Blind Spot (4 page)

“You can be a manipulative bastard, Sam Flynn.”

“Yeah. Well, you already knew that much.”

“You want me to fuck you hard?” Nathan kissed him again, without tenderness. His beard scratched roughly against Sam’s chin.

“Yes. Please. Please, sir.” Sam held his breath.

“Get on your knees.” Nathan’s voice was dark. “Hands on the headboard.”

Heart pounding with excitement and a tinge of foreboding, Sam did as Nathan instructed. It was dark in the room, but he could hear Nathan rustling in the drawer next to their bed and a bottle of lube clicking open.

“You don’t like to talk. Hmm?” Nathan asked. Without preamble, he dipped two slicked fingers into Sam’s hole and started to work him open. Sam grunted and pushed back. “You want to keep all your feelings bottled up? You want to make me miserable?” He rubbed deeper, expertly finding Sam’s prostate and lighting him up from the inside. Sam whined and arched his back, unable to stop himself from responding. “Answer me.” Nathan leaned forward and bit Sam’s earlobe. “Or am I going to have to repeat the question?”

Sam shuddered and closed his eyes as Nathan withdrew his hand. A stinging slap to his ass made Sam hiss with pleasure. He wanted Nathan to work him over, even if he didn’t deserve it.

“I’m going to make your ass so red,” Nathan whispered. “And then I’m going to fuck it for my pleasure. Not yours. Do you understand?”

“Yes. Please.”

Another hard slap, this time to the left cheek. Sam’s cock twitched and leaked below him. The first time Nathan ever spanked him, it was playful—but Sam wanted more. Eventually there was the paddle, but he still loved Nathan’s hands on him. He looked forward to spanking sessions more than almost anything else they did, especially afterward, when Nathan cared for him. Though at first Sam found it difficult to give in, Nathan always insisted. He was careful to make sure Sam was okay, but he wasn’t only concerned with Sam’s physical comfort. He tended Sam when Hoff hurt him, took him in after his apartment burned down. He paid for Tim’s care, and he understood when Sam wanted to talk about his parents. And when he didn’t. He made it feel natural and safe to be vulnerable. He was everything Sam had never known he needed.

A startling clarity came with the next stinging slap. Sam couldn’t share Nathan—not with anyone, not for any reason. He tucked away the thought and closed his eyes as the next volley began.

Nathan didn’t hold back. Sam started to rock into the rhythm as his ass went numb and his mind followed suit, drifting pleasantly as each sting abated and then echoed in a different spot. Loud sounds of slapping skin filled the room like strange music. Nathan was breathing harshly, and Sam wished he’d left on the lights so he could see his face—the dark expression of desire written there, the powerful lust. Occasionally Nathan’s erection grazed Sam’s sore ass, evidence he was enjoying himself as much as Sam. He spanked lower, lightly, and tapped Sam’s tight balls with the flat of his palm. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” Sam whispered. “No, sir.”

“Then thank me. Thank me for this gift.”

He spanked Sam again across a particularly sore area, and Sam winced. “Thank you. Thank you, sir.”

“That’s more like it.”

Sam’s head hung between his shoulders as his body tensed and relaxed, tensed and relaxed. He was getting close to coming simply from being spanked. Every impact tightened his groin, made his cock throb with the building release.

“Nice and hot.” Nathan leaned over Sam’s body and covered it with his own. He gripped Sam’s ass. “I’m going to fuck you now. So hold on.”

Another uncapping of the lube, and then Sam yelped as Nathan impaled him with one long slide. He started fucking Sam hard, pistoning his cock in and out in a punishing rhythm.

“You think anyone else is going to fuck you like this?” Nathan asked, panting through his thrusts.

“N-no. Oh God.”

“You’re damn right. This ass is mine, and don’t you forget it.” He slapped Sam again, as if to emphasize his claim. An electric current sizzled through Sam with each brutal penetration. He tried to brace himself even though his arms were shaking. Nathan held his hips and drove home again and again, filling Sam up like he wanted.

He realized he was chanting “Yes, yes.”

“You want to come?” Nathan asked. This time his voice was softer.

“Yes. Please. Please.”

“Are you going to stop running away from me and talk?” Nathan reached under the bowl of his hips and grasped Sam’s erection.

“T-talk about being m-manipulative.” Sam could barely speak as his balls tingled and ached with the need to come. Every twist and pull of Nathan’s fist made his toes curl.

“Well, you don’t make it easy. Now fuck my hand like you mean it.”

Sam did. He thrust shakily forward and shot his load right onto the comforter. Seconds later his arm muscles finally gave out, and he collapsed onto the bed with Nathan’s heavy weight on top of him. Nathan pumped his hips erratically as he climaxed deep inside and then came to rest flush against Sam’s back and sore ass. Their breathing gradually slowed, and Nathan pressed a kiss against the side of Sam’s face. Even though their bodies were slick with sweat, Sam didn’t ever want to move.

“You never answered me,” Nathan whispered in his ear. “Don’t think I’m going to let it go.”

Sam’s mind was a jumble of pleasure and returning anxiety as Nathan withdrew and went to the bathroom to get his supplies. He blinked against the light and buried his head into a pillow, then spread his legs as Nathan urged. A warm, wet cloth pressed against his hole. He let it happen, motionless, afraid to speak. Nathan didn’t break the silence either. He worked methodically, rubbing the fresh-scented aloe onto Sam’s ass with slow, tender circles. It wouldn’t be bad after a day or so. The spanking didn’t leave marks or bruises beyond redness. Sam was more concerned about the conversation they were about to have. He wondered if he could delay it for another few hours.

Moving with care, he turned onto his back and grabbed Nathan’s arm. He could already feel the tension and regret radiating from Nathan’s body.

“I needed that,” he said, to preempt any guilt. After another tug Nathan came willingly and wrapped his arms around Sam’s bare torso. He was still uneasy, though.

“Sam—”

“I know we have to talk.” Sam kissed Nathan’s cheek, missing his lips by a millimeter. “But can it wait until tomorrow?”

Nathan sighed. “I suppose.”

Sam pressed another kiss to his temple. Nathan’s rigid body started to relax, but neither of them slept right away. Sam couldn’t help wondering what would happen when Nathan returned. He’d have to be tested. They hadn’t used condoms in so long, and being free with each other was an important part of their intimacy. He knew how much Nathan loved coming inside of him, and he loved it too. The renewed caution would be a continuing reminder of the sacrifices Nathan had to make for his job, and Sam feared it would drive an even larger wedge between them.

Nathan had to be equally worried. He’d already made it known how much he disliked Sam’s silence.

He had to be hurting. Sam tightened his hold. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too. So much.” There was sadness in Nathan’s voice. Sam didn’t like it, but he still couldn’t face the reality their inevitable conversation would bring. He wasn’t sure he could face it the next day either.

THE NEXT
morning he found Nathan drinking a cup of coffee on the couch, looking better rested than he had the day before. His dark hair was sticking up in the back, which Sam always found endearing. A shade of wariness crept into his expression when he saw Sam standing in the doorway.

“Morning. How’re you feeling?”

Sam was wearing boxer briefs. He brought his hand automatically to his ass. It was still a little sore, but he liked it.

“Not bad,” Sam said. “But I definitely need some coffee.”

He poured himself a cup and reentered the living room, where Nathan was waiting for him. His laptop was open on the coffee table displaying an article about the mayor’s suspected murder.

Sam sat down and gestured to it. “Crazy, isn’t it?”

“Considering the last couple of years in this town, I honestly can’t say I’m surprised.” Nathan took a sip of his coffee and quirked an eyebrow. “You didn’t kill him, did you, Sam?”

“Ha-ha. Would you turn me in if I did?”

“Never.” Nathan was dead serious.

“That’s good to know.” Sam set his coffee mug down on a coaster. He’d never even owned a coaster until he moved in with Nathan. “There’s a pretty long list of suspects, though.” He rattled off his list from the night before, glad for the distraction, though he knew he was only delaying the inevitable conversation.

Nathan nodded thoughtfully when Sam mentioned the possibility of someone taking retribution for the October bombing. “Makes sense.”

“It’s shitty of me,” said Sam between sips of coffee, “but I almost hope, if it is someone who lost a family member, they’re never caught. White never should have gone ahead with the Halloween party. His bad judgment caused needless deaths.”

“Does that mean you’re going to let this one slide?” Nathan asked.

“Nope. This is the biggest story in months. I’m thinking of heading down to the station later to talk to the chief.”

Nathan frowned and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I know you’re not going to listen to me, but be careful. I don’t like the thought of you getting involved in something like this while I’m… while I’m gone.”

An uncomfortable silence settled between them, and the clock on the wall tick-tick-ticked. Eric would arrive in six days.

After the previous night, Sam had almost allowed himself to believe Nathan wouldn’t take the case after all. It was wishful thinking. The achy, sick feeling in his stomach returned, and he set down his coffee.

“I hate this.”

“I know.” Nathan put his hand on Sam’s shoulder, and even though he wanted to lean into the touch, he flinched away. A torrent of words flooded out.

“I know it’s selfish of me, but I can’t stand the thought of you sleeping with anyone else, even for your job. It makes me sick. I know I’ve said I’m okay with it and I don’t want to know the details, but I don’t think it’s going to work for me. I’ve been fooling myself, and not very well.” He clenched his jaw and tried to control the beating of his heart.

Nathan looked stricken. “I know. Do you think I feel any differently? That I’d feel any differently if the situation were reversed?”

Sam remembered Nathan’s possessive words from the previous night, how jealous he’d been at the idea of someone else giving Sam what he needed. He’d wanted to give Nathan a taste of his own medicine, but he regretted it. It wasn’t a game.

He swallowed and took a deep breath. “I’ve never had this with anyone else, and I can see it… I don’t know. Festering inside me. I don’t want to resent you, but I keep thinking about how much you liked it… before. Emma wasn’t enough for you. What if that happens to us too?” He could imagine it now—their relationship dissolving into anger and mistrust, the love that meant so much to him turning to ashes.

“I never got to have this conversation with Emma, but I can be candid with you. What we do together is so much better than anything I did undercover because we love each other. I don’t want to give that up. And I don’t want to hurt you.”

“What are we going to do, then?” He stared glumly at his hands and swallowed. “I don’t want to share you with anyone else.” Sam knew he wasn’t strong enough to walk away completely. He would take whatever Nathan offered him.

“All right.” Nathan moved closer, and Sam didn’t push him away. “What would you say about a compromise?”

“What do you mean?” The surge of hope mingled with anxiety.

“Well, this club is different from the last one I worked. For one thing, it’s a pop-up, which means it moves place-to-place and city-to-city to avoid the cops. The clientele varies, so it’s less likely I’ll run into the same people regularly. It’s more like a network, and if the local PD’s right, and the mob’s in charge—”

“What? You didn’t say anything about the mob before.” Sam frowned as concern for Nathan’s safety overruled his jealousy.

“You told me you didn’t want any details.”

“But the mob…. Won’t it be dangerous?”

Nathan gave him a crooked smile. “Now look at who’s using double standards.”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I know. I won’t. Eric’s a good agent, and he’ll have my back. But what I was saying is, if the mob is involved, they’re staying on the down low, which means all we have to do is convince people we belong there. Last time I was too nervous, and my hesitation drew suspicion. I went a little overboard to compensate, as you know.”

Sam nodded slowly. Nathan had participated enthusiastically rather than blow his cover during his last case. It was one of the main reasons he’d felt so guilty after Emma’s death. He had to live with the knowledge that he’d willingly slept with other people, liked it, and justified it to himself as part of the job.

“Okay.” Sam hesitated. “I still don’t understand what will be different this time.”

Nathan turned to Sam and took his hand. “Well, Eric is single. He’s told me he doesn’t have a problem getting close to suspects if he needs to. And since we’re posing as a couple, people won’t ask questions if we explain I’m only interested in him. I can come up with a list of mutually agreed upon allowances—”

“What kind of allowances?”

“For instance, would you mind if I scened with Eric without having sex? It’s not always about penetration, as you know. What if I tied him up? Maybe did a little pain play or light bondage to get him ready for someone else?”

Sam thought about it. He didn’t like the idea of Nathan getting too close to Eric, but he supposed it was better than screwing anyone he could get his hands on.

“I guess that would be okay. But no sex.”

“No sex.”

“And no kissing.” Sam felt pretty passionately about that one.

“Definitely no kissing.”

“I want to meet him.”