Barbara Silkstone - Wendy Darlin 04 - Miami Mummies (19 page)

I left the spa and stopped at Kit’s beachfront house located on the rooftop of his nightclub, the Queen’s Croquet. I found him chilling on the patio, his long body sprawled on a striped lounge, an exotic paper-umbrella drink in his hand. His toes shone from ointment and oil. They’d taken a shaving on the tarmac and his neck was still swollen with yellow and blue bruises from Saucy’s whip.

I changed his ice pack, re-oiled his tootsies, and settled down next to him on the lounge. “I’m so proud of you. Your nifty reverse stunt driving saved our lives. The three of us would make a good circus act if the bottom fell out of tomb rescuing.”

He shot me a droopy look.

“Need anything else before I head home?”

“Comfy stiletto heels for tonight’s show.”

“No such animal,” I laughed, kissed the top of his head, said my goodbyes, and let myself out of his condo.

By two-thirty I was back at my place. Roger and I spent an hour in bed, but neither of us felt like sexing again. He replayed the events of the last few days for the thousandth time restaging his actions for my critique. I reassured him until I ran out of patience.

I finally gave up on calming him down and wandered into the guest bedroom desperate for sleep. Saucy may have escaped with the mummies but we were left with the nightmares. I snuggled under the duvet trying to imagine myself a fairy princess with no problems. But the twists and turns of the last few days spun through my mind with all the finesse of a buzz saw.

Who knew Gary Grant was as much a victim of Saucy as he was of his own greed. He rushed his father to the mummy site with a scheme to close down the dig and force the trade of the valuable Miami Riverfront land for swampland.

When Tippy found herself in a squeeze play between the Semaphores and the state, Gary had the balls to step up to the plate and offer her a deal she couldn’t refuse. He’d protect her investment from state takeover for fifty-percent of the profits and rights-of-survivorship. I was surprised Tippy fell for his scheme. The word survivorship should have been a red flag. No telling what a broad under stress will swallow.

Bottom line… all three mummies were gone, along with the mysterious Kyzer Saucy. Her gender and our description to a police artist were the only clues to her identity.
Marnie’s International Funerals. You clip ‘em. We ship ‘em
was a sham, a rented facility with no paper trail.

Since I couldn’t nap I went back to Roger… “Want to reconstruct the last few days for the thousandth time or try another round of survivors-sex?”

He laughed, swung his leg over me and came in for a kiss. “You and Saucy tumbling on the tarmac looked like a scene out of
Wrestling Women vs. the Aztec Mummy.”

“I’d have nailed her if she hadn’t gotten the gun back.”

He sighed and plopped back on the pillow. “The greatest trick that devil ever pulled was convincing people she was a guy.”

“Why did she stick the Incan mummies on Tippy’s land?”

“That’s the part that bugs me the most. It was obvious and I missed it. She salted the site so construction would stop allowing her time to get the Miami mummy.”

“But how did she know it was there?”

“That’s the difference between a good international mummy thief and a great one.”

In an effort to get his mind off the failed caper, I flopped on top of him and leaned so he was forced to tumble over me. We did some roll-playing, rolling over in the sack until we were exhausted. Speaking of role-playing I had yet to tell him about the cat suit. I had yet to tell him about Nashville.

Alex and I had an appointment tomorrow at Thirty-Ninth Federal Bank thanks to Mrs. MacGuffin. It was time to hand the new Hic his transmigrated identity and turn the will over to the lawyers. Yesterday’s headlines took note of the discovery of Hic’s body in the Thornhill Hotel, dead from natural causes.

I lay on my side staring at Roger and fiddling with the key around my neck.

“Rog, I’ve got do a quickie in Nashville.”

“Okay…” he said hesitantly. “How do we do that? It’s kinky, I hope.”

I sat up, tucked the sheets under my arms covering my breasts.

“Oh, oh… no joke,” he said.

“Remember the dead friend I was sitting up?”

“With. You mean sitting up
with
.”

This was going to be a little tricky. I patted his hand and started my story. Winding up with the need for my mission to the safe deposit box in Nashville.

I trotted into the bathroom while Roger lay in bed staring at the ceiling with a confused expression on his face. Nothing new there. The less he knew about Hic’s heir, the better.

Roger was still staring at the ceiling the following morning bearing the classic signs of depression. He’d be back to normal, soon. Dangle an obscure antiquity under his nose; he’d jump on it like a bloodhound.

I wriggled into my undies and donned my gray business suit, my red-rubbed knee shone from just below the hem of the pencil skirt. I touched the key that dangled safely around my neck, kissed Roger on the forehead avoiding his gaping mouth.

“I’ll be back by seven,” I said. Not sure if it registered in his fog.

I settled into Goldie’s soft leather seat, and her engine purred to life. I looked to my right and was surprised to see Mrs. MacGuffin sitting in her prim Mary Poppins pose, a rather large handbag in her lap, and a satisfied smile on her face. “This will be my last case for awhile. I need a holiday. Might take me to Disney World. Some fantasy would be a pleasant change.”

Nodding, I put Goldie in reverse and we eased out of the garage. I’m sure even transition coaches need a break now and then.

“Oh dearie, just to put your mind at ease. Mrs. Lipschitz? That was I looking out for your safety.”

She unfastened a big brass buckle on her purse and ferretted out her goodies. “This is for your baby.” She handed me a pair of tiny crocheted booties, blue and white with pompoms on the toes.

“Mrs. MacG… there is no baby.”

“There is now.”

She snapped her purse shut.

I held the booties in my hand. They felt right… as if they belonged. I laid them in my purse and turned to look at her. She’d vanished.

“Thank you, Mrs. MacG,” I whispered wondering if Roger and I had made a baby yesterday. I rubbed my tummy and felt a little gurgle. “Anybody in there?” It was too soon for an answer.

I arrived at the Thirty-Ninth Federal Bank at two on the nose. I clutched the key around my neck. It made me mega-nervous to think I was releasing a fortune to a stranger based on one word. Was I committing a crime by handing this person an identity kit? He could be a terrorist, a spy, or a Justin Bieber fan.

The lobby was empty except for the tellers and two banker types in an office to the right. I glanced to the left and saw my reflection in the tinted picture window. A slender man in khakis and a blue shirt was facing the glass watching the street. He locked eyes with my reflection.

“Hackensack,” he said and then slowly turned around.

I gazed into the twinkly gray eyes of my savior from the river.

Hic was back. I stepped forward, and hugged him.

The inheritance process would require a few return trips to Nashville to clear up the details, but as I sat on the plane caressing the little blue booties from Mrs. MacGuffin, all I could think of was Roger’s smiling face.

Barbara Silkstone is the best-selling author of:

Wendy Darlin Tomb Raider series:

Wendy and the Lost Boys

London Broil

Cairo Caper

Miami Mummies

Criminally Funny Fables series:

The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters

Wendy and the Lost Boys

London Broil

Zo White and the Seven Morphs

Cold Case Morphs.

Creative nonfiction:

The Adventures of a Love Investigator

(Personal interviews with 527 men)

Wendy and the Lost Boys topped the charts in comedy, climbing over Tina Fey, Sophie Kinsella, and Ellen DeGeneres. The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters has been a consistent best seller in comedy. Both Wendy and Alice have been in the top 20 Amazon comedies at the same time.

Barbara Silkstone’s Amazon Author’s page

http://www.amazon.com/Barbara-Silkstone/e/B0047L8A8W

The way Ms. Silkstone plays with words is unrivaled and the way she incorporated segments from favorite movie clips is genius. She uses sharp wit throughout her stories, her plots are strong, and the action nonstop.

Wendy Darlin Tomb Raider ~ Box Set

Until last year Wendy Darlin was a full-time real estate agent for Miami Beach millionaires. Then she met Roger Jolley, world famous archaeologist, Johnny Depp look-alike, and at times the most irritating person on the planet. Join her as she travels the globe in search of lost treasures and antiquities. She’s been told her life is like the movie
Romancing the Stone
but at times she feels more like Indiana Jones with boobs.

WENDY AND THE LOST BOYS
~ Book One

Real estate agent for Miami Beach millionaires, Wendy Darlin, clashes with “SEC Investigator” and world famous archaeologist, Roger Jolley. He follows her out to sea on a mega-yacht owned by Charlie Hook, a Ponzi swindler on the run from federal agents and angry investors. Despite her fear of water, she finds herself a tomb raider on the Caribbean one step ahead of modern day pirates. Will she find the Lost Boys? Will she escape Hook’s clutches? And whom will she find on Nevis Island? Oh… and is Roger a good kisser?

LONDON BROIL
~ Book Two

When we last saw Wendy Darling and Roger Jolley in WENDY AND THE LOST BOYS, they were hot on the trail of Egyptian icons stolen from the British Museum. Wendy is now in a frantic race against time and a murderer as she searches for the last Lost Boy hidden somewhere in London while a killer heat wave invades the city. Wendy is held captive over a fish ‘n’ chips shop while Roger’s life is threatened. Can Wendy escape her captors, rescue Roger, and find the missing Lost Boy before the murderer strikes again?

CAIRO CAPER
~ Book Three

Part-time tomb raider and full-time real estate broker, Wendy Darlin joins her lover, archaeologist Roger Jolley, in a quest for Cleopatra’s tomb. All they have to do is get from Cairo to the Temple of Taporisi Magna alive. Armed only with a couple of hijacked ashtrays and faced with a trek across the blazing Sahara desert can Wendy out-maneuver Russian oligarchs, a dozen Dark Force mercenaries, and Roger’s chubby ex-girlfriend in time to find the tomb and seal it before chaos erupts in Egypt?

MIAMI MUMMIES
~ Book Four

Is Kyzer Saucy real or a figment of the archaeological world’s imagination?

Part-time tomb raider and full-time real estate broker, Wendy Darlin joins her lover, archaeologist Roger Jolley, as he battles the legendary mummy thief known only as Kyzer Saucy. Can Saucy be stopped before he kills again? Can Wendy keep her promise to her mentor Alfred Hiccup as he transmigrates from the afterlife… or has Wendy finally made one promise too many?

Author Silkstone’s writing has been described as “perfectly paced and pitched - shades of Janet Evanovich and Carl Hiaasen without seeming remotely derivative. Fast moving action that shoots from the hip with bullet-proof characterization.”