9781631055027DealersChoiceHoltNC (2 page)

Reulas reached across the desk and took one of her hands. “Fee, Fee, Fee. It isn’t just the activities themselves. It’s the state of mind. Inside yourself you have to have the desire to dominate or submit. You have to wonder how much pain it would take to raise your level of gratification. And the act of dominance or submission has to be what gives you the ultimate pleasure. It’s the whole package.”

“I know that.” She bit her lower lip in frustration. “I haven’t brought this up to you before, because…because…”

“Because what?”

“Promise you won’t tell me I’m crazy? Or that I’m imagining things?”

He grinned. “I’ll do my best, although you know I like crazy.” Then his face sobered. “Just let it out, Fee. What is it that’s got you so twisted in knots here?”

She looked down at her lap. “I think, that is I feel, oh, hell. The more I watch the subs both in the private rooms and on performance nights, the more I have this feeling inside me that I might be one.”

Reulas gently squeezed the hand he was holding.

“Fiona. Look at me.”

She lifted her gaze to meet his. “What?”

“You worked at a similar club before you moved to San Antonio. Did you ever have that same feeling there? That same latent urge?”

“Yes.” She had to be truthful with him. “But not as strong as since I’ve been here. Besides, I thought maybe it was just the excitement of it. Something different. But I watch the women here who are subs, and talk to them. And I realized that deep inside me I think I have the same desire for that domination that they do. It’s just taken me a while to understand that.”

He was silent for so long Fee’s stomach clenched with tension. Finally he released her hand and leaned back in his chair.

“You think. Isn’t that what you said?
You think
? A big part of this is the psychological state of mind. Do you think your head is into it?”

She opened her mouth to say something but he held up his hand.

“Let me finish. Think about this carefully because I don’t want you to make a mistake here.” He looked at her with his famous Reulas stare. “We have neophytes come here now and then. You’ve taken their information. Are you telling me you want to explore your inner sub? Or find out if you really have one? Is that what you’re saying?”

Fee wet her lips and tried to gather her thoughts. This unfamiliar need inside her had been plaguing her for months. It disturbed her at night when images from the club invaded her dreams and she switched places with the women in the scenes. It wasn’t just that it made her pussy wet and her nipples ache with need. It was more than that, a deep-seated hunger that she was finally willing to embrace.

Could she make Reulas see that? Would he honor her request?

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you. I’m not taking this lightly. I want you to understand that. The more I see, the more I talk to people, the more something inside me is urging me to test this.” She caught her lower lip between her teeth. “I’ve known for some time that something was missing in my sex life. I started to feel it at the club where I worked before. At Fantasy the need became even stronger.”

He watched her for a long moment. “So you’ve given this a lot of thought. Is that what you’re saying?”

Fee nodded. “I am.”

“Say I were to go along with this. Have you picked out a particular Dom? For a neophyte sub, that Dom needs to understand the basics of training and exactly how far to take the game.”

Fee shook her head. “No. I thought I could discuss that with you.” Heat crept up her cheeks. “I, of course, want it to be someone I can, um, relate to.”

He grinned. “Sexually.”

“Yes.” She buried her face in her hands. She was stupid to even have brought this up.  With a love life that became more boring every year, her inner self as well as her body had been sending her strong signals. She yearned to find the right Master and the right relationship. She wanted that power exchange, that complete trust she observed in the couples who came to Club Fantasy. She felt the heat creep up her cheeks with the sudden embarrassment of the situation. Maybe this was a bad idea. Except…she really, really wanted it.

He pulled her hands away from her face. “Look at me, Fee. If you really want to explore these feelings, this is the best place to do it. In a private room with a Dom I’ve personally vetted. And with me monitoring the situation. That’s the only way I’d feel even halfway comfortable with this.”

She finally looked at him again. “Then you don’t think I’m nuts?”

“Remember who you’re talking to. No, I don’t think you’re nuts. And I’d much rather you explore these feelings in a safe environment than off with someone I know nothing about. I would never want you to do that. You know how dangerous that can be. So let’s talk specifics.”

Fee blew out a soft breath. “You’ll really help me?”

“Of course. But be prepared that once you get into it, you may decide it’s not for you.”

“That’s why I need help finding the right Dom. Someone who can teach me and guide me so I can make that decision.”

Reulas nodded. “Someone who knows how to train and also when to call a halt.”

Fee twisted her hands together. There was one other thing bothering her, one she’d tried to ignore while she was planning her conversation with her boss. “I guess I didn’t really think about this until right now. If it’s a club member, how do I act with him afterward?”

“You mean, because you work here? Because you wonder how he’ll look at you?”

She nodded.

“These are all things to think about, Fee. If you’ll be uncomfortable greeting him at the door or seeing him with another sub, maybe this isn’t going to work. I didn’t think you were looking for a relationship with this.”

“Hell, Reulas. I don’t even
know
what I’m looking for.” She sighed again. “I just know I have to try this or I’ll drive myself nuts.”

“Good enough.” He lifted one of her hands and kissed her knuckles. “Leave it to me. I’ll find exactly the right person and set it up for you.”

She smiled, relieved, at least for the moment. “Thank you so much.”

“No problem. I have to take care of you. How could I run this place otherwise?”

She actually laughed. “Probably very well, but I’d rather you didn’t think so.”

* * * *

Cade Sullivan opened his front door and stared at the man standing there.

“It isn’t that I’m not glad to see you, but hell, Reulas, what brought your ass all the way out here to the country?”

Reulas grinned at him. “Nice to see you, too. How come you’re not out roping doggies or whatever you do out here?”

Cade burst out laughing. “For one thing, a doggie is a stray calf and we try not to have too many of those. For another, with an operation this small I have two men who can do the heavy lifting for me. And finally, there’s only barn work to do today. I was just about to head out there when you drove up.”

“Oh.” Reulas frowned. “If I’m keeping you from your work—”

“Always glad for an excuse to sit on my ass for a while.” He leaned back in his chair, his posture relaxed but his eyes wary, as if he sensed this situation might be a little out of the norm.

Reulas gave him an easy smile. “I don’t suppose you have a cup of coffee for a friend, do you?”

“I think I can scrounge one up.” Cade led the way into the kitchen. “Still take it black?”

“I do. Some things never change.”

“But I have,” Cade told him. “So keep that in mind.”

When they were seated at the kitchen table with mugs of a strong brew, Cade pinned him with a piercing look.

“Okay, spit it out. Not that I’m not grateful for the visit, but you never show up without calling first. I’m going to assume you didn’t want me to ask questions first.”

Reulas took a sip from his mug, taking time to organize his thoughts. The two men had been friends since the opening of Club Fantasy and they’d seen each other through some tough times. Reulas had worried about Cade ever since the situation that made him close his D/s training academy and choose to live in isolation at his ranch. But enough was enough already.

The man had been dedicated to teaching couples not just the mechanics of BDSM but the emotional exchange, the power switch as well. Each session had been an emotional investment for himself, as well. He always interviewed his students. Meticulous in assuring himself they were ready for the classes, that it was really what they wanted. He was shocked when a private session blew up in his face, the man showing his cruel streak and the woman totally freaking out because of it. She had blamed Cade for the whole thing, told him he should have known her partner had a hidden streak of savagery. When Cade pointed out she should have realized it herself since the man was her Dom, she’d exploded in hysterics, so intense they’d had to call for medical help. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the Dom threatened to sue him.

After that his friend had walked away from everything—the club, his classes, all of it. Reulas knew he questioned himself a lot, wondering if he’d missed signs he should have seen. It made him doubt his abilities to the point where he turned his back on the whole BDSM scene. Reulas had called him several times since then, but Cade’s curt manner and abrupt answers signaled the man wasn’t ready yet to analyze the situation and get his D/s feet back on the ground.

But enough was enough. He could only let his friend wallow in self-recrimination for so long.

After his conversation with Fee he had given her request a lot of thought. Playing God with people’s lives could be dangerous. However, here were two people he cared about a lot, that he knew deep in his gut could belong together. He knew Cade was just what Fee needed, but if his plan backfired there was also the potential for her to be hurt. He’d just have to go with his gut and his belief he was doing the right thing.

On the drive out to the ranch he’d mentally run through all the objections Cade would come up with and the possible answers to them. The problem was, Cade’s retreat from the scene had been because of an emotional meltdown and getting past that would be hard. Now he had the medicine to fix it if he could just get the man to agree. It was time for the man to join the living and get back into the lifestyle that was so ingrained in him. And in Fee, Reulas was convinced he had just the ticket for that. So he was being a little sneaky. So what? If it worked he’d make two people very happy.

Now he studied his friend carefully. “How are you doing these days? I don’t get out here nearly as often as I’d like.”

“I’m doing fine. Is this a welfare check?”

Reulas chuckled. “No, although I ought to make one now and then.”

Cade watched him over the rim of his mug. “If this is still about Lupe, I’ve put that all behind me. Done. Finished.”

“Which is why you haven’t shown up at Club Fantasy for months,” Reulas said in a skeptical voice. “Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.”

“Look.” Cade set his mug down and leaned on his elbows. “The training academy was great for a long time. I enjoyed it, both the classes and the lectures. But it was time to make a change in my life.”

“You were the best of the Masters. Since you closed your doors and stopped taking individual appointments there’s a big void in the D/s community.”

Cade shrugged. “After Lupe I lost my enthusiasm for it. And I wasn’t sure how my students would react after a crazy woman burst into a session and threatened everyone with a gun.”

Reulas shook his head. “Not your fault. You had no idea how unstable she was.”

“But shouldn’t I, as her Dom, have seen it? She was an extended project for me.”

Reulas lifted an eyebrow. “Maybe if you found a woman who was more than a project things would be different.”

“I doubt it. She blew up right in front of me and I never saw it coming,” Cade pointed out.

“I’m not sure anyone would have.”

“That means I’ve lost my ability to judge properly,” Cade argued. ”How could I ever go into any kind of relationship again? I still keep thinking it was somehow my fault.”

 “Shit, Cade. No one else blamed you for it. You were the best. People keep asking if you’re going to open the academy again. Life happens and you have to start living it again.”

Cade took a swallow of coffee. “Sorry, buddy. You know that’s not in my game plan any more.”

“But not for D/s play or the lifestyle.” Reulas gave him a sly look. “Right?” When Cade didn’t answer he said, “It’s in our blood, Cade. None of us can stay away from it for too long.”

“I’ve managed to. And happily.”

“Staying away? Yes. Happy? Not from the look in your eyes.”

Cade was silent for a long time. “Okay, I’d like to think you came all the way out here for a welfare check but I have a feeling there’s a specific reason for this visit.”

“There is.” Reulas took a long swallow of coffee and set his mug down carefully. He needed to phrase this just right. He wanted his old friend to rejoin the living and he wanted him specifically for Fee. She was too important to him to trust her training to just anyone.

“There’s a young woman who works for me,” he began. “She’s sharp, sassy, and been a real plus for Club Fantasy.”

Cade narrowed his eyes. “I’m not sure I like where this is going.”

“Just hear me out. She knows all about D/s. She’s watched many performances on performance nights and she also monitors for me frequently. I trust her completely.”

Cade didn’t say a word, just motioned with his hand for him to continue.

“We had a long discussion. She tells me she’s recognizing submissive tendencies, she’s fascinated by the D/s play and wants to see if it works for her.”

Cade scowled. “You have other Doms at Fantasy who can train her. Pick one of them. You don’t need a has-been like me.”

“You’re no has-been,” Reulas disagreed. “And you’re the best trainer I’ve ever met. She’s a very special person, Cade. I won’t trust her to just anyone.”

Cade quirked an eyebrow. “Oh? Special?”

“Not in that way, idiot. She’s not just a key employee. She’s a very special friend. I want this done right. You might as well say yes because I’m not leaving here until you do.”