All for This (32 page)

I lean my head against hers, and she swallows so hard I can hear it. “I only thought everyone would be happier if I married him.”

“Would
you
have been happier?”

She shakes her head. “No. Anyone paying attention would know you’re the one for me. I gave you what I would never give Max—and not just my body. I trusted you like I never trusted him, needed you like I never needed him. I chose him for everyone but myself, but I
wanted
you.”

She doesn’t say any more because I’m kissing her—my mouth open over hers, my hands in her hair, my heart hers to keep.

I want to hold her until there’s nothing in the world but us. I want to chase away the ugliness and protect her from any more hurt. But I know I can’t, so I pour all of my love and hope into this one kiss.

She lifts slightly off the couch, her hand grazing my chest. “I feel empty when you’re gone.”

I cup her face in my hand and kiss her again. She’s so damn sweet and perfect, and I love the feel of her tongue against mine, the way she moans into my mouth when I deepen the kiss.

“Hey now!”

Liz’s voice pulls me from the kiss, and I lift my head to glare at her.

“The doctor very clearly said no shopping, no sports, no
sex
. Orgasms are an even bigger no-no, so stop while you’re ahead.”

I look to Hanna, who nods. “It’s true. No sex until it’s safe for the babies to be born.”

I cock a brow and say, “Looks like Aunt Liz is going to need to do a lot of babysitting so we can make up for lost time after they’re born.”

Hanna smacks me in the chest, but she’s grinning.

“I’d be happy to,” Liz says.

“Me too,” another woman calls. The petite brunette steps into the room and offers me her hand. “I’m Hanna’s oldest sister, Krystal. Nice to meet you.”

I shake her hand and nod. “Nice to meet you too.”

“Krystal lived in Florida for a while,” Hanna explains, “but she just moved back home, and she’s going to run the bakery for me while I’m on bed rest. Then, when the babies are old enough for me to go back, she’s going to run the front for me.”

“I’m tough to replace,” Liz says, “but seeing as how Krystal doesn’t loathe mornings like I do, she might be a better fit.”

One by one, everyone joins us in the living room, talking and laughing around the Christmas tree. After putting Collin to bed upstairs and promising him that Santa will know where to find him, I sit on the couch with Hanna’s head in my lap and her family gathered around us. No wonder she didn’t want to leave this place. It’s warm and loving and comfortable. It’s home.

I
HEAR
the television click off, and when I open my eyes, my head is in Nate’s lap. “Did everyone leave?”

“A couple of hours ago.” He’s watching me, tenderness in his eyes. He tucks a lock of hair behind my ear and strokes my cheek.

“What are you looking at?” I ask quietly.

“My angel. My heart.”

My throat grows thick. “I love you.” Tears spill onto my cheeks as his hand settles on my belly. “I love you so much.”

“Let me live here with you.”

“You don’t have to do that. We’ll make it work. Somehow.” I swallow. “Like you said, we’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah, but I’m a selfish bastard who gets what he wants. I want to live here with you. I want to marry you and raise these babies by your side.” He traces my lips with his thumb. “I want to make love to you every night and cook for you. Say yes,” he says softly, and his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard. “Say you’ll marry me and be my family.”

My chest aches with hope and happiness and…guilt. “What about Collin?”

He looks to the stairs then back at me. “He likes the room he’s sleeping in tonight, though, to be fair, it won’t look nearly so tidy when we move his toys in.” He smiles. “Vivian doesn’t want to raise him in LA, so I’ve asked her to raise him here.”

“And she agreed?”

He shrugs. “Not at first—she really is very jealous of you—but Drake talked her into it. Collin loves it here. He loves seeing Asher and playing by the river. She knows it would be good for him. She’s going to start looking to relocate to Indiana after the holidays.”

“Wow. That’s amazing.”

“You still haven’t answered me, woman.”

I grin. “I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t rush into any engagements until after the babies are born. But you have my permission to ask again then.”

“That’s fine,” he says. He presses a kiss to my ear then whispers, “As long as you’re planning on saying yes.”

M
EREDITH CLOSES
Claire’s bedroom door softly behind her as she joins me in the living room. She’s dressed for work in a tight black skirt and bright-colored, cleavage-showing sweater. Her hair is styled sleek and smooth, and her makeup is applied with its usual attention. But she looks tired. Drained.

The emotional exhaustion I see in her eyes slingshots me back to our teenage years, when she hid her hurt from the world and I thought I could save her.

“Come here,” I whisper, opening my arms.

Her face crumples and she runs into my arms and buries her face in my chest. She wraps her arms tightly around my back, and I can’t tell if she’s crying or just breathing me in.

I run my hand over her hair and sigh. “I’m sorry I accused you of pushing Hanna. When I think of someone trying to hurt her, I lose my mind a little.”

She pulls out of my arms and looks at the floor. Her tears left smudges of eye makeup under her eyes. “I kind of earned it by being such a bitch. I just couldn’t accept that you’d rather be with her than me.”

I tilt her chin up so she’s looking at me. “And you’d rather be with William Bailey than with me.” When she flinches, I add, “What if I told you we could be together and the next day Will said
he
wanted to be with you. Be honest here, Mer. You’d drop me in a second.” She doesn’t deny it, and I sigh and pull her against my chest again. “You deserve to be head over heels for the guy you end up with. And he should be head over heels for you. Don’t settle for someone because you don’t want to be alone.”

“I don’t know how to be head over heels for anyone but Will,” she whispers. “And guys don’t love me like that. You’re the only one who ever did, and now you hate me.”

“You’ve pissed me off enough times, but I don’t hate you. I couldn’t.”

She tilts her face to mine and her gaze locks on to my lips.

Once upon a time, these were my favorite moments with Meredith—the moments when she dropped her defenses and let me in. And if I hadn’t changed, I would drop my mouth to hers and kiss her softly. She’d turn it wild before I’d gotten my fill of her taste, and we’d end up naked and sweaty on the couch.

But I’m not that guy anymore, so I kiss her cheek before stepping back.

“Still holding out for Hanna?” she asks, but there’s no sign of the bitterness that usually infects her voice on the topic of my once-fiancée.

“That ship’s sailed, unfortunately.”

“Maybe not. She’s not in any rush to commit to the rocker, so there may be a chance for you two.”

I collapse on the couch and lean against the headrest so I’m looking at the ceiling. “I don’t think so. I think some relationships start out wildly unbalanced and they’re doomed to try to survive on this rickety teeter-totter. That’s the way it was for Hanna and me. I was always trying to make up for the beginning of our relationship—for not wanting her at the beginning, for dating her for the wrong reasons and taking so long to realize how great she was. We were off-balance from the start, and I spent every day of our relationship trying to catch my balance so I wouldn’t lose her.”

Meredith sinks onto the couch beside me and rests her head on my shoulder. “You mean by doing things like buying her a bakery you really couldn’t afford?”

“Yeah. Like that.” My stomach aches to admit this. “I think I knew I was losing her even before you shared those texts with her. She always held back part of herself, and she was so good and sweet I was greedy for her to let me in, even in those moments when things were good. Then you sent her those texts, and it’s been wildly teetering ever since.”

She stiffens beside me. “Will you ever be able to forgive me for that?”

“It was a really bitchy thing to do. It hurt Hanna and it hurt me.” I wrap my arm around her shoulders. “And I think it hurt you too.”

“I know my depression isn’t an excuse, but I really wasn’t seeing clearly. I’d like to think I wouldn’t have done anything that terrible if I’d been in my right mind.”

“You’re going to spend the rest of your life alone if you keep acting like that,” I say softly. Not to be an ass, but she needs to know. “Every bitter, angry thing you do and say alienates you a little more.”

“And makes me a little more like my father.” The words are so quiet I probably wouldn’t have made them out if I weren’t thinking the same thing.

“Go to Paris. Start fresh. Be the Meredith
I
knew. The one who’d sneak into bed with me and whisper about her dreams for the future.”

“I don’t know what happened to her.”

“So find her. Who knows? Maybe you’ll meet the love of your life in the process.”

She sits up, tilts her head, and studies me. “And what about you?”