Avoiding Responsibility (37 page)

"He settled on Tech to stay in the city…to be close to me. His parents wanted him to go to a private school: Princeton, Stanford, or Duke, but he swore he wouldn't leave me." Her hand dropped from her chin and she stared down into her coffee. "He was only there for a year before he transferred to Duke when I started my first year. His parents were proud of course. They were already…planning our marriage since I had always been the perfect influence on their rebellious son."

Lexi shook her head unable to believe this tall tale. This was about as far from Ramsey's story as Parker could possibly get. He had claimed never to have a girlfriend. He had never been in love. Her insides were icing over. No. He had never had any of these things before her. Now she was finding out that not only had he had a girlfriend, but his parents had been planning for them to get married likely since childhood.

"But it all went wrong," Parker gasped grasping her cup firmly with both hands as she tried to hold back the tears that were clouding her eyes.

"What happened?" Lexi asked surprised she even had a voice. She felt like she was living someone else's life right now. She couldn't believe that these things had actually happened. She had gone through too much time in one day. She was having delusions. Her fears were catching up with her. She had gotten stuck in a soap opera where everyone lied, everyone hid information, everyone was deceitful.

"Oh God, it all happened so quick. I'd been feeling sick for about a week. It was during finals," she told the story as if she had gone back in time and was still there. It was clear that she was trapped in her memories. "I'd asked for an extension because of the sickness. I just couldn't stop throwing up.

"I was finally able to hold down a meal and I raced over to Ramsey's. I hadn't seen him since falling ill because we didn't live together. Our parents would never have allowed it of course," she said swiping the tears from her blood shot eyes. "He was drunk…terribly drunk. I'd never seen him so drunk. His roommates were there with four or five mostly naked girls. I looked like hell and worse I felt like it, and there he was having a raving good time with some girls that would have sucked his dick at a snap of his fingers." The vulgarity surprised Lexi almost as much as the situation and her mouth fell open. She covered her hand with her mouth as she imagined the scene before her.

How could he have done it?

"I lost it. I just snapped. I screamed at him, yelled at him, called him every dirty thing that I could think of. It made me sick to my stomach and I had to rush to the bathroom. He was just as vulgar. I remember him telling me that all I cared about were my studies, that I'd changed, that he couldn't even see the old me anymore. He said more things that I hate to even imagine, but he was so drunk, he couldn't stop himself.

"I remember telling him he was a spoiled rich brat who would only ever amount to as much as daddy's money allowed. Then I left, and as he slammed the door behind me he told me never to come back," she said a tear falling slowly down her right cheek.

Lexi gulped hard her coffee long forgotten. "Is that how it ended?" she couldn't help asking.

"I wish," she said meeting Lexi's chocolate brown eyes. Lexi couldn't imagine it getting any worse. "If only I'd known then what I know now," she said forlornly. "I was pregnant."

Lexi gasped her chest beating frantically as the pieces fell together. Of course she had been sick, throwing up, her emotions rampant. It all made sense. He hadn't known. How could he have known? "Did you tell him?"

"It is my greatest regret that I did not," she stated sadly licking her dry lips. "I was angry. I couldn't forgive the things he had said to me. I was only nineteen after all…still too young…for everything."

Lexi stilled as the realization hit her. Ramsey could have a child with the woman sitting in front of her. "He has a baby?" she asked.

Tears really did spill forth from her eyes at that statement. "No," she breathed. "I finished my exams, transferred back home to Emory. By then I knew for certain and even if I tried to hide it, the baby was alive inside of me and growing every day. The last thing I wanted was for him to know. I hid it from everyone. I only left the house to go to classes and even then I restored to wearing sweats everywhere. I didn't even risk seeing a doctor I was so ashamed. My parents were terrified and wanted me to see a shrink. They thought I was depressed," she said with a sharp laugh. Lexi didn't think anyone could blame her for being depressed under the circumstances.

"But one day Bekah showed up at my apartment." Lexi cringed away at the name. "I didn't want to let her in, but she insisted and pushed past me. Well of course she could tell that something was different…that I was bigger. I'll spare you the details of the following days with her holed up in my apartment with me. Suffice it to say that I ended up miscarrying."

"Oh no," Lexi breathed the sorrow of the story beginning to overwhelm her.

"Bekah convinced me to tell him. When I finally went there, it was another bad night. It was storming the entire drive up to Durham. He was alone, but drunk again. I don't know why I expected any less. I hadn't seen or heard from him since I'd left his place that night I'd walked out on him. When I got up the courage to tell him, he called me a liar. He'd gotten it into his head that everything was my fault that night…" she paused unable to go on as she clutched her chest.

"Well when Bekah finally got to him, she made him feel like a worthless piece of shit. He called and visited and tried to repair everything we had had, but I couldn't do it. There was too much hurt and though he didn't give up for quite some time, I could never really get over what had happened to me. It's the reason I had pushed through to medicine," she sadly slumping back in her chair as if to show that was the end of her tale.

Lexi couldn't believe it. How could this be the same Ramsey that she knew now? How could any of this be true with what she knew about the man she had fallen in love with? It didn't add up. It just didn't make sense. He wasn't this person. He was so much more than that.

Why would he lie? It was such an elaborate story though. She had to admit it did all fit together, but still it didn't make sense. He had no reason to tell Lexi that he'd never dated, loved, or that Parker was nothing more than someone he had fucked and left…just like all the other girls.

She stood up abruptly the weight of the story heavy on her shoulders. "Don't come near me, my parents, or Ramsey," she said pointing her finger at Parker menacingly. She couldn't believe it. The story was too much.

"Lexi," Parker pleaded looking up at her through pained eyes.

She had gone through too much in one day. Her brain couldn't process any of it. She couldn't think of what all of this would mean if it were true. She couldn't think of shattering the one perfect picture she had of an individual. And so she stumbled away from the coffee shop and back up to her father's bedside to wait out the agony of the day.

Thanks for all my reviewers as ever!: Cupid's Psyche, sweets1103, GreatStory, helplessromantic285, taurus09grrl, Kelly Rogala, Leanna, Bkimmer, spunkyorange, jennalizing, tyanaaa, Electric Monk, Ashley Nikole, merelycantabile, crissy19 (i got it right this time), Ms. Vengeance, buffyeesummers, madkatter, supernova15, Pumpkin Kween, Taciturne, and its . mine.

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K.A. Linde

Oh, a simple complication,

Miscommunications lead to fall-out.

So many things that I wish you knew,

So many walls that I can't break through.

-Taylor Swift "Story of Us"

Chapter 19: Present

Lexi walked into the empty restaurant with Ramsey at her side. Her hand was tucked neatly into the crook of his elbow. The other hung limp at her side. Her hair had been pulled high on top of her head into a tight twist revealing her slender neck, which was typically hidden beneath the locks. Her make-up appeared light though she had taken the time to conceal herself from the awaiting crowd. A polyester, slim-cut dress in the palest of purples shrouded her body. Her calves, thighs, and buttocks were accentuated in her tan pointy-toed mules. She had taken unusual care in her outfit knowing she would hardly be exempt from judgment on a night like tonight.

Ramsey appeared as gorgeous and perfect as ever. His suit fit to perfection tailored specifically for the evening. His golden hair, so fitting for the Golden Boy of the Bridges empire, shown in the setting sun. His green-gold eyes glittering splendidly in the shining light.

And though Lexi's anger welled inside of her, as still so much had been left unspoken between them, she could hardly deny the beauty that so easily entrapped so many woman…Lexi included. She fought the urge to consider beyond that beautiful face to the man that she still wondered if she really knew.

Tonight was not a night for such contemplations. When the wedding was over…when the week was up, she would get her answers and they could decide from there. She didn't know what lay ahead of them, but she could figure that all out later. She could decide then if everything was truly worth saving. She shook the thoughts from her head not wanting tears to begin to form in her eyes. The only thing she wanted to show as she sat through this rehearsal dinner was indifference.

Indifference to it all. Ramsey. Jack. Bekah. Parker. It could all wait until the end of the week. She had made a promise to endure the week for him, and she wouldn't go back on it.

A collection of round tables were placed around the back room they entered with a rectangular table at the front of the room. A large projection screen had been fitted on the wall behind the table. The screen was white with navy blue lettering displaying:

Rehearsal Dinner

In Honor of the Union Between

Jack Harrison Howard

and

Rebekah Caroline Bridges

Saturday, August 8th

Somehow seeing those words together made it all seem much more real. Lexi had never seen the save the date or the invitation for the wedding. She had never witnessed their names joined together in such a ceremonial fashion.

She didn't stop and gape or gag or feel revulsion at the sight before her. All things she would have felt previously, but somehow they felt unimportant at the moment. In the end, she was sure they would get what was coming to them, but tonight she could only manage indifference and hope it passed, however terribly, for acceptance for what would transpire the next afternoon.

"Are you ready?" Ramsey whispered his lips barely moving as he stared down upon her. Lexi gave a slight nod and allowed Ramsey to continue forward to their assigned seats. Each table was intricately detailed with tiny silver plaques engraved with the guests name on it in scrawling calligraphy.

Lexi's chair rested next to Ramsey's near the front of the room. She didn't fail to notice that she had been stuffed into a corner or that Parker's name was scribbled on the nameplate on the other side of Ramsey or that the next closest person to her was an old relative on the bride's side who appeared to be senile. Still she took her seat calmly and willingly hoping that a lack of disruption would make this night conclude quicker.

"I'm going to go check on my sister," Ramsey said brushing the top of her hand before departing the room. He had effectively deposited her at her seat and disappeared. So much for a fun evening.

Lexi sat in her corner as the room filled with friends and relatives of the couple. She was happy to supervise and people watch the interactions before her. She had been to a number of weddings. She had even been the maid of honor at Olivia's wedding straight out of college. As her best friend, Lexi had arranged everything for her, done everything for her.

And yet, this was nothing like anything she had witnessed previously. Everything about what was taking place between Bekah's guests and Jack's seemed forced and strained. Lexi wasn't sure what was the real premise for this, but she assumed it had something to do with Jack marrying into such exorbitant wealth. The meeting of the families and friends seemed practically humorous especially to someone who knew the couple as well as she did. Or perhaps she saw what she expected to see.

Jack's family wasn't poor by anyone's standards, but they clearly didn't have the money that the Bridges' were accustomed to. His family simply wasn't as…polished as Bekah's family. Her parents were still happily married…well happily is a matter of opinion. They had two children: one boy and one girl…and a partridge in a pear tree.

Jack on the other hand has two older brothers – ten and fifteen years older than him. Both are from a previous marriage on his father's side, and both are married with several rambunctious children running around the room in circles…screaming. Most people would have found this adorable, but all Lexi can guess from the whispering of Bekah's relatives is that children are supposed to be kept separate from the party festivities.

Not only this, but his parents are divorced. And despite the fact that nearly 50% of marriages now end in divorce, it appears that this is completely unheard of. For some reason, Lexi is reminded of the reaction the Brits must have felt at King Henry VIII breaking with the Catholic Church to cast aside his wife and take up with Anne Boleyn. The disgrace and shame that the old woman sitting next to Lexi spoke of, even in her senile state, is practically medieval by modern day standards.

Still Lexi held back the smirks and snide remarks that she could have easily snapped at them. She knew things about Jack and his family that would made their heads spin if revealed. She was one of his oldest friends, and even though she hated admitting it, she would have preferred to defend him in this scenario. It's not his fault that his parents were both previously married with children before getting together. It's not his fault that they then got divorced when he was in high school. These are choices of his parents, not him. None of this was what he chose. And if they really wanted to sink him, they need look no further than to what he had done in his time. Clearly none of that had been revealed. Bekah's father surely wouldn't allow her to marry a philanderer.

No. What she could say would hurt him far more than his family's misgivings. Yet, she remained seated watching and listening to the whispers and side-long glances between the two families. What was occurring was entertaining enough in its own right. Lexi pointing it out or even pushing it over the edge would only ruin her own perverse pleasure in the circumstances.

Seth and Sandy's entrance was the first thing that pulled Lexi out of her trance. She couldn't exactly deny that seeing the two of them gave her great pleasure. Seth was Jack's best man and lifelong best friend. They had grown up together long before they had been college roommates. And Lexi had known the best man longer than even his wife had.

Lexi's appearance at the rehearsal dinner didn't seem to faze Seth as he strode across the room to greet her. She knew not whether he had been warned of her presence or could just simply pick her out of a crowd, but his stride was undeterred. "Lexi love," he crowed arms outstretched as he swaggered towards her.

She scooted her chair back and stood. The appearance of Jack's oldest friend made her smile blossom as visions of his beach house burst into her mind. "Seth," she murmured against his chest as she leaned into his hug, "it's so good to see you again."

"You look fucking gorgeous," he said with a low whistle pulling back to examine her body.

She smiled coyly as if she hadn't put in the effort to get ready. "Thanks," she replied though her eyes remained guarded.

"You know I'd love to be the one tearing that dress off of you later," he said nudging her shoulder.

Lexi rolled her eyes realizing how little men actually changed. "Tell that to your wife."

"You know that I do," he said his eyes finding Sandy in the crowd. She seemed to realize he was watching her and glanced his direction. Her cheeks flushed at the intensity of their stare.

Lexi sighed pulling her own eyes away from the couple radiating with a passion and love that she could only attribute to newlyweds. "How are you and Sandy?" she asked though she could see with her own eyes that things were going well.

Seth, who had never been guarded a day in his life, shined like a beacon of light from the top of a lighthouse. His eyes which broke contact with his wife across the room turned to Lexi. His smile was radiant and his eyes glowed with pleasure. "Now don't go spreading it around," he said with barely contained excitement, "but we've just found out. We're having a baby."

"Oh Seth!" she cried truly ecstatic for the young couple. She couldn't believe it was happening so quickly, but she couldn't hide her exuberance for their news. "That's wonderful!"

He beamed brighter practically bouncing up and down. "Yeah I think it's a boy. Sandy isn't sure yet, but I am. It's a boy. I'm gonna be a father!"

"Congratulations! I'm really so happy for you both," she said giving him another hug.

"You'll come down for the shower? I know Sandy would want out to be there," he said getting ahead of himself.

Lexi smiled but her happiness had been stripped from her face. She had no idea where she would be in a year. She didn't know if New York would even still be her home. She was still waiting to hear about the bar. Not to mention potential jobs she had applied for across the country. She didn't know if she would have Ramsey then…

The what ifs hung so heavy over her that she felt crushed under the weight of the uncertainty that lay ahead.

"We'll see Seth. I'll let you know for sure once you have a date," she told him.

He smiled again unperturbed by her noncommittal answer. "Well come say hey," he said grabbing Lexi's wrist and yanking her towards the center of the room.

"Uh…alright," she said though she wasn't exactly certain that she should just be wandering around the room like the rest of the friends and family. She wasn't exactly either. Seth rushed them back to his wife. Sandy's hand instinctively went to the belly of her baby blue dress as they approached.

"Lexi! Hey!" Sandy said as bubbly as ever.

Lexi stepped forward into the hug that was offered and attempted to dispel her nervousness. She had never really been one for ill-conceived nerves. She typically held her own pretty well…or as best she could under the circumstances. Yet she knew that she was out of her league. She had swum so far out into the deep end that she was terrified she would drown. All she could think about was that she just needed to keep tredding water…keep kicking her feet. They might get tired and she might feel faint of heart, but she could make it out in the end. She could push on and eventually she would read the end and be hoisted out of the depths.

"I can't believe you're here," Sandy said stepping back from Lexi. Her smile never failed.

"Uh yeah," Lexi said tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "I guess I couldn't miss it."

Seeing that Sandy was occupied for awhile, Seth bounded over to the remaining groomsmen: Hunter and Luke. Sandy stepped a little bit closer to Lexi sealing off the space that she had given them. "I just mean with what happened with you and Jack," she barely whispered.

Lexi gulped hard and sputtered a little in surprise. If there was one thing about Sandy that Lexi could say is that she had never thought she was intuitive or even that intelligent. Though she was nice, incredibly so, she had always seemed a little dim. She acted almost incorrigibly like a perky bimbo. So her having any knowledge of what had happened between her and Jack took Lexi as a complete surprise. She knew that Seth knew at least some of what had happened as he had been involved from the beginning, but the idea that that had been discussed between the two seemed unlikely to Lexi. "I don't know what you mean," Lexi said slowly after a minute.

Sandy rolled her eyes. "Lexi I really like you, but you are blind to that boy. You really didn't think that I noticed you sneaking off with him every night at the beach before graduation?"

Lexi's eyes widened in surprise. Her jaw went slack and she felt her pulse race. It was a feeling she only attributed to Jack. And though she had been so focused on Ramsey lately, she couldn't deny that he still made her pulse quicken. Though she wasn't sure if she could attribute it to her desire to be with him or without him…or just a natural fight or flight instinct she had since attributed solely to her instincts around him.

"You…you noticed that?" she asked knowing how she must look to Sandy…like a kid with their hand stuck in the cookie jar.

She smiled shyly. "A couple times, but at first I thought it was to see someone else. I think it was the sand that gave it away. Anyway we can't fight love when we have it in our grasps can we?" she asked her eyes immediately landing on Seth.

"Uh…well…I'm not in love with Jack," she told her.

"Ok," Sandy said brushing her words aside as if they meant nothing. "Either way. I just wasn't expecting you to be here for this. I would think it would be too painful…whether you still love him or not."

Lexi gulped again. "Well…it's hard to explain."

"You don't have to explain it to me," Sandy said her voice taking on her characteristic bubbly bimbo routine once again. "Can you believe I'm pregnant?" she asked completely diverting the subject.

"Oh! Yeah, Seth told me. Congrats!" Lexi said with enthusiasm that she wasn't entirely sure where she mustered it from. Sandy giggled and went into a full on discussion about the baby, arrangements, names, and all sorts of things that Lexi had never really thought of. Having a baby was about the last thing on her mind.