Bittersweet (20 page)

 

 

By 5 a.m. the next morning I was showered and sitting rigid in an armchair, my breath coming in shallow gasps.

I had to do this. And do it now.

I have no idea what time Adrius woke up. He eyed me curiously before crossing the room to where I sat in stone cold stillness. His shirt was still partially unbuttoned, white linen pants rolled at the hem and tied loosely around his hips. A vision in white. My angel. My hero. My destroyer.

I swallowed, watching as he ran both hands through his tousled hair.

He dragged his chair in front of mine, close enough for our knees to touch. His elbows were on his knees. He leaned forward and searched my eyes. The sadness mirrored back to me sent fresh waves of pain to my heart.

He looked deep into my thoughts and I didn't push him away.

“Lorelei, tell me what you want. We'll do it your way. Whatever you decide.”

I kept my hands clenched on each thigh. Too terrified to move.
If I move I won't do it.
And I had to do it.

He slid his hands along the outside of my thighs and covered my trembling hands with his. The heat felt comforting, though too hot. I tried to pull away but he trapped them gently but firmly between us.

“This isn't something we can hide from, Lorelei. And time is passing quickly. Too quickly. We have to decide now.”

I glanced up at him through damp lashes. Droplets still clung from the hour long shower I'd stood under trying to sort the myriad of emotions. I would always love Adrius more than humanly possible. But the pain, guilt, agony, loss… it had become impossible to separate them from that love.

Instead of pulling my hands away, I threaded my fingers between his, soaking up their warmth as I'd done so many times before. His touch was as natural as breathing.

My plan was the only way to keep everyone safe. Ignorance is bliss. The less my human friends knew about the mythological dangers surrounding them, the better. Knowing too much was a hazard, and my life had become infinitely more dangerous because of it. It was best that they be kept safe and in the dark, living with the belief it was more fairytale and fantasy than reality. My friends would hate being lied to. If the choice was ticked-off and alive, or dead… I'd rather endure the wrath. Their anger I could live with, but never their deaths. Even in my head my voice sounded conflicted. And unsure. I wanted Venus stopped and the fierce dark look in his eyes said that he did too. This was the only way.

“This isn't working. You and me. You— you have to go with her, Adrius.” I choked on the words, making them barely audible.

At first he didn't respond. He just continued to hold my hands in his and watch with his olive gaze, reading my thoughts the way he'd always been able to.

If this was going to work I had to convince him that the only solution was for us to break up. To end things and for him to return to the Nevermore with Venus before the veil closed. It was the only way. He would never let me go back there myself, not even to fix things. He thought it was too dangerous. He was right, of course, but what choice did I have? I'd been given these gifts for a reason. To sit and hide and do nothing in the face of everything that was going down was a poor way of showing my gratitude for everything we'd all endured up until this point. I couldn't sit by and do nothing. I had to try. I pushed all other thoughts back into the recesses of my mind and focused on my resolve. To end things.

“This probably seems pretty cowardly.” The quiver in my voice had faded.

“You are the bravest person I know,” he countered softly.

My hands trembled and he tightened his grasp to still them.

“You wouldn't think so, if you had any idea how freaked out I am right now. Knew the crazy things going through my mind.”

He nodded. Even if my thoughts were hidden, he'd have no trouble reading the panic in my eyes.

“What are you thinking?” I asked as his brows suddenly tightened. His gaze dropped to our hands, now inseparably entwined like knotted thread. I worked to untangle my fingers from his, laying them flat against my thighs to smooth invisible wrinkles from my yoga pants.

“I'm wondering why you're really doing this.”

“Adrius, isn't it obvious? I can't… we can't continue like this. It's too… hard. I can't just stand by and watch as she rips my life to shreds. My family, my friends. Neil is
dead
.” I half-shouted. “Davin is in the hospital and Gran's café…gone.” My voice thickened and trailed off. I didn't have to manufacture the tears welling up in the corners of my eyes. I couldn't have stopped them if I'd wanted to. “Abby will be next if we keep pushing her. Then my mom. Zanthiel. You.”

Adrius leaned his forehead against his hands. He didn't say anything, but I could tell what he was thinking. He wanted to argue. To oppose me. To disagree and force me to change my mind. But he couldn't. How could he, when everyone and everything I loved was in jeopardy? He knew better than anyone how important they were to me.

I swallowed and pushed myself to go on. “If we continue to resist her, I will lose everything… and for what? In the end, you'd still be bound to her. And I'll be left with nothing. I couldn't bear it.” A tear escaped and rolled down my cheek. He swept it away with his thumb, letting his touch linger before dropping his hands.

Something that felt like razor blades were slicing at my stomach, making it hard not to curl into a fetal position. It was a familiar agony, one I'd vowed never to experience again. It was the feeling of losing him.

Adrius ran his tongue across his bottom lip, leaving a faint moist sheen that was nearly impossible to resist. Then he leaned forward and kissed me. It came as a surprise because my mouth was partially open, still forming the words I was going to say next. Whatever it was, I could no longer remember. His kiss had that effect. That hadn't weakened over time. When he pulled back a tiny sigh escaped. I sucked in my lower lip, tasting the warm sweetness of him. I would miss that.

“I don't think I have the strength to leave you, Lorelei.”

He looked torn, his beautiful features drawn and tight. His eyes had darkened to the color of the forest at night. It made it so much harder to force him to leave. But if this was going to work it was now or never.

I steeled myself and looked hard into his eyes. “You have no choice, Adrius. I won't risk anyone else's life….for… us.” I said it with as much conviction as I could summon. “It's better we end things now. Otherwise we'll keep twisting and contorting ourselves to the point that we finally break. We'd never survive as a couple. I should have listened to you from the start. Too much is at stake. Too many lives…”

He winced but I took a shallow breath and kept going. “Please, I'm asking you to do this for me. If you really love me,” my voice cracked, “you'll leave. Now. Before it's too late and we're all trapped here… with her.”

Staring at our interlocked fingers, I withdrew my hands from his. “I can't watch you wither and die,” I said quietly. Why did this have to hurt so much? It wasn't too late, I could still take it all back. My head started to get fuzzy from lack of oxygen.

His eyes searched mine, scanning for a glimpse of hesitation… a chance I might change my mind. “You can breathe now, Lorelei. I'm not going to fight you. I'll go. If it's what you think is best.”

Adrius rose, his full height towering over me. He stared at me long and hard. This time he wasn't trying to read my thoughts. This was different. It felt more like he was trying to memorize my face. Why was he making this so easy for me? The burning spread to the rest of my middle, leaving me scarred from the inside out. I didn't know what he was going to do next, but the pleading in my eyes must have caused his quick agreement. A wall of steel surrounded my emotions. I couldn't let him see that one more kiss might have shattered my resolve completely and sentenced more of my friends and family to their deaths.

“I've never wanted you to suffer. If you think this is how it has to be then I'll leave. I want you to know I understand your reasons. I'm agreeing to go. But I will
never
agree that we aren't meant to be together, Lorelei. Not now. Not ever. Even if you don't think we're worth fighting for.”

My stomach reeled from the slam of his words. I was so close to taking it all back. Throwing myself into his arms. Instead I hugged my arms across my chest. A voice inside my head whispered,
S
ay you're sorry
,
that you made a mistake
. Then a stronger voice took over, reminding me I was doing the right thing. This was the only way to keep him and everyone else alive.

He extended his hand and I took it, allowing him to pull me to my feet. Every muscle in my body clenched to keep myself upright.

“We have to forget, Adrius. Put what we had in the past.”

He raked a hand through his hair. “Don't say that." He took hold of my arms and held me tight. “Standing here, I can't stop myself from remembering how close we were. I can't forget that I know the feel of your lips on mine. The sweetness of your touch, or the bitterness of watching it all come to an end.”

He released me. His hand paused above my chest but didn't make contact. “I hear your heart racing, and I want nothing more than to place my hand on it and calm whatever unnerves you this day. And every day. But to do that will be my undoing.”

He stepped toward me. I wanted to step closer too, and close out the sliver of daylight between us. But he shook his head.

“Stay there. If you come any closer, I'll give in and take you in my arms as I've been wanting to do since I awoke.”

I stayed. Because if he took me, I would have let him. And everything would fall.

For a moment we stood so close I could hear his heartbeat. His head bent closer. At first I thought he was going to kiss me. My eyes fluttered closed and my breath caught.

Instead his mouth traveled along my neck to my ear. “I'm sorry you've had to go through this, Lorelei. I will always love you,” he whispered.

When I opened them, he was gone. Leaving behind nothing but the warm scent of thyme and a hole in my chest. The smoldering pain inside burst into an inferno and I collapsed, in uncontrollable sobs.

 

 

My phone had been buzzing the entire morning. Last thing I needed was another text from Brianne filling me in on Venus and Adrius. They'd been seen together more times than I could count over the past couple of days since our breakup. I was waiting patiently, holding my breath for them to leave. To return to their world, and leave me alone in mine.

It buzzed again, vibrating against the table. I pulled it out to check the messages. Peterson. He wanted me to meet him at the library.

Without bothering to change out of my yoga pants and tank top, I jumped into my car, slammed it into reverse, and sped towards the library.

He was waiting for me when I came in, seated at a small table with an empty chair across from him.

He stood up as I sat down.

I was in no mood for false pleasantries. “You called and I'm here. But if you don't answer my questions, I won't be next time.”

He nodded, then gestured for me to proceed.

“What happened to Camilla?”

“She was executed. I don't know more than that.”

“Not off to a very good start. Who do you work for, really? Must be someone powerful to have access to so much knowledge they can alter a person's powers.”

He didn't reply.

“If we're going to work together then I think you owe me info. I want to know more about the IOMBD.”

He sighed. “I haven't much time for your curiosities, Miss Alundra. IOMBD was the original name. We refer to it as MBD these days,” he said. “Your great aunt came to us. Not the other way around. She willingly offered us information. About you. Your family. And your heritage. She feared winding up like her sister, and so she agreed to work with us. Then something changed her mind. She went on the run, but our organization does not take kindly to traitors or those who renege on their deals. She might have been trying to save you, but she should have worried about saving herself.”

“So you're saying my aunt was helping the witch hunters who came after my grandmother.”

“Your grandmother was helping us too, in her way. She was determined to keep you and your mother safe. And in exchange offered us updates on the comings and goings of your father, and those like him.”

“You mean Zanthiel?” I nodded gravely. They've known about him this whole time. Even my grandmother knew he existed.

“Your grandmother did not fully trust him. But it seems you do?”

“Yes,” I said flatly. “I do. He's saved my life on more than one occasion.”

“Hmmm. Admirable, though uncharacteristic, considering.”

“Considering what?” I urged, completely impatient.

“That he is a cold-blooded killer.” He said it without blinking an eye.

I swallowed. There wasn't much I could say to that. It was true, it just wasn't his whole truth. But something told me Peterson wasn't the least bit interested in the truth. His organization had already convicted them, sentencing them all to death. Even the witches back in the day were given trials before they were hung. This had nothing to do with truth or justice or anything like it. It was a power-hungry grasp for control rooted in nothing more than blind fear.

“How have you been able to keep tabs on all of them?”

“A tracking spell.”

I stared at Peterson without blinking once. “A tracking spell. You have a tracking spell.” I could hardly wrap my brain around it.

“We've used it for centuries to keep tabs on the beings that cross over into our world. There are a lot of them who, what would you say, need to be kept under close watch. Like your friend Zanthiel, for one.”

“Zanthiel? Why? I mean why is obvious; he was a Shadow fey. But why him in particular? Has he done something to make himself a target?”

“They are all targets, Lorelei. Including your elf prince.”

I winced. “Don't call him that. He has a name. They all do.”

Peterson leaned back against this seat, folded his hands together, and rested them under his double chin. “You speak of them as though they were human. They're not. And as such, we cannot afford to think of them that way. You understand that I'm not eager to learn their names. It doesn't matter.” He leaned forward. “
They
do not matter.”

“What about me and my mother and Gran… is that what you think of our kind as well?” I bristled.

“Witches are different. They share the same genetic makeup as humans, and as such are less unsavory. Naturally, the council must keep a close eye on them as well, in order to prevent any mishaps. It's all in the name of protecting our own.”

I nodded. “Protecting the
humans
.” Something I was not and would never be. In that moment I understood why my grandmother had hated this man so much. She saw him for what he was. A hater with nothing but ignorance and fear ruling his every action. No wonder she'd wanted him dead.

“She tried to kill me once. Your grandmother,” he said as if picking up on my thoughts. He couldn't of course, he was just a human.

“Really.” No surprise there. “Well, my grandmother was a kind and gentle woman so if she wanted you dead there must have been a pretty good reason for it.”

He chuckled. “There was. We were trying to take you from her. But we failed. And she failed. And I advised the council to wait and let things play out. I knew one day they'd come for you. And so we've been patiently waiting for that day to come. Little did I know you'd find your way there and bring back so many with you.”

“And if you had, you might have done things differently.”

“Yes. I might have ordered your execution instead of granting your release.”

I should have been disturbed by what he said, but I was strangely unfazed. He wasn't the first man in power to want me dead. Nor would he be the last before all this played out. “Well, I'm still alive and I plan on staying that way. So let's get to it. What is it you want with my father's gemstone? What will it do for you exactly?”

“For me personally? It will allow me to sleep at night knowing that none of their kind, or yours, can ever hurt any of us again.”

I watched his expression grow distant. He'd lost someone close, I could see it. That was what fueled his vengeance. We were finally getting down to the root cause of his hatred. “Someone you cared for was hurt before, weren't they? Were the fey responsible?”

He didn't respond.

“Witches, then? There has to be a reason you want all magical beings wiped from existence, Mr. Peterson,” I said.

In part I understood how he felt. Magic was at cause for so much of what had gone wrong in my life. It wasn't a stretch that over time it could be seen as the root of all evil. But we weren't all the same. Not all magic was dark.

Peterson straightened abruptly and rose from his seat. “Our conversation has come to a close, I'm afraid I have other appointments to attend to. I assume your relationship with the elf has ended since I've seen him with the redhead.”

My insides twisted, and I bit down on my lip to keep my emotions hidden.

“Yet you must return to their world to address your other concerns,” he said. “Bring me the necklace, Lorelei. It's the right thing to do. For you. For us.
And
for them. No one else needs to die.”

I walked out into the parking lot in a mental fog. This was getting crazier by the minute. Not only was the Nevermore waging an internal war, they were at odds with my world, as well. How was I supposed to do anything about it when I had no idea who was even behind Peterson's actions?

I'd searched the parking lot twice before remembering where my car was. I turned the ignition over. Nothing. I tried again. Still dead. Perfect. I climbed out and slammed the door.

Walking in the cool night air would do me some good. Hopefully shed some light on a dark situation. For a while I was lost in my thoughts. So much so I didn't hear the footsteps behind me. At first. My heart froze in my chest. I picked up the pace, forcing my feet to move faster. Then with a deep breath, I stopped and turned slowly. I could feel a swell of power in my chest.

Tires screeched around the corner and a vehicle squealed to a halt in front of me.

Adrius lowered window of his uncle's beamer.

”Get in the car, Lorelei.”

In the time it took to recognize the car, his presence became an unbearable weight in my chest. All the warning bells that went off in my head when I first met him were ringing again, this time too loudly to be ignored. I paused briefly as my heart skipped a beat, then forced myself to keep walking.

“I don't need a ride. I can walk, thanks.” He was with Venus now. Who knew why he'd come. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“It's not safe.”

I ignored him and continued walking. Why wasn't he gone? That was the plan. He was supposed to leave and take Venus with him.

His car continued to roll along, keeping pace with me.

“I can pick you up and put you in the car, if you prefer,” he said.

“Why do people keep saying that to me?” There was little doubt from his tone that he meant it. But I didn't care. It wasn't his job to protect me anymore. We were over. He was supposed to be gone.

“Please, Lorelei.”

I stopped walking, rain soaking through my jacket, plastering my hair to my face. It reminded me of the first time he'd offered me a ride. Only then he hadn't been glaring at me with cold distant eyes.

I climbed through the opened door and slouched into the seat.

Adrius eyed me quickly from head to toe. ”Are you all right?”

“Where's Venus?” I was careful to keep my gaze fixed on the windshield.

“Venus can take care of herself.”

He spoke without looking at me. Everything in his posture implied
don't go there.
But I was so not letting this go.

“We break up and five seconds later you're with her?”

He exhaled an exasperated sigh. “Where did you hear that?”

“You didn't answer my question,” I insisted.

“I'm waiting for you to ask something that make sense.”

Maybe it was gossip, exaggerated for my benefit; some remote part of me had considered that. But there was no denying what I saw. “I saw the two of you. Her arms around you. You didn't seem to mind.”

He glanced sideways at me briefly.

“And she did something to you. A spell… remember the purple smoke?”

“You've seen her touch me before. Why is it such an issue this time?”

I stared into his empty eyes.

Why?
Why
?
Because you're compelled to love her when you promised to love me. Because she's won and I lost a piece of my soul. Because I can't bear the thought of the two of you together for even a second.
I stared at him silently for a beat then looked away. “It's not,” I said hoarsely, staring out the rain soaked window, while fresh tears threatened to further blur my view.

“If she's going to leave you alone and follow me back, she has to believe she has influence over me,” he said.

Was that supposed to explain things? In some way it did. The binding curse was strengthening. I could feel it even if he couldn't. Her hold on him was growing stronger now that he wasn't held to me. I didn't want to watch it happen.

He stared at me briefly, then turned his attention back to the rain slicked streets. In silence he navigated the winding roads. Ominous evergreens towered over us on both sides, holding us to this one path. Our only choice.

“You know Peterson isn't safe. You should stay away from him.”

“Surprised you still care,” I muttered.

“I will always care, Lorelei.
You
ended things between us, remember? This was
your
decision. It does not mean I wish for you to come to any harm. That will never change regardless of what happens with Venus.”

The knife plunged deeper into my heart. I swallowed and bit down on my lip to keep from reacting.

All too soon and not soon enough, Adrius pulled into my driveway and cut the engine. He shifted to face me and from the corner of my eye, I could see the angles of his jaw clenched tight. How, after all we'd been through, could I still find him as beautiful as I did? It infuriated me and I closed my eyes to block out the vision.

His hand trailed along my face. I opened my eyes, hoping against the bitter reality that when I did it would be like it had been before. But instead he looked even more distant.

“Take care of yourself, Lorelei. Stay safe.” he whispered.

“That used to be your job,” Part of me wished it still could be. That the future we'd planned was still possible for us. That everything didn't have to end.

His hand fell away and he shook his head. “I've never been able to keep you safe. We wouldn't be here if I could.”

I reached for the handle, but couldn't bring myself to open the door.

“We'll be gone by daybreak. You have my word,” he said, without intonation. Warmth receded, leaving me with the familiar chill I knew so intimately.

I swallowed, but it did nothing for the lump stuck in my throat. All I could do was nod. To even open my mouth would risk an outpouring of bad judgment… words like
I'm sorry, I was wrong, please don't go
. Nothing good could come of that. If he stayed, it meant more death. But what I feared even more was that he wouldn't stay even if I asked him to, because it was too late.

Heaving a long sigh, I climbed out of his car with leaden limbs and slammed the door with a little too much force.

His hands tightened on the steering wheel, but he didn't look away.

I sprinted up the porch steps to the door, pausing to look back once. He was watching me, the look in his eyes suggested he wanted to say something more, but he remained silent. I unlocked the door, stepped inside and locked it behind me. As he peeled out of my driveway for the last time, I slumped against the door.