Bastard (42 page)

Rolling onto my side, I feel my lips curve into a smile as I watch her sleep. I do this often. Crazy I know, but I love having her next to me. Her long lashes are splayed out, resting on her cheeks. Her perfect lips are parted slightly. Her dark hair is fanned out over the pillow. Reaching up, I lightly brush back the few strands that have fallen over her face. I never knew it was possible to love someone so completely as I do her.

It brings all my worries to the forefront. A slight panic rises within me. What if her treatment isn’t successful? What if she decides she no longer wants to be with me? What if she doesn’t want me forever, like I do her? I’m not sure how I’d cope without her now.

The last five years have been hell. I lived in denial for too long, fighting my feelings every step of the way. I can’t do that anymore. She owns my heart and my soul. She’s my air. I’m nothing without her. I suddenly have this overwhelming compulsion to crush her against me, begging her to never leave me.

Fuck. I’m pathetic.

Maybe I should just wake her up and ask for my balls back. I’m pulled from my thoughts when LJ whimpers beside the bed. “Hey, buddy,” I whisper, carefully rolling over and looking over the side of the bed. He’s been locked inside all night. I guess he needs to take a piss. “Hold on,” I say getting out of bed and throwing on a pair of sweats.

“Hey, come back,” I hear Indi call out as I tiptoe across the room. My head swings in her direction as she sits up rubbing her eyes. She’s so damn sweet when she first wakes. The sheet covering her drops down around her waist, revealing her spectacular tits. It makes my dick twitch. I love that she makes no effort to cover them back up.

Turning, I quickly head back towards her. “Don’t move. I’ll be back in a minute,” I order, placing my lips on hers and groping one of her tits with my hand. “I’m just gonna let LJ out.”

“Okay,” she smiles slinking her arms around my neck. “Morning.”

“Morning, beautiful,” I reply brushing the hair off her face. “How’s your head this morning?” She shrugs. I hate that she’s in constant pain from this damn tumour. I’d give anything to be able to take it away. The sooner this treatment is over, the better. “I’ll grab you some headache tablets on my way back.”

“Thanks.” I kiss her forehead before gently laying her back down. Pushing myself off the bed, I stand and whistle for LJ to follow. It’s gonna be a bitch having to go to work today knowing she’s up here all alone.

••••

Indi was asleep by the time I made it back upstairs. Not long after slipping in beside her and wrapping her in my arms, she wakes again. “Your tablets are on the bedside table,” I say pulling her into me and kissing her forehead.

We stayed wrapped in each other for another hour or so, before I finally had to drag my arse out of bed. I could easily get used to waking up to her every morning. When I headed for the shower so I could get ready for work, she insisted on having one with me. Of course I had to take her up against the tiles. I can’t seem to keep my damn hands off her. I think we’re both going to be exhausted by the time the end of the week rolls around.
I’m not complaining.

After dressing, we had breakfast and went down to the shop together. She wanted to meet my guys, and to be honest I was looking forward to showing her off.

“Oh my God,” Justine says as soon as she walks through the door and sees Indi standing beside me. “You’re the girl from the picture.” I’d forgotten about that damn thing. It’s been a talking point around here for years. My eyes drift to Indiana, and I’m surprised to find her blushing.

“Justine, this is the love of my life, Indiana—my Indi,” I admit proudly, slinking my arm around her shoulder and tucking her into my side. Indiana’s beaming when she looks up at me.
I’m only speaking the truth.

“Wow,” is all Justine says with a stunned look on her face as she walks towards us and extends her hand. “Hi … Holy crap, you actually exist.” I chuckle at her comment. For years they’ve been bugging me wanting to know who the woman in the drawing is. I usually say that’s what the woman of my dreams looks like. I wasn’t going to tell those fuckers anything. So I guess I can understand her shock. None of them realised she was actually a real person. They thought she was a figment of my imagination.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Indi replies with a sweet smile on her face. When the front door of the shop opens, all our heads turn in that direction.

“Look Jacquie,” Justine squeals, pointing at Indi. “She’s real.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Indiana

I’ve had the most amazing week. It saddens me to think it’s coming to an end. I hope Carter asks me to come back up here again, because I’ve loved every minute of my time with him. This place is absolutely beautiful.

When he’s not working, and we’re not having sex on every surface of his apartment, he’s been taking me everywhere, showing me the sights of Newcastle and the surrounding areas. It’s surprising how much better it is when you see things through the eyes of a local. He knows all the best places. I can tell how proud he is of his hometown. I’ve only been here a week and I’m in love with it too.

We’ve been for long strolls along the beach every afternoon, and last night he took me to the most amazing waterfront restaurant at the Newcastle Marina, called Rocksalt. He ordered us a grilled seafood plate for two. It was mouth-watering. I could easily get used to living here.

Even though Carter’s been working a lot, he’s been trying his hardest to come and see me in-between clients, but he’s been pretty flat out. He can usually only stay a few minutes when he pops upstairs, but I appreciate him making the effort. He makes sure to spend the whole of his lunch breaks with me though.

I’ve offered to cook for him, but he insists on taking me to some of the local cafés for lunch. Today though, it was something different. We had a picnic on the beach. He bought some fresh prawns from the fish market, and we ate them straight out of the white paper wrapping. They were divine, just like my company. I didn’t think it was possible to love him anymore than I already do, but with each passing day I seem to fall even harder.

To be honest, I’m kind of glad I haven’t had to do much because I’m exhausted. My headaches seem to be getting worse and I’m feeling tired all the time. I’ve been hiding it from him. I don’t want him to worry more than he already is. He’s trying to play it down, but I see the unease in his eyes when he looks at me. He’s always checking on me or asking how I’m feeling, so I know he’s concerned.

After our picnic, he walked me back upstairs to his apartment before heading back to work. The first thing I did was collapse onto the sofa. I’ve been using our time apart to take naps.

His appointments can take anywhere from one to three hours, so he’s none the wiser that I’m usually sleeping while he’s not here. It gives me the pick-me-up I need for when he’s around, but it’s also a welcome relief from the throbbing pain in my head. I’m over it. I’m sick of feeling so
blah
all the time.

I’m woken by tiny kisses being rained all over my face. “Hey, beautiful,” Carter says when I open my eyes. “Are you feeling okay?” I can see the anxiety on his face so I smile hoping to ease his mind.

“I’m fine,” I reply when he moves back so I can sit up. “I must’ve fallen asleep. What time is it?”

“4:00pm.” Shit it was just after one when we arrived back from lunch. I’ve been asleep for almost three hours. “I was gonna take you for a spin on my jet-ski, but if you’re not up to it …”

“You have a jet-ski?” I ask excitedly. He sits down beside me on the sofa, pulling me onto his lap.

“I do.” He smiles before placing his lips against my cheek. “I usually take it out on the weekends. Jax has one as well, so we go out together when he’s up here. Since we’re going back to Sydney tomorrow, I thought we could go out now, if you’re game.” The thought of leaving here tomorrow makes my heart feel heavy. Carter’s been wonderful and made me feel so welcome. I want to get as much in as I can before I leave. I’ve never been out on a jet-ski before.

“I’m game,” I tell him as I snake my arms around his neck.

“You sure you’re up to it?” he asks, unease masking his voice. I wish he’d stop worrying about me.

“Of course. Let’s do this,” I reply, standing and reaching for his hand.

“I love how easy-going you are,” he says with a sweet smile as he picks a bag up off the ground and passes it to me. “I bought you a wetsuit and life jacket. The water’s pretty cold this time of year.”

“You did? Thank you,” I reply beaming, taking the bag from him and looking inside. He spoils me. The wetsuit is black with large patches of pink throughout, matching the life jacket perfectly. I love that he chose my favourite colour. I’m touched by his thoughtfulness. Getting up on the tips of my toes, I brush my lips against his.

“Go get changed while I hook the trailer up to the car,” he says leaning down and kissing my forehead. “I’ll meet you downstairs when you’re ready.”

••••

I had the most amazing time on the jet-ski and being wrapped around his sinful body as he sped across the water. The smell of the salty sea, the sun on my face and the wind in my hair, made me feel invigorated. We stayed out there for close to two hours. Carter took it easy as we navigated through the waves. I’m pretty sure that was for my benefit. I was grateful.

He didn’t let loose until we reached the calmer water. Thankfully, it was a nice day, so it wasn’t choppy. We did hit one bump that made my face screw up from the sudden jolt to my aching head. Surprisingly though, there’s something about being with him that seems to lessen the constant pain in my brain. Maybe I’m just so lost in him I don’t focus on it so much. Maybe it’s something else.

Before coming back into shore, Carter stopped about a kilometre out to sea. He moved me to the front of the jet-ski and wrapped me in his arms while we sat and watched the beginning of the sun setting on the horizon. It was majestic. We would’ve stayed out longer but it was starting to get dark. He’s promised to take me out again next time I come up. Hopefully that will be soon.

When we headed back to the apartment, Carter sent me upstairs to run a hot bath, while he washed down the jet-ski before stowing it in the small garage at the rear of the shop.

The warmth of the bath water is welcomed after being out on the ocean in the cold wind for the past few hours. I’m lying back relaxing and reflecting on the wonderful time I’ve had whilst I’ve been here, when Carter enters the bathroom. Opening my eyes, I find him stripping out of his wetsuit. “Hope you don’t mind some company,” he says smirking as he stalks towards me.

“Not at all,” I reply as my eyes rake over his magnificent body. He really is beautiful, and all mine. I’m one lucky girl. I lean forward so he can hop in behind me, and sigh contently when he wraps me in his big strong arms.

“You feeling okay?” he asks placing a soft kiss on my shoulder. I wish he’d stop asking me.

“I’m feeling wonderful. I’ve loved every minute of my time here with you,” I tell him, turning my head and brushing my lips against his cheek.

“I’m happy to hear that,” he smiles. “Does that mean you’ll come back?” The hopeful look I see on his face melts my heart.

“If you’ll have me, I’d love to come and stay with you again.”

“Next week? I thought maybe we could stay in Sydney for the weekend, so you could spend time with your dad. I could bring you back with me Sunday night.” I’m thrilled he wants me back here so soon.

“It sounds wonderful.” I turn my body to face him, wrapping my legs around his waist. “But, I don’t want to put you out. I don’t want to disrupt your life any more than I already have. You’ve been so good to me.”

“Hey,” he says cupping my face. “Having you here hasn’t disrupted my life at all. Only enhanced it.” His words make me smile.

“I love you,” I reply bringing my mouth down on his. I love him with every fibre of my being. He’s been a wonderful distraction from what lies ahead, and has taken such good care of me. I hate that we have this illness looming over us, but just having him around helps more than he’ll ever know.

“Please say you’ll come back with me next week then,” he whispers against my mouth as he grasps my hips, pulling me forward so our bodies are flush.

“Okay. I’d love that.”

“That’s my girl.” I feel his lips curve into a smile against my mouth.
I love being his girl.
Threading my hands into his hair, I deepen the kiss. Carter groans as he slides his tongue into my mouth. “Jesus, I wanna fuck you so bad right now,” he growls.

“Then do it,” I say breathlessly.

“I can’t, I don’t have a condom.”

“I’m on birth control, Carter,” I say pulling back to look at him. “I’ve only ever been with one other person, and we never had unprotected sex. I want to experience that with you.”

“I’ve never had unprotected sex either,” he sighs, “but it’s too risky. I can’t take that chance.” His words sting. Is the possibility of having a child with me so repulsive?

“Fine,” I say trying hard to mask my hurt, but failing miserably. I lift myself off his lap and go to turn, but he holds me still.

“Don’t,” he growls. “Don’t you dare pull away from me, Indi. You know about my past. You know I’d never want to bring an illegitimate child into this world, and risk him being tainted like I was.”

“Carter,” I say, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I’m sorry. It’s just …”

“Shhh,” he whispers, brushing his lips with mine. “Don’t think for a minute that I don’t want to experience that with you, because I do. I just can’t take that chance.”

“You could always pull out before you come.” I raise my eyebrows hopefully. I want this with him.

“Fuck,” he groans taking me in his arms again. “You drive a hard bargain, babe.” When his hands slip below the water and between my legs, I know I’ve won. Tilting my head back, I moan as his fingers circle my clit. “I’ve always wanted to feel what it was like to go bare back,” he whispers against my neck as his tongue trails a path up to the sensitive part behind my ear. “Only with you. It will only ever be you, Indi,” he breathes, gripping my hips, lifting me up slightly before pulling me back down and impaling me with his dick.