A Secret History of the Bangkok Hilton (14 page)

I believe Jacomo was given the death penalty just because high-ranking police officers wanted to look tough by prosecuting a westerner. He was sent to Bang Kwang immediately. After two years and eight months the Appeal Court reduced his sentence to 15 years but it upheld the first verdict. The very fact that the Appeal Court commuted the death penalty should say something about how questionable the original verdict was.

Jacomo decided not to fight his case in the Supreme Court because it would take years and he would not be eligible for a transfer back to Germany unless his case was finalised. He hopes that when he gets back to Germany he can find a way to overturn the Thai court verdict.

He had been in Bang Kwang for about two years when we met in November 2005. I believe he didn’t kill the Swiss man. If he had, wouldn’t it have been wiser for him to just run away? The fact that he showed up at the police station two days in a row after he found the body to ask about the case shows he is innocent.

I don’t remember how we started to become more than friends. One day I just knew that we were. We started off with the usual topics of conversation and soon I started to notice how his questions were getting more personal, like when he asked what I think about love. Strangely I replied as if I had prepared, ‘Love is giving and believing in the one you love.’ He replied, ‘To me, trust is important and love isn’t complete without it.’

He went on to ask why I was not married. I told him frankly, ‘I’ve seen too many couples fail eventually. Don’t you think it is boringly strange to wake up and see the same face of the other person every day?’ He didn’t say anything to that but had an odd look on his face.

I had told him I used to study German some years ago but never got to use it after graduation so it got rusty. Not many Thais are really fluent in German and I was thinking about brushing it up as it could help my career. Jacomo said I should go to the Goethe Institute in Bangkok and offered to pay. I said if I wanted to study German, I would pay for myself.

I forgot about it after that until he brought it up again. He insisted I ask about the syllabus and report back to him. I then knew he was serious about me studying his language. I applied for an email correspondence course, which required me to go to class once a week.

Jacomo’s mother came to visit him so I got to practise my half-baked half-forgotten German with her. We managed to communicate, though, because she can speak some English. She noticed that Jacomo thought of me as more than a friend and even told him that I’m the kind of girl she would like to have as a daughter-in-law.

At the beginning of our relationship, Jacomo and I wrote letters to each other because we had so much to talk about visits were not enough. He wrote in German and I replied in English so we could express ourselves best. We wrote pages and I couldn’t help but smile while reading them. We talked about everything including matters regarding his case.

After many letters, one day he said, ‘Nina, I’m in love with you.’ He said he was relieved to be able to say it, adding that it took guts to confess his feelings. ‘What do you think of me?’ he continued. ‘If you don’t feel the same, you can tell me so I won’t have to waste my time.’

I felt the same but I wanted to ask myself some serious questions first because I didn’t want to let him or myself down later. I replied, ‘I’m very happy to hear that but I need some time to think about it. I promise you I’ll give the answer the next time we meet.’

I was in love with him too but I knew that if I told him that, it would be the first step in a serious relationship. I needed to ask myself whether I could take him seriously and handle the consequences that would surely follow our love. I needed to ask myself how long I could wait for him and whether I would lose confidence in him in the long run? My answer was that I loved him enough to deal with anything that might come between us. I gave my answer to him as promised and we continued to write letters to each other.

About two months later, he proposed to me in German in a letter. ‘Would you like to be my wife, in good times, bad times till death do us part?’ This time, with immediate confidence, I replied ‘yes’ in a letter. Then he proposed to me in person again. That was when we started trying to get married behind bars. He said he wanted to get everything done properly but I was not sure if such an arrangement would be allowed because he was on death row.

His mother contacted the embassy, which immediately sent a letter to the prison asking for permission for a wedding. The warden readily gave us permission. He and I submitted every document requested of us by the embassy in Thailand and agencies in Germany as well. It took about eight weeks for them to verify our papers. In the meantime, I visited his mother in Germany. I received word from the embassy two weeks after I returned to Thailand.

After that, we discussed the date of our wedding. We both preferred Friday evening since that is when the prison is less crowded. Nonthaburi city hall received documents from the embassy but hadn’t decided on the date. The city chief told us that we could choose the date and assured us that registering a marriage behind bars was not a problem as it is considered an outside service. We proposed 1pm on Monday, December 8, 2008 for the ceremony and the three agencies—the embassy, the prison and the district—all agreed.

I ran around choosing my dress, his suit and the rings. It was a pity that Jacomo could not participate. His only request was that our rings should be gold. I could put any inscription on them. I chose identical rings with a tiny door on each inscribed with the words BIS ZUM ENDE (to the end). When opened, it would reveal our names: mine on his and vice versa.

Having our union recognised by law makes it easier for me to represent him legally. I was very impressed by how opened-minded the warden was. I was fortunate to meet him. He and several other former wardens of Bang Kwang hoped that nobody would have to be executed during their tenure. I have great respect for him because he didn’t control the inmates with force and appeared to have understanding and sympathy for them. The same cannot be said for some of the people who worked under him, unfortunately.

One week before the wedding, I went to Sukhothai to attend the marriage of a childhood friend and her French groom. I had six days of vacation and joined in a merit-making on her birthday before returning to Bangkok in high spirits. The following day I visited Jacomo and I could tell he was as excited as I was.

On the day, I woke up early and went to Dusty’s apartment to prepare. I didn’t eat much because I was really giddy. I changed into my beautiful dress and had some pictures taken before setting off. I waited for our friends and the officers to arrive at Bang Kwang’s foreign affairs office. Four staff from the German embassy came, including the consul. Two officials came from Nonthaburi city hall.

My flower girls were British prison visitors Katherine and Gale. A friendly Thai guard named Joe welcomed us enthusiastically. He said he was happy that a joyous event would happen inside the usually gloomy Bang Kwang. Katherine and Gale presented me with a card, a cake and a violet-and-white bouquet. The city officials came prepared with two identical marriage licences printed on glossy paper. The embassy staff presented me with another bouquet. With two bouquets in my arms, I walked into the prison, hoping Jacomo and I could meet in person with nothing between us for the first time.

Then I was told that the wedding had to be held in the room reserved for embassy staff. It was not what we had expected. Jacomo and I thought we would be able to stand next to each other without mesh or glass between us. I was upset and it showed but I tried not to let this change ruin my special day.

When I entered the room, Jacomo, his best man and witness were there, waiting for us. He beamed with happiness and this put me at ease. He was also upset, however, that we couldn’t get married the way we wanted.

Dear Joe was running around trying to find out why the original plan had been changed. He was out of breath when he showed me an internal paper indicating that the guard who tried to have me banned from the prison before had used his authority to object to us holding our wedding behind the second main gate of the prison, where we could have stood next to each other, holding hands. Apparently this piece of information never showed up at the foreign affairs office before and Joe, who works there, found out it existed only minutes before we did.

Jacomo and I had no choice but to communicate by phone with glass between us. At least we could see each other clearly for the first time, I thought. I kept telling myself not to be upset by this bullying guard. When we signed the marriage licence, the two officials, one on my side and the other on his, had to rush in and out to pass papers between us.

Had we been allowed to get married inside as
requested, none of this awkwardness would have happened. Did they think I would try to help him to escape? Fortunately, Dusty, Gale and Katherine entertained the witnesses and guests and took turns to taking photographs. After we had finished the paperwork, the staff from Nonthaburi city hall and the embassy excused themselves.

We hadn’t exchanged rings yet, however. I noticed there was a little door in the room that opened onto an alley that went past the visiting area. If I could get in there, there would be just mesh between us.

I begged the guard on duty, ‘Could you please open that door? We need to exchange the rings.’ He knew me and my three girlfriends well so he agreed, but said, ‘Please don’t take too long. I don’t want to get into trouble.’

My girlfriends and I rushed in and everyone sitting
in the visiting area seemed to be fixated by the drama Jacomo and I had created. As in many movies, I would like to believe they silently gave us moral support, anticipating a happy ending for a star-crossed couple. We exchanged rings and kissed each other a couple of times through the mesh. The wire was dirty but that was the least of my concerns at that moment. The same official came and asked us politely to go back to the embassy room before any of his supervisors could catch us.

As we walked back to the room, Jacomo shouted, ‘How do you feel being my Mrs?’ I said, ‘Great!’ Jacomo and I continued to talk in the embassy room until visiting hours ran out. He told me I should celebrate with the girls and we told him to do the same with his best man. We gave cakes, snacks and drinks to the officials on duty, courtesy of Jacomo. It felt so surreal when I walked out of the prison, knowing that I had just got married yet my husband was still inside. We four girls continued our celebrations until late in the evening. When I got home, I took out the marriage licence and looked at it with equal amounts of delight and bewilderment. I don’t know if he had a good sleep the night of our wedding but I did.

Jacomo was still beaming with happiness the next time we met and he asked me how I had celebrated with the girls. He assured me, as always, that I didn’t need to worry about him and I should have fun. He said something really sweet then: I should do whatever I felt like while I could because after his release he would try to compensate for his absence by spending most of his time with me.

He said when he proposed to me he felt like I was already an integral part of his life. He used to think that a marriage licence was just a piece of paper but now he felt it cemented our relationship.

I knew our relationship was firmly established before our wedding. The mesh, glass and distance between us couldn’t stop me. We cherished every minute we had during the visits. I went to see him even when it was lashing rain. We didn’t waste time feeling bitter that we had to meet in this unpleasant place and under such awful circumstances. I didn’t pay heed to the guard who tried to stop us. The guards and inmates know how persistent I am. Once I got stuck in traffic because of heavy rain and a 30-minute taxi ride from my home to the prison turned into one hour and 30 minutes but I was determined to keep my word. He told me later that his friends had kept reassuring him that I would come back and when his name was called they let out big cheers.

I don’t think the obstacles that have come between us could have stopped our love from growing. We are physically apart but we are together emotionally. I have never thought about stopping visiting him or giving up at all.

His mother was concerned that time would wear down my patience and love for Jacomo and, given the unusual circumstances, she wasn’t sure our relationship would be given a chance to mature. For these reasons, she didn’t tell his father, whom she had divorced when Jacomo was young, about our union initially.

I tried to contact his father a few times. I wrote to tell him that Jacomo and I had got married but got no reply for over a month. We thought he might not approve of our union until one day he rang me. He said he wasn’t able to contact me because his phone was out of order and he was away on holiday for weeks. He didn’t make any comment about our wedding at all. A few months later, he called me again after the story of our wedding was published in Germany. He said they used nice picture of me alongside the interview. I’ve never met him in person but he is always courteous with me over email and phone, though he is a man of few words. I keep him posted about matters regarding Jacomo and me. I’m glad his parents didn’t object to our union.

When I told my mother about Jacomo, she said, ‘Is he the one?’ She said my father believed that as parents they could only raise their children bodily but could not shape our hearts. She assured me, ‘No matter what happens, your father and I will be here for you.’ It was the best blessing she could have given me.

Perhaps she knew that the wedding was coming. Jacomo had arranged to send flowers to me and my mother on special occasions. I found out later that he asked Gale to send the flowers on his behalf. In Germany, when a guy sends flowers to his girlfriend, he gives some to her mother as well.

I had expected
Mae
would strongly disapprove of my decision to marry him but she let me decide for myself. My mother didn’t raise the obvious concern, that Jacomo is behind bars. I thank God that she didn’t object to my decision because her blessing means a lot to me. Perhaps she had a similar experience when one of my sisters married a Japanese man.