A Passion Most Pure (24 page)

"Oh, it is."

Danny's smile broke into a grin as he opened the door for her. She closed it again, took off her wrap, and glanced at the clock in the hall-almost midnight. She yawned.

Blarney ambled down the stairs to greet her, tail wagging and eyes begging for attention. Faith leaned to pet him, then jumped at a faint knock at the door. She opened it.

Danny stood there grinning like a fool. "Look, you're not going to change your mind, are you? I mean, we're more than friends, right?" He looked a tad like Blarney with his wide eyes and hopeful look.

She laughed and leaned against the door, nodding.

"Good!" He took a deep breath and kissed her again, allowing his lips to linger.

She fought a smile and tried to look stern. "Go home, Danny. It's late. Or it may change to friends before you reach your car."

He saluted. "Yes, ma'am! Sleep well. I know I will."

She closed the door again, suddenly drained. She was halfway up the stairs when she heard another quiet knock. She sighed and shook her head as she descended the steps. Is he trying to make up for all the lost kisses in one evening? She opened the door a crack. "Okay, what did you forget this time-"

"I thought he would never leave," Collin said. "Been hiding in those blasted bushes forever."

Even in the dark, she could tell he'd been drinking. A lot, from the looks of it. His speech was slurred, his eyes glassy, and his hair tumbled over his eyes like he'd just rolled out of bed. He swayed ever so slightly, despite one arm balanced against the door. "So, did you have a good time with Danny Boy?"

"Collin, you're drunk! Do you realize what will happen if Father sees you like this?"

He drooped against the door frame, head bobbing in slow motion. "Yessss ... I do. But I have to see Charity. Right now."

Faith glanced upstairs, her heart jumping hurdles at the prospect of her parents finding Collin like this. "Why? Is something wrong?" Her tone was urgent.

"Need to talk-hafta tell her somethin'." He was tilting more noticeably now, and Faith was terrified he would keel over. She shot a frantic peek up the stairs, then lassoed his waist with her arms. With a grunt, she shifted him from the door onto her small frame, then stumbled under his weight. Managing to steady herself, she weaved their way to the porch swing. The smell of beer and smoke assailed her as she unloaded him in the swing.

"A devil of a time t' come on t' me, Faith," he slurred. "You should be ashamed-I'm almos' a married man."

"Oh hush, Collin. You're drunk, and if my father sees you like this, there won't be any wedding."

"Aw, don' be mad. I guess maybe I had a little too much t' drink, but it's ..." He blinked at his watch. "Or was ... Saint Patty's Day." He propped his head back against the swing and sighed. "Guess I can't hold my beer like I used to."

"Well, you won't be holding Charity like you used to either, if you get caught. You need coffee. Promise you'll stay right here while I go brew some."

He nodded and closed his eyes. Faith watched him for a moment, her heart aching in her chest, then slipped back inside to get the coffee.

He was asleep when she returned, so she sat on the swing for a moment, the cup steaming in her hand. He looked like such a little boy, so innocent in sleep, his eyes fringed with the longest lashes she had ever seen. Her heart skipped a beat as she stared at him, and her breath accelerated as it always did when he was near. Never had she seen a more handsome man than Collin McGuire. He was well-suited for her sister.

Slowly, Faith stood and shook his arm. He mumbled something indistinguishable and opened his eyes to stare blankly at her.

She held out the coffee. "Collin, take the coffee and drink it, please."

He stirred, recognition dawning on his face. He gave her a drowsy smile. "Faith ..." His eyes widened as his memory kicked in. "Uh-oh. I didn't wake anybody, did I?" He tried to sit up, then slumped back in the swing, his hand flying to his head. "Sweet blazes, my head hurts!" He peered up from under those sweeping lashes. "Did ya say something 'bout coffee?"

She handed it to him, and he took it, his hands shaking as he bent to drink it. When he drained the cup, he handed it back to her. "Thanks. Got any more? I think I could use it."

She nodded and started for the door, turning as he reached out to touch her arm. "Faith ... will ya stay up and talk with me a while? I really need to talk."

She looked at his handsome face in the moonlight and could think of nothing she'd rather do. He saw her nod, then dropped his grasp on her arm. Reclining once again, he closed his eyes.

She woke him again when she returned with the second cup. He took the coffee and drank it, slower this time, eyes staring ahead into the moonlit yard. She settled beside him, content, waiting for him to speak.

"So you and Danny-more than friends now?" He took another sip, his gaze shifting from the yard to the sky studded with stars.

"Just exactly how much did you hear?" she wanted to know, her voice chafing.

Collin turned and attempted a grin, then was caught off guard at just how pretty she looked with the glow of moonlight in her face. He averted his gaze, gulping his coffee instead of sipping. "Don't be mad-I didn't mean to spy. I thought for sure your good night would be brief." He glanced at her again. "I know how committed you are to ... keeping it brief."

Even in the moonlight, he could see her blush, and his heart began to race. "Do you love him?" His question was barely audible.

She thought about it awhile before answering. "No, I don't think so, at least not yet. I mean, I really care about him. He's a very good friend who is suddenly becoming, well, more than a friend." She wrinkled her nose and smiled. "I suppose time will tell. So, Collin, what's bothering you enough to risk my father throwing you out on your ear?"

He took a deep breath and set the empty cup down on the porch. He pressed forward with his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together to rest his chin. His eyes stared straight ahead and his voice was quiet. "I don't know if I'm doing the right thing."

"What are you talking about?"

"Marrying Charity-I'm just not sure."

Her lips parted, and he heard the soft intake of air in her throat.

"She deserves better, Faith," he continued. He buried his face in his hands.

Silence hung in the air. He heard her breathe in deeply several times. The gentle touch of her hand on his shoulder startled him. "What makes you say that, Collin? Charity loves you more than anything in the world. As far as she's concerned, there is no 'better' than you."

He exhaled slowly and leaned back in the swing, rubbing his eye with his thumb. "I cheated on her tonight, Faith."

He risked a glance at her and winced as she shrank back with her hand to her mouth. She sat there as if unable to move or speak. He continued on. "I never meant to, but I was drinking. And the pub was filled with pretty women who were drinking. One thing led to another ..." His voice trailed off as he massaged his eyes with his hands. "Faith, I've done this so many times before, but I've never felt like this-sick inside, ashamed. Something's different. Suddenly I got a conscience, and I don't know what to do with it. Even though I've been committed to Charity for over six months now, and others before her, I've always had trouble saying no to a pretty face."

The shock in her face jarred him. He looked away. "I'm not proud of it, Faith, but it's part of who I am. Call it my own sordid quest for love, if you want. Whatever the motivation, it's never bothered me before. And then your family takes me in, I get engaged to your sister, and everything's different. For one moment, I step back into the old life of Collin McGuire, and suddenly I feel like a stranger."

He turned to her. "Faith, I don't know what's happening, but I don't ever want to do it again, so help me God ..." He stopped when her eyes widened at his choice of words. He gave her a wary look. "Oh no. You're not going to tell me you've been praying for me, are you?"

She nodded.

He dropped against the swing and chuckled quietly. "Well, I'll be." He rubbed his jaw with the side of his hand. Leaning forward, he buried his face in his hands again. "While you're praying, Faith, pray I'll be a good husband to her, will you? Your family is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'd hate to be a disappointment."

"I will, Collin. But you know, you can pray to him yourself. He would like that."

He glanced at her sideways. "You would too, wouldn't you?"

"It would thrill me to no end."

He smiled and lifted his hand to stroke her cheek. She shivered. "You cold?" He raised his arm to extend it around her shoulders.

She shook her head, moving away. "What are you planning to do about Charity? Are you going to tell her?"

He sank back, exhaling slowly. "I'm not sure. It's so strange. All of a sudden, I have this horrible urge to be honest." He glanced at her. "Why, what do you think I should do?"

"Well, normally I'm a great advocate of honesty, but I think maybe in this case, saying nothing would be best. Did you mean it when you said you never wanted to, you know ..."

"Cheat on her?" He finished her sentence, and she nodded. He smiled. "Yeah, I did. I think I found out tonight that when you're committed to someone, cheating on them is a lot like getting drunk-it's easy to do but hurts like the devil in the morning."

"Then, if you really mean that, let it go. It would only crush her needlessly. And not confessing means there's only one whose forgiveness you need. Why make it two?"

"Two? Who else?"

It was Faith's turn to look confused. "Why, God's, of course! Don't you go to confession?"

Collin laughed out loud. "What, you think because I was raised Catholic and go to mass with your family every week, it's a given I go to confession? What makes you think I even need to go? I don't feel I've done anything wrong."

"Oh, and you're proud of what you did tonight, I suppose?"

"No, I'm not particularly proud of what I did tonight, but I'm not ashamed of being a man, either. I have needs, and I know how to satisfy them. It's as simple as that. As far as I'm concerned, I'm doing what comes naturally, and I don't see anything wrong in that. At least, I didn't until tonight."

"Then doesn't that convince you it's wrong? Don't you understand that's why you have the sick feeling, the regret?"

"Maybe ... but I'd rather not think about it in terms of hellfire and damnation like you do." His tone was nonchalant, which caused her to bristle. "That's the biggest problem between you and me, Faith. You see what I did tonight as sin, and you want me to grovel before God to obtain his forgiveness. I see it as simply living my life on my own terms, then wiping the slate clean when I've made a mistake."

"You mean sinned!" Her eyes blazed, but he only shook his head and laughed. "Don't you see, Collin, you're not wiping anything clean. Your 'slate,' as you call it, is black with 'mistakes'-closing your eyes to them doesn't make them go away. How can you ever know how to do the right thing in life if you can't even acknowledge the wrong? You want me to pray you'll be a good husband to my sister. Well, which good husband do you want me to pray forthe one according to Collin McGuire, or the one according to God? You can't have both."

Her words pricked him, and he stiffened.

"You want to be a good man, Collin, I can feel it. But the thing you don't realize is you can't be good without God. We're all sinners; the Bible says so. And I know firsthand that I am. You may want to be a good husband to my sister, and you may qualify that as one who doesn't cheat on her. But you're a human being, Collin, a sinner like the rest of us. One day, you may again do what comes 'naturally.' And when you do, your hopes for being a good husband will be dashed-along with your marriage."

Faith felt the charge of adrenaline flooding her veins as he glared, but she probed the depths of his gray eyes and knew he was finally hearing her words. Her heart felt light, full of hope, and she prayed God would pierce his with the truth. His gaze shifted away as he appeared to wrestle with the words she'd spoken. After a while, he nodded and hunched forward on the swing, head hanging as he stared at the floor.

"So, what do I do?" he asked gruffly.

She turned and grabbed his hands, almost breathless with joy. "Oh, Collin, I can pray with you! For God to come into your heart, into your life. To make you the man he wants you to be and the husband you want to be for Charity."

He studied her, not saying a word, and she could tell he was struggling inside. Silently, she prayed God would help him to make the right choice. He looked away again, pulling his hands out of hers. Moments passed before he answered. When he did, his voice was sober and low. "Do it," he said, so quietly she was afraid she hadn't heard right.

"You'll let me pray with you?"

"Yeah." He put his hands back into hers.

She was shaking. "Oh, Lord, thank you so much for this man before me. I know you love him. You've always loved him. He hasn't acknowledged you, Lord, because he's been hurt. But he wants the happiness you have for him, and I think he knows now you're the only way to get it. Help him, Lord. Help him to turn his life over to you, to be the man you want him to be and the husband Charity needs. In Jesus's name. Amen."

She opened her eyes. He was staring at her with a strange look and a faint smile. He squeezed her hand. "Thanks, Faith. As much as I hate to admit it, I actually feel better. I guess we'll see how much this God of yours listens to your prayers." The smile faded. His eyes became serious. "And, Faith, thanks for staying up ... for being here." He bent to kiss her cheek.

The moment his lips touched her skin, a tingle of heat shot through her, causing her to gasp.

He stiffened at the sound and searched her face in the moonlight. "Faith?"

She dropped her gaze and backed away, her pulse skyrocketing. Why is this happening again? She was over him, wasn't she? He wasn't supposed to be able to make her heart race like this. Dear God, please-tell me I'm over him! He lifted her chin with his finger, then his lips parted in surprise as if he could read her thoughts. She saw the look in his eyes and tried to escape. "Collin, no ..."