Alien Caller (19 page)

“I know. The
device would have detected our desires. It would have analysed the
hormones we gave off, measured the stress in our voices, the sweat
on our flesh, the opening and closing of blood vessels, pupil
dilations, and reported all that back immediately. By the time
Alice entered the room she could already have known that we were
aroused, even when we didn’t.”

“I knew.”

“So did I, but
I wasn’t going to admit that to you or me. Three days on a planet
and I’m already lusting after the natives. That wouldn’t look good
on my next evaluation.” He kissed her some more, knowing exactly
what she meant. They had more in common then they’d realized. But
he could also see the funny side as well.

“Three weeks
and you’re bedding them!” She hushed him, not wanting to even think
about it but it didn’t stop him laughing some more. Or her.

“So are you.
Anyway when I returned, they should have been telling me to stay
away from you, and they did suggest it, though quietly. Though now
that I think about it, too quietly. Instead they just kept telling
me you were a good officer, that you had principles, and that you
would keep your word. All the things that I would like in a
mate.”

“Alice said
much the same to me about you. She said you were just hurt and
scared, and that underneath all that anger you were a good egg,
sweet and caring, but lonely and a long way from home.” The things
that would make me want to comfort you, and try to patch up our
differences, - and make me want to bed you.” His hindsight at least
was 20/20.

“Alice is also
the one who suggested I should get to know you. And that I should
join you on your swim. She said you were a fitness fanatic like me,
and that maybe we’d find a lot of other things in common. And Dr.
Sam suggested that if I kept close to you, you might learn to trust
us.” It was starting to sound more and more suspicious, but they
still needed something to seal the case.

“Um. Where did
you get the bikini from?” If there was one thing David knew, it was
that her tiny bikini had caused him more confusion and
embarrassment than any other piece of clothing in creation.

“Alice. It was
her grand-daughter’s, and she said it was what you’d expect me to
wear swimming.” He groaned.

“Alice doesn’t
have a grand-daughter old enough to wear it, and if she did I’m
damned sure she wouldn’t let her wear a skimpy little thing like
that. Not in public. Besides, it wouldn’t fit!” In fact he knew of
no woman who could fill out the costume in the way that Cyrea
did.

“So…”

“So she asked
you to wear one of the most scandalous and revealing costumes ever
designed, simply so you could drive me nuts. Though I have to
admit, it worked. The first day you wore it my eyes must have
nearly popped out of my head. Every day thereafter was worse.”

“Or
better.”

“Or better.” He
laughed. “I loved watching you in the water, and even more getting
in and out. But because we were feuding, I had to try and deny it.
But now I don’t have to, and I can honestly tell you that that
costume cost me endless hours of turmoil, kept me awake at nights
and completely destroyed my ability to think rationally around
you.”

“So I shouldn’t
wear it any more?” She wasn’t really asking, just teasing him. The
smile on her face was almost wider than her head.

“Hell no! You
should wear it all day and all night when I’m around, just never,
ever in public, or every man in a thousand miles will be staring at
you with their tongues hanging out and I’ll have to beat them all
senseless!” They both laughed, enjoying their healthy desires.

“You don’t have
to worry about that. I promise I’ll only wear it for you, as long
as you promise to keep enjoying the view.”

“Deal. That’s
not likely to change.” Which was only the truth.

“Good. Though I
would have wished for a less contrived introduction, I’ll be happy
with that. Very happy.” For the longest while they just smiled like
imbeciles at each other, too wrapped up in the emotion to care. But
finally some logic returned to them.

“You know we
owe them a big thank you, as well as a kick in their more sensitive
parts. I mean they may be manipulative, scheming little perverts,
but this is still wonderful.” Together they smelled the rat, and it
stank. They knew that they had been set up. Set up from start to
finish. And yet if they hadn’t been, maybe they wouldn’t be here
now. The question was what to do about it.

“What I don’t
get is why Alice would have helped. She’s human like me. There’s no
scientific papers she’s interested in writing and they couldn’t
have offered her any money. Though she's poor like everyone else
here she’s got enough to meet her needs and isn't really wanting
any more. Not when more money might mean leaving. People here are
homebodies. Meanwhile her medical needs are apparently met by your
people.”

“Maybe she just
wanted to make sure you didn’t tattle, and this would be one way to
buy your silence.” It was logical, it made sense, and yet it was
still wrong. He knew Alice well enough he thought, and that was
never the way she worked.

“Or maybe, she
just thought it’d be fun.” The second possibility suddenly sounded
like a winner to him. He knew Alice as well as he knew any of his
neighbours. He’d seen her perhaps once a week for the last three
years, while shopping in town or just paying social visits. The one
thing he’d always known about her was her love of meddling in other
people’s lives. This would have been her wildest dream come true.
But if she knew they’d done it, well gossip wouldn’t come close to
describing what would follow.

“We’re going to
have to kill her you know.” He couldn’t keep straight face as he
said it, and she just looked askance at him, trying not to laugh as
well.

“When she
learns she’s succeeded in getting us to the bedroom, as it were,
she’s never going to let us live it down. All day, every day, the
only thing we’re going to hear is how fortunate it was that we
finally listened to her. And then she’ll tell her friends, all of
them, making absolutely sure they know that she knew better than us
kids.”

“You’re right,
but death may be too good for her!” It was a long time before they
stopped laughing.

“You know, you
humans have a saying. Trick me once, shame on you. Trick me twice,
shame on me. Soon I’m going to want to do this again. But I don’t
want to be caught again.” Soon, David realized, was actually very
soon. He was starting to feel life returning to vital regions. They
sat up together, realizing as one that the first thing they had to
do was get rid of the bug.

“What would it
look like?” They might have been caught once, but he was damned if
he’d let them catch him twice. And they both knew even if they had
said nothing, that there were going to be more sessions.

“Anything. It
should be something no smaller than the size of a small tea pot
that would be out in the open all the time, and would probably be
something your prying neighbours gave you when you first moved
in.”

“The damn bread
bin!” It was the last that had given it away. The decidedly ugly
bread bin was one of the first presents he’d been given when he
moved in three or four years earlier. It was a hand crafted relic
of some bygone age, that looked like it had been chiselled with
stone tools, and painted by children. But he’d kept it on the
kitchen bench, pleased by the fact that his neighbours had gone to
the trouble of getting him something, and unwilling to cause any
insult by hiding it away. His neighbours seemed to get upset when
he did. Now he knew why. Besides, he didn’t have another bread bin,
and it worked well enough, when the slider actually opened.

He stared at
it, accusingly, and wondered if someone was staring back at him
through it. And then he looked at where it was on the bench and the
view it had had of them, and wilted. The camera angle was simply
unfair. Cyrea looked at it too, the same thoughts running through
her head.

“Well they
certainly know we did it!” He groaned. Cyrea just nodded grimly, no
doubt imagining the footage plastered over the news. Maybe the very
late X-rated news.

As a unit they
rose to their feet and approached the bin cautiously, almost as
though it might bite. It didn’t help that they were stark naked,
but they both knew it was too late to get dressed just to destroy
the thing. Much too late. David studied it closely, wondering what
the bug inside it might look like, when Cyrea simply picked up the
entire unit and smashed it against the counter, breaking it
apart.

She stared at
the fragments intently, looking he guessed for wires, and then when
she didn’t see them, smashed it down again, and again. In short
order it was match sticks, and David was wondering if he’d got it
wrong.

“That should
fix it.” To make certain, she got a dish cloth and wiped the
remains into a plastic bag, then threw that into the rubbish bin,
as if it could still somehow be watching them, and he gathered the
threat was over. It made little sense, but Cyrea seemed to think
they’d got it right, and truthfully he couldn’t think of anything
else the locals had given him, but he still couldn’t see any wires.
And why was it so big? She looked at his puzzled expression and
explained.

“Printed
circuit cluster, built directly into the matrix of the material.
The entire thing is one gigantic organic computer chip, bristling
with microscopic sensors. This thing can hear and see us, do 3D
imaging, sense the vibrations in the house around us, and even
taste the chemicals in the air. After that it will integrate the
data, turn it into a message and broadcast it with appropriate
warnings to whoever controls it.” He looked at it and still could
see nothing, except in the pattern that the wood had made when
snapping. There was powder around, like ultra-fine dust, and he
would have expected it to split instead. Then the implications
struck him.

“You mean
they’ve got all that about us.” For the first time he was genuinely
shocked. It was only going to get worse.

“More, much
more. They’ve got every single word we whispered, every groan we
stifled, perfect 3D video which they can magnify to see the
smallest hair on our heads, infra-red imagery, the vibration of
every heartbeat, and a full breakdown of every scent we gave off.
By tomorrow morning they could write an entire encyclopaedia about
our mating habits, including detailed discussion by any number of
experts. I can’t wait to see the section on foreplay!” Despite
himself David found himself smiling with her. It had been rather an
unusual courtship.

“But if they
had all that right from the start, why didn’t they come rushing in
when I first picked you up here? Surely they should have rushed
over as fast as their legs could carry them. I would have. But
Alice didn’t arrive till the next morning, after we’d patched up
our differences.”

“They’re not
allowed to have this, so they didn't want to be exposed. If they
had rushed over, I would have guessed what they were doing, and
they’d have had some explaining to do. Besides which, how would
they have explained it to you? You would have known immediately
that you were being watched. And also they may not have been
watching it at the time. I would guess they hadn’t even considered
the possibility until it actually happened.” Which made sense.
After all, even when they knew he was a retired agent they would
never have imagined that one of their own would wander directly
into his house, wounded and lost.

“I’d guess that
they sat there panicking like your headless chickens, and wondered
what to do. By the time they had any sort of plan it was already
morning and the nearest friendly human they could find was sent off
to collect me.” Her explanation made sense, sort of, though why
they shouldn’t be allowed to bug an alien agent he still couldn’t
understand. It seemed only reasonable. Embarrassing for him perhaps
but reasonable.

In the end
David realized it didn’t really matter. If these people were
anything like humans, in their law they’d be rushing the evidence
over to the nearest court as they spoke. They’d been caught and the
only defence they would have would be to cut a deal. Something like
‘We might have broken a few small rules, but look at your agent
doing the wild thing with an enemy alien.’ He tried to explain that
to Cyrea, but she just shook her head.

“We don’t have
those sorts of deals. If they get caught doing something wrong,
they get the same sentence no matter what else might be found out.
No deals. Besides, I haven’t broken any rules. I’m allowed to have
sexual relations with any man I choose, regardless of species
though it’s never come up before. The only exception is that I
can’t sleep with those I watch over. I’m not here to watch over
you.” Which made him wonder what exactly her assignment was, but he
didn’t ask. He had spent too long in the security business to ask
questions he knew she couldn’t answer.

“So they won’t
publish it?” For a second he almost dared to breathe again.

“Ohh they’ll
publish! The creator himself couldn’t stop them. Especially not
after they’d gone to all the trouble to bring us together. This is
a major coup for the biologists and sociologists. I can see the
paper titles now, ‘Out-species matings; the triumph of the spirit
over the flesh’. The psychologists won’t be far behind, relating
their theories of violence and sex to the entire universe. And
every other Ayn will be studying it intently, looking at hand to
hand combat techniques.” She looked so pathetic at the thought,
that he just had to hold her.