A Dangerous Demon King (The Sentinel Demons Book 4) (9 page)

“No one has ever needed me before,” she confessed, her voice tremulous. Her body was still trying to calm after Kristoff’s unexpected burst of strength.

“I fucking need you enough to make up for everyone who never did,” he grumbled unhappily.

“You’re in my mind,” Sophie reminded him. “You know I want you, too. So much it’s almost uncontrollable.” Which was why she’d asked him to kiss her when she really shouldn’t have. Her urges were becoming hard to ignore.

“I know,” Kristoff acknowledged. “I can also sense that you’re exhausted.”

“I haven’t slept since Athena brought you home. I couldn’t. You were in so much pain.”

“It was nothing. I’ve suffered much worse punishment. And I’m fine now. Sleep, Sophie. Stay here with me. It might kill me to know you’re here, but it’s worse when you aren’t.”

She felt exactly the same way, so she made herself comfortable next to him, her body starting to feel the strain of sleep deprivation.

“You haven’t promised me that you won’t do something crazy just to protect me again,” she reminded him sleepily.

“No, I didn’t. Nor will I. I take my vows seriously, and I can’t tell you that I’d never do anything to keep you safe, because I will.”

“Stubborn Sentinel,” she admonished.

“Stubborn mate,” he answered drowsily. “Accept that I’m always going to do whatever it takes to make you happy and make sure you’re safe.”

As she fell asleep without answering, Sophie smiled. Kristoff gave a new meaning to bossy, but he was doing it to try to keep her safe.

Since it felt so good to be cherished, she was pretty sure she could live with his demanding nature. In fact, the more she came to understand his motivations, she knew she could.

S
ophie spent the next two weeks catching up on everything she’d missed in the last few centuries. To say she’d been shocked at first was putting it mildly. Kristoff had taken her to her native London, and there was very little she recognized anymore. Some buildings had been preserved, but were used for other purposes now. Very little had remained of the city she’d known two centuries ago, except the pain she and Zach had experienced when they were two children trying to survive in a very cold, very brutal world.
That
she remembered.
That
she couldn’t forget. But seeing how the world had moved on and progressed had helped.

They traveled somewhere new every day, but they always returned to Athena’s castle, where Kristoff continued to feed her more than she could eat, got even more protective and possessive about her being his
radiant
, but never mentioned what they were going to do about that issue.

He treated her well. Actually, he was almost
too
polite. Sophie shared his thoughts, experienced his desperation like it was her own. Or was it her own? She was getting to the point where she couldn’t tell.

Maybe he decided he doesn’t want me anymore. Maybe he finally realized that my pox marks and scars are ugly.

Instantly, she knew that her negative thoughts were her own insecurities. Kristoff didn’t see her as an ignorant, scarred mate. That wasn’t the problem. Although she tried not to intrude, she could sense his need, his desperation to claim
her
.
His radiant
. He didn’t even seem to notice her faults. Sometimes, her attraction to him overwhelmed her, and it was usually because his emotions were getting so entangled with her own.

She sat outside on the beach, mesmerized by the magical, deep-blue cascade of waves as they hit the sand over and over again, trying to figure out what was
really
going on with Kristoff. Rarely did he lock his thoughts from her, but there were things behind a mental door that occasionally slammed shut when he was contemplating something he didn’t want her to know.

Sophie wasn’t quite sure if he closed her off intentionally, or if it was subconscious, but she could feel the distance when it happened, and it hurt to the depths of her soul.

Being destined mates was complicated. It was as though they were connected, and when she was excluded, it was almost physically painful, a deep ache that wouldn’t go away.

He hadn’t touched her since the night he’d recovered from being in the demon realm to attempt to slay Goran, but she knew he
wanted
to, and his emotions were almost violent, frantic and frenzied, as he painfully tried to hold himself back.

Why? Why is he checking himself when it’s hurting him?

Letting the sand sift between her toes as she moved her bare feet, Sophie decided she’d take things as they happened. Problem was, she really wanted
something
to occur, and she definitely wanted to know exactly what Kristoff was thinking. Most of the time, he communicated openly, mostly sharing information with her, and talking about memories of Zach and Athena.

But he never talks about his life before he became the Sentinel king.

Sophie assumed whatever had happened, it wasn’t good. But she was his mate, and she knew he was close to the edge. She could
feel
it in her soul.

Athena didn’t think Kristoff could survive not mating.

However, Kristoff was determined
not
to mate, even though Sophie knew ignoring his instincts was practically killing him.

How could the situation be resolved?

Her confidence was growing as Kristoff showed her more and more of the world as it was now. So much had changed, but some things remained the same. There was a lot of amazing technology in the world today, but still too many people were still struggling just to survive.

Just like Zach and I did two centuries ago.

She swept her sandy hands over her blue jeans, shivering as she thought about the way Kristoff had looked at her as she’d left the castle in only denims and a T-shirt. His eyes had been amber, his expression somber, his gaze practically burning her alive as he watched her leave, looking like he wanted nothing more than to go with her, even though he’d refused with a simple shake of his head when she’d asked him if he wanted to join her. It couldn’t be the fact that he disapproved of her attire. After all, he’d been the one to create her clothing for her, helping her catch up on what women wore these days. Although it had taken her a while to get used to wearing pants, she had to admit that it was one of the changes she was learning to embrace.

“Hello, Sophie.”

The greeting came so abruptly from behind her that she startled, even though she recognized Athena’s voice.

Scrambling to get up to greet her visitor, she plopped back down when the goddess motioned for her to stay where she was, and then joined her on the sand.

“Athena. What are doing here?” Sophie realized what a dumb question she’d asked considering this was Athena’s dimension, her creation, and her home. “That was a stupid question. This is your place.”

The blonde woman shook her head as she positioned herself comfortably in the sand. Dressed much like Sophie, the goddess still radiated a power that was slightly intimidating. “I wanted to see how you were doing here. This isn’t my home anymore. I haven’t even been here for a very long time. Maybe I was more at peace here, but I was still lonely. Home is wherever Hunter is now.”

The peaceful look and small, contented smile on Athena’s face told Sophie that this was a place the goddess didn’t need anymore. “Kristoff has been reintroducing me to the world. In so many ways it’s changed, but fundamentally, it really isn’t that different.”

Athena nodded. “That’s how I felt, and my life dates back thousands of years. People are still the same: some good, some bad. There’s still war and battles, different cultures and people fighting over what’s right and what’s wrong. Prejudice and bias still exists, but more cloaked in what humans consider a more civilized manner.” She snorted as she let out a mocking laugh. “But I have to admit, I would rather be in the world I have today than anywhere else. Technology is a wonderful thing. I won’t complain about that.”

Sophie watched the beautiful blonde tilt her head toward the sun as she asked her, “What news is there about the Evils. How is the cleanup going?”

“Time doesn’t pass quite the same here as it does in the human realm. Barely a few days have gone by there, and trying to right all of the wrongs the Evils did will take time. But we’ll get it taken care of.” She hesitated before mentioning, “You and Kristoff haven’t mated.”

“How did you know?” Sophie asked curiously. Then, remembering Athena was a goddess who knew a lot of things without asking, she continued, “No. He’s been more of a teacher and mentor to me.”

“He’s meant to be your mate, Sophie. And I can tell because I can still feel the slight unbalance. Everything that should be done hasn’t happened. I’m Kristoff’s Sentinel creator, and we’re closely tied. I can still feel the echo of his sorrow…and yours. It’s always been present with Kristoff, and now I feel it even stronger because you two are connected.”

Sophie finally gave up hiding anything from Athena and her probing stare. Strangely, she wasn’t intimidated by the goddess anymore. Seeing how much Athena adored Hunter, and how much she cared about Kristoff’s happiness had melted away most of her hesitation. “He refuses to bond me to him. He says no woman deserves that fate, especially not me. I think he’s trying to figure out a way to reverse the
radiant
thing.” She sighed as she added her biggest concern, “It’s getting painful. I ache so badly that I feel irritable and restless. Is it the same for Kristoff?”

Athena snorted. “It’s a thousand times worse than what you’re feeling. Stubborn male! The mating bond is irreversible. You can deny him, and he can deny you, but you’ll still be his
radiant
. And I don’t think he can survive the strength of his attraction. You’re the part of him that he’s been missing for so long, the woman he desperately needs to stop the emptiness that’s been plaguing him for eons. Because he’s the king and a demigod instead of a human, his urge to obey the command of the gods is stronger, more powerful than any of his previously human Sentinels.”

“I’m not sure what to do,” Sophie admitted. “I mean, both of us were pretty much thrown into this situation without even knowing each other, but it’s worse now that I’ve gotten to know how kind he is, how much he’s sacrificed himself for his Sentinels. He’d die for any of them.” She hesitated before adding, “He’s willing to die for me.” She sighed as she continued, “Kristoff mentioned that our mating situation is unusual, but I don’t know how it works normally, so I have nothing to compare it to. You, Talia and Kat shared your experiences, but what exactly
are
the rules? How is it supposed to work for a normal Sentinel?”

Athena quickly laid out the basics of how the
radiant
mating generally occurred, providing her with information about how it had been different with her and Hunter because she was a goddess. When she finished, she asked quietly, “What do
you
want, Sophie? Do you want to be with Kristoff?”

She shook her head but answered, “I don’t know. I guess…” her voice trailed off.

Athena glanced at her questioningly. “What is it?”

“I have feelings for him, things that aren’t part of the mating bond. I care for him in ways other than just as my destined mate. The overwhelming desire is there, but I want…more. I want somebody to love me. I don’t want just an arranged mating. Maybe that sounds stupid since me being handed a Sentinel like Kristoff is absurd in the first place. He’s too rich, too handsome, too powerful for me.” She spilled out everything, all of her emotions in her voice, and choked back a sob.

Truly, what Sophie wanted was somebody who loved
her
, a man that wanted
her
. Sadly, she realized that she
did
want that somebody to be Kristoff.

Sophie finally confessed, “I’m falling in love with him. My heart aches. It’s not just my soul and my body that wants him anymore.”

Athena’s face softened and she reached out and pulled Sophie into her arms and hugged her, rocking her like a mother would a child. “I’m sorry. I forget how little you know of the Sentinels or any other world except being a captive of the Evils. Of course you don’t understand.”

The friendly comforting from Athena made Sophie break, and she sobbed out her fear, pain, and every negative emotion she had, feelings that had been bottled up inside her for longer than she could remember. Things she’d thought she’d hidden rose up and left her helpless to a flow of painful wails as Athena held onto her tightly and let her exhaust herself.

“Everything will work out,” Athena crooned patiently. “I doubt you’ll ever forget the torture you had to endure, but it will fade. I promise it will.”

She clutched Athena like she was her lifeline, trying to absorb the goddess’s gentle confidence. She’d never felt the peace of being comforted by a female friend or relative. Her and Zach had been orphans trying to survive as children, and after that, all she’d ever known was scorn, torture and pain. As her sobs subsided, she confessed, “The worst part was watching the women come and go, knowing they were all going to die and I would probably eventually wake up alone. That was always the way it happened. Over and over again. I felt guilty because I was the only one who survived when I would have been glad if I’d never woken up again. Some of the women were there long enough to be my friends.”

It was as if a lifetime of anguish was suddenly breaking loose from her soul, finally free to escape.

Athena let out an angry exclamation as she rubbed Sophie’s back. “It wasn’t your fault. None of it was ever your fault. The gods are assholes sometimes. What you went through wasn’t a test. It was an atrocity.”

Sophie finally untangled herself from Athena and swiped at her tears. “I’m sorry. I don’t usually let go like that. I never wanted the Evils to know their torture worked. I refused to let them see how much it really ate me alive when those women were killed.”

The goddess grasped Sophie by the shoulders gently. “You’re among friends now, Sophie. It will take time for you to adjust to that.”

Sophie composed herself and looked at Athena. “You asked me what I wanted? I guess I just want Kristoff to love me for me, and not because I’m his
radiant
.”

“Even though the gods can be cruel, you’d never be mated with someone who could never love you, and vice versa. The attraction might start because you’re Kristoff’s
radiant
, so the primitive needs come first. But eventually they all get tangled up with love and tender emotions. It’s the most amazing feeling in the world,” Athena confided with a smile.

“I think I already care about him too much,” Sophie confessed, feeling nothing but exhausted relief from pouring her soul out to Athena.