Believing Lies (36 page)

“I know I fucked up, Adam, but I didn’t do it to hurt you.” My anger began to resurface as my mind flipped back to last night. I pointed at him. “You, on the other hand, used me. I will NEVER forget what you said.” I watched as all color drained from his face. “Your words will stay with me forever, as a reminder of what happens when a naïve girl hands someone her heart.” I laughed bitterly to myself. “You’d think I would’ve learned my lesson after Trenton.” His jaw clenched tight when I said Trenton’s name. “At least he loved me. You, on the other hand, just loved fucking me. Right? Isn’t that what you said, Adam? That you didn’t love me; you just loved fucking me! Well, fuck you!” My blood was coursing hot and fast with adrenaline. “Trenton’s betrayal was NOTHING compared to yours! I gave you my whole heart. I gave you everything!” I blinked rapidly to suppress the tears. “I hope you enjoyed
popping my cherry
and screwing me because I was, what was it again? Oh yeah,
convenient
.”

“I’m sorry, okay?” he yelled back, but then calmed his voice before continuing, “I love you more than I ever thought was possible. I can’t take back what I did and said last night. I will regret that choice for the rest of my life. Everything I said last night was one giant, vicious lie. I need you to believe what I’m telling you right now is the truth.”

“Why, Adam? Why should I do that?”

“I thought I’d just lost the only girl I’ve ever cared about. I never wanted to see you again, but then I got home and you were there, just standing in front of me. That’s when I knew with absolute certainty that I would never love anyone the way I love you.” His sigh was long and suffering. “I thought you had cheated on me, but looking at your face, I realized I loved you anyway. I hated myself so fucking much for still loving you, so I said every single thing I could to make sure you’d never come around me again. Can you even begin to put yourself in my shoes?” His tone darkened. “Or are you too selfish? Everything you did was selfish. You can hide behind your reasons, but when it comes down to it, you should have told me, no matter what. Even right now you’re being selfish. It’s easier to take none of the blame, and then walk away, just like you always do. Life’s not that easy, Princess. You fucked up. I sure as hell fucked up. And together, we’re both fucked up. But at this point, I really don’t care because I’m
nothing
without you.”

I spun my back to him, grabbed the doorknob, and turned it. The door was slammed shut by Adam’s large hand before I even got it open an inch. I couldn’t fathom how he even crossed the room that fast. I whipped around to find he was right on top of me, his weight leaning on his hand, blocking me in. He was so close, and I could feel the intensity coming off him in waves.

Adam leaned down, and his brown eyes captured mine. He brought his mouth so close to mine that my breath hitched, and my eyes shifted to his lips. I could tell by the slight curl of his mouth that he noticed. I squeezed my eyes closed.
Please don’t kiss me. Please don’t kiss me. I don’t think I can survive it
. I felt his lips ever so lightly touch mine. I squeezed my eyes tighter and whispered, “Don’t.” When I opened my eyes, he had backed up a step.

“Take your time, Princess.” His voice was low and had a touch of a menacing tone laced in. “Be mad. Be hurt. Be whatever it is you need to be right now. I’ll give you space, but not a lot, so don’t take too long in figuring out that we belong together.” He lifted my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. His eyes pierced through me—straight to my soul. “We do belong together. I will always love you, and you know you still love me too.”

I swatted his hand away. “You’re right. I do love you, or at least the person I thought you were. But I think you’re a master manipulator, and you’re trying to manipulate me right now. So it doesn’t matter that I love you. It doesn’t matter that I’ll probably never stop loving you. None of this matters because the person I love doesn’t really exist. It was all a game, and you won. I never had a clue. Like you said last night, I played right into your hand.”

“The girl I fell in love with would know how much I love her. That girl would see me. She would know me. She would know in her heart that what we have is the real thing.”

“I was that girl, Adam, but I’m not anymore. That girl died last night.” My lip was trembling as I tried to keep my emotions and tears at bay.

He closed his eyes for several moments before reopening them. He searched my face, and said, “No, she didn’t. I can’t accept that. I’m not giving up on you.”

Tears were glassing my eyes as I pulled the door open, and said, “But I’m giving up on you.”

For a split second, he looked as if he was going to say something more, but he walked out of my room. Immediately shutting the door behind me, I banged the back of my head against it, and my tears poured into a great flood. When I could stand no longer, my legs gave out, and I collapsed to the floor. I cried until there wasn’t a single tear left in me.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Adam kept true to his word. I found out, through Sophie, that he decided to take a week off of school and went to Conner’s family’s house. Unfortunately, his absence meant I was left to the wolves when I went to class on Monday. It seemed that while Adam was out bar hopping, thinking I was pregnant with Trenton’s baby, he told anyone and everyone he ran into. I found this out when Drake accused me of being a cheating bitch. Those were his exact words. Once I clarified things, he was all apologies. For a second, I wasn’t going to accept, but I would’ve probably thought and said the same thing if I was him. He was a good guy, who was just looking out for his friend. I couldn’t really fault him for that.

“Holy crap. I just can’t see Adam as a dad,” he said, shaking his head in astonishment. “Wait. Does he know now?”

I nodded once. “I told him later that night.”

“Good. He was freaking out thinking you slept with that other dude.” He looked as if he was searching his thoughts. “Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a guy more torn up in my entire life. Hell, I’m surprised he was able to walk home with how much he drank.” He smiled. “No more talk about bad shit. I’m happy for you two. Congratulations, Sienna. I mean it.” His brow knitted. “Sorry again for calling you a cheating bitch. Now that you two are good again, everyone will know it was just a huge misunderstanding.”

I let out a deep breath. “We’re not together, Drake. We’re through.”

He looked as if I just told him the sky was green. “What? Why?”

“Let’s just say that it didn’t work out, and leave it at that.”

He didn’t reply for several seconds. “If you say so. It just doesn’t make sense. You two are perfect for each other. I never thought I’d see the day that Adam would actually date someone, but you changed all that.” He leaned back in his chair and looked forward. “I know my opinion doesn’t count for much, so take it for what it’s worth,” he said without looking in my direction. “Not being with you will crush him.”

I didn’t get a chance to reply because the professor started class. I didn’t know what I would’ve said anyway. Apparently, Adam had also fooled his friends into buying his charade.

Drake, Courtney, Sophie, Conner, and Zach set most people straight that I wasn’t a cheating bitch. Now I was just Adam’s Baby Momma. Again, exact words. That was what several people referred to me as.

When Adam returned the following Monday, I made sure to stay clear of anywhere I might see him. My initial anger had begun to fade each day, leaving me with only sadness and loneliness. I missed him. I knew that what I missed hadn’t been real, but the old saying of Ignorance is Bliss was true.

I kept up appearances for my friends. Instead of talking about the breakup and all of the other bad stuff, I talked about the baby and all of the good things that would come after the birth. Courtney had forgiven me right away for not telling her about the pregnancy. She kept gushing about how adorable a child would be who had Adam and me for parents. Her reminding me of how hot Adam was really wasn’t the best way to get him off my mind.

***

The days dragged by slow and miserably. By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, I was in a total funk. I tried to focus on school as much as possible. I was going to have to take the second semester off, which meant I wouldn’t graduate until the following spring now. That sucked. I wished I could say that was why I was feeling so depressed, but it wasn’t.

Sophie went with Conner to his family’s home for Thanksgiving and through the weekend. It was the first holiday that we hadn’t spent together. I also wished I could say that missing her was the real reason for my mood, but once again, it wasn’t. It was because I wished I was going there too. I wished I was going with Adam to meet his sort of adopted family. I imagined him introducing me to them as his girlfriend. While I ate turkey dinner with my parents and my uncle, I thought up a whole scenario of how perfect it would’ve been to spend Thanksgiving with Adam.
I’m officially pathetic
.

When Sophie got home Sunday night, I was sitting on the couch, watching TV and eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. Thank goodness they finally tasted normal to me again.

“Cereal for dinner?” she questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Nope. I had a frozen pizza for dinner. This is dessert.”

She laughed, then rolled her suitcase to her bedroom. After a few minutes, she came out, wearing her pajamas, and sat next to me. “Really?
Dirty Dancing
again?”

“Don’t judge,” I deadpanned.

“Did you spend all weekend watching romance movies?”

“I plead the fifth.” Once I’d completed all of my homework, I had spent the rest of weekend in front of the TV. My new idea to get out of my depression was to live vicariously through movies. It wasn’t working too well. But on the plus side, I was able to see hot actors who regularly took off their shirts.

“I liked it better when you were avoiding anything romantic like the plague. Now it’s chick flick marathons. So, what’s the plan after you’ve had the ‘time of your life’?”

“Cute.” I rolled my eyes at her
Dirty Dancing
reference. “I’m watching
The Notebook
, if you must know.”

“Of course you are,” she said sarcastically.

“You’re judging,” I pointed out with my words and with my finger (the middle one).

“Arrggg. Fine. I guess if I have to deal with your romance kick, looking at Ryan Gosling is a good tradeoff.”

“You got that right. Anyway, how was your weekend?”

“It was good.” She smiled brightly.

“Just good, huh? Your smile says it was better than that.”

She swooned as she sighed. “Okay, it was really, really good.”
Don’t be jealous. Don’t be jealous
. “Conner’s mom is sooo nice, and his sister is awesome.” She bit her lip and suddenly appeared uneasy. “Adam was there too.”

“I figured he would be.” I kept my voice uncaring.

“That’s all you have to say?”

I set down my bowl. I knew where this was going, and I didn’t like it one bit. “There’s nothing else to say about him.”

“Cut the shit,” she spat, catching me completely off guard.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m done letting you pretend.” Tough Love Sophie was back and ready to send me through her verbal boot camp. “You mope around. You’re clearly avoiding being in the same room with Conner—”

“I do not avoid Conner,” I interjected, cutting her off.

“You do,” she shot back firmly. “Whenever he’s around, you find a reason to go off and do homework, or fold clothes, or whatever else you can think of.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. I really like Conner,” I said sincerely.

Her expression softened as did her voice. “I know you do. He knows you do. It’s obvious that you’re avoiding him because either he reminds you of Adam or something along those lines.” She picked up the remote and hit mute. “What I’m getting at is that you’re still head over heels in love with Adam, and you’re in total denial.”

“I’m not in denial,” I said in a tone that didn’t even convince me, let alone her.

“Once again, cut the shit!” she said, her voice rising again.

I winced internally. I didn’t like that she was calling me out. What I really didn’t like was that she was getting too close to the truth.

“He asked about you,” she said silkily, baiting me.

I didn’t say anything.

“He misses you just as much as you miss him. He’s a total wreck, by the way. Complete mess.”

“If that’s true, then why hasn’t he called me?” I slapped my hand over my mouth.

“You want him to call you.” Her eyes were practically dancing. “I knew it!”

“He said he would give me space. It’s been weeks. Weeks of nothing! That’s more than space. He’s moved on, Sophie . . . and so have I.”

“Oh please. You’ve moved on to movie romances even though you have the real thing. Only you’re too stubborn to realize it.”

I hated being called stubborn, and she knew it. “You’re such a Benedict Arnold. When did you flip sides, huh? A few weeks ago, you said he should be castrated.”

“Promise you won’t get pissed.”

I cocked my head. “When you start a statement with the words ‘promise you won’t get pissed,’ it’s a huge red flag that I’m about to get pissed.”

“Whatever. Here’s the deal. I’ve been talking to him, and I honestly believe he said everything that night only to hurt you.” I glared at her. “Which was absolutely the shittiest thing in the world!” she quickly added to appease me. “But think about it. He was annihilated drunk, and he thought you were pregnant with Trenton’s baby.” She let out a breath. “Try to remember how you initially felt and reacted when you caught Trenton banging that slut. You moved out, got plastered on margaritas, and flushed a diamond down the toilet. And if you think about it, you only loved Trenton a fraction of how much you love Adam. Adam loves you more than anything. I know. He’s told me. When he thought you cheated, it ripped his heart out.”

“He tricked me the entire time we were together. Do you really think he’s not capable of tricking you now?”

“Why would he?” she said exasperatedly. “He wants a life with you and the baby. I really do believe that it was all a lie.”