Avenging Us (Rocker Series Book 3) (15 page)

I took it, folding it into a little square, and stuffed it into my pocket. I’d have Chance make sure we had her recommendations in the house.

After taking a quick shower and dressing, I sat in the other seat across from Chance. I had some guilt about not informing the gang what was going on. However, my father stepped up and filled them in. There just wasn’t a moment I felt secure enough to leave either of my girls. My own emotions were all over the place. I was still trying to wrap my head around yesterday’s events. I left out some of the more troubling parts, as I didn’t want to add to Gia’s anxiety.

Chance handed me the
LA Times
. “She made their page six,” he said proudly.

I opened the paper, thumbing to page six.
Born to Rock—Welcome Bella Mia Gunner, born to Abel Gunner (Lethal Abel) and his fiancée, Gia Mastro, July 6
^th
, 2015.
“You see the nightmare outside? You need a cattle-prod to get through.” He shook his head in disbelieve.

“Security will work it out. No worries,” I said, blowing it off. Today was a new day. The media will always be rude and intrusive. I didn’t want to taint this day with ugliness and worry.

I’d been up for a few hours watching her sleep peacefully. The nurse gave her a sedative to help her sleep, and as soon as I heard her deep sigh, I knew it was working. Finally, her body relaxed, her heart calmed down, and her eyes closed.

Chance raised an eyebrow. “Okay, whatever you say. What about her? My poor thing…do you know how worried we were?” His face drained. “I’m going to be sick thinking about it.” He choked back a sob. “I promised I wouldn’t give you shit, but Christ, if that wasn’t the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced in my lifetime.”

I nodded. What could I say? I agreed with him. It was the worst and best day of my life, but I was looking forward to moving past it. “Listen, I don’t want to mar Beauty’s experience today with all the drama of yesterday. I’m going to bring the baby in shortly.”

He held up his hands defensively. “Understood. By the way…I snuck a peek with the boys and Cindy.” He beamed euphorically. “Woody schmoozed the head nurse. They held her up to the window. She’s the tiniest, most beautiful single thing I’ve ever seen.” His eyes shifted toward Gia. “Good morning.” He popped out of his chair and went immediately to Gia’s side.

She managed a smile. However, her face appeared to be marred by pain. I buzzed the nurse and went to greet my love. “Morning, beautiful.” I kissed the top of her head. “I buzzed the nurse.”

She nodded and mouthed
thank you
. Then turned back to Chance. I’m sure she needed to use the bathroom, and the nurse needed to care for her wound. “Where is she?” she asked. “You said in the morning. Well, it’s morning. Please, go get her…” She continued to plead. I was powerless to deny her anything, and just as eager for her to formally met Bella.

“Yes, go get
my
Bella,” Chance added as he focused on Gia’s appearance.

Gia’s head whipped around, her eyes narrowing.

“I’ll work on fixing you up in the meantime. What a mess you are…” Chance teased and Gia rolled her eyes, growling at him. The familiar interaction made me smile. She needed a distraction, and what better distraction than Chance.

As I breached the doorway, I heard Gia’s first spirited crack and I had to laugh. “I don’t think I like the way you say Bella. You hold on to the
L
too long. Sounds like that creepy
Aro
from
Twilight
. Which would make my baby that twit
Bella
. Worst actress ever… If you can’t be
normal
, call her Mia,” she said, propping up on her elbows. I was amused by this exchange, but I had a little girl to bring back to her mom.

Twenty minutes later, nurse Jill and I wheeled Bella Mia’s incubator to Gia’s room. She packed the drawer below with everything we would need for the day. A breast pump, diapers, formula, nipples, pacifiers, burp clothes, and a file folder of literature about parenting, babies, and dos and don’ts.

“Here’s little Mia.” Chance clapped, but gave Gia a sneer as he pronounced the baby’s name.

Gia’s smirk turned into a grinning smile. She looked more like herself. The nurse changed her dressings, gown, and helped wash her up while Chance primped her hair and added some touches of makeup and a blanket over her legs as she sat up in the red reclining chair in the corner. I wheeled Bella over, motioning for Chance to step aside. He was a blubbering mess, but I explained we needed this time as a family. Our friends and family would have time later this afternoon to visit. However, this was a private moment, I was unwilling to share with anyone other than Beauty.

Jill asked to see Gia’s hospital bracelet. Our numbers and information matched the baby’s. Gia looked at me puzzled. “Security, baby.”

“Sorry, it’s procedure,” she explained. I already received a thorough check yesterday. “I’m Jill, your baby nurse. I’ve had the pleasure of caring for your daughter.”

Gia accepted her hand. “Nice to meet you, and thank you.”

Jill gathered the baby and placed her into Gia’s cradled arms. Tears of joy rolled down her face, and I knelt down to comfort her. “I’m okay…promise.” Her body quaked. “It’s just that…she’s so beautiful and tiny. I’m scared I won’t be good at this.” Gia looked up at the nurse. “Am I doing this right? I’ve never held a baby before…”

“You’re doing perfect. You see how natural it is? How right it feels?”

Gia nodded. “It does.”

I was surprised by my reaction. My own tears bubbled to the surface, despite trying to suppress them. I’m generally not very emotional. But I recognized the feeling that overcame me. It was the same wave of contentment and relief that hit me when I held her for the first time. However, from the start of this pregnancy, my heart swelled with so much love I thought it would burst.

Jill opened the bottom of the incubator, removing a pre-made bottle and nipple. Would you like to feed her?” She held up the bottle. “Or try to breast feed?”

“I’d like to try to breast feed, but we want to supplement, too,” she replied, and the nurse agreed both were good. I stepped back, giving Jill and Gia room. Gia opened her gown and tore the Velcro panel open. Bella immediately latched on when Gia placed her nipple along the seam of Bella’s mouth.

“Wow, it doesn’t feel very pleasant—hurts,” she spit out, wincing from the pain.

Jill’s response was swift. “Completely normal. Your body’s still recovering, and your milk’s just coming in and that’s painful. But eventually, your nipples will toughen up.”

I smirked, thinking of a few ways I could help toughen her nipple…
clamps
.

Gia looked up from the baby and rolled her eyes. “You’re such a caveman. I know exactly what you’re thinking…you know that, right?”

I shrugged and laughed. Jill blushed and refocused the attention back to my daughter. I learned how to change Bella while Gia looked on from the chair. Still unable to walk…she took her instruction from the sidelines. Jill explained to Gia that it was prudent to switch nipples with every feeding, and we found the pacifier to be a game-changer. I was going to get a few thousand of those. At times, Bella fussed, and it was either because she was hungry, wet, or tired. That pacifier saved our ears and sanity. Jill brought Gia some lunch. Bella stayed with us and slept. And the first of many deliveries of flowers started to roll in.

Beauty’s face lit up into a wide smile. There were three vases of roses. White, red, and yellow. I handed beauty the first card to read. “What does it say, my love?”

“I, Abel Gunner, choose you, Gia Mastro, to be my wedded wife,” she recited, and then I handed her the next card from the second arrangement. “I promise to love you, comfort you, be true to you, and dominate you all the days of my life.” She grinned and the first tears began to fall. I walked over to the third vase and handed her
that
card. “I gave you
that
ring as a solemn vow to you. Now, with
this
ring, I thee wed.”

I held out my hand. Two rings rested side by side. One, a diamond eternity band, and the other, a thick, plain platinum band. She covered her eyes, sobbing. Her tears leaked between her fingers and down her arms.

I knelt down in front of her, prying her swollen, bruised hands from her eyes. She looked up and into my eyes. “Do you have any idea how much I love you…I love you so much…I hate you.”

I smiled, because I totally understood. “I love you, too, but you once told me that for every man there is a woman who could bring him to his knees. I never believed that—ever. I always valued my privacy—my space. But, without you here, I’m haunted. It isn’t the darkness in me that scares me anymore. It’s the emptiness I’d feel without you.” I cupped her beautiful face, asking for the words I needed. “Now give me the words that will give us our happy ending.”

Fuck, I even sounded
gay
to me. Chance and his constant blabbering about happily-ever-afters got me thinking. This wasn’t something a rocker would say or do. Then again, I wasn’t your average rocker. However, this experience has left a permanent gash in my soul, and she was the bandage I needed to heal.

“Yes, I will marry you,” she answered.

My heart burst with joy, and a sense of peace and balance was returned to me.

“Thank you, Beauty.” I leaned forward, careful not to hurt her, and brushed my lips against hers. Then, buried my head in her lap. The emotional weight of the past two days finally hit me. I needed a minute to chill, and breathe her in. My daughter slept soundly in her incubator. I sought comfort in her warmth, touch, and her irrevocable love.

After a few minutes, the comfortable silence was disturbed by a cacophony of heavy boots and wallet chains.
The boys
. I got to my feet and yanked the door open, stepping out into the hallway. “Ssshh.” I held my finger to my lips. “Sounds like a fucking stampede coming down the hallway.”

The boys smiled, and Cindy’s mouth fell open. “Don’t even tell me you’re going to be one of
those
dads,” she said, using her fingers to quote her words.

“My daughter’s sleeping.” The words fell out of my mouth in warning. I appreciated the company, but the last thing I wanted was a cranky Bella and pissed off Gia.

“Aye, let’s give him a dose,” Woody addressed the group.

“Seriously, how is she?” Cindy asked, grabbing hold of my arm.

“Want to go in and visit with her and Bella? I’m going to talk to the guys for a few minutes. Let her know I’ll be right in.”

She nodded and walked into the room with a handful of gifts for Gia and the baby. I motioned the guys to follow me into the lounge two doors over. I took a seat and they pulled up a few chairs, forming a semi-circle. Jake spoke first. “How is she, and how are you?”

“I don’t know about mentally, but physically, she’ll heal. It’s been a rough forty-eight hours.” I blew out a long breath, trying to dispel some of my own anxiety. I felt burned out. My clothes added to the weight of a crumbling building.

“No doubt. Fucking crazy day yesterday. Totally fucked up, but she’s a strong girl. You know that. Plus, she has support…you…us. We’ll deal with it like we do everything else…like a family. What can we do for you? What do you need?” Ender’s eyes held back so many emotions. God, I was holding back with everything I had…trying to be the strength and rock she needed.

“Fuck yeah…family. We rally in bad times and rock the good. Anything you guys need and we’re there, bro. Now let’s go meet our niece,” Jake said, leaning forward. “It’s given us all something to think about. Fucking life…you just never know and shit. Some scary fucking shit yesterday.” He shook his head to himself. He had no fucking clue. None of them did.

I hung my head, not wanting to meet their eyes, even though they’d never judge. “I’d give anything to get high right now.” There…I said it, but it was like all the air was sucked out of the room. “I won’t. But I want to—bad.”

Woody remained silent, but there was sympathy in his eyes. He knew how I struggled. He was the one I spoke to on tough days.
Today is a tough fucking day
.

“Not good, bro,” Ender said immediately.

“What can we do?” Jake exhaled, running his finger over his hair.

“Just be here for me.” I uttered the words, and then the rest of the Temple of Abel Gunner crumpled. A day’s worth of confusion, pain, anger, and fear—a turbine of emotions. Hot tears rolled down my face, and I tried to swallow past the knot in my throat. “She’s just…everything to me, and I almost lost her.” It felt like someone sat on my chest and I rubbed the ache. “Fuck, I’m a mess.” The darkness was there…always there. My demons rose to the surface, pushing…taking…pushing…taking.

Woody, at my side, squeezed my shoulder. “Let it out, mate. Keepin’ shite bottled up…it’s no good for anyone.”

Ender offered me a bottled water and a solid clap on the back. “Thanks man.” I guzzled half the bottle, and little by little, the knot began to loosen.

“You have many blessings to be thankful for, man. You have a daughter, and Gia did survive. Don’t go fucking things up. The regret will eat you alive.” Jake’s voice came out edged with concern. He had a right to be concerned. They all did. Fuck, I was concerned.

My head was really fucked up, and I needed to fight harder for some kind of control. I needed Beauty. We both fought our demons. But she was the steady low light. She spread calm light through me. For them, I would try. I dried my eyes with my sleeve and stood. “You’re right. Let’s go meet my daughter.”