Bent, Not Broken (2 page)

There was no rush or demand that she hurry up so that he could get back to the woman he wanted to be with. Slowly, little by little, she opened her eyes. His masculine scent surrounded her. Glancing up his chest, she stared into his eyes.

“Where’s the woman?” she asked.

“She’s gone.”

There was no other explanation.

“You didn’t have to get rid of her.”

“Yes, I did, Amy.” He stroked her cheek. “She was never going to satisfy me. The whole idea was one big fucking illusion. I can’t have what I really want.”

He ran his thumb across her bottom lip. Her nipples tightened at his words. She was afraid to ask him what he really wanted. There was no way she’d ever handle this man. There was already more to Reese than she’d ever imagine.

Three months later

The party was
in full swing with bodies crushed together. Amy didn’t like the fact she had to brush against different people just to get to where she needed to go. She’d never liked tight confines, and this was certainly that.

“Excuse me… thank you… yeah, sorry…” The apologies went on and on as she smiled at people. Her face hurt from being nice to people she didn’t know. This was a good-bye party for Reese. He was moving out of the family home and would be away from her for good. She hated the thought of him leaving completely but there was no keeping him in one place. Travel was in Reese’s blood.

Passing the people on the stairs, she entered her bedroom, closing the door and flicking the lock behind her.

Resting her head against the wood, she closed her eyes, seeing Reese naked like she had a few months ago. The woman that he had been with hadn’t stayed around that long, but the image of the two together was forever ingrained in her mind. It was a constant reminder of what she’d never be for Reese.

Not that he’d ever want her.

Damaged, broken, dirty, they were the words she used to describe herself. There was no getting away from what happened to her. Turning around, Amy cried out as she saw the man who was always on her thoughts sitting on the end of her bed.

“Reese,” she said.

“Hey, sweetheart. You okay?”

“What are you doing here? This is your party.”

She stayed by the door. The last thing she wanted to do was make a fool of herself and start begging him to stay.

“Yeah, this is not really my crowd anymore.” He rubbed his palms together. “You’ve not been the same since that night.”

She knew what night he was talking about. It was hard for her to look at him without thinking of him naked. The biggest problem in her mind was that she kept putting herself in the other woman’s position, and that terrified her.

“It’s nothing.”

“You’ve not been the same since saw me with Candy.”

“Candy? Is that her real name?”

Reese smirked. “It’s what I call her. Names are not important to me.”

“They’re important to me.” She’d hate it if he forgot her name.

“I’ll never forget who is most important to me, Amy.”

Her heart raced as he stood up, walking toward her. Her mouth went dry as he pressed both palms on either side of her head, trapping her between the door and his hard body.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Nothing. I’d never hurt you, Amy. I need you to look me in the eye and tell me you forgive me.”

“I don’t need to forgive you, Reese. There’s nothing to forgive.” She licked her lips. His gaze went from her eyes to her lips.

A groan escaped him.

“Don’t do that,” he said.

“Do what?”

“That with your tongue and lips. There’s only so much control I’ve got and you’re too fucking young and innocent for the likes of me.”

Amy snorted. Innocent was not a name she’d use to describe herself.

“I don’t want to stop doing it.”

“You’re playing with fire,” he said.

In response, she licked her lips once more.

It was a big mistake.

Reese sank his fingers into her hair, tightening his grip as he tugged her close. In the same instant, his lips were on hers, ravishing her mouth. Gasping, Amy kept her hands by her side, not knowing what to do. The passion he was expressing, took her breath away.

“Open for me,” he muttered the words against her lips.

She opened her mouth, and he took full advantage, plundering his tongue within. Moaning, she fisted her hands at her sides, not sure what to do with them. Her body was awakening under his touch.

He groaned. His free hand gripped her ass, drawing her close to him.

“I’ve tried to be good around you. I’ve tried to be the big brother, but I can’t stop these feelings. You’re like a drug, Amy. A dangerous drug. Touch me, angel. Please, I need your hands on me.”

Opening her hands out flat, she placed them on his chest.

The pleasured sounds coming from him increased and he spun her around, moving her back toward the bed. Reese had her wrists tightly clasped in his hand, holding them to his chest, and keeping her immobile. She felt safe with Reese, felt that he would be the only one that could bring her back from the brink of madness and self-destruction. He’d never hurt her, she knew that, but she also knew that she wasn’t normal and could never give him what he wanted.

Everything faded into the background as the past merged with the present. When Amy opened her eyes, it wasn’t Reese she saw but her father. Panic, fear, disgust, and shame rushed over her and she couldn’t stop the scream that bubbled up.

Pulling at her arms, she fought him, refusing to do what he wanted. It was too much for her.

“Please, stop. Please, stop. I’ll be good. I’ve always been so good.”

She begged and pleaded with the ghost that had stolen her childhood, her innocence. He wasn’t a ghost. Her father was out there, living his life.

Fighting, Amy did everything she could to get away.

“Let me go.”

“Amy!”

Her name was shouted, but it wasn’t her father who said it, it was Reese.

Opening her eyes, she found Reese holding her tightly in his arms. He wasn’t forcing her to submit to him. Reese held her tightly in the cocoon of his arms. His heat and warmth surrounded her with love and care.

“I’ve got you, sweetheart, I’ll never hurt you. I’ll always protect you. I’m sorry I lost control.”

The tears that blurred her vision finally fell, sliding out of her eyes, down her cheeks, and onto his arms.

Nothing was ever going to be the same for her. She loved Reese with all of her heart and soul. His passionate kiss would stay with her forever as would his touch, but her demons would overshadow everything.

There was no way she’d ever be able to live her life to the fullest. She was broken from the inside out. There was no future for her. Amy knew she’d be doomed to live her life in misery.

Holding her demons close in Reese’s arms, she fell asleep to troubled dreams. When she woke up the following morning, she discovered from her mother that Reese had gone.

He’d not even said goodbye to her.

Five years later

A
my was lost
in thought, her mind replaying the images of her mother lying in that casket, her lifeless body so cold and ashen. God, she was going to cry right here at work, in front of everyone, because she couldn’t control her emotions all these months later. Leaning back in her chair, she stared at the other members of her team that worked in the office with her. At twenty-one she had her own life, a good job she had landed right out of college, a home of her own, and a step-father that she thought of as her dad. And then those thoughts led to ones of her piece of shit father, the one that had done so much damage to her that she couldn’t even function sometimes all these years later.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Amy glanced up from her keyboard and stared at Michael, one of her co-workers at
Frances and Son’s, a
realty firm. He had a stack of papers in his hand, a concerned look on his face, and she felt like a fool for not being able to control herself and her emotions.

“I’m fine, thanks.” She smiled, but it was totally forced. He nodded once and went back to work. She stared at her computer, started working again on entering data, and told herself that she needed to move on from this. The years of therapy she’d undergone had helped somewhat, but the darkness she had inside of her would never really go away. She’d need to find her own path, find a light that would have everything illuminated so she was afraid of it anymore. Taking a deep breath, she tried to focus on something other than the shit that always brought her down.

That, of course, was easier said than done.

“Tell me how
you’re feeling today, Amy.”

She stared at her therapist, a man who had been helping her for the past three years. She started seeing Gregory when the nightmares had become too much for her. The night sweats, crying out in the middle of the night, and the overall stress that from holding her emotions in had burst forth. The therapy sessions helped to a point, but now that her mother was gone, she was slipping back into this darkness that she hated.

“I’m feeling fine today.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the complete truth. She stared at Gregory, watched as he jotted down his notes, and looked at her hands. She twisted her fingers together, knew that she’d have to be honest with him if she was going to make any progress.

“Amy, why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you,” Gregory said, crossed a leg over the other, and stared at her. His blond hair was perfectly styled to the side, and his thin glasses balanced on the bridge of his nose. He was sophisticated and professional and had helped her through a lot.

“My mother died.”

“I know,” he said without sarcasm, only interested in what she had to say and encouraging her to share more. “How have you been dealing with that? I know it’s been a few months, but you have to be struggling with your emotions.”

She stared at her hands again, looking at the redness of her skin from the constant rubbing of her fingers over her flesh, and nodded. “It’s hard, I won’t lie, but I am working with that more than I am with the fact I will always be damaged.”

“Amy, I thought that we were going to work on the fact you are not damaged, that you need to start seeing yourself as a strong, independent woman.”

She nodded, knowing he spoke the truth, but having such a hard time coming to that realization. “I want that, I do, but when I close my eyes, I can still see him, still smell his rancid cologne and cigarette breath as he comes into my room and climbs onto my bed.” She wanted to move on, to be a woman that didn’t let the past hurt her, cripple her life, and take things away from her.

“There is no time frame to make things better, Amy. That’s why we are here, to try to help you get through it one day at a time.” He smiled at her. “But you have to start with yourself first. You have to realize that you are better than everything that happened to you.”

It was hard though, but she was working toward that, and hoped that one day she could look behind and see that all of this hadn’t destroyed her, but had made her even stronger.