Authors: Joan Hess
A Diet to Die For (22 page)
“Well,” I murmured, “let’s presume for a moment that Bobbi and her dear Shelly weren’t involved in the sale of steroids to local athletes. Instead, let’s presume that Jody didn’t refuse to deal with the distasteful Marcus. After the football player died, it seemed prudent to avoid any association. That left the problem of transporting the illegal substances from here to the campus. Maribeth was absolutely delighted to run little errands for you, and no one could have ever imagined her in the role of dope runner. When did
she first become suspicious about the contents of the packages?”
she first become suspicious about the contents of the packages?”
“She didn’t deliver nothing.”
“I think she did, and also began asking questions—awkward questions without acceptable answers. Suddenly it became vital to win her trust by lavishing attention on her. Roses, naughty suggestions to make her feel desirable, little picnics in the office, a fabricated undercover cop—whatever it took to keep her from wondering about her clandestine meetings with Marcus near the campus.”
“That’s a bunch of shit. I haven’t had anything to do with Marcus for a couple of weeks. You heard me telling him to keep out of the center. He may have hung around the parking lot out front, but it was because he was waiting for Bobbi to bring out a bag of goodies.”
Sighing, I turned to Peter. “A couple of nights ago Marcus parked at the far end of the lot-not to pick up Bobbi after class, but to pick up a package from Jody since Maribeth was no longer available. I was sitting on the hood of my car when Jody appeared on the sidewalk and said he’d stepped out for a cigarette. If he’d stepped out through the front door, I definitely would have noticed. When he ducked back in to get matches, the music nearly blew me off the car.”
“Mrs. Malloy’s taste is somewhat antiquated,” Peter explained to the group. “Concertos, sonatas, etudes, but not hard rock.”
Jody took out a cigarette and stuck it between his lips. “So sometimes I go out the back door and come around the side. What’s the big deal?”
“Marcus probably figured the police were getting suspicious, and said as much to you,” I continued.
“Then Bobbi discovered that a real live policeman had been working out in the weight room, and that the two new members of the teen class seemed to be pals of his. She bounced over to the hospital and quizzed Maribeth about the potassium and some of the other symptoms. As a physical education major, she was familiar with the signs of steroids and was aware of the athletic department scandal. Maribeth was the link. Did Bobbi finally put the pieces together and come back here to confront you? Is that why you shot her and dumped her in the Jacuzzi?”
“Then Bobbi discovered that a real live policeman had been working out in the weight room, and that the two new members of the teen class seemed to be pals of his. She bounced over to the hospital and quizzed Maribeth about the potassium and some of the other symptoms. As a physical education major, she was familiar with the signs of steroids and was aware of the athletic department scandal. Maribeth was the link. Did Bobbi finally put the pieces together and come back here to confront you? Is that why you shot her and dumped her in the Jacuzzi?”
“She attacked me. You were there.”
“Not in the sense Edward R. Murrow meant, no offense intended,” I said, shaking my head. “You said you heard something and went off to investigate. You claimed to have been hit on the head, but I didn’t see or hear anyone. But you wanted a witness to back up your story, so you insisted on going to the office, where you conveniently discovered the telephone was dead. You emphasized what danger you would be in, then went storming into the dark with a gun. You caught my attention in the weight room and made sure I came to warn you. You darted through the door that led to the men’s dressing room, fired the gun, and came back to relate how Bobbi had grabbed your wrist and caused the gun to go off. Maybe you thought the hot water might prevent the coroner from determining the time of death. It might have worked, but there was too much blood in the Jacuzzi, Jody. Too much blood.”
Peter said to Jorgeson, “Have all the men search for a bullet hole in the wall of one of the rooms. Also, have the fingerprint guy dust the handles of this bag for prints. I’m sure our friend was careful not to leave
any prints on the drug paraphernalia or on the key, but he was in a bit of a hurry this time and he might have been careless.”
any prints on the drug paraphernalia or on the key, but he was in a bit of a hurry this time and he might have been careless.”
“You don’t have anything on me,” Jody said. “So I held Bobbi’s bag for her one time, and maybe somebody fired a shot before I even leased the building. Maribeth’s the one who killed someone, not Joseph Delano.”
“Maribeth did lose control of her car at an unfortunate moment,” I said, thinking of one of Peter’s many smartass remarks. “By that evening she was having a difficult time because of the steroids. She went into what’s been called a roid rage, drove off, and then stopped at the red light. It was six o’clock, time for the news. If we could get a transcript of the radio broadcast, I think we’d hear the story about the scandal at the college athletic department, about the athlete whose heart attack was caused by steroid abuse. Something clicked, and she came back not to confront Candice or me, but to confront you and to demand an explanation. Her heightened agitation provoked the heart attack.”
Peter gave me a facetiously wondering look. “Malloy strikes again. I’ll interview Maribeth in the morning. Once she learns that Jody was dosing her with steroids, she may have things to tell us about his transactions with the campus liaison. Jorgeson, escort our friend out to the car, read him his rights, and take him to the station so he can contact a lawyer. He most definitely will need one.”
Jorgeson, Jody, and the doorman departed. I sat down behind the desk and allowed myself a smile.
“Pleased with yourself?” Peter murmured.
“How long have you suspected the steroids were
coming from here?” I countered sweetly. “If you’d bothered to tell me the truth a few days ago, I’d have been discreet. But you insisted Maribeth’s crash was an accident, and I felt obliged to prove otherwise.”
coming from here?” I countered sweetly. “If you’d bothered to tell me the truth a few days ago, I’d have been discreet. But you insisted Maribeth’s crash was an accident, and I felt obliged to prove otherwise.”
“While nearly getting yourself killed. Has it occurred to you that Jody might not have been finished setting the stage for the police? He had another bullet in the gun, and we might have found two bodies in the Jacuzzi and heard a story about Bobbi shooting you before her struggle with Jody.”
I was in too good a mood to entertain silly hypothetical remarks. “What did Gerald have to say about the ladder?”
“Nothing. The last I heard he was still curled up on the braided rug in the foyer, snoring like a hippo with a sinus infection. I have someone watching the house.”
“The little old lady with the German shepherd?”
“Officers Vonna Montgomery and Killer Instinct strolled up to the house after you left.” He sat down across from me, crossed his legs, folded his hands in his lap, and produced a smile of such honied benevolence that I wanted to duck under the desk. “We would have gotten to Delano within a week, you know. We’re plodders, but we and the feds and the NCAA investigators were all plodding in the right direction—when you stirred things up with your mulish insistence and meddlesome questions. If you’d behaved yourself, the Rodriquez girl wouldn’t have become involved to the point that she wanted to be paid for her silence.”
“She was upset when she came out of the office at seven-thirty,” I said frowning.
“Jody was gone at the time. Marcus was in there,
and must have told her what he’d done to your car.”
and must have told her what he’d done to your car.”
“Someone peeked through the window of the Book Depot that morning. I presumed it was a customer, but he might have wanted to ascertain I was occupied elsewhere. If Bobbi wasn’t involved with the drug racket, then why would he tell her what he did?”
“She was getting suspicious, and he wanted to scare her. We picked him up earlier in the evening.”
“Why?”
“I had someone plod over to your garage. The cotter pin was lying on the floor, doing its best to look as if it fell out of its own accord. We found a partial print, and ran it. It seems Marcus has a record, mostly juvenile, but with a few more mature incidents. We plodded over to the athletic dorm and invited him to visit with us for a spell. He wanted to sing all night, but I had to disappoint him by coming here to find out what the feisty, foolhardy heroine was doing in a dark building with a suspected drug dealer.”
“Whatever sent you on such a wild-goose chase?”
“Joanie Powell called me and told me you were acting very strange. She was sure you were lying about something.”
I sighed. “There goes my exquisite hand-built vase for the mantel.”
“Perhaps she’ll give it to me so that I can put it on my mantel,” Peter said. “The mantel above the fireplace, that is. The fireplace that could provide a flickering fire to be admired from the sofa over the rim of a wineglass. I would like to think you might live long enough to share the scenario, but you do seem determined to plunge yourself into trouble, don’t you?”
“Oh, dear, are you angry with me? I was just trying to help, Lieutenant.”
“And I was just trying to—” He stopped and rubbed his eyes, then said, “Never mind. It’s after midnight. Leave Joanie’s car here and I’ll drive you home. That way I can be sure you won’t stop at a convenience store in the middle of a holdup, or pick up a hitchhiker who turns out to be an escaped felon with a machine gun and a yen to see Mexico.”
“I warned Caron that I might not be home until dawn.”
“Did you?”
“I did.”
“That was clever.”
I smiled modestly. “I thought so, but I’m keenly aware of my brilliant deductive prowess.”
“Perhaps if I saw more of you, I would be, too.”
“An interesting hypothesis, and worthy of further exploration. Shall we go?”
A Really Cute Corpse
A Diet to Die For
A Conventional Corpse
Dear Miss Demeanor
The Murder at the Murder at the Mimosa Inn
Strangled Prose
Roll Over and Play Dead
A Diet to Die For
A Conventional Corpse
Dear Miss Demeanor
The Murder at the Murder at the Mimosa Inn
Strangled Prose
Roll Over and Play Dead
AVAILABLE FROM ST. MARTIN’S / MINOTAUR PAPERBACKS
“Witty, ironic, and biting … Joan Hess has an unerring comedic instinct.”
—Bookpage
“Joan Hess fans will find a winning blend of soft-core
feminism, trendy subplots, and a completely irreverent
style that characterizes both series and the sleuth,
all nicely onstage.”
feminism, trendy subplots, and a completely irreverent
style that characterizes both series and the sleuth,
all nicely onstage.”
—Houston Chronicle
“Breezy and delightful … Claire Malloy is one of the
most engaging narrators in mystery.”
most engaging narrators in mystery.”
—The Drood Review
“Whether she’s hammering my funny bone or merely
passing a feather beneath my nose, Joan Hess always
makes me laugh. Murder only raises Joan Hess’s
wicked sense of humor. Enjoy!”
passing a feather beneath my nose, Joan Hess always
makes me laugh. Murder only raises Joan Hess’s
wicked sense of humor. Enjoy!”
—Margaret Maron, author of
Storm Track
Storm Track
“Definitely entertaining. Hess deftly sprinkles red
herrings and odd characters throughout.”
herrings and odd characters throughout.”
—Library journal
on
The Murder at the Murder at the Mimosa Inn
on
The Murder at the Murder at the Mimosa Inn
“Dear Miss Demeanor
is great fun … Hess’s poniard
is tipped with subtle wit.”
is great fun … Hess’s poniard
is tipped with subtle wit.”
—Chicago Sun Times on Dear Miss Demeanor
“Hess’s theme is a serious one, but she handles it
with wit. Claire is an appealing character, and this is an
engaging mystery for anyone who likes crime mixed
with comedy.”
with wit. Claire is an appealing character, and this is an
engaging mystery for anyone who likes crime mixed
with comedy.”
—Booklist on Roll Over and Play Dead
“Hess’s style—that of a more worldly Erma Bombeck—
rarely flags. Amiable entertainment with an edge.”
rarely flags. Amiable entertainment with an edge.”
—Kirkus Reviews
“Joan Hess is one funny woman.”—Susan Dunlap
“Joan Hess is the funniest mystery writer to come down
the pipe since England’s incomparable Pamela Branch.
And oh, how well Joan writes.”
the pipe since England’s incomparable Pamela Branch.
And oh, how well Joan writes.”
—Carolyn G. Hart
BLUE DEER THAW by Jamie Harrison
LIE LIKE A RUG by Donna Huston Murray
A CONVENTIONAL CORPSE by Joan Hess
THE GREEN-EYED HURRICANE by Martin Hegwood
THE IRISH MANOR HOUSE MURDER by Dicey Deere
LAST SEEN IN MASSILIA by Steven Saylor
AMNESIA by G. H. Ephron
PISCES RISING by Martha C. Lawrence
A PLACE OF EXECUTION by Val McDermid
THE HEAT OF LIES by Jonathan Stone
LEAVIN’ TRUNK BLUES by Ace Atkins
FILM STRIP by Nancy Bartholomew
SET IN DARKNESS by Ian Rankin
THE BOOK OF KILLS Ralph McInerny
MURDER SETS SEED by Janis Harrison
ADVENT OF DYING by Sister Carol Anne O’Marie
A TWIST AT THE END by Steven Saylor
AN EYE FOR GOLD by Sarah Andrews
A MISTY MOURNING by Rett MacPherson
REFLECTING THE SKY by S.J. Rozan
MURDER ON THE MAURETANIA by Conrad Allen
KILL ME TENDER by Daniel Klein
LIE LIKE A RUG by Donna Huston Murray
A CONVENTIONAL CORPSE by Joan Hess
THE GREEN-EYED HURRICANE by Martin Hegwood
THE IRISH MANOR HOUSE MURDER by Dicey Deere
LAST SEEN IN MASSILIA by Steven Saylor
AMNESIA by G. H. Ephron
PISCES RISING by Martha C. Lawrence
A PLACE OF EXECUTION by Val McDermid
THE HEAT OF LIES by Jonathan Stone
LEAVIN’ TRUNK BLUES by Ace Atkins
FILM STRIP by Nancy Bartholomew
SET IN DARKNESS by Ian Rankin
THE BOOK OF KILLS Ralph McInerny
MURDER SETS SEED by Janis Harrison
ADVENT OF DYING by Sister Carol Anne O’Marie
A TWIST AT THE END by Steven Saylor
AN EYE FOR GOLD by Sarah Andrews
A MISTY MOURNING by Rett MacPherson
REFLECTING THE SKY by S.J. Rozan
MURDER ON THE MAURETANIA by Conrad Allen
KILL ME TENDER by Daniel Klein
St. Martin’s Paperbacks
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AGATHA CHRISTIE
is also proud to present these mystery classics by
AGATHA CHRISTIE
MURDER IS EASY
SPARKLING CYANIDE
TOWARDS ZERO
ENDLESS NIGHT
SPARKLING CYANIDE
TOWARDS ZERO
ENDLESS NIGHT
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