reason than me to do it.

Now I wanted to know who she cheated on Eddie with. It doesn’t change the fact that it’s still the worse thing anyone could do. At least, I thought so. 

The ride home seemed longer and Margaret and I didn’t talk at all. She seemed pensive and looked worried. I looked away from her and stared out of the window. I didn’t know how Michael was

going to react to me when he got home this evening. I had a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat and a lifetime of regret, how do you move on from that? 

I gave Margaret a kiss and a deep, tight hug. The kind of hug you give someone when they just heard bad news. She dropped me off at my loft and I waved at her as she took off to go home. I

walked into the building not knowing what was going to happen. I took a deep breath before placing the key in the door. I prayed to God he was asleep. I opened the door quietly and shut it

slowly. I glanced over into the living room and he was sleeping on the sofa. He opened one eye and noticed me standing there. He stretched his arms in the air, yawning then walked over to me.

I stopped and lowered my head. He lifted my chin and stared into my eyes. His beautiful blue-green eyes gazed into my hazel eyes and my heart skipped a beat. I didn’t expect this reaction from

him and I felt safe and warm in his arms. He held my hand and escorted me into the bedroom. I undressed and slipped into my sweat pants and T-shirt. Michael had placed a bouquet of fresh

orchids on the night table. I glanced over at him and he smiled an apologetic smile at me. I was happy…so happy. He removed his T-shirt and left his sweat pants on. We laid down on the bed

together, and I turned my back towards him. He slid his body close to mine, spooning me from behind holding me by my waist. We both fell asleep holding hands without saying a word. I needed

him so badly to hold me. My guilt-ridden body was exhausted, and my heart was heavy from the truth I so desperately wanted to tell him.

CHAPTER 12

I woke up screaming, rolling out of the bed, and hitting the floor, face first.

I slowly squinted my eyes as I sat up on the floor. 

“Jenesis, are you alright?”

I stared at Michael for a minute, totally incoherent, I just didn’t know if this was a dream or if I was really on the floor. I lifted my hand to wipe my nose. There was blood dripping from my nose and I could taste it on my lips.

“Jenesis, can you hear me?” Michael shouted as he shook me gently by my arms.

“Yeah…oh my God, what happened?” I shook my head as I tried to stand up to walk, my body trembling.

“I don’t know, you started screaming, then I heard a big bang and you were on the floor. My God, your bleeding…I was in the shower. Stand up… come here.” He pulled me up by the arms gently and lifted me up from the floor.

“Oh my God! I’m going to be late!” I shouted frantically as I stood up and sat on the bed.

“No, what are you talking about? It’s two in the afternoon. Your alarm didn’t go off for work. Your boss called. I said you had a stomach virus and overslept. She said she’s going to dock you a day’s pay. I let you sleep.

That’s why you’re still in bed, I mean, on the floor.” He was talking a mile a minute and at one point even seemed confused. 

“Oh my God! I probably lost my job. Why are you here? Don’t you have to go to court?” I felt as confused as he did. I placed my hands over my face.

“Don’t worry about me. I don’t think your therapist isn’t helping you much. I set up an appointment for you with a different therapist. Dave gave me her number.” He sat on the bed with me gently placing his hands on mine and slowly lifting my hands off of my face. “We’re in this together.

Maybe we can talk about what happened with the pregnancy. Promise me you’ll get some help with this therapist. Her name is Dr. Baressi.” 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do right now…there’s just too much going on. I’m sad Michael…sad that we’re fighting at the wrong time when we need each other.” I felt the lump in my throat choking me. The tears flowed on overload, and I stood up on my tippy toes as I held him

around his neck gasping for air. I felt every emotion in my body unravel in one shot, from the miscarriage, to the lying, to everything…I was a goddamn mess. 

“Look, I’m not going to lie…I was angry, I’ve never gotten anyone pregnant before, and it was like someone stabbed me in my heart. I worry about you, and I when I found out you were pregnant

and bleeding, I…I panicked. I love you so much…sometimes, I get this overwhelming feeling that I can’t control…I get angry, and I can’t see straight…I didn’t mean what I said…I’m sorry,

baby…I’m so sorry.” I was so relieved to hear that he wasn’t angry with me. I loved him so much and he didn’t understand that my nightmares weren’t the only thing that were bothering me…that

I was crying because I was going to do something so terribly wrong that I would pay for, for the rest of my life, and even though I didn’t get to go through with it, I felt just as guilty.

“Jen, Promise me you’ll go to therapy…promise me. I have to go to court. I have to go pick up Stephen Marquis. Dave and his entourage tried to have him rearrested, but they have no evidence

to keep him.” He sat on the bed and looked deep into my eyes. My heart hurt me, and I wanted to tell him every lie I’ve told, right there and then. I wanted to confess my sins. He leaned in and

kissed me softly on my lips, but I didn’t kiss him back…I couldn’t…I didn’t deserve his beautiful heart- shaped lips on mine. 

“I promise. Michael…I love you, more.” I fell asleep when Michael left to court thinking about how fucked up my life was right now. How poor decisions can ruin your life forever. I needed my mother in my life. I didn’t have any guidance, and I wasn’t being smart about anything, from my

job, to my health, to my relationship with Michael or Dave. Life sucked right now…just too overwhelming to cope with it.

A couple of days passed and I told my boss at children’s services I wasn’t going into work. Little did she know, I would never return to work again. I wanted to talk to Dave. I wanted to work for

him again. No matter what Dave said and no matter how many times I rolled my eyes into my head as he spoke, he was right, this job was not for me. I called Dave to let him know how I felt.

“Dave?” 

“Jen, what’s up?”

“I was thinking about what you said. I don’t want to return to work. I’d like to work for you again.”

“Really? Sure, you know I need you,” he said as he tapped his fingers rhythmically on his desk.

“Thanks, Dave. Can I start next week, I need some time to transition.”

“Next week it is. I have to go, we’ll talk later.” He hung up quickly. I felt relieved I didn’t have to return to work.

I wanted Michael to keep the miscarriage to himself and tell no one.

Michael agreed and decided that we wouldn’t tell Dave what happened. I didn’t have to tell Margaret anything, she wouldn’t tell Dave anyway. She was my confidant and I didn’t have to say it twice. 

The next day, Michael and I were meeting Dave, Margaret, Eddie, and Tilly at the Barclay Center for a law enforcement convention. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay home and wallow in my

sorrows. I stood in the bed with the covers over my head. I heard my cell phone vibrate on the night table and reached for it. It was a text message from Tilly.

9:35 AM

Hey, I’m around the neighborhood. Can I stop by? Tilly

Sure, come on up. I’m up. J

“Hey sleepy head.” Michael kissed my nose. “Are you ready?”

I stretched my arms and wrapped them around his neck. “No…I want to stay home.” I kissed his forehead tenderly.

“Nope, you have to go, baby,” he said grabbing my breasts playfully with his hands and pushing his erection against my belly. I pushed him away.

“I’d rather stay in bed, if you don’t mind. I don’t feel well.” I gave him the sad puppy eyes look.

“Come on, Jenesis, I promised Dave and Eddie I would meet them there.

Margaret and Tilly are going.” He shook my shoulders playfully.

“How is that? When Tilly will be coming up to visit me any minute.” I covered my breasts with the blanket as Michael jumped up out of bed with his erection standing hard. I laughed and my

faced blushed. He still managed to shock me with his delicious but dangerous body part. My phone vibrated again. I reached over to get it but Michael grabbed it before me. He stood reading the text

while my mouth watered at the sight of him. His tight ass and ripped back made me want to slide my naked body up and down his delicious body.

“Looks like Tilly changed her mind. She ran into Margaret. She’ll see you later. Now we have time for a quickie.” He walked over to the bed and pulled me by the legs making them hang over the side of the bed. 

“On my shoulders baby, I want to fuck you and hear you scream my name.” He placed a condom over his large manhood and slid one finger inside of me, “Baby, you are so ready.” He spread my legs and slid his tip across my entrance then pushed gently until he filled me completely.

“You’re so tight, baby, God, I love it,” he whispered. 

I stared, enjoying him enjoying himself. He was always so in to me and worshipped every part of my body. He rubbed his thumb gently over my throbbing flesh and sent my body trembling into

ecstasy. Oh the feeling of him touching me, inside of me, drove me wild. He held tightly on to my ankles as he drove into me harder and faster. He spread open my legs dropping them from his

shoulders and placing them over his arms. He slammed into me over and over until I arched my back, screaming his name as I came apart around him.

“Michael! I’m going to come!” I shouted.

“Yes, baby, yes! Come for me, come for me… hard!” He grabbed on to my legs, thrusting harder and harder until his own release ripped from his body. “Baby, yes, Jesus!” he leaned over me,

swallowing me whole with his mouth, pushing himself into me deeper. I couldn’t even breathe as his tongue invaded my mouth. My body was still trembling as he slowly kissed my breasts and

sucked on my nipples. My body was sensitive to his touch and I was still throbbing between my legs.

“Go clean up and come back, I have to taste you,” he said smiling.

“Michael, I don’t know if I can take it,” I said seriously, breathing erratically from the massive fucking that just took place.

“I want to make you come again, but in my mouth, I need to taste you…all of you.” I got up and went to the bathroom as he slid the condom off of him. I washed up with some sweet smelling

soap and sprinkled a little perfume between my thighs. I was so turned on and I wanted him to taste me. I walked back into the bedroom and he was sitting on the bed, still hard. 

“Come with me,” he said.

“Michael, I’m naked. Where are we going?”

“The kitchen.” He grabbed my hand then lifted me and placed me on the granite counter top near the sink. I jerked a little as my ass touched the slick, cold granite. He kissed me tenderly and then

slid his tongue between my breasts. He stopped and left me panting to open the refrigerator door grabbed something and smiled.

“What are you doing?” I asked trying to get a glimpse of what was in his hand.

“Nothing, just adding some flavor to my favorite meal.” He licked his lips, and I almost came just staring at him. I swallowed hard. Chocolate. Pudding. I was so ready.

“Hmmm…” He pulled open the chocolate pudding, dipped his finger inside, and placed some on my belly button. His tongue scooped up the pudding and he swallowed in delight. “Open wide, baby,” he said as he spread my legs apart across the cool granite then placing a finger full of

chocolate pudding on my clit. His velvet tongue sucking and licking across my swollen flesh, as his beautiful eyes stared at me in pleasure.

“Hmmm…baby, sweet chocolate, my favorite.” He dunked his finger in the pudding again, sliding the pudding up and down my entrance. I moaned and skimmed my fingers through his hair, lifting

my bottom to help me reach my release. I loved the way he moved his tongue, up and down and in small circles on my pulsating tip. He slid his tongue in and out of my entrance, devouring me to

the point that I began to tremble. I thrust my hips back and forth, as his tongue worked me to no end. I couldn’t contain myself and my moans were becoming louder and louder. Michael loved to

hear me moan and groan and, every time my cries grew louder, the flicks of his tongue worked faster and faster to make me explode into his mouth. I grabbed onto his hair pulling it hard until

he swallowed me. I came hard and as I held onto him, he grabbed my hips and lifted me off of the counter, turning me around and pushing me against the granite counter, plunging into me from

behind. I lost all of my senses. His mouth intoxicated me, and I barely had the strength to stand and let him take me from behind.

“Baby, you make me lose my mind when I taste you. I want to come all over your ass. Hold on baby, here I come,” he whispered in my ear. He pushed into me hard as my breasts hit the cold

granite counter. His rhythm was steady and deep. I closed my eyes imagining the pleasure that radiated off of his face. I could see him biting his bottom lip and placing his head back in ecstasy.

His lips were humming a moan every time he entered me and pulled out. He plunged into me one last time then he pulled out on a yell, and I could feel the hot liquid spilling all over my ass,

dripping down the back of my thighs and sliding between my cheeks. He yelled my name “Jenesis! Yes, baby!” as I heard him sliding his hand up and down his shaft quickly. I never felt so turned

on in my life. I came again as he pulled out, I turned around to watch him, but I wanted more so I placed my finger on my clit and rubbed it until I climaxed again.

“Yeah baby, let me see you touch yourself,” he whispered as he slid his hand up and down his shaft tightly until the last drop glided down his tip. His head fell back in glory, and he glanced up

at me as I finished pleasuring myself. He licked his lips as his blue-green eyes gazed at me. My legs began to tremble when I cried out again as I came sliding my finger inside of me as I stared

into his eyes. We were spent and I felt weak and from the looks of it, he was, too. He walked over to me slowly and kissed me hard on the lips and whispered,

“Baby, what you do to me, it’s not fucking fair.” I stared at him, breathless, still wanting more. It just wasn’t enough what happened between us and I felt as if he was becoming my obsession, my

drug; everything I’ve been missing in my life and I felt that I couldn’t live without him…the way he took me to heaven and then brought me back down to Earth…and that feeling…was dangerous, very dangerous.

***

I decided to skip the expo and visit Dr. Logan instead. I never did see Dr. Barresi that Michael had suggested I should. I liked Dr. Logan and even though she was rich and beautiful, there was something real about her. I haven’t told her about the miscarriage and today was the perfect day