All Families Are Psychotic (18 page)

'No, it isn' t. There are medications for KS lesions now.'

'Janet—' Beth was suddenly clear. '—they're not working .'

Janet sat down on a chair by the bathroom door. 'I'm sorry I snapped at you.' 'I deserved a snapping .'

'Does he talk abou t being sick?' 'Wade? What do you think?'

'I guess not.'

Beth pleaded exhaustion and fell asleep in minu tes with the TV on local news. Janet shroud ed the tw o

room service trolleys with their own white linen sheets, rolled them into the hallway, and then prepared her couch for sleeping. Beth snored like a garburator, and in spite of the day's frenzies Janet had

insomnia. At 4:00 a.m. she saw the blinking red message ligh t on the phone. As Wade had done the nigh t before, she checked to see what the message migh t be.

Wade? Are you there? What's going on? I'm on my coffee break again. Alanna says you, Dad and Bryan came and took Howie's van — naugh ty, naugh ty. And then a few hours later these tw o guys rang the

doorb ell and took Howie away with them, but NASA says it has no idea who would have picked him up, so ...

I also haven' t heard from Mom today, and she's pretty good abou t calling , so maybe something 's up

there, too. All this Drummond drama. The Brunswick family probably played Scrabble until sunup, except they would have pulled a stunt to make it more challenging , like removing half the vowels.

Well, big bro ther, you may well be asking how did I spend my day? Thank you for inquiring . Highligh ts included checking agar emulsions used to bind skin cells for zero-G cloning , a test drill of a new

depressurization pro tocol and a modi fication of the strap-on peeing device which was sligh tly embarrassing.

Wade! Call me! I'm sitt ing here — you're not going to believe this, but yes, I'm on my coffee break and I'm drinking coffee!

'Bye.

Sarah had left a number and Janet called it immediately. 'Sarah?' ' Mom — you're up so late.'

'I couldn ' t sleep.'

'Hey — what's going on over there?'

Where to begin?
'Do you have a few minu tes? Sit down, honey.' Janet informed Sarah abou t the day's chain of dramas -abou t Nickie; the holdup (minimi zing the graphic details); Shw and her blood -soaked fift ies; the baby-buyer in Daytona Beach; the men at the hospital; the trip to Kevin's trailer; Beth's

boozing and religiou s yo-yoing. 'So there you go.' 'I think I need a minu te to digest this.'

'Take your time, dear.' Janet made herself more comfortable on the chair and had a sip of water. 'You sound a bit better tonigh t,' said Sarah.

' My cankers and ulcers have calmed down.' 'That's good news, Mom. I'm glad to hear it.' 'Sarah—?'

'Yeah, Mom?'

'It 's abou t my ulcers in my mou th—' 'Uh-huh?'

'They didn ' t just go away on their own.' 'No? Are you taking a new medication?' 'As a matter of fact, yes.'

'Oh. What is it?'

Janet heard a bell go off somewhere in the background of Sarah's phone.
I owe my daughter honesty:

'I'm using thalido-mide, Sarah.' No response.

'Sarah?'

'I heard you.'

'Sarah, there was nothing else left to take. And I have to ferret out the entire Internet just to obtain it from coun tries like Brazil and Paraguay.'

'It 's OK, Mom.'

'And . . .'

' Mom, stop it, OK?'

'I've been so worried these past few weeks . . .'

Sarah changed the subject: 'Did Wade and Howie have a figh t yesterday? Or today or something?' Janet had to think a second. 'I have no idea. Yesterday Howie picked Wade up at the jail, but that's all I kno w.'

'Alanna was sounding weird when I spoke on the phone with her earlier tonigh t. There were words going unsaid.'

'With Wade it could be anything, Sarah.'

'I think Howie and Alanna are having an affair.' 'What?'

'They are.'

'How can you say that?' 'Well, it 's true.'

'You have no evidence.' 'Stop defending him ! '

Janet though t she was slipping into dementia. She'd never heard Sarah speak to her like this.
Ob, geez Louise, that goddamn thalidomid e went and busted the dam open.
'You're imagining things, Sarah.' 'I'm not, and don ' t
you
go telling me what to feel or think.'

'But I'm
not
telling you—'
Suddenly at thir ty-nine, Sarah's acting like a teenager.

'I only ever married Howie because he was smart and good-looking .'

'What's wrong with—'
What on earth is going on here?
'Why are you telling me this?'

'You think I don ' t kno w what a bore he is? Or how pompou s? He's like a King Charles spaniel back from the groom ers half the time. But I though t he was good breeding stock, and I guess he figured he'd rise

faster through the ranks if he married me — which proved to be the case. So I guess we both got what we wanted.'

'You said breeding stock. Are you pregnant?' Janet wondered if the dismay she felt at having no grandchildr en had leaked into her voice, possibly mocking Sarah.

Sarah quickly replied, 'No.' After a pause, she added, 'You kno w, I have to
live
with him. Imagine that — Funsville, huh?
Sarah, did you know the tire pressure is down on your Toyota? Sarah, I think they've changed paper stock on the
Journal —
I'm going to write them a letter to complain —
It never ends with him.'

'No marriage is perfect, Sarah.'

'Well, ours is — I don ' t kno w — freezer-burn t.' 'I though t you—'

'Think again.'

Janet tried to regroup her emotions. Stay calm. 'This is because I told you abou t the thalidomid e. You'd never have spoken like this to me otherwise.'

'What if it is? I can' t believe you actually sough t the stuff out — hun ted for it — the worst molecule in the universe. If—'

'Sarah,
stop —
stop righ t now.'

Sarah's voice went calm. ' Mom, if you'd kno wn beforehand -excuse the pun, would you have had me?' 'Sarah, how can you—'

'Well?'

'It was a different era. We—'

'Stop righ t there, Mom. A simple " no " would have been suff icient.'

'Sarah, don ' t do this to me.'

' My coffee break's over. I have to suit up now. 'Bye.' 'Sarah?'

Janet cradled the empty telephone to her ear, which stung as though slapped; her head was a helium balloon , and she was unable even to hear her own thinking . She'd never meant to cause harm and yet she'd brough t harm. This was the conversation she'd had in her mind for decades, and she'd botched it horribl y.

Suddenly —
oh, God — my family. I have to be near my family.
The need to be with her tw o sons was so intense, so purely chemical, like a fast-acting pill .

Inside the hotel room, Beth snored away. Janet silently packed up her meds and cosmetics case, her few garments, tossed them into her suitcase and headed down to the parking lot.
I can' t go to
NASA
but I can go to — Daytona Beach. My boys! My childr en! I'm alone — I can' t bear this. Lift me up. Hold my weight. Don' t leave me feeling like this
Janet drove east, but mixed up her high ways and got lost. At five a.m. she found herself in the parking lot of a pleasant li tt le shopping plaza that wished nobod y harm. It was a few miles south of Cape Canaveral, in the NASA bedroom communi ty of Cocoa Beach; she'd had to park there when her insomnia hit the wall, and she lay down in the backseat to sleep, her hastily packed suitcase

acting as pillo w; a map of Flagler, Orange and Volusia Coun ties screening her eyes from early morning sunligh t. She was awakened by a bleeping FTD delivery van reversing into a florist's delivery way.

Where are my childr en?

Wade and Bryan were probably headed to Daytona Beach, and Sarah was most likely asleep within the titanium bowels of the space shutt le gantry.
Sarah!
Janet sprang fully awake.
Oh, geez, we fough t.
Her

head stung. She had to go to the bathroom and she was hungr y. Rumpled and feeling muzzy, she spotted a downmarket fast-food chain across the lot and walked there, used the bathroom , and took her

medication. She then went out to the coun ter area, only to find . . . Wade and Bryan,
Good Lord!
The tw o men were bickering abou t the menu board. Wade looked gaunt, while Bryan looked like a pink sunburn t scarecrow.

'Boys?'

' Mom?'

Janet wrapped her arms around them both. Her eyes welled up.

' Mom — what's happened?' Wade and Bryan were sharpened with worry. 'It 's Sarah—'

Her tw o sons froze. 'What abou t Sarah — Mom, what happened?' 'We had a figh t.'

Wade said, 'You had a figh t?'

Janet grabbed a napkin and blew her nose. 'I've never had a figh t with her in my li fe and then, last nigh t—'

Wade said, 'Wait a sec — she's OK, righ t? She's not dead or something? The mission 's not canceled?' 'No.'

The tw o men slumped their should ers with relief. Wade said, ' Mom, let's talk abou t this in a second. First, are you hungr y?'

'I'm starving.'

'Let's buy you breakfast then.'

Bryan asked, 'What do you feel like?' 'Pancakes,' said Janet. 'Fifty pancakes.'

They placed an order and the cashier asked for money. ' Mom,' Wade asked, 'do you have any money?' 'Yes, of course I do.' She opened her purse and divvied out singles to the cashier. 'Don' t you have any money, either of you?'

'Well, actually, no.'

Janet paused. 'Wait — how were you going to pay for your food?' 'We, urn—' Wade fidgeted.

'We were going to eat and run,' Bryan said.

'You
what?

'We're broke.'

'Where's your father?'

'He's in the car around the side of the building .'

'Boys, how
could
you?' The food arrived, and Janet looked at her sons. 'You're both
men,
for God's sake.' 'We're starving,' said Bryan. 'We spent the nigh t sleeping on the beach.'

Wade added, 'We could have slept in the van, except Bryan sloshed gasoline all over the inside.' 'I didn ' t
mean
to, Wade.'

'Hey, Mom,' Wade said, his radar for the unusual finely att uned, ' what abou t you? I mean, what are
you

doing in a dive like this in Cocoa Beach at 8:00 a.m. in the morning , for that matter?' 'I was looking for you tw o. You're on the way to Daytona, righ t? Righ t?'

Her sons looked guil ty.

'So I was righ t. What matters is, all I wanted was to find the tw o of you, and I did.'

Their food was on the coun ter. 'Come on, guys, let's sit down.' Wade poin ted them to a boo th, the table top of which was sprinkl ed with dandru ffy sugar particles and coffee rings. 'Let's eat.'

They unwrapped and deboxed their breakfasts as Ted came in. 'What the hell?' 'Hi, Dad,' said Bryan. 'Have a seat.'

He looked at Janet with surpri se and curiosity. 'What are
you
doing here? When did you—?' He then

looked down at the food. 'Christ, who cares. I'm starving.' He sat down. 'Which one of these things has the least fat in it?'

'Ted, this is fast food,' Janet said. 'Even the ice cubes contain fat.'

'Righ t.' He opened a box and inserted an entire English muff in into his gullet.

Wade said, 'Jesus, Dad, you aren' t Omar the snake. Chew your food, why don ' t you?'

There was a quiet patch, after which Janet said, 'Well, fellas, I'm so glad to see you're all so interested in my nearly being shot yesterday in the restaurant holdup .'

The men erup ted into apolog y.
It 's not that they're unable to care — it 's that it never crosses their minds to do so. They're so unlike women.

Janet spent the next while telling the three men abou t the restaurant holdup . One she'd finished, Wade and Bryan leaned back and whistled. Ted was silent. This was more sympathy than she'd received from anybody in years.
Well, at least they all seem to be kind of happy I'm still here.

Ted's cell phone had no juice, so he went to the pay phone to call Nickie, but he returned shor tly. 'No one there. I left a message saying everything 's fine.' He sat down and resumed eating his breakfast dregs.

Bryan had been buying fresh coffees. Sitt ing down at the table again, he said, ' Mom, what abou t the big figh t you had with Sarah?'

On hearing this, Ted shot a semichewed English muff in onto the soiled laminate tabletop. 'You
what?'

Janet said, 'We had a figh t, Ted.'

'What do you
mean
you had a figh t? You tw o don ' t figh t.'

Janet rolled her eyes; Wade said, 'Dad, shut up and eat.' Wade then turned to his bro ther: 'Don' t discuss this while
he's
around .'

Ted persevered: 'You and Sarah have never had a figh t,
ever.''

'There's a first time for everything, Ted.' 'What was the figh t abou t?'

Janet refused to answer.

Ted said, 'Oh, the
silent treatment.
I see.'

'Yes, Ted,' said Janet. 'I'm going to sit here and simmer away. Simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer. Bryan, could you pass me a salt packet?' She nibbl ed at a cold hash bro wn patty. She said, 'I hear you had a

lovely al fresco sleep on the beach.'

'Dumb-dumb slopped gasoline inside the van. Sand flies bit me all nigh t.' Bryan said, 'At least the sand was cool for my sunburn .'

Janet said, 'Won ' t Howie be thrill ed to hear of the adventures you're having in his van.' This garnered conspiratory giggl es. She lowered her coffee onto the table. 'You kno w, I was going to ask the three of

you what you're doing with Howie's van and sleeping on a beach en rou te to Daytona Beach, but you kno w what? I've decided it 's probably for the best that I don ' t kno w.'

Bryan said, 'Dad flipped Beth's rental car yesterday — totally wrote the thing off. Hey — guess what — Shw's going to keep the baby!'

'Lovely,' said Janet. She looked at Wade and raised her eyebro ws:
Does Bryan know about the impending baby sale?
Wade shook his head: No.

Bryan continued recapping : '. . . and then we had to walk to the nearest gas station, but Shw saw us and picked us up and made us ride in the trunk of her car.'