August 9th (15 page)

Dear Tess,

I apologize for last year’s letter. I was consumed with self-pity, guilt and loneliness that was probably obvious from what and how I wrote. My life will never be the same without Maggie but I’ve finally tried to move forward.

The sale of the business was finalized last September for $842 million. The money I made is crazy and most of my profits have been endowed to what has been renamed the Margaret Brewster Autism School. Even though Caroline is only twenty-two she has agreed to oversee the foundation and disburse the proceeds from our $200 million endowment on an annual basis. I trust her, more than anyone in the world, and I know she’ll do a wonderful job helping the cause her mother felt most passionate about. This is the same school Ben attended but now the school will double in size and eligibility will be based on a child’s needs and not their parent’s ability
to pay. No child will ever be turned away for financial reasons.

Getting back to the sale of Utonica, the timing of the sale might have been near perfect. We had many offers but kept waiting because the offers kept going up. Soon after we sold, the landscape of the dotcom world changed dramatically. Gone are the days of merely trying to aggregate millions of users without any idea how you’re going to make money. What’s that old saying, “Better to be lucky than good.”

Living in our home is hauntingly depressing and terribly lonely and I’ve contemplated a move back to the LA area. However, before that could happen I had three issues to resolve. First and foremost, Ben and his future, secondly, Caroline and what she intends to do and where, and finally, how could we keep my dear friend Sarah a part of our family.

I struggled and struggled with the best outcome for Ben and tried to gather as much current information as possible before making a decision. This included many hours of reading through the latest research and personal visits to a half dozen of the leading autism schools and facilities. Unfortunately there still isn’t much that’s new except for one very important statistic that did help me make an informed decision. The latest research estimates only about 5% of autistic adults live completely independently.

After lengthy discussions with Caroline we agreed the best solution would be to keep Ben in a school environment for at least several more years. We struggled
with whether we were just kicking the can down the road and then concluded that wasn’t relevant. The question then became whether to keep him at his old school or place him somewhere else. Before that decision could be made I had Caroline and Sarah to consider. Now with her law degree from Harvard Caroline has decided to take the California Bar. She also has responsibilities at the autism school that requires her to spend time in the Bay area, but her longtime boyfriend Reed is now practicing environmental law in LA and she wants to be close to him. They’re thinking Santa Monica.

Finally, decisions were made. First I wouldn’t sell our home. There really was no reason to sell it. After discussions with Ben’s teachers and therapists we realized UCLA has a wonderful autistic program that would fulfill Ben’s needs if I decided to move back to LA. Then Caroline and I had dinner with Sarah and her family to discuss our plans and how we could include her. Collectively we came up with a very creative solution. First, Sarah keeps her key to our Mountain View home and continues to maintain it. Secondly, Sarah will fly down to LA twice a month to help me. Basically, Sarah is now a fulltime employee and all her expenses will be covered. After resolving my three issues and with a great new opportunity my decision became easy.

I packed up and moved back to Southern California in February. Caroline helped me pick out a much bigger house than I need in Pacific Palisades on a bluff overlooking the ocean with a spectacular view of the Pacific. The best part of the house is it’s only a few miles
from Caroline, who, with a little help from dad, bought a condo in Santa Monica close to Maggie’s parents. My new house is also close to my new job and Ben’s new school.

Oh, I almost forget my great new opportunity. I’m back at my alma mater, UCLA, teaching, if you can believe it. I’ve been called a lot of things before but never Professor. Apparently the administration didn’t want to overload me and felt two classes were enough for me to handle. The first, “Business Outside the Box” is an undergraduate course held in a large theater like room that seats about 250 students. Because the three hour class forces the students to endure my lecturing for too long, I’ve introduced some of the latest high-tech gadgets to keep them interested and awake. My second class is for grad students, “Morality in Today’s Business.” The twenty-four students get a chance to participate in fascinating discussions that I probably enjoy more than they do.

It’s such a joy to be back in the academic world surrounded by bright, alive, inquisitive young people. The energy on campus is so infectious and the diversity among students is much greater than it was when I was a student here. I look forward to every day, every class and am grateful for the opportunity. I’m not sure I’ve ever told you this but I contemplated becoming a teacher before I went to Stanford to get my MBA. Now I wonder if I made the right decision.

Ben is comfortably enrolled in the UCLA autistic program and I take him to class and pick him up every
day. I’ve also been very lucky to find one of the special need teachers who needed a little financial help. Tony is now our 24 year old live in helper. I give him free rent in our guest house plus a salary. With Sarah flying down Monday mornings through Friday afternoons twice a month, Caroline close by and both sets of grandparents visiting regularly, Ben has stability in his life and our house is much more a home.

There’s another positive change in my life. Besides teaching I’ve also started to exercise—a lot. Not the token time I spent at the Company gym up north but a serious 2 hours a day, six days a week. It’s another activity I gave up for business and another big mistake. My routine now consists of at least an hour of hard cardio a day combined with weights and yoga. Caroline jokes she wants me to do the Malibu triathlon with her next year. Maybe that will be my goal. I could swim in my pool at the house but the Olympic size pool at UCLA and their Masters program is much more inviting. What’s important is that I feel better physically than I have in many, many years. One of these days I hope to have grandkids to spoil and I want to be around to see them grow-up.

I hope with all my heart that this world finds you healthy and happy. So much in my life has changed but you remain wondrously clear and timelessly beautiful.

Dear Tess,

After 9/11 our world will never be the same. Terrorism has become a real threat to world peace. Stopping these madmen, who are suicidal religious extremists, must be our security focus if we’re to avoid other catastrophes.

It’s great to be back in LA and everyone seems to have adjusted well. Most importantly, Ben seems to be thriving is his new environment. Tony has been a great help and, by accident, identified an exceptional artistic skill of Ben’s. Tony’s hobby is painting abstract seascapes and while he was painting the ocean from our backyard view he handed Ben a brush and a canvas on an easel. The result was a seascape unlike anything Tony or Caroline or I had ever seen. Now Ben and Tony can often be found painting alongside one another.

I would have thought we would have identified this talent earlier but then Ben never had the spectacular view of the
Pacific we have from our backyard. I’ve had a half dozen of his paintings framed and besides those hanging on our walls, Caroline and the grandparents each have a beautiful signed seascape from Ben on their walls. When Ben first saw the paintings framed and hanging on our walls his face lit up with a sense of pride that brought me to tears.

As she has all her life, Caroline continues to amaze me. She passed the Bar and has assumed her leadership role of the autism school up North. She’s also doing pro-bono work for a local law firm and is teaching a philosophy class at Santa Monica Community College. I can’t believe how accomplished she is at twenty-three. Reed is now her live-in fiancé and they make a wonderful couple although she seems too young to get married. But, I’ve thought she was too young to do all sorts of things in her life and have been proven wrong each and every time.

I love teaching and my classes always seem to fill up quickly so I guess the students enjoy them, too. It’s a very different way to change the world but possibly even more satisfying than building a new product or company. I tell Caroline she helped prepare me for teaching because no one asks better questions.

I didn’t do my first scheduled triathlon because I pulled a hamstring running but this year it’s going to happen. At fifty-one I might be the in the best shape of my life and want to take advantage of being at the younger end of my age bracket. I now have a core group of friends who are as passionate as I am about training and it makes a big difference to have their company
and support considering we train 2-4 hours a day. Exercise might be life’s only positive addiction. My diet’s improved, I sleep better and my doctor says I’m healthier than ever, but then again he’s also one of my training partners.

Everybody keeps trying to fix me up but I haven’t had the desire. I know this is corny but I always thought Maggie would be the only woman I would ever be with. Maybe someday I’ll want female companionship but right now my life is very complete.

Sarah, bless her wonderful heart, has retired at eighty-one. She was with us for eighteen years and from the very first year has been part of our family. It was too ambitious of me to think she could continue to fly down here twice a month. It was just too much and in hindsight I felt badly that I even asked her. Caroline, Rick, Ben and I flew up to the Bay area to host a special retirement dinner for her. There were twenty-six of us, including her family and friends, and it was a wonderful tribute to a remarkable woman. For all the help and joy she’s given us it was the least we could do to make sure she’ll be comfortable for the rest of her life. I took a wonderfully touching photo of her being hugged by Ben and Caroline. One can never be reminded too often that happiness always comes back to the people in our lives.

Tess, I am forever grateful that I’ve been able to share so much with you.