Bastard (53 page)

The baby’s tiny head is turned to the side, giving me a glimpse of the most angelic profile I’ve ever seen. A magical feeling hits me right in the chest. Tears brim my eyes. That’s my child.

“You’re almost there, babe,” I say, moving back beside her and leaning down to kiss her forehead. “I’m so proud of you,” I whisper. She starts to do her breathing exercises when the next contraction comes. When she bears down again, she lets out a loud moaning sound. She’s in fucking agony. It’s so hard to watch her go through this. It tugs at my heart. I wasn’t prepared for this shit. I knew it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park, I’m not that naive, but to see the woman you love with all your heart in so much pain, it’s fucking heartbreaking.

“One more push,” the doctor says. It’s her last one. The baby slips out and into the doctor’s hands. Relief floods through me.
It’s finally over.
We decided not to find out the sex of the baby. Although every time we went in for an ultrasound, I think we were both tempted, but we held strong. “It’s a boy,” the doctor announces. Leaning down, I press my lips to Indiana’s mouth.

“Thank you,” I whisper against her lips. I have so much to thank her for. She saved me. Saved me from myself. She gave my life meaning. She gave me her, and now a son. A chance to right all the wrongs that were committed against me all those years ago.

Fuck me, I have a son. I’m a dad.

Words cannot describe how incredible I feel right now. After I cut the cord, the doctor places our boy on Indi’s chest. Tears fill my eyes as I look at the perfect picture in front of me. My wife. My son.
My whole life
. Indiana has tears streaming down her face as she lifts her head slightly and places a kiss on his forehead.

“Hello little man,” she whispers. “I’ve been waiting a long time to meet you.” Raising my hand towards my face, I wipe away my own tears. I thought the day Indi became my wife was the best day of my life, but this moment definitely tops it. I have a family. My son has a father who’s going to love him and be there for him every second of every fucking day. He’ll never experience what I had to as a child. He’ll never know what it feels like not to be wanted.

Indi is going to be a fantastic mother. I only have to look at the love and affection she showers on me to know that. Her tearful eyes meet mine as her hand extends out to me. I lace our fingers together as she pulls me closer to the bed. “I love you,” she says as I lean down and place my lips on hers.

“I love you too,” I say against her mouth. Pulling back, I brush her hair back off her face before cupping her cheek in one of my hands. “I’m so proud of you. Thank you for giving me a son. For giving me a family. For loving me unconditionally.”

Because she always has.

Once Indi is cleaned up and we have a little time alone with our boy, I head out to the waiting room to tell the others. My mum and Meg both cry. Even Ross gets a little teary eyed when he shakes my hand and pulls me into a hug. “Congratulations, son,” he whispers.

They follow me back into the room. After our parents have a hold of their grandson, my mum sits my grandmother on a chair and passes the baby to her. I watch on from the other side of the bed. It’s such a bittersweet moment. It reminds me of everything I missed out on when I was a kid. When I see a tear fall down her cheek as she looks down at my son, a lump rises to my throat.

It makes me wonder if that was the same reaction my grandmother would’ve had if she wasn’t denied from seeing me when I was born. Her head suddenly lifts as her eyes seek out mine. She gives me the most amazing smile as another few tears leak from her eyes. I get the feeling she was thinking the same thing I was.

My little guy’s future already looks promising. He has so much more than I did the day I was born; two parents, grandparents, and a great grandmother that not only love him, but I know are going to make him the centre of their world. I want that for my children, because that’s all I ever wanted for myself when I was a child.

EPILOGUE

Eight weeks later …

Indiana

I can’t believe how excited I feel on the drive back home to see our parents. Well, technically it’s no longer my home, but my dad and Carter’s mum are still living in Sydney, so it will always hold a special place in my heart. My home now, is wherever my husband and son, Jaxson, reside. We named our son Jaxson after his Uncle Jax.

Sydney was where I was born, where my mum took her last breath, where Lassie lived, played and unfortunately died, where I met Meg, and then Carter. Although growing up in my hometown came with incredible highs, and lows, I can’t regret any of it. Ultimately, it led me to where I am today. It has shaped me into the person I’ve become. It’s given me the incredible fulfilling life I lead. My boys are my world.

My six monthly check-ups have now turned into yearly ones. The doctor is pretty confident that the cancer won’t come back. Nobody knows for sure I guess, but it looks promising. All I can do is keep going to each examination, and pray that I keep getting good results. I do experience the occasional headaches, just like everyone does I suppose. I will admit when they first come, it worries me. I don’t think that feeling will ever go away. The cancer is always going to be in the back of my mind. As soon as the headache is gone though, I know that’s all it was.
A headache.

When we pull into the driveway of my dad’s place, excitement broils in the pit of my stomach. It’s only been three weeks since we’ve seen each other, but I miss him. He and Elizabeth have been coming up to Newcastle every few weeks since the birth of their grandson. Every visit is special. This is our first big trip away from Newcastle as a family. 

Although my dad worked such long hours whilst I lived here, meaning we didn’t get to see each other as much as we would’ve liked, he was still close by if I needed him. Now that he lives hours away, I struggle sometimes. I hate that he’s all alone. Before I moved away with Carter, it was just the two of us.

Well, he has Elizabeth next door, I suppose, which gives me some comfort. They’ve bonded since her husband’s death. They’ve become great friends. Nothing romantic, just companions you could say. They occasionally have dinner together or go to the movies. When they come down to visit, they usually travel together.
That kind of thing.
It makes being so far away a little easier for me.

“You excited?” Carter asks as he brings my hand to his lips, planting a soft kiss on my knuckles.

“I am. Our parents are going to be so happy to see Jaxson, and surprised to see how much he’s grown in the last three weeks.”

“They will,” he says smiling before turning his head to look at our son in the back seat. I love the look Carter gets when he looks at Jaxson. He rarely frowns nowadays. He’s come so far. He’s an amazing father.

“Can we quickly go and see if dad’s awake before we go over to your mum’s house?” Our parents weren’t expecting us until next week, but we thought we’d surprise them.

“Of course,” he replies, giving my hand a light squeeze before getting out of the car. I watch my gorgeous husband as he walks around the front of the vehicle towards my door. I traded my car in for an SUV. We needed something bigger now we’re a growing family. Carter still has his Monaro. He’ll never get rid of that, but when we go out as a family, this is the car we use.

I smile at my handsome husband when he extends his hand to me, helping me out of the car. He’s such a gentleman and treats me the way any girl would dream of being treated; like a princess, like I’m the centre of his universe, his existence. That’s exactly how I feel towards him as well. I can’t put into words just how happy we both are. We’re perfect for each other. A marriage made in heaven.

There’s no doubt about that.

Sure, growing up he did some pretty horrible things to me, but I’m grateful I had the sense to see straight through him, grateful that I was given the opportunity to see the real Carter Reynolds. The one he did a good job of hiding from the rest of the world. From the second I met him, I suspected deep down it was all a facade. Like a protective armour to save himself from getting hurt. I was right.

I still occasionally see his insecure side, but it no longer upsets me like it used to. Thankfully, with some help from me, he’s embraced who he is. He now sees in the grand scheme of things, it’s just a silly, meaningless word. A word that only has the power to define you if you let it. Technically he may be a bastard, but to me he’s a
beautiful, kind, sweet, caring, incredibly loyal, and loveable bastard
. His list of qualities are endless. Despite the life he’s led, I’m proud of the man he has become. I wouldn’t have him any other way. I know I make him happy, just like he makes me.

After Carter lets LJ out of the car, he leads him down the side of the house, letting him loose in the back yard. He’s such a great dog, and so protective of the baby. When Carter makes his way back towards me, he slides his arms around my waist. Pulling me against him, he plants a soft kiss on my lips. I don’t think I’ll ever lose this feeling I get being in his arms. He still has the power to send my heart into a flutter.

“You okay?” he asks smiling down at me.

“Couldn’t be better,” I reply. Tightening his embrace, he presses his lips to my forehead.

“Yeah, me too, baby.” Letting go, he opens the back door and grabs our little man out of the baby capsule. Carter immediately buries his lips into the soft, chubby cheeks of Jaxson’s face. It warms my heart watching them together. “Are you ready to see your grandparents again, little champ?” he whispers to our son.

That’s what he calls him, ‘little champ’. He’s amazing. He strives to be everything he dreamt of having when he was a young boy. We’re already talking about trying for another one.

Smiling over at my boys, I fish my keys out of my bag as we walk up the front steps. I don’t knock just in case my dad’s still asleep. The house is very quiet when we walk through the front door. I presume he’s still in bed. Walking quietly, I lead Carter towards the kitchen. I can feed Jaxson while we wait for him to wake.

When I round the corner, I’m stopped in my tracks. Carter walks straight into my back, nearly bowling me over. I hear him chuckle from behind me when he sees what I see. I’m sure my chin is now resting on the floor. I softly elbow him in the stomach to quiet him.

I can’t believe what I’m seeing.

Right in front of us, is our parent’s. Let’s just say in a very compromising position. My father has Elizabeth sprawled out over the surface of the kitchen table.
Holy fucking crap.
I suddenly feel the need to bleach my eyes. I guess their friendship has grown into something more.
Friends with benefits.
By the way they’re gazing into each other’s eyes, I’d say it was a little more than that though. They look pretty smitten to me.

Shit, Carter. I’m waiting for him to shove me out of the way and attack my dad for what he’s doing to his mum. Hesitantly looking over my shoulder at him, I’m surprised to find him smiling. Not a small one either. He’s beaming. I guess he’s okay with this.

As horrified as I am at the sight before us, it brings a smile to my face as well. Truthfully, I like the idea of them together. In my heart, I’ve secretly wished for this. They’re perfect for each other. Reaching up, my hand instinctively covers our sons face. He’s just a baby, but I still don’t want him to see what his grandparents are up to.

They’re so lost in each other that they don’t even notice we’re standing here. I flick my head at Carter gesturing for us to leave. I don’t want to disturb them. Carter being Carter though, has other ideas. He clears his throat loudly. Both our parents swing their heads in our direction in unison. Elizabeth’s face turns bright red. My father on the other hand, looks absolutely horrified. It’s priceless. “Busted,” Carter says, and we both laugh.

Oh. My. God.
Busted is an understatement.

Eleven months later …

Carter

Stepping out of the car, I head inside. “You look lovely,” I say leaning forward and placing my lips on her cheek when she greets me at the door.

“And you look very handsome,” she replies, placing her frail hand on the side of my face. “Doesn’t my grandson look handsome,” my grandmother says, turning her head towards the cute carer who’s making her bed.

“Yes he does,” she says smiling at me. She gives me a look that says she’d like to rip this suit off me with her teeth. I give her a look that hopefully says, sorry love, I’m taken. I have the only woman I’ll ever need waiting for me at home. My soulmate, my wife, my baby’s mumma.

“Ready to go Grandma?” I ask smiling down at her. I can’t describe the feeling I get having her in my life. I only wish it had been for my whole life, not just the past few years. She’s such an amazing woman. My grandfather robbed us all of so much with his stubborn, pig headed, narrow-mindedness. I hate him for that.

But today is a day for new beginnings, a time for looking forward, not backwards. Today my life takes a turn for the better, because my mum is marrying Ross. In a little over an hour, he’ll officially become my dad. The dad I feel like I’ve waited my whole life for. I couldn’t be happier for me, and my mum. She’ll finally get the man she deserves, and I’ll get the father figure I’ve always wanted.

They both had huge reservations about getting married. Only because Indi and I were already together, so they thought if they tied the knot it would be taboo. What a crock of shit. Indi and I discussed it for all of a minute. We wanted this for them. They’re perfect for each other. I’d grown up my whole life without a father, and Indi only had her mother for a few short years, so this was a win-win for all of us. They get to live out their days happy, in love and together. Indi and I both get to have two parents. How could that be taboo?

“I’ll just grab my purse,” my grandmother says. When she comes back to me, she links her arm through mine as we walk towards the door. My grandmother now lives in a retirement village. Well actually it’s more like a luxury apartment building for people over sixty. She has a two bedroom fully self-contained unit. It has a community dining area and a staff of carers that live on site to look after the residents. She got tired of living in that big-arse house all on her own.