Beautifully Brutal (Southern Boy Mafia #1) (25 page)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

I love you, and now it hurts to breathe.

“I’ll be right outside,” the older woman said, nodding toward a window, where Courtney noticed there was a desk situated so that the nurse could watch him directly.

When she was alone with Max, Courtney moved to his side, hesitant to touch him as she watched his chest rise and fall evenly. His beautiful eyes were closed; his face reflected more peace than she’d ever seen on him.

She instantly hated it. She wanted to feel his overwhelming presence, see the glimmer in his golden gaze, watch the way his lips quirked slightly when he was amused by her, by something she said, something she did.

“Oh, God,” she breathed softly, collapsing into a chair positioned at his side. “Max.”

Gently taking his hand, she wrapped her fingers around his, lowering her forehead to her arm. The tears returned, and she couldn’t stop them as she closed her eyes and prayed. She had no idea how much time passed, but the nurse had returned twice before Courtney managed to stop the waterworks.

After grabbing a tissue and blotting her eyes, she once again took Max’s hand, her eyes raking over his face. The right side of his head was bandaged, as was his chest. His hand was limp but warm, reassuring her that he was still with her. For how long, she didn’t know.

As she took in the sight of him, another sob tore from her chest, but the tears didn’t come. He was still so … beautiful.

“I love you,” she told him, keeping her voice low. “You do know that I’m not lettin’ you leave me, Max. It’s not an option. You’re not the one who can leave. I can’t…” Courtney’s chest heaved with the emotion viciously ripping her apart from the inside out. “I can’t live without you, Max. I can’t. I won’t survive it.”

As she clutched his fingers, listening to the monitors beeping and the monotonous sound of the machines helping him to breathe, Courtney thought back to the first time she’d realized she was in love with him.

Curled up in his arms, Courtney placed her hand on Max’s chest, sliding her fingers through the soft hair. She could feel his strong heartbeat beneath her palm. His hand came to rest over hers, lifting it as he placed a gentle kiss to the tips of her fingers.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he told her. “I’m glad you stayed.”

She was, too, although she couldn’t tell him that. The past three weeks had been a whirlwind for her. She’d spent her time fighting a war inside herself, trying to figure out when things had gone so horribly wrong. Somewhere along the way, over the course of the last six months, she’d found herself falling for him, deeper and deeper every time she saw him. Until right here, right now, she didn’t understand the band that was tightening around her chest.

It was a foreign feeling, this emotion erupting inside her.

A few short hours ago, when Max had brought her back to his house, she’d been ready to flee. Again. Determined to put an end to this because she couldn’t see any other way out. He was supposed to be a job. She was supposed to be the one who would take him down, make him pay for his long list of crimes, but instead, Courtney was allowing her heart to make her decisions, and she was powerless to stop the damn thing.

“What’re you thinkin’ about?” Max asked, his lips brushing her forehead.

Courtney didn’t answer him. She couldn’t.

There was no way she was going to let him know that she was thinking about love, trying to imagine what a future with him looked like.

“Talk to me, Court,” he encouraged her.

Forcing a smile, she lifted her head and peered at him in the dimly lit bedroom. “I need to take a shower.”

Without waiting for his response, she slipped out of his bed and padded to the bathroom. There was a wall that split the room in half, and she walked around it to the opposite side, where the showerhead was located. Turning the knob, she stepped out of the way, waiting for the water to warm as she fought the emotion still bubbling in her chest.

She needed to go home. She needed to forget Max, to take what information she had, hand it over to Casper, and move on with her life. She wasn’t cut out for this. She wasn’t the super spy she’d hoped she was. Infiltrating Max’s world had been damn near impossible, and what little she’d learned, she couldn’t even bring herself to share with anyone else. It wasn’t enough to do any damage. At least not yet, but that didn’t seem to matter. The issue she had was that she didn’t want to turn it over, didn’t want to take him down.

Hard hands slid over her shoulders, and Courtney’s breath lodged in her throat as Max moved closer. His body was warm as he pulled her beneath the spray, his arms wrapping around her, forcing her back against him.

“Quit thinkin’,” he ordered gently.

“It’s hard not to,” she told him. It was the truth. She couldn’t stop thinking, wondering, dreaming. Trying to figure out where this was headed while ignoring the fiery crash she suspected it would be in the end.

“Not as difficult as you might think,” he responded, his lips meeting her neck.

Courtney tilted her head, and he sucked the sensitive skin between his lips. She sighed, enjoying the way his big hands caressed her skin, flattened against her chest and moved downward, over her breasts, her belly, lower…

Max turned her so that she was facing him, his fingers tilting her chin up so that she was forced to look up at him as he maneuvered her against the tiled wall. Clouds of steam filled the oversized shower, drifting around them, concealing them in their own fantasy world for a little while.

“I know what you’re feelin’,” he told her, his lips brushing hers, his eyes scanning her face as though he was trying to figure her out.

“You don’t,” she told him. She didn’t want him to know what she was feeling.

“I do,” he assured her. “The feelin’s mutual, love.”

No, it wasn’t. It couldn’t be. There was no way this was happening. Courtney was not falling in love with Max, and he certainly wasn’t falling in love with her. They were enemies, from opposite sides of the law. She was one of the good guys; he was one of the bad.

He stole her breath with a deep, sensual kiss, his tongue sliding into her mouth. He was gentle but strong as he shifted her so that his cock rocked against her entrance. Courtney angled her hips, wanting to feel him inside her, to pretend for a little while that being in love with him wasn’t wrong. He was evil; she wasn’t supposed to love him, but her heart didn’t seem to care.

Their bodies slid together, tongues melded, hands roamed.

“Ahh, Court. Baby.” He breathed against her mouth as he penetrated her, sliding up inside, deeper, filling her completely.

Her body gripped him, stretching around him as pleasure ignited her nerve endings, leaving her breathless and aching for him.

“This is what it’s supposed to feel like,” he whispered against her ear as he began to slowly thrust his hips.

Rather than fuck her senseless, he was driving her crazy with his maddeningly slow pace, but it felt so good. Being wrapped in his arms, the steely length of his body against hers as he filled her… Courtney never wanted it to end.

“Max,” she pleaded. She needed more, so much more.

“Look at me,” he ordered, his tone still tender as he lifted his head.

Her eyes opened, and she met his glistening gold gaze.

His thumb brushed over her lip as he pushed inside her again, retreating ever so slowly.

“Let me love you, Courtney.”

Her brain screamed no while her heart grabbed on to his words, pulling them deep inside, holding them there.

Sensation flooded her. Glorious, exquisite sensation that bloomed in her core, radiating outward, filling her with hope although she knew it wasn’t real.

Sliding her palms up his chest, she wrapped her hands around his neck, her fingers brushing the stubble along his jaw, her thumbs caressing his lips as they remained locked together with their eyes and their bodies.

He continued to thrust deep, retreating slowly until there was no controlling the pace. Their bodies dictated what they needed, their craving for one another spurring them faster as Max began to impale her deeply.

“Max,” she whispered, still battling the emotion.

“Love me, Court. Right here, right now, just love me. That’s all you need to do.”

Courtney nodded, her head falling back against the tiled wall, eyes closing as she continued to scrape her fingers over his neck and jawline, loving the way he consumed her every sense.

When the pleasure became too much, her breaths rushing in and out of her lungs, she let her hands fall to his shoulders, clutching at him, digging her nails into his skin as she tried to pull him closer, wanting to take him completely inside her body so she’d never have to let him go.

He leaned down, his teeth nipping her earlobe, pleasure-pain jolting her to her core as he fucked her harder, deeper.

“You feel so good, love. Perfect. I could spend the rest of my life just like this. I want to feel your body squeeze me, taking all of me.”

Courtney was panting, unable to hold back as he continued to mumble dirty words in her ear, sending her soaring higher, the tingling in her core igniting into an conflagration of sensation, ripping her into pieces as her heart pounded, reaching out to him in ways she knew she would never survive.

“Love me, Courtney,” he commanded, his words vibrating through her. “Love me, baby. That’s all I need. I fucking need you to love me.”

Courtney cried out, her orgasm detonating, shredding her completely. “Max!”

“That’s it,” he whispered, his hips jerking roughly as he thrust deeper. Shallow and hard, he filled her until his body stilled, his lips crashing down on hers as he groaned into her mouth.

And Courtney knew right then that she would forever be in denial because
not
loving him was no longer an option. It was too late for that. She’d fallen for him. Harder than she’d ever expected.

“Max,” Courtney whispered now, clutching his fingers. “You can’t leave me. I won’t let you. I haven’t had enough time with you.” Her voice was strangled, the words coming out in a desperate rush. “I love you, Max. I love you, and I can’t let you go. You can’t leave me. Do you understand me? You. Can’t. Leave. Me.”

The tears broke free again, and Courtney sobbed until her body ached. Until Leyton came into the room and pulled her into his arms, holding her close, his hand brushing down her hair. She hated falling apart, but the mere thought of losing Max…

She honestly didn’t think she’d survive it.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Trusting someone… What do you do when that’s no longer possible?

Three days later

Tuesday

A knock sounded on the closed hospital room door, and Courtney looked up from her iPad. She’d been alternating between reading the news stories regarding Max’s shooting and skimming her emails, answering those she could, ignoring others entirely.

Her eyes widened when she saw her mother and father standing there, waiting for her. Putting her tablet down on the table beside Max’s bed, she got to her feet, kissed Max’s forehead, and then slipped out into the hall.

“What’re you doin’ here?” she asked, glancing over to see Leyton watching them intently.

Elizabeth moved in, pulling Courtney into a tight hug before taking a step back and holding her shoulders. Her mother was studying her as though Courtney might fall apart at any second. She wasn’t far off.

“How’s he doin’?” Casper asked, seemingly ignoring the big man mentally documenting their every move.

“Better,” she said when her mother released her, glancing over her shoulder and into the room where Max still remained unconscious. “The doctors think he’ll wake up any time.”

It’d been the greatest news she’d ever received when the doctors had finally agreed that he was improving. There was some swelling on his brain, and they claimed it was a good thing that he wasn’t awake. He needed to heal, and this was the fastest way for him to do that.

Courtney just wanted to hear his voice, see his beautiful eyes, but she was taking each minute one at a time. She figured this was Max’s way of teaching her some patience.

The thought made her smile, but she wiped it away immediately, turning back to face her parents.

“I got your message,” she told her father.

“Let us buy you some lunch,” Casper said. “We need to talk.”

“I’m not leavin’ him,” she insisted quietly.

“We’ll go to the cafeteria,” Liz replied. “You’ll call her if anything changes?” Her question was directed to Leyton.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Courtney met Leyton’s gaze and didn’t move until he nodded, assuring her he would call her.

The three of them started down the hall, and she heard footsteps behind her, turned to see Dane following them. “Boss would kill me if I left you unprotected,” he told her simply.

Courtney nodded. Security had been beefed up significantly. She didn’t go anywhere without a protective detail, and never was Max left alone without at least one person—usually Leyton—guarding him. After what Angelica had done, Courtney understood, although she knew that the woman wasn’t going to be a problem. Not for a while, anyway, considering Courtney and Leyton were keeping her stashed away until they decided what to do with her.

Quite frankly, Courtney wanted to put a bullet in her brain, but Leyton didn’t think that was a good idea.

Yet.

They kept walking, making their way through the various hallways and buildings that made up the enormous hospital.

Once they’d made it down to the basement, where the cafeteria was, grabbed a couple of sandwiches and drinks, the three of them found a seat while Dane stood guard a few feet away. He wasn’t even trying to hide who and what he was, despite the fact the hospital police were keeping close tabs on all of them.

“There’s somethin’ I need to tell you,” Casper said gravely after she’d started picking at her sandwich.

Courtney met her father’s gaze, surprised by the somber tone. He appeared almost apologetic.

“I understand,” she told him. “I’m not upset that you called off the job.” Her assignment, the one that required her to uncover information regarding the guns, drugs, and whatever the involvement was between the senator and Max, had officially been called off.

“It’s not…” He took a deep breath, glanced at Liz, then back to her. “No, it’s more than that.”

Liz’s hand slid around Casper’s, squeezing it reassuringly while they both watched her.

These people were her parents, and she’d seen them in a variety of different situations. She’d seen them overly excited, desperately grieving, even trembling with anger, but never had she seen them look quite this uncomfortable.

“What’s goin’ on?” Courtney asked, pushing the sandwich away and giving them her full attention.

Casper inhaled deeply, then met her gaze. “I’ve done somethin’ I’m not proud of, and unfortunately, I put you in the line of fire when I made the decision.”

For a moment, Courtney thought her father was going to cry, but she knew that couldn’t be real because he never cried. Never.

“When I first put you on this assignment”—he looked away—“to find more information on the Adorites, I did it for selfish reasons. It wasn’t just a job.”

Courtney’s eyebrow lifted, her eyes narrowed as she processed his words.

“There isn’t a client who wants information on the Adorites,” he said quickly. “
I
want information. For my own personal reasons.”

Liz touched Casper’s arm.

“Before your mother came into my life, there was another woman. A girl, really. You know where my parents lived. Well, this girl was my next-door neighbor’s daughter. They moved in when I was seventeen, a senior in high school. She was thirteen.”

“She was a child,” Courtney whispered, casting a disbelieving look at her mother, then back at her father.

“Exactly. But love doesn’t understand age. And before you look at me like I’m the devil, you should know I never touched her. Never even kissed her. But I still loved her, or thought I did, anyway. When I turned eighteen, I went off to the military, always intending to come back, to find her waiting for me as she’d promised.

“Anyway, I thought I would end up married to her one day. But I gave myself to the Marines, met your mother, realized that I hadn’t even understood what true love really was until her.”

Casper cast a look at Liz, his love for her evident on his face.

“What’s your point?” Courtney asked, knowing there had to be one in there somewhere.

“That girl’s name was Genny,” Casper explained. “Genevieve Jenkins.”

Courtney’s gasp caught Dane’s attention, but she waved him off. “Are you saying…?”

“Yes,” Casper said roughly. “And she’s the reason I sent you on that assignment in the beginning. I needed to confirm my suspicions.”

“Which were?”

“That Genny had been forced into marrying Samuel Adorite, that she’d been a payment for a debt.”

Courtney thought back to all the things she knew about Genevieve. The woman wasn’t happy; there was no pretending otherwise. She hadn’t had much interaction with Max’s parents over the last couple of years, but the few times she’d seen them together, she knew they didn’t much care for one another.

“I used you, Courtney,” Casper said softly. “And I’m not proud of that.”

“Because you what? Loved her? What happened to the whole
best to move on, to forget the past
spiel you gave me?” Anger bubbled in her chest as she realized what he was telling her.

Her own father had used her, put her in this position.

“Did you know?” she asked her mother bluntly.

“Yes,” Liz confirmed. “Casper and I talked. He doesn’t hide anything from me, honey. You know that.”

“And you were okay with that? With him trying to find this girl he claimed to be in love with?” Courtney couldn’t believe they were having this conversation.

“Love doesn’t always make sense,” Liz explained, reaching for Courtney’s hand. Before she could touch her, Courtney jerked away.

“Y’all are married. Why would you be okay with him wanting to find her?”

“When he told me his suspicions, I was curious, as well. If this girl had been forced into a world she didn’t want to be in, I thought it noble that your father wanted to try and get her help.”

“Help? You thought you could help?” Courtney laughed without mirth. “So what? It wasn’t enough that you left one girl in the fire? You decided to push me there, too?” Courtney leaned forward, resentment burning in her chest. “And you thought I’d be able to get that information for you? Why? Why’d you pick me? Why not Hunter or Conner? Or even Trace?”

“Because they wouldn’t have stood a chance,” Casper said, sounding defeated. “I knew that Max would be taken with you.”

“You pimped me out for your own gain?” she exclaimed, her voice shrill, bitterness simmering deep in her gut.

“It wasn’t like that,” Casper growled. “Never like that. I didn’t know that you’d…”

“What? You didn’t know that I’d fall in love with him?” she snapped.

Casper’s face went white. “You’re not—”

“Oh, but I am,
Dad
.” Pushing to her feet, she glared at her parents, fighting the tears that threatened. She couldn’t believe he’d put her in that position, used her for something that seemed like a betrayal to his own family. And her mother… God, she couldn’t believe her mother was sitting there defending his actions.

Without a word, Courtney spun around and marched out of the cafeteria. She didn’t want to see her father right then. He’d betrayed her, hurt her, practically pushed her into this world, and she couldn’t understand, couldn’t fathom how any girl from his childhood would make him do such a thing.

She’d always thought of Casper as the noble one, the good man who’d go to any lengths to save those who needed to be saved, but this…?

Oh, God.

Dane came up beside her, keeping pace with her as she stomped up the stairs and then down the long, winding halls that would take her back to Max. He had the decency not to say anything, and she was grateful. As it was, she was ready to punch something, or someone, and the last person who deserved her wrath was Dane.

When she came to a stop in front of Max’s door, she stared through the window at him, wondering if he knew this. If he knew that his mother and her father had been … what? Boyfriend and girlfriend nearly forty years ago? It even sounded absurd.

Taking a deep breath, she glanced over at Leyton and then went into the room, closing the door behind her. For now, she needed to be alone, and the only person she wanted to be with was unconscious and clinging to life.

Funny how, when she needed him most, he was close enough to touch but still not completely available to her. Much as their relationship had always been.