Black Lies White Lies (16 page)

We spent a lot of time going from club to club and the after parties. When we weren’t at the clubs and parties, we were at his apartment. His apartment was twice as large as mine and nicer, too. It was sometimes hard for me to get to work early for Judge Canton, staying up the way I did when Nate was around. “Nate, I’m going to stay home tonight, I have to work early, and I have to get some sleep.”

“Marbella, you’re my woman and your place is with me. There’s a lot of temptation out there, just quit that job and come on the road with me.” I had always said yes to Nate, but this was one time I had to say no. “Marbella, it’s your choice, but remember you chose to work for nickels and dimes rather than be with me. I’m going to California for a month. I can’t promise I’ll be back this way. This town is drying up. I need to make more money.”

My heart broke that day, because I loved Nate and wanted to be with him. “Baby Girl, I love you, but I got to get my money.”

My tears started flowing “Nate, please, just go to New York. There are plenty of gigs there.”

“I have to think of the band, so California is where I have to be. I will send for you when and if I decide to stay. Don’t cry, Marbella.”

I didn’t know those would be the last words he would ever say to me. Nathaniel was killed when his car was hit by a drunk driver coming from a club in Hollywood. Sam, his drummer, asked if I wanted the body sent back to Connecticut, because he had no other family to speak of. Of course, I said. I wanted Nate to be close so I could visit him every day.

I made the funeral arrangements two days after the body arrived. Judge Canton and his wife gave me a lot of support. Sofia was back from France and as wide as a barrel, but she helped by letting me stay with her in my time of crises. Sam and his band attended. They wanted him to be buried with his sax. The whole thing was too much for me, but I had to do this for my Nate.

After it was all over, Sam gave me an envelope, “He wanted you to have this.” My name was written on the front. There was a letter and a check for three hundred thousand dollars.

Marbella,

I promised I would return, but if you’re reading this then it means I’m not coming home. So take this money and start a new life or just start living anyway.

I love you,

Nate

My heart broke all over again. The only man I had ever loved was gone.

Three weeks had passed since Nate had died and I was back at work, but still staying at Sofia’s. Alex was still overseas, and she was a wreck. The baby was due any day and all she did was cry. Though she had maids at her beck and call, she wanted me there too. Being the person I was, I stayed around and helped out.

I hadn’t had my period in two months. I thought it was because Nate had died and I was stressed out, but the morning sickness was a dead giveaway. I kept this from Sofia because she had her own problems to deal with. I just needed to get home so I could deal with this in my own way.

“Marbella, would you come and call the doctor? I think I’m in labor.” This was about the third time she’d thought she was in labor.

“Doctor Cecil said not to call him anymore unless your pains were 15 minutes apart.”

“They are, so please call him and tell him I’m on my way to the hospital.”

“Whatever you say, Sofia.”

“Marbella, call Father too.” You would think her father was the father of the baby.

We got to the hospital and Sofia had dilated six centimeters, so Doctor Cecil was called in. Sofia was all made up from head to toe. You would have thought she was going to a party instead of having a baby. “Father, would you call Alex’s superior and make sure he knows the baby is coming?”

“I will, Sofia, just concentrate on having the baby.” There was something wrong because Sofia wasn’t able to have the baby naturally. Doctor Cecil came in, examined Sofia and told them to set up the OR. They would have to deliver Sofia’s baby by C-section. The senator got on the phone and made calls to make sure Alexander would be there no later than tomorrow.

Sofia was terrified something was wrong with the baby, but Doctor Cecil assured her that things happened sometimes and not to worry. Turns out the baby was breech and couldn’t be turned around. They wheeled Sofia into the OR. Later that afternoon, at 3:45, Sofia had a 7 pound baby boy. She named him Victor Alexander Williams.

The next day Alex arrived at the hospital looking all worn out from the trip. Sofia seemed a little worried. I had hoped that since Victor had arrived home things would get better. “What’s wrong, Sofia? You have the two most valuable things in the world with you and you’re still unhappy?”

“Alex is leaving in the morning. He just came home long enough to make sure we were ok.”

“Sofia, you knew that his job would take him away before you married him.”

“I know, Marbella, but I think he stays away because of me.”

“What do you mean?”

“He never wanted to marry me. He did it because I was pregnant and my father would have had him demoted if he didn’t.”

“Well don’t worry about that now. You have a beautiful baby boy that can love you.”

“I want Alex to love me, Marbella,” and she started crying. I felt sorry for Sofia. She needed something that he might never give.

Sofia wanted me to pick up some things for her and the baby back at the house. “I’ll take you, Marbella,” said Alex. “I need to shower after the long trip. I think I will rest and come back a little later.”

“Oh. Do you have to leave now, Alex?”

“You’re so selfish, Sofia. All you think about is what you want and what you need. I’ll be back in the morning before I fly back to Guam.” Sofia sat there as if he’d just hit her in the stomach.

“I’ll be back tonight, Sofia. The nurses will be bringing the baby in soon so get some rest,” I told her.

The car ride with Alex seemed to take forever. We pulled up in front of the house Sofia’s father had gotten her and Alex as a wedding present. It was a large house, but felt empty. “I hate this house and all it stands for,” Alex blurted out.

“It’s not that awful, Alex. Just wait and see what Sofia has done since you’ve been gone.”

“You know what, Marbella? I don’t care what she’s done.”

“Alex, you have a baby boy, for that you should be grateful.”

“Yes, I do have Victor. He’ll be my pride and joy.”

I walked into Sofia’s room to get her things, expecting Alex to shower in the other part of the house. “Marbella, I heard about your loss.”

Alex was right behind me. “You startled me, Alex.”

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to say how sorry I was,” he put his hands on both of my shoulders. This felt uncomfortable to me.

“I’m going to be alright, Alex.”

“Marbella, you have been nothing but loyal to Sofia and she treats you like her maid.”

“Alex, Sofia is just lonely and she needs somebody there for her.”

“You know what, Marbella? I won’t be here much longer to be her servant.” I honestly didn’t know what this has to do with me. “For a long time, Marbella, I’ve wanted to be with you and Sofia knew this.” I looked at him as if he were someone else standing before me. “You were the one I wanted to ask to dance at the ball that night, but with Sofia being who she was, things got turned around.”

“Sofia loves you, Alex. I never had a clue.”

“Marbella, you’re the one I wanted to be having my child.”

“What’s done is done.”

“I had to tell you how I felt.” I tried to pull away from him, but he had a strong grip on me by this time.

“Alex, let me go. These are your feelings and yours alone.”

“You're telling me, you didn’t know how I felt? I’m going to show you that I love you,” and he started kissing me. I pushed him with all my might. He stumbled and fell over the bed frame. He got up and came at me again. Again I pushed him away. He kept coming, each time with a little more force, until I lost.

This just couldn’t be happening to me right now. Here I was in my friend’s house and her husband was raping me. Tears welled up my eyes, my screams falling on deaf ears. He kept saying how much he loved me. I hated him right now and would forever for what he had done.

Once it was over, I gathered my torn dress, trying to gather my thoughts. “I’m sorry, Marbella,” was all he kept saying. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“You didn’t mean for this to happen? Are you serious?”

“You have to believe me. I would never hurt you. I love you.”

“Love!” I yelled. I didn’t understand. “What the hell?” Did he have any idea what he had done?

“Marbella, you can never tell Sofia. She would ruin me. If you hate me, think about little Victor and what would happen to him. I know this was a mistake. I just lost my head.” And with that he picked up his clothes and left the room, never even looking at me.

I felt dirty, like I’d somehow brought this on myself, even though I knew I hadn’t. One day Sofia would know what kind of man she had married. 

I went to the room I slept in at Sofia’s, the vomit burning the back of my throat. I lay on the bathroom floor, puking my guts out. What if I lost my own baby? Alex knew that I loved Sofia and the baby enough that I wouldn’t hurt them. I had cramps in my stomach so severe that it hurt for me to walk. I just needed to get back to the hospital, drop off Sofia’s things, and try and see if Doctor Cecil could see me.

I got the things I need for Sofia, called a cab and headed for the hospital. I sat there wondering how much more pain I could stand. At the front entrance to the hospital, the pains hit hard, Lord don’t let me lose my baby. “Can I help you in?” the cab driver asked.

“If you could go in and get some help for me, please?” I must have blacked out because that’s all I remembered.

The next morning I woke up to the nurse taking my blood pressure. “You gave us a pretty convincing scare, Miss. The doctor will be in to see you shortly.” I laid there in bed feeling like I had just been run over by a truck.

Doctor Cecil walked in the room, “How are you feeling today, Miss Walker.”

“I guess I’m doing better, still feel a little dizzy.”

“That’s to be expected. It’s just the medicine we gave you last night. Miss Walker there is something I have to ask you. I want you to know that whatever is discussed, won’t leave this room. When you were brought in last night, I examined you. There was bruising on your legs and arms. Did someone hurt you, or force you to do something against your will?”

“To tell you the truth doctor, someone did, but it would hurt a lot of people if I told you who it was.”

“Miss Walker, are you sure you don’t want me to get the authorities in on this?”

“Yes, Doctor Cecil, I’m sure. That won’t help me right now. I have to know if my baby is safe.”

“If you ever decide to press charges, the tests have been done. The fantastic news is you didn’t lose your baby.”

“Thank God. I was so worried about that.” I sank back into the bed.

“Well you can put your mind at ease, the baby is healthy. There is someone here to see you. I’ll send her in.” Sofia walked into the room.

“I didn’t know you were sick until the nurses told me they’d brought you in last night. Marbella, did something happen last night that you need to tell me about?”

“No, Sofia. I guess I was just tired and hadn’t eaten in a while.”

“You must take care of yourself better, Marbella.”

“Yes I should and I’m going to start by moving out of your house.”

“Marbella, I need you, now more than ever.”

“I guess you can get some of the maids in your house to take care of you and hire a nannie for Victor. I need to have time to myself. You will be ok, Sofia.”

“Alex left this morning without saying goodbye. The nurses told me he stopped by and saw Victor. I think he just didn’t want to see me.”

“You know, Sofia, things tend to work out for the best.”

“Is there something you’re not telling me, Marbella?”

“Did Alex say something to you?”

“No, he didn’t, I’m just saying. Anyway, what did the doctor say was wrong?” She hadn’t heard a word I’d said. Alexander was right about one thing, it was all about her.

~~~

I decided to buy a house with the money Nathaniel had left me. It wasn’t as grand as the one Sofia had, but it was mine.

Things were going well. I continued working for Judge Canton until I was about seven months pregnant. I decided it was best since I wasn’t married. Judge Canton said I could stay as long as I was able. I thought I should start getting the nursery ready. Momma was coming for a visit and I wanted things to be right.

Ashton Nathaniel Walker was born April 25, 1977. It was the proudest day of my life. I wished Nate could have been here to see him. Doctor Cecil released me three days later and Momma was there to help me with Ashton.

I had finally told Sofia that I was pregnant. We were best friends in my eyes anyway. “Marbella, you have a handsome son. He looks just like his father with that black wavy hair.”

“I must say he is a beautiful baby. I just want to love on him forever.” Momma loved Ashton, but she thought a child need two parents to grow up and live well.