Boy Band (20 page)

But there are still others out there who are ignoring him.

Chloe Conley is rich, famous, and dating Sam Morneau. I don’t feel sorry for her at all. So a few people said mean things to her. #BooHoo #CryMeARiver

If you ask me, it sounds like Sam is regretting his decision to date Chloe. Probably a publicity stunt. Who’s shocked?  

And so on.  

Unfortunately, as Sam has said time and time again, this is a thing.  And it’s a thing that happens more frequently than it should.  It’s horrible that he and the fans go through this every time he likes or is reported to like someone.  It’s not fair to anyone, especially the ones being bullied.  But even Sam doesn’t have the power to put a complete stop to it.

It’s hard to believe, but there are things that even the guys can’t do.

CHAPTER 18

“
Maybe this time, time, time

We can make this last forever

And baby we’ll shine, shine, shine

Just like these city lights

Oh please, be mine, mine, mine

In the moonlight, off the boardwalk

Over highways, under city lights tonight..
.
”

Song: “City Lights”

Artist: The Kind of September 

From the Album
:
Meet Me on the Midway

I don’t sit next to Sam on our flight back to LA.  I’m not sure if he thinks too much into it or if he even notices at all.  As a guy, he probably doesn’t.  Like I said, they don’t usually analyze things the way we do.  They’re so lucky. 

But because I’m a girl and I do overanalyze things, I thought that it might be a better idea, all things considered, to take a seat next to Joni and let Sam sit with the guys.   After all, I wouldn’t feel right holding his hand knowing that Chloe Conley might very well be waiting for him to land in Los Angeles, where he’ll sweep her off her feet and into a whirlwind romance that most girls, myself included, only dream about.  

But, as I keep reminding myself, I don’t care about that.  I don’t care about anything at all.  We have a few short days in Los Angeles and then we get to go home for a whole month.  I don’t even remember the last time we had that much time off.  It’s going to be glorious.  I’ll be able to spend time with my family, play on the beach with my brother and sister, go shopping with my mom, maybe do some hiking in the Redwoods.  

Yep.  It’s going to be a good holiday.    

Now if I can just get through these next couple of days.  I think I’ll be able to.  No.  I know I’ll be able to.  Because if Melissa Kearney Parker is anything, it’s determined.  

Okay, that might be a lie.  Maybe determination isn’t my defining character trait.  It’s probably something more like neutralism.  Or neuroticism.  Some “ism” beginning with N-E-U.  

Whatever.  It doesn’t matter.  And dwelling any further on it isn’t going to make my head any less chaotic.  It fact, it will probably only make this worse.  So I decide to try to make some small talk with Joni.

“So, do you and Cory have anything planned for the holidays?”  

“Just spending as much time with our family as possible.  Cory wants Tara to come stay with us for a few days and get to know the family, but thankfully, Mom thinks about as much of her as you and I do.  She’s been busy coming up with a whole list of reasons why we won’t have time for guests.”

“He’s really serious about her, isn’t he?”

“He thinks he is, but that’s because he’s too stupid to know the difference between love and infatuation.”  

“Aren’t we all?” I ask.  I mean, look at me.  I’m infatuated with Sam and have been practically my entire life.  I’ve always thought it was love.  But maybe it’s not.  Maybe I’m just as stupid as everyone else and won’t actually know what love really is until I’m on my deathbed.  Maybe not even then.  

“It’s not hard to figure out.  Infatuation is temporary.  It’s being in love with the idea of a person rather than the person him or herself.  That’s what Cory feels for Tara.  He’s in love with who he thinks she is, but he’s not in love with her.  How could he be?”  

It’s a fair question, I have to admit.  But I understand what she’s saying.  When Cory looks at Tara, he sees an angel.  He sees a beautiful girl who cares about him and wants to be with him.  He doesn’t see what the rest of us see.  Maybe he can’t.  Or maybe, just maybe, he’s choosing not to.  

So where does that leave me?  Have I simply been in love with my idea of Sam and not Sam himself?  Perhaps I’m naive, but I really don’t think so.  I know Sam.  I know everything about him.  I know his faults, his quirks, his annoying tendencies.  I’ve been with him through the highs and lows, the brightest moments and darkest days.  And after all of that, I still find myself looking forward to waking up each and every morning, just because I know I’ll get to spend time with him.  He can make my entire day with a single smile.  I’d do anything for him, and deep down, I’m pretty sure he’d do anything for me.  He might not feel the same, but there’s no doubt in my mind that what I’ve felt for Sam Morneau all these years is love.  

And unfortunately for me, I’m fairly certain it’s never going to go away.

⋯

When we land in Los Angeles, the guys prepare for an appearance on a late night talk show while I lock myself in Joni’s and my hotel room in order to take my online exams.  Both are due tonight, and even though I really haven’t been concentrating on them the way I should, I think I’ll do okay.    

Sitting here alone at the desk, notebooks spread before me, I find my thoughts drifting to my high school days with Joni, Cory, Jesse, and Sam.  Most of the time, it feels like a whole other life, but on occasion, it seems like only yesterday.  I can still see Sam in his jeans and old t-shirts, dashing through the halls because he’s late for class.  I can hear Jesse telling a joke at his locker, his hair short and well-groomed.  I commiserate with Cory as he frets over our physics projects that are due at the end of the week.  Joni, on the other hand, isn’t worried at all.  She’s a great student.  

I have to admit sometimes I miss those days.  They were simpler.  A lot simpler.  But even though I do find myself nostalgic at times, I don’t think I’d go back to them.  This life may be hectic, crazy, even downright chaotic, but it’s also exciting and enlightening and so very full.  I wouldn’t trade this life for anything, even if Sam isn’t a part of it the way I’d like him to be.  

He must know somehow that I’m thinking about him, because I just received a text message from him asking, as usual, what I want for dinner later.  

Just a few more days
,
I remind myself.  A few more days of food on the road and then I get a whole month of home-cooked meals and nutritious snacks.  

I know when we’re kids we dream of eating pizza and candy and other junk food all the time, but as an adult, it gets old.  It’s a good thing we’re all constantly on the move or else we’d all weigh a ton.  And when I say a ton, I don’t mean a lot, I mean like, an actual ton.  Like two thousand pounds. Each. 

I finally finish both my exams around the same time I receive two texts, one from Joni and one from Sam.  Each is informing me that the interviews are finished and that they’re bringing Thai food back to the hotel.  I tell them to hurry up.  All that thinking and schoolwork left me famished.  

While I wait, I can’t help but wonder what the guys talked about on the show.  What questions were they asked?  I know they talked about the new album, but did the person interviewing them ask Sam about Chloe?  He probably did.  I wonder what Sam told him.  The show doesn’t air until the next day, and I’m almost positive the guys won’t want to watch it.  They’re weird about watching themselves on television.  I guess I’ll just have to keep an eye on Twitter later.  

No.  I don’t need to check Twitter later.  I don’t care about Sam and Chloe.  I keep forgetting that I’m trying to take this as an opportunity to move on from Sam, even though I pretty much concluded earlier on the plane that I am, in fact, actually in love with him.  But you know, maybe that doesn’t matter.  I hear all the time that it’s possible to love more than one person.  That the whole idea of The One is just a myth.  I guess a part of me believes it.  The problem though, is that while there might be more than one The One, there is only one Sam.  No one else in the world is like him.  So maybe one day, I will love someone else. Maybe I will even b
e
i
n
love with someone else.  But I will never love anyone the way I love Sam.  

And I know that sounds all kinds of romantic and everything, but to be honest with you, it kind of sucks. 

⋯

I’m tired of being cooped up in the hotel room, so I decide to head down to the lobby to wait for everyone.  Besides, I’ve been sitting all day and I need to stretch my legs.  I might even stop by the vending machines to grab a chocolate bar.  Or two.  Or maybe even five.  After a day full of exams and emotional upheaval, I think I deserve a Snickers.  

I’ve just collected my candy when Josh, Jesse, and Cory meander in through the revolving door.  

“Hey, there’s the scholar!” Cory greets me with a broad smile and open arms. 

“So, how did you do, Melissa?  Do you think you passed?” Jesse asked. 

“I can only hope.”  I reply, noticing then that their arms are quite empty.  “Where’s the food?”   

“I’m hoping the others are bringing it in because I’m starving,” Josh replies.  He really is no help at all.  None of them are.  

Hoping to be of some kind of assistance since I technically took the day off work, I sprint outside to see if Joni, Sam, Oliver, and the rest of the crew need any help.   I spy Joni first, climbing out of one of the rental vans with two plastic sacks full of takeout Thai food.  

“Hey, do you need any help?” I ask.  

“Wow, Mel, how nice of you to offer.  You know what would also be nice?  If my brother and his band of goonies actually lifted a finger to help out once in a while!” Joni huffs.  Clearly, this has not been her day either.  I’ll give her one of my Snickers later.    

“Where are Sam and Oliver?”

“I’m still back here,” Oliver calls from inside the van.  “And I’ve got the drinks.”

“What about Sam?”

“He went in with the rest of the Peanut Gallery,” Joni says.

“Really?  I didn’t see him,” I say.  Is it possible he’s already upstairs?  Maybe we crossed paths and I didn’t even realize it.  

Shrugging it off, I take one of the plastic sacks from Joni and head back to the hotel.  I figure Oliver will be more than happy to help her out.  Hey, I may have struck out on love, but I’m really hoping that he still has a shot.  

I’m just about at the door when a voice I know too well catches my ear.  It’s Sam.  And I think he’s in the alley.    

“Look, I’m sorry.  I don’t know how it got this far,” he’s saying.   

“I know, and I’m not blaming you,” a new voice, distinctly female, replies.  “But I’ve tried quelling the rumors myself and it’s not working.  I need you to say something.” 

Chloe Conle
y
.

“I will.”

“Listen Sam, I want you to know I think you’re a really good guy.  And I know that people are always going to talk.  A lot of that is my doing after what happened with Josh last year.  But I really need all of this to stop.  Not just for me, but for my fans.  They matter more to me than anything, and I can’t stand seeing them attacked for something that has nothing to do with them.  Or me, for that matter.”

“I know.  And again, I’m sorry.  A lot of things were taken out of context.”  

“It happens,” Chloe says.  “Well listen, I’ve got to go.  I have a date tonight.  But it was good to see you again.”

“You too, Chloe,” Sam replies. 

I don’t hear the rest of their goodbye.  I’m too busy scurrying back to the hotel as fast as my feet can carry me.  I don’t want either one of them, especially Sam, to catch me spying on them.  It’s difficult to run, however, when your heart is already beating a million miles a minute.  

What just happened?  Did Chloe and Sam break up?  Or were they never actually together?  From what it sounded like, she doesn’t feel the same way and she never did.  She’s even going on date with someone else tonight.  I don’t want to feel happy about this, you know, for Sam’s sake, but I’m ashamed to admit that I suddenly like Chloe Conley a lot more than I did about ten minutes ago.  

But Sam!  What about him?  He must be heartbroken.  Or at least let down.  No matter how much I wanted this (and I really, really wanted it), I can’t be happy knowing that it’s come at his expense.  Knowing that he’s hurting is, in a way, even worse than knowing that he liked someone else.