A Texan's Promise (17 page)

But though he might never believe it, she hadn't kept her secret only because of how she feared his reaction might be.No, she'd kept it also because it had been too much to deal with. She didn't want to think about those minutes when Price had pulled up her dress.

Didn't ever want to think again about being pinned down beneath him.

Still halfheartedly fussing around the kitchen, Corrine said, "It sure is something how life works out, I'll tell you that.I was terribly opposed to Clayton staying in Texas. I wanted him to come out here with Merritt and me so we could all be together. Clayton wouldn't have anything to do with that."Corrine frowned at the memory. "He said he needed space and time to get over the war."

Vanessa remembered the first time she'd talked to Clayton.She'd caught sight of her pa near the barn and had come running to show off the crown of daisies she'd just strung together only to be brought up short by the very tall man with the sad, solemn eyes.

She'd skidded to a stop, ready to be ignored or yelled at. But instead of doing either, Clayton had bent down and praised that daisy chain like it was the prettiest thing he'd seen in some time.

Now, so many years later, Vanessa realized that it most likely had been.

"He was an amazingly good foreman," she said.

The two girls toddled in, Rosa behind them. After handing them each some bread and butter, Corrine turned to Vanessa again. "I can't imagine Clayton being anything other than talented at whatever he does. He's always been the type to shoulder responsibility with ease. At least, that's what I remember.John feels the same."

"All the men on the Circle Z respected him, my pa the most." Remembering another lifetime, Vanessa said, "A few months after Clayton arrived, a dust storm flew up over our area. The red dust was so thick and grainy; my mother had to pack all the windows and doors with damp towels so the furniture wouldn't get covered. Livestock died—a lot of cattle died. Clayton was the first one out, taking care of their carcasses."She shook her head. "He took the worst job without a word. Never expected thanks; never expected to even be recognized. We were all in awe of him."

Standing up to pour a glass of buttermilk, Corrine cocked her head, looking as endearing as one of her little girls. "Tell me how the two of you fell in love. Was it at first sight?" The question made her uncomfortable. It was so much easier to talk about Clayton in general terms than as her beau. "I can't rightly say."

"Come now, take pity on me," Corrine said as she sat down and wearily propped her feet up on a ladder-back chair across from her. "How did you two get so close?"

Remembering the times she'd visit his rooms for company or advice, her voice turned wistful. "Clayton, he was always there for me. So strong, stalwart. No boy who came courting could hold a candle to Clayton's quiet ways, his integrity. He made me feel special inside." Vanessa looked to Corrine. "One day I knew I loved him."

Corrine sighed. "Your story sounds how love should happen, gradually, like a good dream. With me and Merritt, it was like an ax practically severed my heart. I didn't think I would last until I'd get a letter from him . . . or he'd visit again."

Vanessa sputtered, taken off guard by the boldness of the tale. "My goodness."

Corrine nodded sagely. "Um hum. It's always been like that, too. Strong and intense. John Merritt is everything to me. I first saw him when I was washing clothes, looking like everything I was—poor and hungry and tired. But then he tipped his hat and almost smiled, and I felt like all of a sudden I had a reason to get out of bed another day. Times were so bad, I needed any reason at all."

"And the next time?"

Corrine's face sobered. "The next time I saw him, he was recovering from a bullet wound. He'd left the hospital tent and joined his unit, but wasn't doing too well. By then, Clayton wasn't around to talk sense into him—he'd been given command of his own company. Anyway, John's unit happened to be near our farm and when they realized what bad of shape he was in, they brought him to me."

Sorrow etched Corrine's expression as she continued the story. "See, he refused to go back to one of the field hospitals.Said he couldn't take any more of the dying and the pain and the smell. So, his men brought him here for a time. I cleaned his wound and nursed him. After a time, we knew we were meant to be together. We married not long after."

Vanessa had heard bits and pieces of the story. "Didn't Clayton arrive in time to see the wedding?"

"He did, and he wasn't too happy about it, neither. That silly brother of mine kept trying to tell me how I should want another man. Someone younger. Less scarred. Someone less cranky."

Corrine shook her head with a sad smile. "Even if I did have a younger man in mind, Clayton had seemed to forget that we'd been at war for years. All the young men were gone—and the half that survived were all scarred."

"But you wanted Merritt anyway? No matter what?"

"I did." Lowering her voice, Corrine said slowly, "See Clayton thought of me as his younger, sweet sister. Still fresh and new. But I hadn't been that way for a long, long time. See, the war damaged me, too."

Corrine sipped thoughtfully on her drink, then looked directly at Vanessa. "It didn't matter what was wrong with either of us. No matter what, I knew John Merritt was the man for me. I knew God had heard my prayers and answered them. Why else would such a good man fall in love with a skinny girl like me? John took the time to see me, the person I was inside. I loved him for that."

"I guess so."

Corrine shook her head in wonder. "Imagine . . . both Merritt and Clayton living in the same place! I still have to pinch myself, I feel so blessed. Now all I have to do is convince Scout to come home."

Remembering that Clayton had said Scout was riding in Texas, she said, "Do you ever hear from him?"

"Last time was a letter at Christmas." Looking sad, Corrine confided, "Years ago, when he was a little boy, I pretty much raised him. I thought we'd be close forever. But ever since I married and Clayton and John both forbid Scout to enlist, things between us all changed. I should have tried harder to keep in touch. To at least have tried to help him more. I've failed him somehow."

"I'm sure that's not the case," Vanessa said slowly. "I used to think I failed Miles. But now I'm not so sure he didn't make his own decisions. For good or bad, we must each make our own way in the world."

"I suppose, but I thought Scout might be eager to make his way nearby."

After a few minutes of contemplation, Corrine went to lie down. Vanessa stood up and cleared the table, then chatted with Melissa and Kate while José stirred what looked to be a massive pot of pintos and peppers.192

Next, she walked outside, surveying the majestic views of the Rocky Mountains rising proudly in the distance. A herd of black and white cattle grazed just a few yards away. Their lowing and chomping echoed through the thin mountain air, making it seem like they were closer than they were.

But then Vanessa became aware of a different sound—the choppy rise and fall of men arguing. She winced as she realized the noise was coming from Clayton and Merritt. Eyeing the altercation with some alarm, Vanessa stepped a bit closer.Their voices rose. Merritt scowled. Clayton glared and bit out a reply.

Finally, Merritt threw up his hands and walked into the barn, while Clayton stepped toward the house. After a few steps, he spied her. His pace faltered, then he continued on, his expression grim.

"Clayton?" she called out. "Is everything all right?"

She was almost thankful that he didn't answer.

"Hold on. We're not done," Merritt called out as he followed Clayton around the barn.

After watching Vanessa fade from view, Clayton glanced over his shoulder at his best friend and former commander."Still issuing orders?"

"Oh, settle down," Merritt said as they turned the corner to the spigot. "I'm not ordering you around; I'm sharing my opinion."

"Sharing? That's what you call what you're doing?"

"Sharing, stating, whatever. Fact is, I think you're making a mistake. You can't leave. You've got a wife right here who needs you."

"She needs
protection.
She can get that from you."

"A woman needs more than that."

Clayton knew. He knew that Vanessa needed tenderness and care. She needed someone to stay by her side and make her remember that there were still men in the world who held fast to their promises.

Perhaps one day he could be that man. But right now, all he could think about was that he'd failed her. He hadn't even guessed that she'd been holding back from him. He'd thought he'd loved her. If he'd loved her so much, how could he not have guessed that so much more had happened between her and Price?

She'd said she trusted him. What kind of trust held back something so important?

He needed some time. They both did. And they weren't going to find it by living together day after day. "There's some other circumstances that are factoring into my decision," he told Merritt slowly. "Circumstances I feel strongly about."

"Such as?"

"Nothing that concerns you."

"You're running away, Clayton." Pausing two beats, Merritt added, "I never figured you for that kind of man."

The words slapped at him, good and hard. But in a way, it was no different or worse than the things he'd been feeling about himself.

Merritt splashed water on his face. He shook his hair like a dog to rid it of extra water. "You got nothing to say to that?"

"She had no choice but to leave her family, and you all are hardly strangers." After pausing, Clayton added, "If I stay I won't be able to keep my promise to give her time to get adjusted and think things through."

Plus, he knew it was time to search for Price instead of running from him. Now, more than ever, he needed to make things right.

"Your wife has had time. Lots of time, don't you think?"

Her nightmares last night had proved that their time together hadn't been long enough. Not yet. "Vanessa married me out of necessity. Ken Willoughby was sure she'd need my name on the trail—in case something happened."

"He was right."

"He may have been right, but it doesn't make doing the right thing any easier. Vanessa's had so few choices lately, I'm giving her time to reconsider."

After another moment. "I see. When were you figuring on leaving?"

"Soon. Tomorrow."

"Not wasting much time, are you?"

"I've waited long enough."

Merritt poured out their water onto the ground and stood silently as they both watched the rivulets snake their way over the parched ground, hardly soaking in a bit.

Finally, he said, "I've got some contacts in Denver. You could sign on with one of their outfits."

"Thanks, but I should be hearing from an outfit in Wyoming.I'll contact them when I get on my way." He'd contact them while he was searching for Price.

"Well, if that don't work out, I heard folks are needing some help maintaining order up in Nebraska, in Benson."

"A lawman?"

"Why not? You'd be good at it, and you're a better than decent shot."

Killing again felt wrong. Getting paid for it felt worse.Though killing to protect the innocent might be just what he needed. And, well, if he came across Price Venture, Clayton wasn't sure that he'd be able to stop himself from seeking justice."I'll think about it."

Merritt nodded. "All of us have to find our way. Maybe it's time you found yours."

As images filtered back of the Circle Z, of the constant work, the hands, his day-to-day routine on horseback, he frowned. "Funny, I thought I had." Clayton scraped a match against the side of the barn. " 'Course, running another man's spread was one thing. Running it for a man who'd done nothing to earn the right to have so much felt worse. Now, as I think about how everything was going, I wonder why I stayed so long at the Circle Z."

"That should be obvious. Clayton, you stayed because Vanessa was there."

"You think I knew deep down that she wasn't safe?" The thought was disturbing. Had he known deep down that she'd been in danger?

"I think you knew, deep down that you loved her. What's more, I think you know that now," Merritt added softly, not mincing his words. "I think you stayed there because that's where you wanted to be. Where the Lord wanted you to be . . . where Vanessa needed you. That's what I think."

That idea was even scarier. "I'll talk to Corrine later tonight and ask her to watch out for Vanessa."

"Best be ready for some tears. She's been pining for you.One brother is practically lost to her right now. She won't take kindly to her other one leaving so quickly."

Clayton admired the way Merritt knew Corrine's feelings, and championed them time and again. "You're good for her.Did you know right away?"

"When I first saw your sister, I was hungry, hurting, and freezing. What's more, I was itchy from a dozen varmints that had taken home on my skin. I looked worse than a dog on its last day. She smiled at me like I was everything she ever wanted."

Knowing how his sister felt, Clayton said, "You
were
everything she wanted."