Adopted Parents (17 page)

She might have lost the argument about keeping the dog, but not without establishing some rules—the first of which was the bath Nate and Ahn had given him immediately after dinner. She’d also made certain that Nate knew it was his responsibility to feed and take care of the dog. And the first time he peed or pooped in the house, chewed up anything or showed any sign that he wasn’t tolerant of a two-year-old, he was out of there.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like the dog. He’d immediately won her over with his big, sad eyes. But Buster was one more nail Nate was constantly driving into the readoption coffin. Instead of making after-adoption plans for their futures—three of them—he was sticking his head in the sand, pretending the readoption wasn’t going to happen.

And maybe it wouldn’t.

Hallie was prepared for that possibility. If those were the cards dealt to them, she would make the best of it. But Ahn deserved better than being raised by two people who were trying to make the best of it. Hallie had lived that life with her father and Roberta.

She was still staring at a sleeping Ahn and her new roommate when Nate’s arm slid around her waist, pulling her against him. Hallie told herself to push him away and send him a message that she didn’t appreciate him blindsiding her with the dog. He could have called first. Of course he hadn’t—he’d known exactly what her answer would have been.

He nuzzled against her neck, taking the tiny bites that he knew drove her crazy. And when he nibbled at her ear, Hallie could already feel herself caving.

“I should have called you about the dog,” he said.

“Yes, you should have,” Hallie told him, but she was already thinking how withholding sex as punishment had always seemed petty to her.

So they’d had an argument. That didn’t mean she didn’t still love him and want his body. All Nate had to do was touch her to set her on fire.

Like now.

His hand moved up to cup her breast, his thumb exploring her nipple. Hallie bit down on her lower lip. The sensation was delicious.

“And I shouldn’t have pressed you last night to call off the readoption.”

“No,” Hallie agreed. “You shouldn’t have.”

They were nude.

They always slept nude.

She could feel him growing harder as he pressed against her. He ran his tongue along her shoulder, and Hallie shivered at the sensation.

“But most of all, I should have made love to you last night the way I want to make love to you right now.”

When his hand moved downward Hallie rolled over on her back, finally giving him full access to what he was seeking. He toyed with her, just as she knew he would, taking turns with his fingers and his mouth as he pleasured her, getting her ready for what she really wanted. And what she really wanted was Nate deep inside her, driving into her, showing her how much he wanted her.

She whispered his name.

He was giving her what she wanted now.

So deep inside her she was already coming.

And Nate would make her come again.

Several times before the night was over.

The way Nate always did.

“Move, Buster,” Ahn would order.

Buster would lick her face, but he wouldn’t let her pass.

Letting the dog sleep in Ahn’s room had also turned out to be a godsend, even though Hallie had had her doubts at first. Ahn had never slept completely throughout the night, and Hallie had worried the dog would disturb her. She couldn’t count the number of times the monitor would come to life and she would hear Ahn whimper, not waking fully, but on the verge. Hallie would go in and adjust her covers, rub her back for a few minutes, and Ahn would be fast asleep again.

Since Buster’s arrival, Ahn had slept peacefully all through the night. It could have only been a coincidence—Ahn was, after all, getting older. But Hallie believed Ahn felt safe knowing the dog was sleeping on the lower mattress.

So Ahn and Buster were good.

Things had even been getting better between her and Nate, though Hallie knew his improved attitude was only because it was October and they still didn’t have a single couple to interview. She’d reminded Nate last night that she
would
go back to work full-time in February. He’d assured her if that was what she decided to do he was still okay with staying home.

Problem solved, as he liked to say.

But for whom?

Certainly not for Ahn.

Hallie walked into the laundry room with a basket of dirty clothes to leave for Gladys tomorrow morning. Tuesday was laundry day, and Hallie didn’t dare forget it since Gladys had politely reminded her of that before she left thirty minutes ago.

Hallie paused when the phone rang.

But when Nate yelled out from the kitchen that he would get the phone, she went about her business, carefully separating the clothes into the appropriate baskets lined up on the counter the way Gladys preferred. When she walked out of the laundry room and into the kitchen, however, Nate was standing by the kitchen bar, a frown on his face and his hands at his waist.

Hallie raised an eyebrow in question. “What?”

“Jen and Ben, that’s what.” He swore.

“Nate!” Hallie scolded.

She quickly looked around for Ahn, who was sitting on the floor in the den. Thankfully, she was too engrossed in lining blocks along Buster’s back to pay attention to Nate’s cursing.

Hallie looked back at him. “Does that mean we have an interview?”

“You tell me, Hallie,” he snapped. “Do you really see the need to interview these people?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well, that’s just great,” he said, almost shouting now. “The interview’s at two o’clock tomorrow. I hope you and Liz Foster are happy.”

He walked into the den and picked up Ahn. Then he stormed out the French doors to the deck. Buster stood, shook the blocks off his back, then lumbered after them.

Hallie slowly counted to ten. And then she counted to ten all over again. How could you love someone so much and still want to strangle him?

Shaking her head, Hallie walked over to close the door. And that was when she heard the car door slam.

“Dammit!” she swore, hurrying toward the steps.

When Hallie rounded the corner of the house she could see that Ahn was already strapped into the car seat while Buster leaped in beside her. After shutting that door Nate jerked the driver’s-side door open.

Hallie put her hands on her hips. “Will you at least tell me where you’re taking her?”

He glared at her. “What do you care as long as she’s gone? You’ve made it clear you can’t wait to give her away.” He revved the engine to life and drove away.

Hallie was left wounded. Not just from Nate’s cruel accusation, but also from the cold, hard look in his eyes.

That had really pissed Nate off.

As if Nate should agree on Liz Foster’s say-so. But with Greg and Liz both singing this couple’s praises, Hallie would be falling all over herself in agreement. That would leave Nate the odd man out and looking like a selfish prick if he found something wrong with them.

When they reached the nursing home, Nate parked and hit the power window buttons. He told Buster to stay and took Ahn out of her car seat.

It took fifteen minutes before they finally got away from the nurses’ desk. All of the nurses had to take turns playing with Ahn and telling Nate how adorable she was and how much she’d grown since they’d last seen her.

Finally, they made their way down the long corridor toward his mother’s room. And Nate prayed with every step he took that she would be sitting in her wheelchair today instead of in bed.

On the days when he did find her in bed, rolled over on her side, staring hopelessly at the blank wall, the memories were so painful Nate couldn’t force himself to stay. But when she was sitting up, even if it was only his imagination, every now and then she would look at Nate as if she remembered him.

When he pushed the door open and walked inside, he was relieved to see his mother in her wheelchair. But to Nate’s surprise she wasn’t alone.

Nate walked up beside her and put Ahn down. “Hi, Mom.” He looked over at the elderly woman sitting in the wheelchair beside her. “Who’s your friend?”

Her new friend had snow-white hair and bright blue eyes, and the twinkle in them told Nate that unlike his mother, this woman was in full possession of her faculties. She smiled up at him and said, “I’m Rose from Room 419. I watch the birds with your mother some times. She doesn’t seem to mind.”

Nate smiled back at her. “I’m sure she enjoys your company, Rose.”

“Well, hello there,” Rose said to Ahn, who had walked over to her, suddenly fascinated with the rabbit’s foot on the keychain lying on Rose’s lap. Rose picked up the keys and handed them to Ahn to play with. “Is this your little girl?”

“Yes.” In that moment, Nate knew it was true. In his heart Ahn felt like his little girl now.

How could he possibly give her up? Yet, at the same time, how could he possibly keep Ahn if Jen and Ben Harris really were the perfect parents for her?

He’d proven he could take care of Ahn on the weekends. But what about after Hallie went back to work full-time? He’d talked to Dirk last week and in a few months he would be expected to do his part promoting the documentary. What was he going to do with Ahn then? Tell Hallie she needed to take another leave of absence until his promotional tour was over?

No, Ahn would end up with a nanny.

And that truth hit Nate hard.

He’d told Hallie once that all they really had to offer Ahn was finding the best possible parents to raise her. And as much as it hurt Nate to admit it, he and Hallie were not the best possible parents. He’d lost sight of that somewhere along the way.

“What’s your name?” Rose asked, looking down at Ahn, who was still fascinated by the rabbit’s foot.

“Her name is Ahn,” Nate told Rose. “And she’s actually my niece. I’ve been taking care of her for my brother.”

That truth was even harder for Nate to face.

He’d been substituting Ahn in place of David. Trying to hold on to that one last connection he had to his brother. But it was time to let David go now. And if the Harrises turned out to be the right parents, he had to let Ahn go, too.

But did he have the courage to go through with it?

“I don’t know where they are, Roberta. Greg called to say he’d scheduled an interview with that couple Liz told me about for two o’clock tomorrow. I was hoping Nate had gone to ask you to babysit.”

“Of course I’ll babysit. Have you tried Nate’s cell?”

“His phone is sitting right here on the counter. It makes me absolutely crazy when he does that. What’s the purpose of having a damn cell phone if you never have it on and never take it with you?”

“Okay,” Roberta said. “What
aren’t
you telling me?”

“We had an argument about the interview. I think we should meet the couple. And Nate, of course, doesn’t.” So much for not broadcasting their problems. But Hallie was so frustrated, it felt better letting the whole thing out.

“You had to see this coming, Hallie. I warned you not to give Nate false hopes by letting him think you were keeping Ahn.”

“I wasn’t giving him false hopes, Roberta. We had to discuss what we were going to do if we didn’t find new parents. Never once did I lead him to believe I wouldn’t want to interview anyone else.”

“But in Nate’s mind, Ahn already has parents, Hallie. That’s the problem.”

Hallie groaned. “God, this is such a mess. It’s been a mess from day one.”

“Well, regardless of the argument, you know Nate wouldn’t do anything stupid.”

“Does the name Buster ring a bell?”

“Now, Hallie. You love that dog, too.”

“How long should I wait for them to come back before I panic and go out looking?”

“How long have they been gone?”

“About an hour.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll be home soon.”

“You might have to come get me out of jail later,” Hallie said. “I’m angry enough to throttle Nate right now.”

“Focus instead on calming down, and stay calm when they get home. Shouting at each other won’t solve a thing. The Colonel and I will come out first thing in the morning and stay with Ahn.”

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Hallie took the phone outside and sat at the patio table to wait.

She was furious with Nate. Yet, she was worried about him, too.

She’d depended on him too much right from the start. She’d let him bear the burden of all the funeral and legal arrangements, taking her own time to grieve without giving him the same opportunity. And the worst thing she’d done was talk him into helping her take care of Ahn.

Now Nate was paying the consequences.

Hallie wiped away a tear.

It only made sense that Nate would see the readoption as another loss. If he let go of Ahn, he’d have to let go of David, too. Why had it taken her so long to figure that out? How could he ever forgive her because she hadn’t?

When she heard the car pull up in the driveway, Hallie forced herself not to get up. Roberta was right. Starting another shouting match wouldn’t solve anything. Besides, at the moment all Hallie wanted to do was fall on her knees and beg Nate’s forgiveness.

Buster came around the corner first, followed by Nate, who carried Ahn.

When he put her down on the deck she ran straight to Hallie. Hallie picked her up for a hug that lasted only a second before Ahn squirmed out of Hallie’s arms and ran to her sandbox.

“Can we talk now?” Hallie asked.

“If I can go first,” he said and sat beside her. “I should have told you where I was going. I took Ahn to see my mother.”

Hallie reached over to clasp his hand. That had to have been hard for him.

“I took her because Greg told me he was certain that these people are the right parents.” He swallowed. “I started a fight with you because that’s the last thing I wanted to hear. I know we owe it to Ahn to see if Greg’s right. And if they are the best parents for her, Hallie, I give you my word—you won’t have any problem from me.”

Hallie planted a kiss on his fingers. “All I’ve ever wanted for Ahn was the best parents, Nate. I don’t want to give her away. I want to give her the brightest future possible.”

“I know that,” he said. “And I want that, too. I won’t let my own selfish reasons stand in the way again.”

Hallie squeezed his hand. “I was just thinking how selfish I’ve been, too. Pushing you into helping me take care of Ahn. Pushing you into my bed. Pushing you to continue with the readoption even when I knew you were having serious doubts. Can you forgive me for not understanding how hard all of this has been on you?”

“I made my own choices, Hallie. There’s nothing to forgive. I love you. And I’ve never had any doubts about that.”

It was the first time he’d said those words out loud.

Nate had shown her in a thousand different ways that he loved her, but he’d never said it. Hallie had held back, too. He’d told her from the beginning that he couldn’t promise her forever. She hadn’t wanted him to think she’d forgotten that.

“I love you, too, Nate” Hallie said. “I always have.”

Regardless of what the future held, for this moment what they had was enough.