Bound (6 page)

She waited a minute for him to continue, then Lelanne was there and took their dishes, leaving a plate of puffed pastries. Fay looked at them and realized that there were more than she could possibly eat. Nudging the plate to the center of the table, she said, "Would you like some? I guess I wasn’t quite as hungry as I thought when I asked for them." He nodded, and after a moment, she asked, "You were saying about your father?"

Tavis looked down, frowning. It occurred to her that he might have been hoping the distraction would end a subject he obviously wasn’t happy to be discussing. Given his discomfort and the personal nature of the subject, she wondered why she had brought it up again. She was curious about him, but she rarely pushed anyone on things like this. She was about to tell him that he didn’t have to answer when he finally spoke quietly.

"That he wasn’t much use after my mother left."

"Oh. I- I’m sorry," She let the conversation lapse for several minutes, wishing she hadn’t said anything. She took one of the pastries and bit into it. A delicious mix of honey and nuts filled it, and she let the flavor occupy her attention as the silence continued. Eventually, her curiosity got the better of her again.

"Where's this farm community you came from?"

"It's called Shev, a couple day's ride from here. My farm was another half-day beyond that. Not a prosperous place, but nice people in town. They were always good about how my father was."

It was the most he had volunteered about himself so far, and she took it as an encouraging sign. "I've heard of it. They grow the best hops for beer in the province, as I understand it."

Tavis looked up at her quickly, astonished. "You’ve heard of Shev?"

She smiled. "Magic wasn't the only thing I studied at the academy. I also learned much of the geography of the Empire. It's as important to know where you're going as what to do when you get there."

The phrase, one Ganson had used often when she complained of studying non-magical subjects, came naturally to her lips. It was suddenly hard for her to hold the smile. She wished she knew what had happened to him, but pushed it aside, knowing she would need help to answer that question, if that was even possible. Tavis still looked surprised. "Magicia really study things other than magic?"

"Yes, there's more to the world than magic." Another of her mentor’s favorite sayings. She paused, searching for something else to talk about, anything that didn’t make her heart squeeze so painfully in her chest. Nothing came to mind, and she could feel her eyes growing full. She’d almost forgotten she wasn’t alone when Tavis spoke. He sounded uncomfortable but determined.

"It’s still pretty crowded in here, and loud. I thought I might step outside for some fresh air. I- Would you like to join me?"

Grateful for the distraction, she thought about his offer. The very small amount of sleep she had gotten since leaving Voleno was starting to catch up to her and she thought she would do better to go straight to bed. She looked at Tavis, about to demur when his eyes caught hers and she realized that she didn’t want to be alone at that moment, even if it meant being with someone who was still a stranger.

"I was just thinking of the stable yard, really. Enough to stretch our legs a little before going to bed," he said. He sounded both interested and a little confused. "We can stay near the door if you’re worried."

"I’m not worried," she said automatically. Being alone with someone else rarely concerned her, but was surprised to find that this time, it had nothing to do with her ability to defend herself. She just didn’t think she had anything to worry about with Tavis, and no amount of self-examination explained to her why. Maybe if I talk with him more, I’ll be able to understand it, she thought. "It sounds nice. It’s a little warm in here anyway.

When Tavis rose to his feet, she was amazed at how tall he was. She wasn't used to being so much shorter than someone, barely reaching his chin in her estimation. And yet she thought it suited him, making his broad shoulders seem perfectly proportioned. They left payment for their meals and made their way to the door. Night had fallen since her arrival, though a lantern was hung near the door and the moon, nearly full, cast a bright light around the yard. The air outside wasn’t as stuffy, but the night seemed warmer than it should have. Neither of them spoke for a while.

"So where are you from?" Tavis asked.

She hesitated, not wanting to say too much. They were alone in the yard, but she was still concerned about Neoro and his guards. What if someone overheard somehow? She was just deciding to keep details about herself to a minimum when an urge to share more than that with Tavis nudged her. It was so counter to her decision from a moment earlier that she nearly stopped to examine it. His expectant expression drew her on though.

"I grew up on a small estate near Wyver," she began, aware of how candid he had been with her so far and feeling like she owed him at least some of the same. "It’s on the other side of Rianza from here. I don’t suppose you’ve heard of it?"

He shook his head. "Didn’t get off the farm much, remember? So what are you doing here?"

"Well, that’s where I was born and grew up, but I just graduated from the Voleno Academy."

"So you're heading back home, then? I mean, Avene is on the Imperial Highway to Rianza."

"Uh, no. I'm going to see a friend of my mentor. He lives near Rianza, on this side though. I need to ask him something, need his help really. I might end up studying with him for a while, before deciding where to go next." She was skirting the truth in a little, but hadn't really lied. Even so, she felt a strange desire to keep going, to tell him more, including the things she had just purposely left out or been vague about. What is going on with me today, she wondered. Maybe it was just a reaction to what had happened at the academy, the close brush with that awful darkness making her want someone to know her, now that she was so alone in the world. Again, the thought occurred to her that there was something more to this, but then he distracted her.

"Graduated and still studying? I guess you're aiming to know everything," he said with a laugh.

"There's always more to learn in the world. My mentor used to say that you stop learning when you stop living."

Tavis nodded, still smiling. "That sounds like a decent philosophy."

Fay cocked her head at him and raised an eyebrow. "You know, you don't sound like any farmer I've ever talked to."

The smile slid from his face and he looked embarrassed. "My mother wasn't from Shev. I guess I just picked some of it up from her."

Starting to feel a little desperate to get off the subject of her own life before she said too much or her reawakened grief could overwhelm her, she asked, "Why did your mother leave?"

She regretted her words immediately. He frowned again, and didn't meet her eyes. He sounded reluctant as he said, "I was young, and wasn’t there when she left, so I- I guess I don’t really know. My father took it badly though."

Fay looked at him, considered the cup that he had brought out with him, and was suddenly sure it contained only water. She wanted to drop the subject, seeing how little he wanted to discuss it, but found that she couldn’t for some reason. She said softly, "He drank. When she left, I mean."

Tavis' eyes rose to hers, shocked and then his expression became uncomfortable. He looked away and stared out into the night. She almost thought he wasn’t going to say anything more, but then he did, the words coming out in bunches, full of resistance that didn't quite stop him. "Um, not exactly. He always drank, as far back as I can remember, but he started doing it all day, every day when she left. Didn't take long before he couldn't do anything around the farm anymore, about a year, so I kind of took over. It was either that or starve. It wasn't like we had money or any family to help us."

She took in the edge of bitterness in his tone, the hard look that she could see in his profile. "How old were you?"

His eyes studied his cup intently. "When my mother left? Nine."

"How long has it been?" she asked, hardly able to say the words, though she felt compelled to ask. The thought of a ten year old taking on his whole farm made her sad.

"Eleven years."

She was pleased to find he was only a year older than her, but the sad look on his face made her want to reach out and put a hand to his cheek. What am I thinking, she asked herself in surprise. She never did things like that. But she couldn’t deny how much she wanted to make him feel better after refusing to let such an obviously painful subject drop. "Maybe she left because of his drinking?"

"I... don't know. My father used to say-" he stopped and took a drink. "It was just drunken ranting, really. Forget I said anything, please."

Fay understood what he couldn't bring himself to say out loud. She reached out and laid her fingers delicately on his forearm. The warmth of his skin under her hand almost distracted her from what she wanted to tell him. "I'm sure it couldn't have been your fault. It was probably easier to blame you than himself."

He turned to meet her gaze, and she saw how much he wanted to believe her. They sat there with their eyes locked for a few moments before he spoke, his voice soft and thoughtful. "Maybe you're right. I don't know."

She thought about what he had said, and the words he had used caught her attention. "He's passed now, isn't he? Your father, I mean."

Tavis nodded and again, she saw him hesitate before answering. "He got sick a few months ago and I guess all that drinking took a toll. It didn't last long, at least. I suppose I should be grateful. I’m free of him now, to do what I want, to be who I need to be. I sold the farm a few days ago. Couldn't stand the idea of staying." He paused for a moment and shook his head, scowling. "I don't know why I'm telling you all this. Can we talk about something else? What about this mentor of yours? I guess that he's in Voleno. Do you miss him?"

His casual comment nearly made her cry. Dropping her gaze to her lap, she struggled to hold it back, not wanting to make him feel as bad about this as she did about her own questions. "I do miss him. But he- he's gone."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't-"

She waved a hand without looking up, wanting to show him she was all right, even though she wasn't. She just couldn't stand the concern and distress in his voice. It somehow made her feel worse still.

Several minutes of silence passed as she tried to collect herself. Eventually he cleared his throat and said, "Fay, I was thinking. You know, we could travel together, at least until you need to turn off the highway. It would be safer for you that way, a woman traveling alone. I mean, I know you're a Magicia, but I just can't let you go off alone without offering, especially since we're going the same way."

She hesitated, the confusing rush of joy caused by his suggestion making it difficult to think the offer through. She was used to doing things alone, so she didn't understand why the idea of company was so thrilling to her. It might be safer for her, but she knew traveling with Tavis could put him at risk. She wasn’t even sure what danger she might be in, and what she would be exposing him to. That thought almost made her decline at once, but a practical consideration occurred to her. If she wasn't traveling alone, she might feel safe enough to sleep, and then she would be better able to sort out whatever she was suddenly in the middle of. She hadn't forgotten Brinds' words when he had barged in.

More than any of these factors though, she found she enjoyed talking with Tavis more than she remembered with anyone else she'd ever met. Maybe it's his unassuming manner, she thought. She realized that it might also make the grief in her heart bearable to have Tavis with her, even for a while, rather than being left alone with it. That idea pushed her to a decision. She nodded. "I'd like that, but I was planning to leave first thing in the morning, you know. I need to get to Harkol right away."

He smiled more broadly this time and again she responded in kind without thinking about it. "Well then, I guess it's a good thing I kept my horse from the farm. That should help me to keep up, unless you're walking there."

She surprised herself by laughing. "That would definitely take too long. We'll have to see if your horse can keep up with mine."

He laughed with her, but there was something in his eyes, a spark that she didn't quite understand. He reached out placed his hand on hers. "In the morning then. I think I'll go to bed now, if we're leaving so very early. Will dawn be early enough for you?"

It occurred to her that farmers often woke very early in the morning, so that would likely be easier for him than her. His light sarcasm acted like a challenge though and she raised her chin, trying to project a confidence she didn't feel. "I'll head off myself, I think. Traveling is better with a good night's rest."

They turned back to the door, going inside and up the stairs together without speaking. They walked down the hall, Fay wondering at each door whether he would stop. His room turned out to be the one directly across the hall from hers. That made them both laugh as they ducked into their separate rooms. After closing the door behind her, she leaned back against it, smiling for a moment. She felt an odd mix of guilt and pleasure at his offer and her acceptance. Shaking her head, she took off her boots and climbed into bed.

She dreamed that night of the blond man with the curls again. This time, as he embraced her, he whispered into her ear, "My sweet Faylanna, at last."

Chapter 5

The faint light from the window woke Fay only a moment before a soft knock sounded on her door. She felt disoriented and groggy. She knew she had left the curtain open for a reason, but couldn't remember why until she heard Tavis' voice call softly through the door.

"Are you awake in there, Fay? It's dawn."

Stupid and stubborn, she cursed herself as she sat up and rubbed her eyes. She had known agreeing to leave at dawn had been a bad idea, but had refused to admit it. Now she was going to pay for that. "Yes, just give me a few minutes. I'll meet you in the stable yard."