And I Love Her (9 page)

She pressed her face close to mine. “I love having you in my life. You make everything so much easier.”

Then stay with me. Please stay.

Her arms moved around my neck and she held me close. Her breathing started to decrease as she regained her composure. I held her steady, knowing I could do this all day.

Thirty minutes later, she fell asleep in my arms. Her arms went limp around my neck and she sighed peacefully. I carried her to the bed and tucked her in. It amazed me how light she was. She stirred when I pulled the covers over her but she didn’t wake. After a gentle kiss on the forehead, I went downstairs.

Jeremy was still on his computer when I took my seat. He closed his computer than looked at me. He leaned back in his chair and rested his hands in his lap. I knew he was going to say something so I patiently waited.

“You two don’t act like this arrangement is just fake or temporary.”

And what did that mean?
Jeremy should play poker because he’d be pretty damn good at manipulating his opponent. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“My sister is a strong woman. Everyone thinks she’s happy and carefree. But that’s because they believe the show she puts on. With me, she’s different. She reveals
every vulnerability and every tear. I know exactly what she’s thinking, and she’s never been that way with anyone else—but you.”

I processed his words, trying to gather his meaning.

“She doesn’t need me to take care of her anymore.”

“Then who will?”

“You.”

I wish.
“I’ll never replace you.”

“That’s not what I said. Now she has a partner to love for the rest of her life, who will protect her with his life, and make sure every day is filled with her laughter. I won’t be the father and mother she needs. You will. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I never understand what you’re saying, Jer.”

He smiled. “She’s in love with you.”

What? She is? I think I would I know if she were.
“She’s not.”

“I know her pretty well.”

That was too good to be true. It would make me the happiest man in the world if she were.

“Cash, tell her how you feel.”

“But what if she doesn’t feel the same way?”

“She does,” he said firmly.

“Did she say that?”

“No,” Jeremy said. “But she doesn’t need to say it.”

“And what if you’re wrong? What if I put myself out there, and she rejects me? She’ll push me away, she won’t marry me, and I’ll lose her forever. It’s not worth the risk.”

“So you’re a coward?”

“No,” I snapped. “I know her pretty damn well. For argument’s sake, let’s say she does love me. Do you think she’d fall into a relationship with me, or she’d run away, overwhelmed with the idea of being hurt again? She’s not ready for that.”

Jeremy rubbed his chin. “She runs to you for everything. I think she is ready.”

“You’re wrong.”

Jeremy stared me down.

I couldn’t stand the rejection if she didn’t feel the same way. And I couldn’t stand it if she left. “Jeremy, I need a favor.”

“And what would that be?”

“I want you to talk to her. Ask her how she feels about me.”

“Then tell you what she confided in me in confidence?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve done things I’m not proud of—a lot of things, but there are lines I won’t cross. Prudence is the only woman in my life who will love me unconditionally. I would never betray her trust. I’m sorry.”

Damn. But I can’t say I’m surprised.

“But I can do something else for you.”

“I’m listening.”

“I can talk to her, and convince her to
tell you how she feels.”

That could work.
“I’d be eternally grateful.”

He nodded.

“And you can tell her how I feel about her—if she admits she loves me first.”

“I have your permission?” Jeremy asked.

“Yes. Please tell her.” I felt like a teenager in high school. Never in my life had I been so afraid to be blunt.

“Okay.” He sipped his scotch then stared at the table.

My heart was throbbing in my chest. Jeremy knew Prudence really well, had pretty much raised her. If he said she loved me, maybe she did. And that gave me hope. But hope could be a deadly thing. If he spoke to her and she denied his claim, I’d be in even more pain than I was now.

Jeremy poured another glass and slid it to me across the table. “By the way, these walls are pretty thin…”

Shit. He heard us.

“Just keep it down.”

Damn it, Prudence.

Chapter Eleven

♬

Prudence Clearwater

When I woke up from my nap, Cash wasn’t there. And I hated waking up without him. I washed my face and changed before I went on my manhunt. Downstairs, Cash and Jeremy were drinking at the table.

Were they best friends now?

“You spend more time with my brother than with me.” I came beside Cash and placed my hand on his shoulder.

Cash looked up at me. “Well, he does drink scotch.”

I grabbed his glass and downed it. “I do too.”

He smiled. “I think someone is jealous…”

“I don’t like waking up without you next to me.”

Cash glanced at Jeremy and they shared a look.

“What?” I asked.

Cash pulled me into his lap. “Do you feel better?”

“I guess. I’ll never stop hating him.”

He tugged my shirt over my shoulder and gave me a gentle kiss on the skin. I loved it when he did this. It was intimate and tender.

Jeremy cleared his throat. “I should have brought this up before but I’ll bring it up now.”

What?

“Gavin and Desi
kept in touch with me, wondering where you were. Since I didn’t know where you were, they shared the same fear I did. Now that you’re back on the map, I suggest you call them.”

D
amn. I was totally selfish and forgot.
They must have been so worried. Then another fear came to mind. “Did you tell them about my success?”

“No. I assumed you’d want to share the news yourself.”

I nodded. “I’ll see them tomorrow.”

Cash studied my face. “I’ll come.”

“Why?” I asked. “I’ll only be gone for a few hours.”

“They are your friends. I’d still like to see them.”

I eyed him suspiciously. “Is this about Gavin? Seriously? What are you worried about? I’m marrying you.”

Cash smirked. “Then can’t I come?”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re unbelievable.”

“What’s the big deal? Why don’t you want me to come?”

“I…I don’t know. It might be easier to break the news if you aren’t around.”

He took a deep breath but held back his frustration. “Okay.”

“Besides, wouldn’t you want to spend all day with your new best friend?” I teased.

Jeremy laughed. “You’d think she would be happy we’re getting along.”

“Nope,” Cash said. “She’s jealous I’m going to take her beloved brother away.”

“I’m so not,” I said. “It’s just weird how quickly you clicked.”

“Your brother and I are a lot alike,” Cash said. “It makes sense why you’ve chosen me as your husband.”

I wasn’t following. “What?”

“You tend to pick a partner that’s similar to your father. Since Jeremy raised you, it makes sense why we’re so much alike.”

“That creepy…”

Cash laughed. “You remind me of my mom.”

“
Ew!”

“Hey, my mom was a looker in her day.” He laughed at the horrified expression on my face.

“You look nothing like Jeremy—at all.”

“I didn’t say we were twins.” He rubbed his nose against mine. “Just be happy we get along and stop being jealous. I’m not stealing him away.” He stood up then placed me on the chair. “I’m going to shower.”

“Can I come?” I blurted.

Cash smirked and his face started to tint. He didn’t look at Jeremy before he walked away.

When he was out of earshot, Jeremy grinned at me. “You should stop embarrassing him.”

“It just came out. Get over it.”

“He’s trying to be a gentleman and you’re making that difficult.”

What was he talking about? Did Cash tell him about last night and two times this morning…?
“What?”

“Pru, this house is old. The walls are
n’t very thick.”

Now I understood his meaning. “Sorry.”

“Just keep that in mind.” He opened the newspaper and turned through the pages.

My brother and I didn’t really talk about our personal lives. I knew nothing about Jeremy’s. He had this big house but there was no one to share it with.

“Jer?”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t know anything about your…private life.”

He didn’t look up from the paper. “This isn’t much to tell.”

“There isn’t, or you just don’t want to tell me?”

Jeremy finally put down the paper. “You’ve known me my whole life. There haven’t been any leading ladies. There isn’t anything to share.” He pulled out the sports section and read through it.

Was he gay? He didn’t seem like it. And it didn’t make a difference to me. I’d love him no matter what. But he didn’t seem gay…he was too masculine and quiet. “Jer?”

“Pru?”

“Are you…gay?”

He laughed. “God, no.”

“Then why haven’t you been with anyone?”

He sighed then put down the paper again. “I’ve always been really private about my personal life. I’m a powerful man and prefer to keep those wor
lds separate.”

“But it’s me. You tell me everything. Have you ever been in love?”

He seemed uncomfortable. “I’ve never introduced you to anyone because there’s no one I’m serious with. If that day ever comes, you’ll know she’s a keeper. Until then, I’m pretty quiet.”

Jeremy was
two years older than me, and I found it hard to believe he was a virgin at the age of twenty-five. Highly unlikely. But I’ve never even seen him with a girl. Wasn’t that odd? “Have you ever had a girlfriend?”

Jeremy stared me down. “Why are you interested all of a sudden?”

He was getting defensive. He’d never been that way before. “I’m sorry…I guess I’m a little hurt that I tell you everything and you haven’t told me anything about your personal life.”

I expected him to throw the lies I fed him in my face but he didn’t. My brother was too much of a gentleman to do that. “My desire for privacy has nothing to do with my love for you. Please don’t correlate them.”

The more he hid it from me, the more I wanted to know. But he made it clear it was none of my business. “I’m sorry for asking.”

“It’s okay.”

I wondered if Cash knew…They’d been spending a lot of time together.

“Can I ask you something about Cash?”

Umm…where was this going?
His tone was different. Serious. “Yeah.”

“Are you in love with him?”

Where the hell did that come from?
“Why?”

“Because it seems like you are.”

Fuck. I was so obvious that even my brother noticed.

“Pru, you should tell him how you feel.”

“I’m not in love with him.” It made me sick to lie to my brother again but I couldn’t risk Cash knowing.

He read my mind. “I won’t tell him if you are.”

“I’m not.” I was totally in denial.

Jeremy studied me. “You expect me to believe that? You’re head-over-heels in love with him. I’ve never seen you be so affectionate with someone. Where he goes, you go. How can someone be that attached but have no feelings? It’s not possible, Pru.”

Well, it is for Cash.
He has relationships with women then ends them without ever seeing the girls again. It was normal. And I wasn’t any different. “It is for me. Every relationship I’ve been in was heartbreaking. It’s a relief to be in one that won’t end that way.”

Jeremy crossed his arms over his chest while he looked at me. He was giving me that look he gave when he was weighing his options. I knew he wasn’t buying my story. “Then why did you disappear after you and Cash went separate ways?”

Shit. What explanation would I give?

“You’ve been through a lot of shit, Pru, but you’ve never cut me out before. Whatever got to you was traumatizing.”

I kept my mouth shut, knowing that was the best course of action.

He folded his hands together and rested them on the table. He leaned over, getting closer to me. I felt like I was being interrogated. “This is what I think. Your relationship with Cash ended and he broke your heart. Unable to recover, you pushed away everyone so you could heal your wounded heart. Then you met your record producer and he helped put you back together until you crossed paths with Cash.”
Fuck. Jeremy was too smart for his own good.
“And now you’re back to where you were, living with the man you’re in love with but you’ll never admit it. What do you think is going to happen at the end of this marriage if you don’t tell him the truth? You’re going to get hurt again. And this time, it’ll hurt even more.”

This was one of the rare times where I wished Jeremy weren’t my brother. Since he raised me, it was hard to hide anything from him. He knew my actions and behaviors better than I did.

“Tell him how you feel, Pru. I know you love him.”

If I told Cash, he would leave. And I couldn’t lose him, not yet. So I had to convince my brother he was wrong so he wouldn’t worry about me the entire time. When I hurt, so did my brother. I looked him in the eye and held his gaze. “Jeremy, I’m not in love with him. I’m not.”

He didn’t blink while he stared at me.

“I’m hollow and empty
. I’ll never be committed to someone and I can’t fall in love with anyone. It’s not possible. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Cash and I have the same needs, and we find that solution in each other. You hide your personal life from me but since you’ve never been in a serious relationship, I can only assume you feel the same way. It’s easier to have the least amount of human connection as possible while satisfying your basic needs.” I hoped my speech would dissuade him.

Jeremy’s face was unreadable. He still held my gaze while he replayed my words in his head. Then he slightly nodded. “If your words are true, this relationship sounds perfect for you. But if it’s not and you do love this guy, you should take the risk and tell him how you feel. There’s nothing worse than losing someone when you didn’t have to.”

♫

I was nervous to see my friends. We hadn’t spoken in months and I knew they’d be pissed with the stunt I pulled. And I dreaded telling them about my success in America. I had no idea how they’d take it.

Gavin still had the apartment he lived in during college, so we met at the coffee shop across the street. The neighborhood was filled with college students so it had a relaxed feel to it. Desi and Mason were meeting there as well.

I got there first and took a seat in our usual corner. Gavin and I used to do our homework in the very booth. He’d work on math while I wrote up my labs. He helped me with the equations when I missed a step and got a ridiculous number.

When I sat down, I remembered all the times we had together. If I hadn’t met Isaac, things may have been different. Gavin and I may have gotten together and we’d be happy right now. I’d know how to love and be loved in return. But that was impossible now, especially since I was so happy with Cash.

Gavin walked through the door then dashed to my table when he saw me. His arm
s circled my waist and he held me tightly even though I was still sitting. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” I could hear the sincerity in his voice.

Now I felt even worse. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

He pulled away then took the seat next to me. He immediately grabbed my hand. “Are you okay?”

“Gavin, I’m fine. Nothing bad happened.”

“Did Cash do something?”

“No, not at all.”

He wore a gray t-shirt that was tight on his body. He was more muscular than he’d been before, like he’d been hitting the weights every day. “He seemed pretty scared at the last show.”

I imagined the horror on his face when Desi gave him the note. I didn’t want to think about it. “He’s fine now.”

“You don’t talk to him anymore?” He still held my hand and there was hope in his voice.

“No, I do.”

“Oh.”

I knew exactly what that
oh
meant. “Actually, there’s something I want to tell you…”

Gavin looked scared. “Please don’t tell me you’re pregnant. Did he leave you high and dry?”

“No,” I said immediately. “No.”

“Then what?” He swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Cash and I are getting married.”

Gavin didn’t blink. His hand suddenly felt cold. He dropped mine then rested it on the table. He looked winded. “What?”

“We’re getting married,” I repeated. I showed him the engagement ring on my finger.

Gavin looked like he might be sick. “Well…I’m glad your relationship developed into something more. It’s better than the arrangement you had before.”

This was awkward.
“Actually, we’re only getting married so I can have residency in the U. S. as well as England.”

“Wait. What?”

“The immigration department threatened to kick me out. The only way I could avoid that was by getting married. And Cash offered.”