Be in the Real (33 page)

Kaila had never helped anyone like this before. It somehow exhilarated her knowing that her actions were of value.
 

“What did you do?”
 

Derrick’s tone was accusatory. He shoved in beside Kaila.

“I removed the glass and applied pressure to the wound.”

Derrick’s tone had done nothing to dampen Kaila’s satisfaction at being of use.

“Okay, let me see.”

He had retrieved an orange bag with a black zipper that had emergency medical kit written on it in black letters. He dug through the contents, removing the items he needed in a way that said it wasn’t his first time using the medical supplies.

Kaila took her hand away. As soon as the pressure was released, the blood flowed in earnest. Derrick pressed a wad of gauze against the bottom of Pauline’s foot, stanching the flow. Pauline showed no response to his experienced hands.

“Pass me those antiseptic swabs,” he said, motioning with his head to a few foil-wrapped squares that said Betadine. Kaila reached for the supplies, ripping open one. She tugged out the small mesh square that was saturated in brown liquid. The scent of it stung her nose and reminded her of the smells that had greeted her when she had gone to the White Room, when they had put an intravenous into her hand.

Derrick plucked up the offering. He removed the gauze for a moment then fitted the square across the gash that appeared to be bleeding quite a bit less now.

Pauline startled, her eyes popped wide.
 

“That stings,” she said, trying to pull her foot from Derrick’s grasp.
 

She almost managed, but Kaila gripped Pauline’s ankle tight. Pauline stopped thrashing at Kaila’s touch and laid back again, her head dropped sideways onto her chest. Derrick cleaned some more, then he applied thin strips of tape to the wound.

“Thanks.”
 

Derrick’s grin could have melted sugar into caramel. It wasn’t wasted on Kaila who felt her heart speed up at the man-boy who was now only man. He applied more gauze then he secured it with long strips of bandage that he wrapped in figure eights, over and around the top and arch of Pauline’s foot.

“I should put her in her bed, she’s completely trashed.”

He passed Kaila some wet wipes to clean the blood from her hands then stood up, appraising Pauline. Kaila noticed how his jeans had slipped down his hips, revealing more of his pelvis. The sharp bones and a fine line of hair that went from his belly button to deep inside his pants was visible. She stared at the bulge of his penis, wondering once again what it looked like in real. Derrick was too intent on watching Pauline to realize that Kaila was studying his man parts with microscopic precision. He leaned forward, hands ready to scoop up Pauline, when she sprang to life as if she had been jolted by an electric current. It was enough to make Derrick pause. He stepped back.
 

“Well are we going or not?” Pauline’s eyes were huge and unfocused.

Derrick shook his head. “I think we should forget it for now…”

“No, we’re going, now, ” Pauline said, cutting him off. She tried to focus on Derrick’s face, but her eyes drifted to the side.

“I’ll go without you,” Pauline said when Derrick didn’t respond.
 

“You can’t drive, you can hardly walk.”
 

Pauline ignored his words, hobbling forward on her new bandage.

“I have the keys,” Derrick reasoned.

“I have more cars. I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.”
 

Pauline moved toward the door to the garage. She fumbled with the knob for a few seconds then finally pulled it wide, disappearing inside. The door closed with a little click behind her. Derrick glanced at the door, then Kaila, then the door again before shaking his head in resignation.

“We better go before she ends up killing herself.”

“She’s not very good at that,” Kaila said.

“There’s a first for everything.”
 

Derrick moved toward the door. He spun to face Kaila before he walked through.

“Come on.”

Kaila closed the distance between them, silently pleased that Pauline had forced the subject. Kaila wanted to go for another drive, feel the night air blow her hair into her face, breathe in the speeding wind. It would be another memory of the real to gather before she returned to Wildwind; something that she predicted was in her near future. This particular prediction was one of the few that she’d had since they had escaped.

When they stepped into the garage, Pauline was already sitting in the drivers seat of a car that said Ferrari on a small plate in the front grill. Her head was tilted back against the headrest, her mouth agape. Kaila studied the car for a few minutes. She had expected the car to somehow be more than it was, because to her eyes it was just a red sports car with black leather seats and lots of polished chrome.

“I have no idea where she thinks she’s going since I have the keys.”
 

Derrick dangled the keys in Kaila’s direction. Instead of going directly to where Pauline was, he paused then turned toward Kaila. His face was a mask of tension.

“I’m sorry Kaila. I was being completely selfish when I broke you out of Wildwind,” he said, regret potent in his tone.

She shook her head as if she could remove the words from the air; render them unspoken because she didn’t want to see the future this time. Kaila didn’t much care either way why Derrick had broken her out of Wildwind. The why no longer mattered, what did mean something was that he had, and for that she was entirely grateful. Now that it was almost over, she was even more appreciative for all he had done, for all she had seen and experienced. She had grabbed life with both hands, the only problem now was that she had to let it all go, let Derrick and Pauline go, let the rainbow that colored the real world go.

Her heart lurched in her chest, darts of agony pierced through and lodged in the tender parts. She didn’t want to accept that soon it would all be done. The real would be finished. She hated that Derrick was sorry because it confirmed that she was going back. Soon she would be locked away again, forever destined to watch the world through a pane of glass, a computer screen. It would be she and Trillian in a sea of faces amongst people that she didn’t care about, performing routines that no longer seemed important.

“Don’t speak, drive.”

Kaila moved forward, shoving by Derrick. Her arm brushed his bare chest. His flesh was cool against the heat of her sunburned skin. A flush worked through her body at the reality of the contact, and how it would never be more than it was. Unexpected tears filled her eyes then ran down her cheeks unchecked. She paused and touched a tear with the tip of her finger, brought it to her lips, as if gauging it to be real because she didn’t cry. In all the years that she had been in Wildwind she hadn’t remembered a time when she had wept for anything, yet now she was crying once again. And with the tears came an ache in her heart that seemed almost too much to bear because the real had changed her, had planted something new in her that made her feel so much more than ever before. Derrick grasped her arm. His fingers were tight against her skin. She hated the touch and loved it too.

“Wait.”
 

His voice was husky and filled with emotion. Kaila shook his hand off her before the spiders came. She couldn’t deal with the spiders then, not then.

She cocked her head to the side, tears continued sliding down her face. He stood frozen in place, his lips quivered as if he had forgotten how to speak, how to articulate the words that needed to be said.

“I lied to you, I told you things so you would come with me. I used you over and again… I know that I can’t fix any of what I’ve done, and that saying sorry doesn’t mean shit, but still…”
 

He paused, cutting his eyes to the floor then back to Kaila’s face, where they remained.

“I’m sorry.”
 

Once again the emotion was there, but not the tears. She was glad that he wasn’t crying because for some reason she thought seeing him like that might have broken something in her, something that she couldn’t name, but knew could be crushed by seeing him in pain.

He shifted in place, then lifted his fingers to her cheek, grazing her flesh with the tips, so very softly that it felt as if she had been brushed by velvet; and the spiders stayed away as his hand cupped her face for a few more moments. Then his lips found hers in a kiss that seemed to last an eternity and also a fraction of a moment. Kaila breathed in the breath from his lungs, drew his essence inside her mouth, imagined it spreading through her, and that a part of him would forever be hers. She parted her lips, allowing his mouth to fit against hers more firmly. Kaila felt held in place, paralyzed in the experience, as time was halted entirely. And when he pulled away she could still feel the tingle of the kiss, the absolute realness of it.

“You’ve felt the brush of a man’s lips against yours.”
 

The words sounded familiar to Kaila, like something Trillian might have said, but she was too ensconced in the moment to process the meaning of the familiarity.

“This is real,” she breathed.

“This is real,” he confirmed.

 
His eyes, attentive and filled with so much warmth, made her want to collapse into the moment, remain there forever, never to draw in another breath that wasn’t Derrick’s.

“Are you guys coming?”

 
The window of the Ferrari had been left open and now Pauline was half inside and half outside. Her hair spilled down the side of the shiny red door in a fountain, obscuring every bit of her face. Her arms dangled limply as she began to tumble headfirst out of the window. Derrick surged forward, just managing to grab hold of Pauline before she landed on the floor. He reached inside the car window and pushed her against the seat then swung the door wide, lifting her into his arms. Kaila was surprised to see that instead of opening outwards it lifted straight up.
 

Derrick wasn’t very muscled, so his strength seemed misplaced. Kaila watched the cords in his arms and back, tighten with the strain of carrying Pauline’s dead weight. He walked around to the passenger side of the car and managed with one hand to get the door open. Derrick used his knee to widen the gap enough so he could slip Pauline into the seat.
 

“Come on.”
 

He motioned toward Kaila, who still felt hypnotized after the kiss. She blinked a few times, regained her bearings, then moved toward the car. Her body buzzed with excited energy, but all her feelings of elations broke off abruptly when she gazed down at Pauline.

“She looks wrong,” she said.
 

Pauline was sleeping, spread eagle against the leather seat, her hair was pulled away from her face, revealing her full scar. For some reason it felt like an omen to Kaila.

“I think she’ll be okay…” Derrick said, his eyes resting on Pauline. His worried expression didn’t match his comment.

Kaila pushed Pauline’s seat forward and she flopped ahead like a rag doll, the only thing that kept her from falling out of the seat was the seatbelt that Derrick had strapped around her limp body.

Kaila threaded around the seatbelt, then slipped into the back seat. Pauline groaned when her seat snapped back into place.

“Why aren’t we moving yet?” Pauline said.
 

She locked on Derrick who was easing into the drivers seat. As soon as he was behind the wheel an expression of reverence lit his face. Pauline shifted in her seat, cranking her head around until she had Kaila in her sights.
 

“Good, you’re still here.”

“Where else would I be?” Kaila asked.

Pauline flapped her hand. “Never mind, let’s get out of here.”
 

She leaned forward then tapped a button on a small black remote control clipped to the sun visor on the driver’s side. The door opened into the night. For a few moments it was so quiet that Kaila could hear the chirp of crickets in the night air. She clung to the sound, it was so simple and sweet, but still managed to make her heart explode with even more gratitude that she was there. Then the engine roared to life and all sounds save the rumble, disappeared. Pauline, much to Derrick’s surprise, judging by the shocked look he shot her way, programed the built-in GPS with a destination. As soon as that task was done she fell back against the seat and was quiet.

Derrick released a huge sigh then turned back toward Kaila.
 

“You okay with this?”
 

Kaila was more than a little stunned that he had asked her opinion, as if she mattered. It seemed strange that he cared since he had never seemed to bother much about what she wanted; his plans always seemed to take precedence. It took her a few moments before she nodded.

“I want to drive and feel the wind in my face again.”

Derrick gazed at her. In an unexpected move he was out of the car again and around to the passenger side of the car. He flung the door wide. Pauline half fell out, once again the seatbelt was the only thing that kept her inside the vehicle. He unbuckled her belt then lifted her into his arms. Kaila’s heart dropped; they weren’t going to go for a drive after all. Derrick moved around to his door that was still ajar, flipped his seat forward and positioned Pauline in the seat next to Kaila then buckled her in place.

He brought his view back to Kaila and smirked.
 

“There, the front seat is all freed up. I don’t think Pauline’s going to care if she’s in the front or the back.”

 
Kaila didn’t hesitate to move ahead. As soon as she was buckled in, Derrick backed out of the garage and they were on their way.

CHAPTER 41

The red numbers on the dashboard clock said it was 10:45 o’clock. Oddly, Kaila realized that since she had been away from Wildwind, her prior disdain at time-keeping devices had shifted into acceptance; conventional timekeeping devices were convenient.