Blackbird (19 page)

Nate’s eyes never left hers. He was waiting for an
answer. No, his eyes were demanding an answer. An answer she couldn’t give.
 

“
Mmmm
, these pancakes
are amazing,” Debbie murmured, pulling Nate and Claire from each other’s gaze.

“I need to use the restroom,” Claire quickly
announced, pushing her chair back and walking towards the toilets.

Breathe.

She walked towards the basin, looking at herself
in the mirror.

Just when she thought she was making sense of
everything and that they could just relax and enjoy their time together it had
all gone to shit.

She leant down and splashed water in her face,
keeping her head bowed, trying to gain composure.

“Do you mind telling me what that was all about?”

Claire lifted her head to see Emily behind her,
staring into her reflection.

She took a breath and shook her head. “Nothing… I
don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit.”

Claire’s mouth fell open. She turned herself to
face Emily. “It’s nothing,” she said her voice quavering slightly.

“You two aren’t really friends are you? You’re
together?”

Claire shook her head. “No, we are just friends.”

“Are you sure about that?” Emily said, raising one
of her eyebrows.

“Yes I’m sure. I have a boyfriend,” Claire said.
Well, she didn’t even know what she and Dave were anymore. They’d barely spoken
since the other night, so she wasn’t 100% sure they were even still together.

“Does Nate know that? I mean, does he know you
have a boyfriend?”

“Of course he does.”

Emily sighed and rubbed her temple with her
finger. “Look I’m just going to say it how it is,” she said looking at Claire
straight in the eyes.

She was Nate’s sister all right.

“I don’t know you very well, but I do know Nate.
Whatever’s going on with you to
is
serious to him.
I’ve never seen him like this with someone, the way he looks at you…”

“So…”

“He likes you, Claire. Isn’t it obvious?”’

Claire’s breathing hitched.

He likes me?

“The way you’re staring at me makes me think you
don’t have any idea. Do you seriously not see it?”

Claire’s mind was spinning with a million
thoughts, questions. Why was Emily saying this right now? Was she serious? Did
Nate really like her?

“Oh, my.
You really don’t
see it. I think it’s time you open your eyes and take a look around, Claire.
You’d have to be blind to not be able to see how much he likes you.”

If Emily was right, Claire might quite possibly be
the stupidest person on earth.

“I mean…” Claire paused. “We were together once...
twice… but we couldn’t be, it was wrong, so we agreed to only be friends.
That’s all we are.”

“Friends?”
Emily shook
her head. “Look, whatever you think you guys are
,
all
I wanted to say is to be good to him. Don’t break his heart. He’s been through
enough, we all have. He is finally in a good place because of you. Don’t screw
it up for him.”

“I won’t.”

“Good. Now let’s get back to breakfast,” Emily
said, turning and walking out the door.

Claire stood there staring at the door Emily had
just gone through.

Nate had said he only wanted friendship. Sure,
they occasionally flirted, snuggled, spent loads of time together, but there
was nothing more to it.

Sure there isn’t,
her inner self mocked
her.

Maybe Emily was right. Maybe Nate liked her. She
couldn’t deny that her feelings for Nate were changing.
But what did it all
mean?
What did that mean to her relationship with Nate?

CHAPTER
ELEVEN

“I was going to ask you, Nate, if
you’re still doing tattoos. I’m thinking about getting one,” Emily said.

His mum quickly looked at Emily and scorned, “You
are not!”

After breakfast they’d all headed back to Nate’s
apartment because his mum wanted to embarrass him even more by playing a DVD of
Nate growing up that she’d had transferred from tape as a gift for him.

When the trip down memory lane had finally
finished, they’d move out to the parking lot to say goodbye.

“Mum, please, I’m old enough now,” Emily said,
rolling her eyes at her mum.

“So, I still don’t want you getting one.”

“But Nate’s covered in them!”

“Yes well, that doesn’t make it okay,” Debbie
replied.

Emily shook her head, frustrated. “Anyway, Nate,
what do you say?”

“I’m not really doing them anymore,” he responded.

“What do you mean you’re not doing them anymore?”
Claire asked.

“What are you doing for work then?” his mum asked.

“Yeah, Nate,” Emily also chimed in.

This was not a conversation he’d wanted to have,
especially with the three most intimating women he’d ever met.

“I’m not getting into it. Let’s just leave it at
that, please,” he said sternly, not waiting for them to push the subject.

Emily snapped back, “Fine.”

His mum took this opportunity to lean forward and
hug Claire. “It was so great to meet you, Claire. We’ll all have to do this
again very soon.”

“Definitely,” Claire replied.

Nate leant forward and hugged his mum as well,
catching sight of Emily and Claire hugging. Emily’s face looked concerned as
she hugged Claire, whispering something in her ear.

“It was good seeing you, Nate. Talk soon,” his mum
said.

Nate smiled in reply. He quickly hugged his
sister,
then
watched his mum and sister walk to their
car. He waved at them as they beeped their horn and drove off.

He turned to Claire. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

She nervously smiled back to him. “It was fine.”

“Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong,” she said quickly, shaking
it off.

There was something wrong. Midway through their
breakfast, Claire’s mood had changed. She tried to cover it, but he knew
something was up.

Claire continued, “Anyway you have to tell me
what’s up with the whole ‘not doing tattoos anymore?’”

Couldn’t she get the hint?

Nate wasn’t about to be grilled about how he had
no job and couldn’t be a tattoo artist again. He moved to walk past her. She
grabbed his arm forcefully.

“Hey! Don’t just walk off like that. What’s going
on? Why aren’t you doing it anymore?” Claire questioned, holding his arm tight.

He could have easily manoeuvred his arm from her
grip but he didn’t.

“Maybe I don’t want to anymore.”

“But you love it. You wouldn’t just stop. You’re
lying,” she accused.

Nate grunted. “Just let it go, Claire.”

“No. I’m not letting it go until you tell me.”

Stubborn little shit.

“I can’t, okay? I can’t tattoo anymore,” he
blurted out. “Happy?”

Claire released her grip on him. “What do you mean
you can’t? Did someone tell you that you can’t?”

“No. But I know I can’t.”

“You are talking to a physiotherapist Nate,” she
said, looking at him. “Hold up your hand?”

“Why?”

Claire snapped, “Just do it, Nate.”

He held his hand out to her, irritated by her
forcefulness.

She inspected his hand, pulling and massaging it.
“Movement and mobility seem fine,” she muttered. “Trace the lines on my palm
with your finger.”

She held her hand up. Nate pointed it towards her
line and gently followed it. He held her eyes, watching her breathing change
its pace. He moved onto the next line licking his bottom lip for good measure.
Claire’s eyes shot to his mouth, her lips slightly parting.

He couldn’t’ help but grin at how easily he had
just changed the atmosphere by one touch.

Claire obviously noticed his smile and quickly
shut her hand, pulling it back towards her chest.

She stuttered, “Physically- your hand looks fine.”

“I know.”

Claire’s eyes narrowed. “You know?”

He grinned again. “I know. Physically my hand is
fine.”

“Then why...?” She looked at him in annoyance.
“You’re such a dick sometimes! Why did you let me look at your hand if it was
fine?”

Nate shrugged. “You’re pretty demanding when you
want to be.”

“Then what’s wrong? Why won’t you?”

“I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. I guess after
everything that happened, I kind of feel like I can’t do it.
Like
I’m not good enough for it anymore.”

Silence.

Claire studied him. Nate returned her gaze.

“Tattoo me,” she said after a few minutes.

“Excuse me?”

“I want you to tattoo me,” she replied.

“But-”

She placed her finger on his lips. “No buts.”

One day, most likely in the near future, he would
figure this girl out. She never ceased to surprise him, challenge him, and she
always had a way of making him feel thoroughly irritated and happy at the same
time.

***

Nate wiped her wrist. Holding it
tight, he leant forward to press the needle in.

“Don’t make me regret this,” Claire warned.

He pressed the needle in, holding his
concentration as he moved it across the outline on her skin. Thankfully, the
moment the needle touched her skin, his nerves disappeared.  The many
hours of tattooing people made his movements come back to him, everything
feeling like second nature, and thank god for that.

He didn’t like the idea of tattooing Claire after
it had been so long since he’d tattooed someone. He was scared he’d stuff it
up. Claire’s skin, to Nate, was perfect, unflawed. If he stuffed it up, even a
mark out of place she would be left with it forever. Claire wouldn’t let it go
though, and
hassled
him till he agreed to do it.

His old boss was ecstatic to see him again when
they’d arrived at the parlour. He’d told him if he ever wanted his job back it
would be there. Claire had then agreed on behalf of Nate that he would come
back for sure.

“So why a bird tattoo?” he asked Claire as she
looked down nervously at him.

“I wanted a tattoo that meant something to me. One
that symbolized my ideals that I could look at every day and remind myself of
who I am and who I want to be…”

“Which is…?”

He stopped and looked up at her for a brief
moment.

“Free,” she replied. “Free to be
who
I am. Free to go where I dream about, free to make my
own choices.”

Her phone beeped a message. He watched her look at
it out of the corner of her eye.

“Speaking of,” she mumbled.

She typed a reply back and put the phone back in
her pocket, sighing.

He guessed it was Dave. He was desperate to know
what was happening with them, if they were even still together. He wanted her
to tell him, but when it came to Dave she rarely spoke about him, and when she
did it was only a reminder that she had a boyfriend.

Fuck it,
he thought.
I’m asking.

“So what’s happening with Dave, anyway? Have you
two sorted everything out since the other night?” he
asked,
head down and focusing on the shading of the tattoo.

“Um, yeah.
Kind of,” she
replied. “This project he is working on while he is away is really important so
we’ve decided to wait until he gets back to talk about things.”

“Sounds serious.”

“Yep.”

He stopped and looked up at her. “You know I’m
here for you, Claire.
If you need someone to talk to,
somewhere to stay.
Anything.
I’m here.”

He softly stroked her wrist with his thumb,
feeling the delicate skin beneath his. Their palms touched as he felt her
fingers graze his skin.

They both looked down at their hands, watching
them move together. They’d held hands before, their skins had touched before,
but there was something about this moment that was different.

They continued to touch each other cautiously,
slowly, until the tips of their fingers touched.

In that moment, Nate was lost.

He’d experienced passion, heat, bodies moving as
one. Being touched in ways he’d never imagined, feeling
everything
.
But this…
This was the most he had ever felt. A simple
interaction between two people had his heart racing.

The next thing he did was probably the dickiest
thing he’d ever done in his life. He kissed her hand like a gentlemen would to
a lady, and boy did it have its desired effect. He heard Claire take a sharp
breath, making his own breath seize.

With his head still down he gazed up at her, her
hand still in his.

He wanted to claim her. Make her his. But if his
dad had taught him anything it was that he needed to respect her relationship,
even if he wasn’t sure if there was one.

Watching those home movies had made him miss his
dad even more. It made him realize how much he wanted to make his dad proud. He
wasn’t the same guy he was months ago. He couldn’t explain why he was so hung
up on Claire, all he knew was that she made him a better person and all he
wanted was to be with her, not as some one night stand but as a girlfriend.
One that he could spend his days and nights loving with everything
he had.

So instead of taking any more advantage of the
situation he pulled his hand back and started cleaning up his equipment.
“You’re all done,” he said, not making eye contact with her.

She sat there speechless for a few seconds,
then
stood up. “Thanks, Nate. It looks great,” she said,
admiring the small sparrow on her wrist.

“I should be the one thanking you,” he said,
taking the chance and looking back at her. “I’m going to take to being a tattoo
artist again. I missed it.”