Anywhere But Here (11 page)

“And I said no, so go back inside or get lost.” The girl’s voice came out strong, not the least bit frightened, but the situation still had my stomach churning. Unsure of what we should do, I looked at Trinity. She didn’t seem any surer.

“Don’t be like that,” a second male voice was added to the mix. He sounded less drunk and more threatening, ratcheting up my unease. “We’ll make it worth your while.”

“No,” she spit, and then hollered. “Ow! Get your damn hands off me.” The sounds of feet scuffling over gravel followed and then a cry.

I turned to Trinity. “Do you have your phone?” She nodded. “Good, if this doesn’t work, call someone and then run back inside and get a couple of those big ass, scary bouncers.” And then I darted into the alley, shouting.

“Hey! Leave her alone!” I came upon two burly guys overpowering the blonde dancer in red. She had more clothes on now, but it looked as if the guys were trying to do something about that. At my intrusion everything stopped and they jerked around to take me in.  Not finding me a threat, they brushed me off with a sneer. “Get lost bitch, unless you want to join us.”

“I suggest you get lost, because my friend is already calling the cops.” I bluffed, although all I had to do was let out a scream and I was sure she would.

The guys laughed off my warning. “Like the cops give a shit about some whore who was asking for it.” At their insult the blonde started struggling and hitting one of them.

“I’m not a fucking whore you stupid pig.”

The guy with a hold on her, shook her violently as she tried to free herself and then he shoved her down on the ground.

“Hey!” I yelled again. “You might not care about the cops, but in about five seconds the bouncers are going to start spilling out that back door, and they’re definitely going to give a shit about a couple of guys roughing up one of their girls.” I hoped Trinity was listening and running inside, because this was going downhill fast.

“You’re bluffing,” the one closest to me accused, but I could see he was actually nervous now. His eyes shifted to the back door.

“No I’m not, I sent my friend inside to get help before I came back here.”

“Fucking cunt,” the other one spit. “You should have just stayed the fuck out of it.”

“And you should have listened when she said no,” I fired back.

“Bitch like her doesn’t even know what no means. She was asking for it.”

Wrong thing for him to say, because Blondie kicked out with her heel and caught him in the upper thigh. He stumbled back, cursing, and then she was up, swinging her purse at his face. “No means no you worthless piece of shit.”

He caught her purse and then caught her across the face with a backhand that sent her sprawling. I gasped and then ran forward when he kicked out with his foot. His buddy grabbed him by the shoulder.

“Come on man, let’s just get out of here.”

Blondie grabbed a handful of gravel and flung it up at them. They both cursed and ducked as she struggled to her feet. The one guy was still trying to drag his drunker friend away, but he was growing more enraged by the second, yelling at her. She started flailing her arms, scratching and slapping at him, and right about the time he grabbed hold of her again, I reached them and jumped on the asshole’s back, locking my arms around his throat in a tight choke hold.

He coughed and gasped and tried to fling me off, but he released blondie and she started screaming and throwing rocks at the other guy. Then the back door bust open and Luke, followed by two more of the bouncer fellas and Trinity spilled out into the alleyway. The one guy, deciding not to wait for his buddy, took off. One of the bouncers–we’ll call him Muscles–chased after him. I still had my arms around the asshole’s neck, despite his efforts to throw me off and loosen my grip. He crashed to his knees and still I held on until he slumped forward.

I let go and stepped back, a little wobbly. I was impressed with myself that I’d been able to hang on as long as I had, especially since he’d gotten one good shot in during all of his flailing. My cheek smarted.

Bartender Luke, his hulky friend and Trinity stood staring at me and Blondie. I don’t think they were entirely sure of what to make of the situation.

“Just in time boys,” Blondie strutted over. “Maybe you can do something with this garbage now that Wonder Woman knocked his ass out.”

Her words spurred the guys into action. Luke nodded at Hulk, and Hulk moved to grab the drunk and now passed out asshole up off the ground. Luke stalked toward Blondie aggressively. “What the hell were you doing out here by yourself Cici?”

Oh, he was mad, and Blondie’s name was apparently Cici.

“Going to my car, asshole!”

“You know you’re supposed to have one of the guys walk you out.”

They started arguing and I just looked at Trinity like it was a good time for us to get away. I didn’t make it two feet though before Luke called out, “Hey!”

I turned.

“You sure you don’t want a job? I’m thinking we could make you our new head of security.” His mouth quirked up in a faint grin.

“Nah, I think I’m going to get a cape and a mask and go free agent.”

He chuckled and then all humor faded. “Thank you for jumping in tonight, but you really shouldn’t make it a habit. You could have gotten yourself into serious trouble.”

I acknowledged his warning with a nod. I had no plans of going out in search of more back alley fights, but I hadn’t exactly sought this one out either. We’d stumbled upon it and instinct had demanded I do something. Or maybe it was the alcohol that insisted I walk into the dark alley and jump in the fight. Yeah, now that I actually took a second to think about it, I was pretty sure it was the alcohol. I was really damn lucky it ended like it did. Hulk was scraping the asshole off the ground and Muscles was dragging the runner back by his collar.

“How do you like it?” Cici shouted just before landing a well placed kick between the legs of the guy Hulk was picking up. He grunted awake and then started howling in pain.

“I think it might be a good time to call it a night,” I admitted, noting how on edge Trinity still looked.

“Uh, about that,” she hesitated, a few steps behind me as I made my way to the mouth of the alley. “I might have done something that you’re really not going to like.”

I spun around. “What did you do?” I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I really, really wasn’t going to like it.”

“I called my brother.”

“What?” I shrieked.

She grimaced. “I’m sorry.”

“Why the hell did you do that?”

“Because! You ran into the alley like a crazy person and I was scared.”

“That’s why I told you to go inside and get help!”

“I know, but I was freaked out. I didn’t know if the cops were going to get called or what was going to happen. When I’m in trouble, I call him. I always have.”

Yeah, and big brother would come running in a hurry, which meant I needed to get the hell away from here like now, but I couldn’t leave Trinity standing around by herself.

“Come on.” I grabbed her arm and started dragging her out of the alley. I could leave her at the entrance to wait with the bouncers and then hightail it away from here to request a car.

“Hold up!” Cici shouted after us, the clicking of her heels coming closer.

“Fuck Ci, you need to get your ass back inside!” Luke’s voice bellowed after her. He was standing over the other two who had the assholes pinned against the back of the building, waiting for some kind of order from Luke.

“Calm your tits, I’ll just be a minute!” She skittered to a stop in front of us. “I’m Cici, and ya’ll saved my ass big time tonight. I didn’t want to let you leave without saying thank you. There’re a lot of people who think stripper and hooker are synonymous. Most wouldn’t have stepped in like you did.”

“It’s not a big deal. I was just trying to distract them long enough for Trinity to grab help, and I’m Shae by the way.”

“Well, I’ll make sure everyone knows you two have free drinks for life, and lap dances if you’re into that.”

I couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped. “I think the drinks will be fine.” Not that I was planning any return visits already.

“Well you two have a good night. I gotta get out of here so they can beat the shit out of those two pricks without offending my delicate feminine sensitivities, but if you ever want another side kick, maybe I’ll take kung fu or some shit and then we can be three bad ass bitches.”

I liked this chick a lot. “Have a good night, and let Muscles and Hulk walk you to your car next time.”

She laughed. “Muscles and Hulk. They’ll like that.”

We parted, but it wasn’t quick enough. We’d only just made it out of the alley when a silver car came to a screeching stop at the curb.

“Oh shit. It’s my brother.”

Fuck me.

Kellen

April 30

Present . . .

Midnight on a Saturday night, pulling up to a strip joint. It had the potential to be the start of a very good night. Unless you were there to pick up your little sister and your ex-girlfriend who got mixed up in some back alley deal or fight club. Trin hung up before I could get anything more out of her besides the name of the place and that Shae was in trouble. I hauled ass over here in her damn car, not sure what I was going to find, if they were going to need a ride home, or to the hospital or what the fuck was going on.

What the hell were those two thinking? Right after I made sure they were alright, and that no motherfuckers had laid a hand on either one of them, we were having words. Mostly me and Shae, because this mess had her name all over it. Yet, I couldn’t ignore the guilty feeling that whatever went down tonight, if Shae had done something crazy, I was partly responsible.

Even if she wasn’t still the girl I loved, I never wanted her to see me with Cammie. That shit should not have happened. I hurt her. Again. The look on her face tonight when she watched Cammie hop off the back of my bike was the same one from that night, and it affected me every bit as much as it had back then. I’d wished for a black hole to appear and swallow me up, and Cammie too. That would have been better than seeing the painful reminder on Shae’s face of my betrayal and the night I earned the world’s greatest asshole award. Tonight, I felt like I should bring it out and dust it off.

The last thing I wanted to do was face her again with Cammie still on my skin, but here I was, and I needed to get my shit under control, because when I pulled up the to the curb, ready to leap from the car and go find my sister, the two of them emerged from the alley. I climbed from behind the wheel, scanning the street around them and straining to see into the alley behind them. There were voices but no sign of trouble, so I shifted my gaze back to Trinity and Shae who had frozen in their tracks.

My sister looked nervous as hell and Shae wouldn’t look at me at all. It was probably a good thing, given that her in that dress was a sight my eyes couldn’t ignore. For just a second the angry, possessive neanderthal in me reared his head, screaming
mine
and that no one else should be allowed to lay eyes on her looking so unbelievably fuckable. He wanted me to toss her over my shoulder and drag her back to my place.

It took a moment to remind him that she wasn’t ours anymore, and she most certainly wouldn’t appreciate being laid out in the sheets I’d had Cammie spread in earlier. No matter how good she looked, she wasn’t for me. I forced my eyes up and away from her tempting curves and long bare legs, wiping my expression of any trace of attraction.

The two of them were arguing in hushed voices. Shae was shaking her head and refusing something. I could guess, but I didn’t have time for this shit now that I knew they were alright. I wanted to know what the hell had happened and then I wanted to get my sister home and Shae far away from me.

I reached inside for the keys, shutting off the engine and tugging them from the ignition. They both looked my way when I slammed the door shut and approached. “One of you want to tell me what my ass is doing here?”

Shae’s face hardened and, without saying a word, she let her eyes do the talking. She was not happy I was here, and she didn’t plan to stick around. She clipped out a soft goodbye to my sister and then turned on her heels. With a few quick strides, I cut off her escape.

“I don’t think so sweetheart. You’re not going anywhere until I get a damn explanation, and then I’ll drive your ass home, but I’m not leaving you on the street by yourself.”

“Your sister called you. She can explain. I’m getting myself home,” she said tightly.

“The hell you are. Whatever happened tonight, leaving you to fend for yourself is just asking for more trouble. So you can get your ass in the car, or I can put your ass in the car.”

“You touch me and you’re going to find out again just how well I can fend for myself,” she challenged. “You wouldn’t be the first to mistake me for helpless tonight.”

The neanderthal raged at the implication that someone else had thought he could put his hands on her, but he also liked the fire he was seeing in her. He wanted to play with it, and watch it burn. He was too fucking excitable around this girl. If I didn’t rein that shit in, I was going to be the one in trouble. Ignoring the warning that said I should just step back and let her go, I did the opposite. What little space there was between us, disappeared in one step and then I leaned in close, realizing what a mistake it was when the familiar scent of vanilla and something lightly citrusy hit me. In another lifetime, it was my favorite scent, one I’d tried to recreate with stupid scented candles long after she wasn’t around anymore, but I’d never been able to get it quite right.

Pretending the smell of her didn’t do funny things to me and knock me backwards into the past, I shook it off. I suppressed a smirk and met her challenging stare with my own. “You think you can take me?”

“Please stop this you two.” Trin grabbed my elbow and I let her pull me back a few inches. “Shae, just let us give you a ride home,” she pleaded.

She pulled her angry gaze from me, softening it as she turned to my sister. She shook her head softly. “Have a good night Trin. I’m going to wait for a car inside. I’ll talk to you later.” Without another second’s hesitation, she left us standing there and hurried off in the other direction.

I went to stop her, but Trin squeezed my arm. “Just let her go. She’ll be fine.”

Of course she would be, because no matter what life threw at her, she always was. She brushed off the hits and kept on going like she was unbreakable. But that was only on the outside. I knew that underneath the entire tough as nails shit, that girl felt more than she let anyone see. She felt everything deeper and stronger, the good and the bad, so I guess it shouldn’t come as any surprise that her hate and anger ran so hot too.

“You’ve done enough tonight, Kell,” she murmured.

My eyes flashed from Shae’s retreating back to my sister. “You know I wasn’t trying to throw it in her face. How was I supposed to know she was going to be outside the apartment with you at the exact time I showed up with Cammie?”

She gave her head a sad shake and then made for the car. I climbed behind the wheel, shutting my door a little harder than necessary. “I didn’t mean to hurt her Trin,” I clipped out.

Her seat belt clicked and then she looked up at me. “When? Tonight or back then?” Her harsh tone implied she was still blaming me for both.

“Stop it, Trin. You of all people know I never wanted to hurt her. Ever. Not back then, and not tonight, but I can’t change what happened earlier anymore than I can go back in time and fix the past.”

“But why the hell were you even with Cammie tonight? You told me you were done with her months ago. So if it wasn’t about Shae, then why?”

Good question. I thought I
was
done with Cammie.

We hadn’t seen each other in years, until one day she came into the shop not long after I opened it. Somehow that led to drinks, and drinks led to me waking up in her bed the next morning. It happened a few more times over the following months until we were each other’s go to when we needed a wild night with no attachments. Sometimes a couple months would go by in between our hookups. She’d be seeing someone else, or I would, but I always ended up back in her bed or with her in mine. I don’t even know why, or I guess I just didn’t like to think about why, because I was pretty sure it had to do with some sick need to keep punishing myself and her over what happened that night I wished I could take back. I couldn’t, so instead I kept reliving it, taking my anger out on her by fucking her ruthlessly, and then waking up sated but disgusted with myself.

Six months ago, I’d finally put a stop to it. I’d realized it was more than that for Cammie, that she was getting attached, but I’d never see her as anything but an ugly mistake. I needed to let go of the past and let us both move on. No more punishing myself or trying to hang on to some connection to Shae, because that’s what it came down to. The need to punish myself, the reason I kept going back to Cammie and not someone else. It all came back to Shae. So I let go. I told myself no more. I told Cammie no more. I even thought about covering up the painting in the shop. I just hadn’t been able to bring myself to go that far yet, and then yesterday . . . I don’t know what the fuck happened, but arguing with Shae, seeing once again just how cold she was and unwilling or unable to forgive . . . it fucked with me. I could deny it all I wanted, but the truth was I craved her forgiveness.

I’d accepted a long time ago I’d probably never get it in person, but I allowed myself to get past it by believing she had probably moved on too. She’d no doubt found a better life without me. Then she showed up here and blew all that to hell. She wasn’t the girl I remembered; she was nothing like her, and I was responsible. I’d turned her into this, and I was fucking sorry. I’d spent the last seven years being fucking sorry for mistakes we made when we were kids. Wasn’t that enough? Not to her. She wanted me to keep on being sorry, to be as miserable and bitter as she was.

So yeah, when Cammie texted me yesterday, as if she knew I was all sorts of screwed in the head over Shae and having a weak moment, I fell back into that old habit of trying to bury it in her, to fuck out the anger, guilt and frustration. And it backfired, in a big way.

“I don’t know, Trin. I don’t fucking know. Seeing Shae, yeah it’s screwing with me. She hates me and I can’t even blame her, but I want to. It’s been seven damn years. Isn’t that long enough? Haven’t I felt guilty long enough? Why can’t she let us both close the door on it?”

“Maybe if you told her the truth, told her why you did what you did, then maybe she could. The way she left, neither one of you got the closure you needed or the chance to make it right and say any of the things you should have said. Now that she’s back, I think it’s bringing up a lot for her too, like you’ve both been stuck in limbo all this time.”

“I don’t think it would do any good, Trin. I don’t think it would make a difference.” I doubted any excuse or explanation would mean much to her after all this time.

“I think it would. At the very least, she deserves to know. I think you owe her that much, and I think you owe it to yourself, because you’re right. You’ve felt guilty long enough. More than your share of the guilt. She needs to know that, for your sake and hers.”

“After tonight, I doubt she’d believe the truth.”

“Try anyway. Who knows how long she plans on staying. It would be good for both of you if when she left this time nothing was unresolved.”

I hated when Trin was right, and unfortunately that was most of the time. Even at twenty-one she carried more wisdom and insight than most, but I guess that tends to happen when you’ve spent so much of your life watching everyone around you screw up, determined not to follow.

Lost in my head, trying to figure out how I would even begin to explain things to Shae if I did want to come clean, the silence stretched out until I was turning into the parking lot of our building. Rather than pull her car into its spot, I slowed in front of the entrance, coming to a stop so Trinity could get out.

“You going somewhere?”

“No time like the present, right?”

She gave a slight nod.

“Besides, at the very least, I want to make sure she made it home alive.”

Trinity started to climb from the car, but before she closed the door, she ducked her head back down. “Can you answer one thing for me, honestly?”

“Shoot.”

“Do you still lover her?”

I snorted a dry laugh. “What the hell, Trin? Are you really asking me that?”

“I am. You haven’t had a serious relationship since her.”

“Or before her, so really this isn’t anything new for me.”

“That’s exactly my point though. She’s the only one, brother. You painted her on the wall of your shop, and you marked your body–”

“Okay, I’m seeing your point,” I stopped her. I didn’t need to be reminded of the ink on my chest. “But that’s a very complicated question, Trin.”

“No, it’s not. Either you’re still in love with her, or you’re not. So which is it?”

I exhaled tiredly. “Maybe a bit of both. I don’t think I ever really stopped loving her, but that girl left, and this one that’s come back . . . I don’t even know her, but she’s sure as hell not the same, so it feels a lot like loving a ghost.”

“Yeah, I thought that too, but I think you’d be surprised how much of the old Shae is still in there, under all that hurt and anger. I only spent one day with her, and I can see it.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t see the way she left her mom standing out on the street. It was cold.”

“Sometimes the people closest to us, the ones we love the most, are the hardest to forgive.”

I let out another laugh. “Why do I get the feeling you’re not just talking about her mom?”

She shrugged, but it was all there in her eyes, no different than seven years ago when she believed in fairy tale bullshit, and love conquering all, and me sweeping Shae off her feet and carrying her off into the sunset for our happily ever after.