Best Friends With the Billionaire (The Rochesters) (18 page)

“And I must have fallen asleep,” he said, straining his brain cells. “Because when I woke up the next day you were gone.”

She was still waiting, hardly breathing, tension spiraling out of her as thick as fog.

“I did something while I was asleep?” He was close, he sensed, but still the truth eluded him. He crunched his fists together. “Goddammit, Cassie, just tell me what the hell happened!”

“You kissed me,” she blurted out, swallowing convulsively. “You’d fallen asleep with your head on my shoulder. I fell asleep, too, but then I woke up, and your arms were around me, and—and you started to kiss me.”

His body pounded with emotion. That must be it. That was the memory that had teased him all these years, his tender, warm, blissful memory. That had come from turning to Cassie in his darkest hour and seeking her comfort.

“Why didn’t I remember that before?” He raked his fingers through his hair, agitated by his memory loss, by what he’d missed, by what he might have had.

“You weren’t kissing
me
.” Cassie threw more clothes into her suitcase and slammed the lid shut. “You thought you were kissing Alison.”

Kirk sucked in a breath. “And you know this how?”

“Because you muttered her name over and over while you were kissing me.” She zipped up the suitcase with sharp, jerky movements and heaved it to the ground, snapping up the extendable handle.

He couldn’t exhale. His lungs felt like they were bursting.

“I did what?” he stuttered.

With a sigh, she straightened, her eyes steely. “You moaned ‘Alison, Alison’ all the while you were kissing me.”

Pain hammered at him. “No, I can’t have! It’s not true.”

Cassie wearily rubbed a hand over her face. “Why would I lie about something like that?”

“But it’s a god-awful thing to do to any woman, let alone you.” Sweat broke out from every pore as his heart thrashed, the roar filling his ears to bursting.

Cassie swallowed deep. “I don’t blame you. You were exhausted, emotionally shattered. You didn’t know what you were doing. But it made me realize that Alison meant the world to you, and she could never be replaced.” She hesitated, her chin trembling, before she shook her head and grabbed hold of her suitcase. “I kind of forgot that when you and I hooked up. I won’t forget anymore.”

She walked out the bedroom, pulling the suitcase behind her. Panic tore through him.

“Where the hell are you going?” He caught up with her and stopped her, gripping her upper arm.

He felt a deep tremor ripple through her before she pulled herself free. “It’s obvious I can’t stay here anymore.” Her voice quivered as she tipped up her chin. “I’m going to my mom’s.”

“Your mom’s? I thought you couldn’t stand staying with her.”

“Well it’s better than staying here!”

She might as well have spit in his face. Insidious ideas snaked through his mind. She wasn’t going to her mom’s; she was going to Russell’s hotel. He was certain of it. Furious chagrin seethed through him. He yanked the suitcase from her hands.

“You’re right,” he snapped. “Let me help you on your way.”

He hefted up the suitcase and stomped down the stairs, anger swelling with each step.

“Kirk, I’m sorry we’re arguing like this,” Cassie said as he yanked open the front door.

“You know what I’m sorry for?” Deep down, he knew he wasn’t thinking straight, that the words were spewing out from frustration and confusion and bewilderment. But knowing that didn’t mean he could stop himself. “I’m sorry I ever slept with you. I’m an idiot twice over, because I knew it was a bad idea, but I still went ahead.”

She tilted up her chin, anger flashing through her eyes. “I, I, I. You think you acted alone? That was my decision, too.”

“Fine, then you’re twice an idiot, too.”

A twinge of regret troubled him as he heard his harsh words, but the thunderstorm of emotion sweeping through him was too strong to hold back. He stormed out of the house, her suitcase still in his grip, and spied a taxi at the curb, the passenger alighting and crossing the road. That never happened, a taxi waiting there precisely when it was needed. He waved at the driver, thinking this must be an omen that Cassie was meant to leave him.

The driver got out and opened the trunk for the suitcase. Kirk was about to wheel it to him when Cassie grabbed the handle. Without a word she pushed the suitcase to the driver then jumped into the backseat. Only when she was inside did she turn and look at Kirk through the wound down window.

Her tightly drawn expression caused a tremor to snake through him. She was leaving him. Was she really going back to her mom’s, or would she end up in Russell’s arms? The prospect shot ice into his heart. He didn’t want to know where she was going, didn’t want to think of her with someone else.

“Good bye, Cassie,” he said grimly, pushing his hands in his pockets to hide their trembling.

She didn’t say anything, just looked at him until the taxi drove her away.

…

Audrey pulled a face as soon as she opened the door to Cassie. “Oh, dear. I was hoping you’d manage to patch things up with Kirk, but I suppose that was too much to expect.” She ushered Cassie in impatiently. “You will try again, won’t you? It’s important to maintain these valuable friendships.”

Cassie shivered, unable to speak. She’d lost Kirk’s friendship, perhaps forever, and her heart was shredded. If only she hadn’t pushed him, asked for more,
expected
more. And, oh God, if only she hadn’t told him about that kiss two years ago and him calling for Alison. The shocked dismay in his expression had hit her like a fist—he’d desecrated his wife’s memory by kissing someone else just days after the funeral. She should never have told him. And now, he couldn’t stand the sight of her because she reminded him of his betrayal. Yes, only now did she see it from his perspective, now that it was way too late.

“Cassie.” Audrey snapped her fingers, jerking her back to reality. “Lillian’s out with Mark visiting some of his relatives. The rehearsal dinner is tomorrow, and she’ll want to be her best. She’ll be put out enough having you in her bedroom, so I don’t want you talking about your arguments with Kirk. Agreed?”

Cassie nodded before trudging into her sister’s bedroom. The pull-out trundle was narrow and hard, but she didn’t expect to have an easy night’s sleep anyway. She stowed her suitcase in a corner, undressed, and crawled under the sheets. She lay still for a long while, her lungs wheezing in the darkness, legs curled up to her chest, fingernails digging into her arms. Sometime later, she pressed a hand to her pillow and found it soaked with her tears.

Chapter Eleven

Kirk scowled at the whisky bottle in front of him. The expensive Scotch, a Christmas gift, had sat unopened on top of his fridge until tonight when, after tearing half the kitchen apart, he’d seized the bottle, cracked it open, and filled the first of several glasses. Now, it was past midnight, he was slumped at the kitchen table, and the bottle was half-empty. His stomach burned, unaccustomed to the deluge of liquor, but no amount of whisky could dull the tempest raging in his heart.

He was an ass, a jerk, a dirtbag. He’d hurt the person who’d always been there for him, hurt her in a callous, crude manner, and he hadn’t even remembered doing it. Even worse, she had forgiven him and continued to be his friend all this time.

He scrunched up his eyes in another attempt to recall something—anything—of that day he’d kissed Cassie and called out another woman’s name. Those days after the funeral were shrouded in gray. After months of tending to Alison, making sure her final days were peaceful and as pain-free as possible, he’d been pushed beyond exhaustion, yet unable to sleep. The pain of living had ached deep in his bones. Then Cassie had showed up, and he found he could breathe again.

He wasn’t surprised he’d kissed her in his sleep. After three years of a slowly dying marriage followed by illness and death, Cassie was everything he’d needed then—quiet, gentle, tender. An angel in his hour of need.

But why the hell had he called out Alison’s name, and why couldn’t he recall anything? Those sleeping pills he’d been taking must’ve really screwed up his head. But that was no excuse for what he’d done. He banged his clenched fist against his forehead, cursing himself. Cassie was right to have left him and returned to Russell. He didn’t deserve to be her friend, let alone anything else.

Groaning, he poured himself another drink, the golden liquid sloshing in his glass as his hand shook. He couldn’t bear the thoughts tormenting him. He had to forget or go mad. He downed the whisky in one long, shuddering gasp, and reached for the bottle again.

…

Cassie was in her mom’s kitchen hunched over a cup of coffee when an ear-splitting screech came from the direction of the bathroom. Cassie rushed in to find her sister in her underwear, pawing at her arms and legs.

“What?” Cassie asked, fearing her sister had injured herself.

“I’m a freak,” Lillian shrieked. “Look at me!”

As far as Cassie could tell, there was no blood, no cuts, no bruises. “What exactly am I supposed to be looking at?”

“My tan. It’s all splotchy. Can’t you see these hideous white patches?” Lillian flapped her arms and pointed at her legs. “Ooh, I’m going to kill that technician!”

Belatedly, Cassie remembered. “Oh, that spray tan you got yesterday.” She eyed her sister’s body. “Did it go wrong?”

“Of course it’s gone wrong. I’m hideous. I look like a mangy old cat.”

Cassie pressed her lips together. “You look fine to me.”

“Don’t lie to me.” Lillian glared at her reflection in the mirror, and tears gathered in her eyes. “Oh God, this is a disaster. We have to be at the rehearsal in an hour, so there’s no time to go back to the salon.”

The rehearsal was scheduled for six, and straight after was the rehearsal dinner, a huge affair hosted by Mark’s parents, to which all the guests were invited. Cassie’s mom had already left on a last-minute errand, so Cassie and Lillian were alone in the apartment.

“Don’t you have some kind of touch-up spray?” Cassie asked, feeling out of her depth as she’d never had a spray tan in her life.

Lillian’s angry eyes met hers in the mirror. “The colors won’t match, silly. I’ll look even stupider.” She dragged her hands down her neck. “I was going to wear that halter-neck dress tonight. I’ll look awful. And what about tomorrow? My gorgeous wedding dress…” Her eyes shimmered with tears, and her chin started to wobble.

Irritation spurted in Cassie. “Are you really going to cry over a few splotchy marks? Give me a break. You’re acting like a spoiled little brat.”

Her sister gasped. “You take that back.”

“No, I won’t. In fact, I’ll go further. You’re behaving like this wedding is the be-all and end-all of your entire existence. Like this is the highlight of your life and nothing else will ever compare.”

“How dare you talk to me like that!” Lillian turned on her.

But Cassie was too far gone, swept along by her bitter heartbreak. “You’re wailing because your skin isn’t one hundred percent perfect when that’s the least important thing. Same goes for your wedding dress and your bridal party and your reception. None of that matters. The only thing that matters is that you’re marrying Mark.”

“But—but I’m doing all this for him, too.”

“Oh, for God’s sake. He doesn’t care about any of this. He puts up with all your bullshit just to make you happy.” Cassie paused, her heart aching. “He loves you, and you should count your lucky stars to have him.”

Lillian teared up again, but this time they seemed to be happy tears. “I—I am lucky to have him, aren’t I? And I do love him, very much.” Her voice softened. “I forget that sometimes in all the wedding plans.”

“Well, there you go, then.” Cassie threw up her arms. “You’re marrying the man of your dreams. That’s all you should care about.”

She walked out of the bathroom then, because the gash in her heart was widening, and she didn’t know if she could hold everything inside her. She went into Lillian’s bedroom where piles of clothes and suitcases littered the room, and sat on the bed. She wasn’t ready for the rehearsal and dinner, didn’t know if she was strong enough to watch a happy couple and be a part of their celebration when all she could think about was Kirk.

Kirk and his taut expression when he’d said he regretted sleeping with her.

She wrapped her arms around herself, doubling over as pain wrenched through her yet again. Would she ever get over this? Would she ever be able to shrug it off and move on? Not until she was far, far away from Kirk, thousands of miles on the other side of the Pacific. She bit back a sob.

A tentative hand came to rest on her shoulder. “Cassie?” Lillian bent over her. “What’s wrong?”

Cassie swallowed and tried to sit up. “I…er…it’s nothing.”

Her sister sat beside her on the bed. “I heard you crying last night,” she said after a while.

“I wasn’t crying. That was hay fever.” Cassie swiped the moisture away from her eyes. “Shouldn’t you be in the shower? You’ll be late for the rehearsal.”

“They can’t start without me.” Lillian leaned her shoulder against Cassie’s. “It can’t be Russell, because he’s coming to the rehearsal dinner, so it must be Kirk, right?”

Blinking, Cassie turned to her sister in surprise. “You really want to know?”

Lillian shrugged, crossing her legs. “We’re sisters. Shouldn’t we be looking out for each other?”

If only Lillian had been more like this when they were in high school. But those days were long over, and now Lillian was reaching out to her. Maybe her little sister even appreciated the talking to she’d given her in the bathroom. She should be grateful for small mercies.

She nudged Lillian’s shoulder back. “Yeah, if you must know, it is Kirk who gave me hay fever last night, but that’s all I’m prepared to say at the moment.”

Lillian put her arm around Cassie and squeezed her. “I’m sorry,” she said simply. “He’s a jerk for making you cry, and if I see him again I’ll make damn sure to tell him.”

Cassie choked back another sob. “Thanks.”

Her sister patted her back before rising to her feet. “I have to get ready. Are you sure you’ll be all right? If you don’t feel up to it, you can skip the rehearsal dinner.”

God, she might start blubbering now if her sister continued being so nice and considerate.

She managed to give a rueful smile. “And have mom on me like a ton of bricks? Thanks, but I’ll be okay. And Russell will be there. He’ll cheer me up.”

Besides, being alone with her thoughts wasn’t good for her. She needed a distraction, and maybe she’d find one at the rehearsal dinner.

…

A shrill buzzing from across the room pierced Kirk’s head like a dentist drill. He rolled over, muttering a curse. The buzzing ceased, only to be replaced by a tap at the door. The tapping repeated, followed by the sound of the door opening and shutting.

“Kirk, what’s up?” a male voice asked.

Kirk stuffed a cushion against his ears, but the visitor wouldn’t be deterred. The cushion lifted as someone bent over him.

“Buddy? Are you ill—Christ, what have you done to yourself?”

Kirk slowly peeled open his eyes, his skull feeling as fragile as an eggshell, to find Lex frowning down at him. “Do you mind? I’m trying to sleep here.”

“You look as drunk as a skunk.” Lex grimaced, anger screwing up his face.

That galvanized Kirk into sitting up, which made his brain ache like a ten-ton church bell had been dropped on him. Wincing, he tried to ignore the pain. “Who made you my sobriety monitor?”

“Why did you come into work if you have such a massive hangover?”

Because he couldn’t bear being alone in his house. Because he couldn’t stand the voice in his head reiterating how much he’d screwed up.

He straightened his tie. “Because I have a meeting at three this afternoon with Hank Parnell.”

“It’s past three already, in case you hadn’t noticed, and Hank’s been waiting in the board room for the past ten minutes.”

“Ah, crap. Why didn’t Lucia call me?”

“Because you were passed out, no doubt,” Lex snapped. “I only came because I found Hank cooling his heels in the boardroom.”

Kirk pushed to his feet. His eyes were gritty, his mouth was like sandpaper, and he felt like he’d spent the night in a dumpster, but he wasn’t going to let his cousin see exactly how wasted he was.

“I’ll freshen up and be with him in two minutes.”

“No, you won’t.” Lex moved in front of him, blocking his access. “You look and smell like shit. Parnell is already irritated. You’re going to piss him off if you go in there.”

“You’re pissing me off right now by standing in my way,” Kirk barked.

Lex raised his eyebrows but didn’t budge. “You’re not feeling well. I can handle the meeting.”

“The hell you will. This is my deal.” Kirk stabbed a finger at his own chest as his temper boiled over. “You’re not going to handle anything. You got that?”

Not waiting for a reply, Kirk shoved past his cousin and strode out of his office. Lucia, his personal assistant, glanced up in trepidation as he steamed past her desk. He heard Lex hard on his tail but didn’t stop. No way was he going to let his cousin meddle with his business. He’d busted his ass on this deal, he’d put up with Hank’s hemming and hawing, he’d suffered his daughter’s unwanted advances. So he’d be damned if, after all his hard work, he let Lex take the honors.

He stalked into the boardroom and stopped short when he saw Hank had brought his daughter and his lawyer with him. All three turned and stared at him.

“Afternoon, everyone,” he said loudly. “Sorry to keep you waiting. I was unavoidably delayed, but I’m here now, so let’s get down to business.”

Hank looked him up and down then exchanged glances with his lawyer. “You don’t look up to business, son, if you don’t mind me saying.”

“Looks can be deceiving. I’m more than capable of doing my job. I see you’ve brought your lawyer with you, so I assume you’re finally ready to talk turkey, huh?”

Hank gave him a sharp stare. “I’m not sure I appreciate your tone.”

“Well, since we’re being so frank with each other, I don’t appreciate you stringing me along this past month.”

Hank’s face reddened as he heaved to his feet. “Right, that’s it.” He motioned to his daughter and lawyer. “Come on, we’re leaving.” As he lumbered past Kirk, he glared. “Don’t call me until you’re ready to apologize.”

Kirk watched the trio leave. He felt numb around the edges while a black fire pulsed in the pit of his stomach. Lex, who’d been watching from the door of the boardroom, walked up to Kirk and jutted out his chin.

“What the hell was that?” Lex ground out. “You’ve just flushed that deal down the toilet.”

Kirk didn’t move an inch. “Yeah, looks like it.”

“Why? After all your efforts, why are you behaving like such an idiot?”

“Because I am an idiot.” Kirk thrust his fingers through his hair. “I’ve been an idiot for years.”

The truth had been there all this time, but he’d been too blind to see it.

Lex grabbed him by the shoulder. “Don’t you even care?”

Yes, he cared. The deal was huge and important, not just to him but to all the employees who depended on him. But nothing compared to losing Cassie. “It’s just a business deal. There’ll be others.”

Whereas there would never be anyone like Cassie. He was in love with her. He loved her in every possible way a man could love a woman. She was more to him than a friend or a lover. She was comfort and joy, she was tenderness and acceptance, she was quiet times, sexy times, sad times, all times. With her he could be sad or angry or tired, he could be his best or his worst, he could be anything.

He was in love with Cassie, but he’d never been able to see that until now. The walls he’d built up around himself had become too high. Years of locking away his feelings had become an ingrained habit. Disappointment in love had made him rebuff that emotion, but his mistake had been looking for love in the wrong places. He’d been too immature and superficial to realize that the girl he felt so comfortable with, the girl who didn’t fit the mold of the woman people expected him to date, was the only girl for him.

Lex shook him back to reality. “Shit, man. This deal will make your name. You don’t let something like that slip through your fingers. If you want it, you’ve got to fight for it.”

Kirk blinked at him, blearily realizing his cousin was still talking business. But Lex had a point.
If you want it, you’ve got to fight for it
. Yeah, that was true. He’d been a complete jerk to Cassie, both two years ago and in the past two weeks. She had every right to be furious with him and to turn to Russell for comfort. If she’d slept with Russell last night, Kirk had only himself to blame. But that didn’t stop him from loving her, needing her. More than anything in the world, he wanted her to give him a second chance, and he was willing to fight for that.