Beside Still Waters (14 page)

Aimee loosened both boots and set them on the floor. “Eva, do you know why I chose this room for you?”

Eva shook her head.

“I call this the angels’ room because it’s so beautiful and white. As though the angels needed a place of purity and perfection, so they made this room for themselves.”

“Then I shouldn’t be here.”

“Yes, you should. The white is to remind you that in the eyes of God you are as pure as the day you were born. You are His child, washed in the blood of the Lamb and made pure by His suffering. Now I want you to lie in this bed every night and say this aloud to yourself: ‘I am not responsible for what happened to me. It was not my sin that caused this innocent child to exist. I am not to blame.’”

Aimee looked at her firmly. “Can you do that?”

“I’ll try, Aimes; I promise I’ll try.” But Eva knew she couldn’t. Aimee was sweet and meant well, but some things were just impossible to make someone else understand.

“My ma once told me a very personal story about her past that few other people know. I asked her if I could share it with you, and she gave me permission. Would you like to hear it?”

Curiosity piqued, Eva nodded. “Of course.”

“You know I was just a little girl, maybe four or five, when my pa married my ma, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, not many people know that her ma was a saloon girl.”

A gasp escaped Eva’s throat. “You mean she was a …”

“Prostitute, yes.” A blush spread across Aimee’s already rosy cheeks. “My ma was raised above a saloon, knowing what her ma did to make a living.”

Now it was Eva’s turn to blush.

“When her ma was killed by the owner of Luke’s Saloon, she had to run away or risk being forced into the same life.”

Eva kept her eyes on Aimee, riveted by this part of her aunt’s life she’d known nothing about.

“Even though her ma was a saloon girl, she was loving and kind. But she had to fight to keep my ma. Luke had demanded she get rid of her.”

“You mean put her in an orphanage?”

“Yes. He even threatened to do it himself. But even before she was born, Luke wanted my ma’s ma to go to a woman he knew who helped women get rid of babies they didn’t want.”

Eva’s eyes grew wide. She’d never heard of such a thing. “Do you mean there’s a way to get rid of a baby before it’s born?”

Aimee gave her a sharp look. “It’s murder. And even a prostitute who didn’t know the Lord knew better than to do such a thing. Don’t forget, Eva. The Bible says that God knew us even before we were formed in our mothers’ wombs. He knows that child you’re carrying. He knows who he or she was created to be. There are no accidents in God’s kingdom. He has a purpose for your baby’s life.”

Once more heat spread across Eva’s face. “I’m sure you’re right,” she mumbled.

“Anyway,” Aimee said, “my ma met my pa while she was running away, and he saved her and brought her to Grammy.”

“I love the story of how they fell in love.”

“What you don’t know is that my ma was ashamed to tell Pa about her past. Where she came from. She was afraid he wouldn’t understand that she was the daughter of a prostitute.”

“But that wasn’t her fault.”

“You’re right. And, Eva, you have to understand that none of this is your fault either. God’s grace is more than sufficient to get you through this birth. This baby is as innocent as you are, and Jesus already loves your little one, no matter how he or she was brought into this world. God is forming the little fingers and toes. The mouth that will someday smile at you and melt your heart.”

Eva listened halfheartedly to Aimee’s speech. She felt no affection for this child whom Jesus apparently already knew. The only thing she could think of was how to find a woman who might help her.

Eva shivered in the dark. From fear, from cold, from the guilt of what she was going to do if everything went according to plan.

She fought back nausea and fear as she walked for an hour to reach the seedier side of town, where the saloons and gambling halls were located. It had taken her a few days to gather the courage to ask one of the maids in the house about it. Reluctantly, and only after payment of a string of pearls Eva’s pa had given her for her birthday when she turned sixteen, had the young woman given her directions.

Following the sound of loud, high-pitched laughter, she walked into the first saloon at the end of the street. The raucous laughter receded until finally the room was quiet.

Eva thought she might faint from fear. What had she been thinking? Men who went to bars were not good, God-fearing people. They might be like … but she couldn’t think about that now. If she did, she wouldn’t have the courage to do what she needed to do.

As she walked by a table of men, she felt herself being tugged downward. She let out a scream, and before she quite knew what was happening, she landed in the lap of a laughing, intoxicated man. “Hey, honey, you’re a little overdressed to be one of Mike’s girls, ain’t ya?”

Eva struggled to her feet, shaking in fear. “I’m not one of M–Mike’s girls. Now leave me be.”

The men let up a roar of laughter.

“What do you want, lady?” the man behind the bar called. “If you ain’t lookin’ for a job, how ’bout you get on outta here? These men don’t want to be reminded of their wives.”

“If I had me a wife what looked like her, I would,” called a slurred voice. “My wife’s fat and bossy.”

Eva tried to ignore the suggestive calls and comments. She leveled her gaze at the man behind the counter and lowered her voice. “I need to speak with one of the young women who work here.”

“Which one?”

“I–it doesn’t matter, I guess. Someone who has worked here for a while.”

“Now look here, sister.” He poked at her face with a grimy finger. “You leave the preachin’ to Sundays. My girls ain’t interested in gettin’ baptized.”

“I assure you, I’m not here to proselytize. I need some information.”

Eva had never felt so dirty in her life. She had to close her mind off to what she was about to do, or she couldn’t endure it.

“I don’t know what you want,” the bartender said, “but I’ll give you a few minutes. Sally! Get over here.”

Eva turned as a young woman with red hair and heavy cosmetics sashayed across the room. Eva’s cheeks burned at the sight of her scantily clad figure.

“Whatcha need, Mike?”

“This girl wants to talk to one of the girls.”

Sally’s eyes went cold as she gave Eva the once-over. “Well, I don’t want to talk to the likes of her.” She started to turn, but Mike snatched her wrist. She gasped and grimaced.

“I say you’re gonna talk to her. And you’re gonna do as you’re told.”

“All right, Mike. I’ll talk to her. Don’t break my arm, or I won’t be able to work.”

He scowled and let her go. “You just mind how you’re talkin’ to me from now on if you know what’s good for ya.”

“Sure, Mike. Sorry.” She turned her icy glare back to Eva. “What’s a respectable lady like you doing in a place like Mike’s? You crazy or something? Or are you looking for your husband? ’Cause if he came in here, I probably know him.” She looked at Eva with smug insolence, daring her to fight back.

Her hostility surprised Eva. She had seen people walk across the street to avoid sharing a sidewalk with a saloon girl, but it had never occurred to her that the feeling might be mutual coming from the other side of the street.

“I don’t have a husband, and I couldn’t care less how many men you know.” She gave Sally a smug look in return. “I need some information. But if you don’t want to give it to me, I’ll go elsewhere.”

The woman’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“I really don’t want to discuss it here. Can we go somewhere private?” Fortunately, the men seemed to have lost interest, and the calls and comments had mostly stopped.

Still, Eva didn’t want to take a chance that someone might be listening.

“Mike, we’ll be in your office,” Sally said across the bar.

“Hurry up,” he growled. “I ain’t losin’ money tonight so you can go have girly talk.”

Sally led her to a rough little room containing a settee and a rough-hewn wooden desk with a chair. Eva sank against the closed door and regarded Sally evenly. Her heart raced.

The other young woman leaned against the desk and shrugged. “So what can you possibly want to know so badly that you’d traipse all the way over to this side of town? And don’t say you’re not from the rich part of town, because I can tell from your clothes and your manners.”

Eva sniffed and raised her chin. “Actually, I don’t even live in Oregon City. I’m staying with my cousin and her husband for a while.”

Eva felt the woman’s scrutiny. She would receive no sympathy from someone who had probably been used by more men than she could count. Eva knew if she had a prayer of obtaining help, she would have to be civil. “I need to know how I can find someone who will help me with a problem.”

“What kind of problem?”

“I’m with child.”

Amusement crinkled in the woman’s blue eyes. “I see. And the baby’s father doesn’t want to marry you? Let me guess. He’s already married. Or maybe you can’t let your rich daddy know you fell in love with the ranch hand who isn’t nearly good enough for you.” She chuckled. “Honey, you’re no better than I am, are you?”

Shaking in anger, Eva stomped across the room and slapped the girl’s face. “How dare you laugh at me! I’m not like you at all. I didn’t give myself to a man. I was accosted. I hate the man who did this to me. And I hate this baby. I want it out of me. And I figure a woman like you must know how to do that.”

Sally rubbed her cheek where Eva had struck her. “I don’t like to be hit.” She strode to the door. “I’m leaving.”

Eva clutched her arm. “Please help me! I’m sorry I slapped you. You have every right to be angry with me. But you have to understand. I had no choice in this. I have already lost everything I love as a result of this, and now I’m going to have this monster’s baby? How much more must I endure?” Eva sank to the floor and buried her face in her hands.

Sally knelt in front of her. “All right. I’m sorry I laughed at you. But are you sure you want to do this? Don’t you have family who will take care of you and a baby?”

“Can you help me or not?”

Sally gave a reluctant nod. “I know someone. But I have to warn you. She’s mean. And she’ll probably try to force you to stay and work for her.”

“But I don’t need a job.”

Sally gave a short laugh. “Honey, you really are green, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Never mind. You think long and hard about doing this. It’s dangerous. A lot of women die from it.”

Eva shuddered at the thought of dying in such a manner. She wrapped her arms around herself. “I would rather be dead than have to raise this baby.”

“All right. It’s your choice. But you’ll have to wait until I finish for the night. Stay in here and keep the door locked. Those men aren’t even wound up yet.” She pointed to the settee, which had a blanket hanging over its side. “Lie down and try to sleep. I’ll come get you in the morning.”

“In the morning? Why can’t we go tonight?”

She gave a short laugh and walked toward the door, her pink satin gown swishing against black stockings. “Honey, I don’t get off work until dawn, when the men run out of money and go home to their families.”

Jonesy woke with a start, his heart racing wildly in his chest. Something was wrong. He’d dreamed of Eva, and she was crying and reaching out to him. His body shook as he relived the dream. Her hands dripped with blood. Her lips didn’t move, but he could hear the cry of her heart.
Help me. Help me, Jonesy
.

Unable to push aside the image, he shoved back the covers and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He’d never felt so helpless in all his life. Leaning forward, he began to pray.

“Father, keep Eva safe. Please show her Your love for her. Show her Your mercy.”

He prayed for an hour. Then he stood and paced and prayed for another hour. When dawn began to break, he knew he had to make the trip to Oregon City. Even if Eva wouldn’t see him, he had to see for himself that she was all right.

As silently as possible, he grabbed his saddlebag and stuffed a clean shirt into it, followed by his Bible and extra bullets for his gun, just in case he had need of it.

He carried his boots as he left his room and passed through the living room. He’d wait until he got to the porch to pull them on. He didn’t want to wake up Ma and Pa.

Just as he pulled his Stetson off the hat rack, he got the scare of his life.

“Where you going, son?” His ma’s voice came out of nowhere.

“You scared me half to death, Ma.”

She sat in front of the fire, wearing her robe and a nightcap, rocking in her chair. Her long gray hair was braided and slung over both shoulders. “I asked you a question. Where do you think you’re sneaking off to before dawn?”

“Sneaking off? Ma, I’m a grown man.”

“Grown men don’t sneak off in the middle of the night rather than have to face their parents.”

“Oh, all right. I’m going to go to Oregon City and find Eva. I had a horrible dream last night about her, and I need to see her.”