After Forever Ends (43 page)

She hooked me up to an IV with deft skill and shot something not nearly as good as an epidural into my IV that numbed my brain, but not so much my contractions. It did, however, dull my sense of fear and I felt quite comfortable and confident in the idea that I was about to pass an object that weighed at least seven pounds out of a passage that I'd felt violated for having a fist inside just a moment before.

I don’t remember much about the birth other than it felt like I had the stomach flu, a heated screwdriver tearing at my guts, and my privates were aflame. I remember Oliver holding my hand and telling me I was doing great. I remember, too, the doctor wandering by at the exact moment I was certain that the baby would never come out and I would die.

“You're ready to deliver!” He announced as if I should be surprised, “I'm here to help!”

“Oh? Are you going to yank it out for me?” I asked.

He looked at me as if I were mad.

Oliver chuckled.

“She's feisty,” Said the nurse.

I continued to labour for I don't know how much longer. I was so tired I thought I'd never make it through, but right at the end I suddenly felt extremely strong. I pulled myself to a near sitting position on the end of the bed, “Just get away from me!” I commanded, “Let me do this!”

They all three backed off immediately.

“Ollie,” I pulled my hand away from his, “You stay close! But don't you dare...touch… me!” I bore down.

“Push, Love!” Oliver told me, counting along with the doctor and the nurse, “One! Two! Three!” He was so excited. I was vaguely aware that he was smiling with his mouth wide open, “You're doing great, Silvia! You're doing so great!”

I wondered how the hell he knew if I was doing so great when with one final push and a collective cheer from the doctor, nurse and Oliver, out of me shot…

Absolutely the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

“It’s a girl!” The doctor proclaimed, “Congratulations!”

Our baby screamed bloody murder.

“Hear that?” Oliver kissed me hard on the mouth, “Hear all that noise? That’s our girl! She’s ours, Sil! Listen to her! Isn’t she wonderful?”

“She is!” I don’t know why, but I was laughing. The nurse was pushing on my belly like she was trying to kill me to help me expel the placenta and I was laughing. “Listen to her bitch, Oliver! That’s the Dickinson in her right there!”

He let loose with a ridiculous cackle, “Aye, Love, that would be true! She sounds like Alexander on a bad day!”

After few moments they brought her over to us.

“Oliver, Oliver!” They put that little bundle in my arms, “Oliver, look at her! We’ve made a little monkey! Look, she’s just like a tiny ape!”

“Don’t say that, Mummy!” He bent closer at my side.

“No, honestly! She looks like a chimp! Look at her! She’s all funky! She looks like a teeny tiny baby orang-utan!”

“They’re all like that,” The nurse smiled gently.

“All of them come out looking like a deranged lemur?” Oliver asked genuinely. “Like some bizarre, demented infant baboon?”

The nurse’s eyes grew wide with horror.

Oliver and I, of course, laughed hysterically. We were having our first good joke at our new baby’s expense. And why not? We both knew new born babies were rarely attractive. Neither of us had a doubt she’d turn out fine. Besides, she was too young yet to take any offence.

“I don’t think she’s an ape at all, Love,” Oliver took her tiny foot in his hand and fingered her toes, “She’s just a wee little wet muffin is all! Give her time to dry out! She’s only got that look on her face cause of all that blooming hot sauce you made her ingest last night! You looked like a gorilla yourself this morning! I thought I woke up beside a grey back!”

“Ha!” I cried. Literally, I was crying. I was so happy and it all seemed so funny. Indigestion, various types of apes, new born babies, birth, life, marriage, the faith it took us to finally get there. It was all more than I could understand, but it was all real. As real as Oliver and me and our wee little wet muffin sitting there in the delivery room laughing it up together for the very first time.

Now that is a precious memory indeed.

When I was brought to a recovery room it was filled with flowers and cards and balloons. “How many people did you call?” I asked Oliver.

“Just Alexander, like you said. I told him to call whoever he thought of.”

I looked at a tag tied to a teddy bear, “Oh, my! This is from Sandy! He called Sandy! I miss her!”

“Of course he did, Love. She’s your best girlfriend. Are you ready for company? There are about a hundred people waiting to see you.”

“I suppose. I must look terrible.”

“Are you joking? You look absolutely amazing!” He gave me a wink, “I’ll be back.”

I sat there and looked around the room at all the gifts for a moment until people began to pour in.

“Silvia!” Ana was the first one in, Edmond stuck at her heels, “She’s absolutely perfect!”

“Did you see her?”

“Through the nursery window. The nurse said there are too many people here, but we don’t care!” She bent down and kissed me on the cheek, “My first granddaughter! Thank you!”

Edmond was speechless. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t. He just stood there grinning and then he winked at me. He looked a lot like his sons when he did it. Finally he leaned over and kissed me right in the middle of my forehead, “We love you, Silvia!” He grinned as he pulled Oliver under his arm and kissed his forehead, too. “You did excellent, Son!”

Alexander and Melissa were next into the room, “Good job, Sil!” Alex had a sleeping Nigel on his shoulder. He stooped over and kissed me on the head, “She’s gorgeous!”

“Oh my!” I nearly screamed in shock and delight, “Lance Crosby, you old dog! What on Earth are you doing here?”

“Visiting you, of course!” He came over and gave me a huge hug. “You went and finally had that baby you’ve been carrying around since boarding school! You were pregnant nine years instead of nine months! Well done! I was in Caernarfon when Alexander rang me and I thought…well, hell…I ain’t had a day off in a while, so I drove on down.”

“You have not changed one wee bit! Except you’re a hair taller…let me see. Yes, you might be!”

“Oh, how I’ve missed you and your lies!”

“Sil,” Oliver pushed his way through and held out the phone. “You’ll want to take this.”

I took it from his hand, “Hello?”

“Silvia, it’s Lucy! Oh, I’ve missed the whole thing! Damn it! I wanted to be there!”

“She’s a girl! She looks like a chimpanzee!”

“Like a what?”

“She’s all squishy, she’s adorable. She looks like a squishy monkey!” I stuck my finger in my free ear, “Where are you?”

“I’m just crossing into England from home,” She was living in Scotland again. She'd gone back after she graduated from high school because she was worried about leaving Daddy alone. She'd struck out on her own since, but I knew she still kept close tabs on him, “I can’t believe I missed it! A girl! Brilliant! Dad is with me! We’ll be there as soon as we can! Don’t do anything else without me!”

“Oh, be careful, but hurry! I can’t wait to see you!”

“I’m losing bars now, Sil…I love you…”

The call dropped as I said, “I love you, too!”

“Lucy’s coming,” I told everyone excitedly, “And my dad, too!”

“I knew she’d make it back sooner or later,” Oliver tapped Alex on the shoulder, “Our sweet Lucy’s on her way!”

“Sweet Little Lucy Cotton!” Alexander grinned, “I haven’t seen her since she was in a training bra! Brilliant!”

Melissa shot him a look and he immediately straightened his face.

Lance had just hung up his mobile, “Merlyn sends his best. He’s in flipping Holland, if you can believe that. He’s in a meeting, but he’ll call you tonight personally.”

“What’s he doing in Holland?” I asked. Through my drugged and foggy mine, I couldn't imagine anybody needing to go to Holland for anything. It seemed like such a bizarre and strange place to be. I couldn't fathom how he could be there and not in England, even though he was Welsh and now lived in France. My head was a mess of physical exhaustion and narcotics.

“Some kind of business. He’s always travelling. He was in Finland last week.”

“Bollocks!” Alexander announced, “He’s gone to Holland get himself a pair of those wooden shoes! I’m so jealous!”

“Yeah!” Agreed Lance, “Me, too!”

By the time the room had cleared out a few hours later and the nurse had brought our baby back to us, I was too tired to hold her. Oliver, however, was not. He kicked off his shoes and told me to shove over. He crawled up into the bed with her in his arms. He set her between us. We both lay there and stared at our daughter, completely in awe.

“She’s perfect,” I whispered.

“Oh, yes. We made muffin magic with this one.” He couldn't take his eyes off of her.

“One day she’ll make muffin history.”

“Are we calling her after Madame Pennyweather?”

I felt the first ping of sadness I had in a very long time. Our headmistress had died late that autumn in hospital after suffering injuries she sustained in a car accident. We had spoken to her about a month before it happened on the phone and told her about the pregnancy. She had sounded so excited for us, “You are going to be wonderful parents! Children are the most beautiful blessing! You’ll have to bring the little one by and let me have a look!”

The only reason why we found out she’d died was that Lucy had a friend whose little brother was still in attendance at Bennington. Lucy called to let us know that they were having a public memorial service for our headmistress at the school. Oliver and Alexander were determined to go.

“This completely fucking sucks,” Alex said as we entered the great hall, “That woman was like a second mother to me!”

“You called her a witch,” Oliver reminded him, “You said she was a nightmare. You wish she’d crash into all sorts of things on her broomstick.”

“Well, she was!” Alex insisted a little too loudly, “She knew things there was no way she could have known without having some other-worldly sense. It was never a mutual dislike we shared. It was just a series of conflicting sensibilities.” He looked around, “Holy shite, this place has not changed one bit!”

It hadn’t. The polished wooden tables were the same ones in the same positions, even the tapestries had the same wear in the same spots. Even the chairs were still sitting in the same places. It was like stepping back ten years in time, which made it even more surreal that we were there to say good bye to a friend instead of returning to visit one.

Headmistress’ body was not present at the service, but there were dozens of photos on display. The twins and I found ourselves staring at one in particular of an attractive young girl, maybe sixteen years old, lying on her belly in one of the fields surrounding the school with her face propped up on her hands. Her hair was long and dark, scooping around a moon shaped face. A strand was caught between two pouting, heart like lips that curled into a shy smile. She was unrecognisable except for the slightly slanted, spring green eyes and the Bennington emblem on her uniform jumper. There was an autograph in the corner that read, “To Joshua, I will love you forever. Your Carolina.”

“Mister Joshua,” Oliver whispered with a far off look in his eyes, “The bloke who used to come in and set up the Christmas tree. He was her husband.”

“Mister Joshua was her husband?” Alex leaned in to take a closer look at the writing.

“Must’ve been.” Oliver was still staring at the photo, but he moved to allow Alexander to see, “If you look over on that table there are a couple of wedding pictures. I thought the groom looked familiar. Mister Joshua’s right over there with Professor Fields and Professor Nickels. He looks a wreck. He was always here at night, remember? We’d see him after hours all the time. I bet he came and stayed with her when she worked late.”

“Wow, I never thought of it. Poor guy, losing his wife like this,” Alexander touched the frame, “You were right, though. Once upon a time she really was a daisy, Ollie.”

“I told you,” He muttered as he took my hand, “You looked at her and all you saw was old. I looked at her and I saw a woman. Take the time away from her face and she was absolutely lovely. You could see it, even through the lines around her eyes. Caroleeeena,” He drew out the name, “A beautiful name for a beautiful lady. I absolutely adored her.”

“She’ll be missed,” I said softly. A lot of wives might have been jealous of the affection their husband had for any female, but I never was. I always thought it was sweet, Oliver’s infatuation with an older woman and one who was his headmistress at that. To me, it was another example of one of his best qualities; his heart was as free as his mind, “She was so special.”

“Bennington as we knew it is gone forever,” Alexander sighed and put his hand on Oliver’s arm.

I didn’t say anything, but I was thinking that he was right. It didn’t seem real at the time that she was gone. I knew that there was no way that school would ever recover from her absence, but I knew as well that it was only us and a couple of others who were privileged enough to have glimpsed the real Madame Pennyweather who would ever realise it. I had a feeling that when she died all the love in the place went with her. I felt very sad for the students who still attended.

But now Oliver and I were holding our baby daughter for the first time. I didn’t want to be sad and I knew Madame Pennyweather would not have wanted us to be either.

“Yes.” I told Oliver, “We’ll definitely call her after Madame Pennyweather.” I looked down into my daughter’s little face, “Hello, Carolena Mariana Dickinson,” I whispered as she gave us a huge yawn. “We’re your parents and we’ve waited a very long time to love you to bits.”

“Yes, we have,” Oliver told her. She turned her head toward his voice and raised her eyebrows as if she were listening, but she never opened her eyes, “We have big plans for you, Young Lady. We’re going to show you everything there is to see in our wood.”

“You’re very lucky. You’re going to grow up in a magical place.”

“We’re going to let you play with elves and show you how to talk to the trees…”