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Today was my first swim meet
of the year, I have never been a great swimmer, just average, but I
enjoyed it. We missed our first three swim meets because of
our '1981 Gellar Family Extravaganza’; you know the one with the
shiny pay phones. After the third swim meet, everyone gets placed
in the lanes by how they’ve won in the previous meets. Megan was a
nice girl on the team, usually an average swimmer just like me.
Today, however, she got the middle lane; everyone was bragging how
well she did at the first three meets and that she took first place
in breast stroke all three times. The best swimmers are always in
the middle, there are six lanes and every other lane is someone
from the opposing team. She was the one to beat.

For the fifty meter breast
stroke race I was in the outer lane right next to the wall, the
norm for me. I was very determined to win, or to do well, when I
finished I tagged the side of the pool and looked to my right and
saw no one. I had a memory flash back of the first race I was in
when I was four. Some memories fade after time, but some stick with
you like they were yesterday no matter how much time goes by. I
started swim team after that, it's an amusing story how my first
swim race went.

On a normal day we would
usually leave the pool around three or four in the afternoon but
this time we had stayed to watch the swim meet. Just one random
summer night my mom had decided to stay late. She was still a
lifeguard and swim teacher at the time. In the six and under group
they only had three swimmers and six lanes, one swimmer was on our
team and the other two were from the opposing team. So they needed
another person and because I
could
swim all the strokes my mom
volunteered me.

Of course, every kid always
says “yes” when asked if they want to swim, I was no dummy, I said
yes too. They asked me if I knew how to dive, “oh yes” I said
“I can”. So they told me when the gun goes off dive into the water,
swim as fast as you can "freestyle" to the other end of the pool
and stay in your lane. The lanes were lined with floating guides,
it looked easy enough. I was still small and someone had to help me
up on the starting block but up I went. There wasn’t enough time to
be nervous. I was watching one minute and then the next I was on
the starter block.

The referee said “Take your
marks”, I didn’t move, “Get set”,
“POP”
went the
cap gun. I shook at startling noise but then I jumped into the
water doing the most horrid looking dive, I guess you couldn't even
call it that. It was more of a jump smack dive combo I was told. I
came up and took a deep breath and I started swimming as fast as I
could. I didn’t look around, just like they told me, I just swam
and swam and swam. I swam my heart out! I got to the other end of
the pool! I looked up and saw no other swimmers I must have beat
everyone! Leaning on the edge of the pool I said “I won, I won!” I
couldn't make out what everyone was doing outside the pool, they
were holding their stomachs and their faces were red, some were
jumping up and down, they were laughing and cheering. Coach pulled
me out of the water and wrapped a towel around me and gave me a big
hug. He held me up under my legs cheering with his other
arm.

So of course I asked “Did I
win?” and another roar of laughter washed through the crowd. I
never saw my mom laugh so hard before, she wiped her eyes and said
“Oh, no honey.” I heard chuckle, chuckle. “You came in dead last!
You came in about two minutes behind everyone else!” Another roar
of laughter came about. I remember it very clearly; some memories
just really stick with you. That was the day my sister and I were
signed up for swim team. My mom, of course, was harassed for the
way I swam, I guess I swam like a wiggle worm; my butt was going
side to side. Even her boss gave her a hard time about it because
she was one of the pools swim teachers. However, it didn't take her
long to straighten me out.

As soon as I tuned back into
reality, I heard the clapping and turned around again to see the
rest of the swimmers starting to come in. I had finally won and by
a lot!

My next swim meet was the
same, but I won in freestyle and breast stroke. It kept happening
all summer. From then on out I swam in all the relays and all the
swim strokes, breast stroke, freestyle, backstroke and eventually
butterfly. It's funny how everyone wants to be your friend when
you're winning. That was okay though, I already knew who my real
friends were. 

I guess I didn’t have to write this dream
down anymore because for the past couple of weeks
,
I kept having the same dream of the girl and guy in the field.
Better than the nightmares I was having of Logan and his eyes that
were very unnerving, why couldn't I have dreamt about that before
it happened? In any case, both dreams are haunting me. I wake up at
exactly 3:17a.m. every time I have a dream about the guy and girl
in the field. Instead of writing down the whole dream, I only jot
down the new details I remember.
Like one new detail I
noticed,
the girl had a silver bracelet that
glistened in the sun before the attack but not after. Normally, or
at least what I thought was normal, once I recorded my dream I
wouldn't have it again, but not this one. Normal, what's normal,
normal is probably having dreams that don't come true. I guess I
don't know what normal is for me, I hope this one doesn't come
true.

My sister and I were freshman and slated
to graduate 1985. I was the youngest one in our class; I'll be the
last one to turn fifteen in November. When I arrived at school on
the first day, I was feeling very young and confused.
As I walked to my locker which was near the front entrance and
Nic’s locker I noticed a ton of students piling out the front
door. Why was everyone leaving school? Did I come on the wrong day?
Did the fire alarm go off? Am I awake? No, couldn't be the wrong
day, buses picked us up and everyone else is here; maybe it's
another practice day. I paused in the hall to notice they were all
crossing the street to a church across the road. Another freshman
stopped by my side and asked me “What’s up?” I replied “I have
no idea.” I looked around me and needless to say it looked like all
us freshman were pretty much clueless to what was going on. It
seemed like all the older kids were going to church. Do all the
juniors and seniors go to mass the first day of school, or before
school, do they have religion classes over there? I had no clue
what was going on. 

I felt Nic come up beside
me, she asked me what was going on and I of course gave her my ‘I
don’t know’ explanation, but rambled off all the possibilities
including the fact that maybe we were still sleeping. So, of
course, and I should have expected it, she pinched me. I let out a
loud “Ow!”

“Nope.” she said “You're
awake.”

Storm breezed by us and
grabbed one of each of our hands and said lets go. “Wait” I said as
Nic and I tossed our books in my locker and slammed it shut. He
gave us a tug and led us into the mass of people that went out the
doors and across the street into the very crowded church. The
people were so thick it felt like we were being herded like cattle.
I squeezed Storm’s hand so he wouldn’t let go and he squeezed my
hand back.

We entered the church
through very large wooden double doors that were propped open. It
was a very basic one room church but very pretty. They used huge
wood rafters and supports all along the ceiling and behind the
altar were large stained glass windows. It was a beautiful church;
all the pews were classic wood and all the side windows were
stained glass as well. Storm found us this niche near the back of
the church, he sort of led the two of us so we were in front and he
was behind us. Nic tilted her head sideways to look at us
and asked “What’s going on? Are we supposed to be here?”

“Just wait” he
said.

Students were still coming
in the doors; I caught a glimpse of a coffin in front of the church
and I instantly got nervous. Excitedly I blathered softly “Why are
we at a funeral and whose is it? Do you know that person? I am so
sorry Storm, are you okay?” I could hear Nic mumbling a
couple of questions too.

He half laughed and smiled
at us “Could you two be a little patient, let’s just wait until
everything settles down a bit.” There were rows upon rows of pews
that spanned the length of the church. Right then he took our hands
and swooped us in the last row of seats and sat between us.
Students got settled in and almost simultaneously everyone sat. You
could see the minister at the lectern trying to get the microphone
to work, everyone got really quiet, the sounds were down to a
murmur. Storm brought us in closer to him, so close I felt
like I was sitting on top of him and sure enough more students
scooted in our pew. There was standing room only. I couldn’t help
notice some of the students were crying and the mood was very
somber.

I felt the warmth and the
aura of the room envelop me immediately and then a slight breeze
from the doors propped open behind us. It smelled of wood and
candles; none of the beautiful stained glass windows looked like
they opened. I noticed sunlight shining in the front behind the
Reverend and casket, coming from what looked like another door
around the corner. I could only hope the breeze would continue.
Storm began to tell us the girls name in the coffin was Jewel. She
was supposed to be a senior this year and that both his brothers
knew her. “The investigation isn’t over but there was definitely
foul play and they’re saying she was murdered. They aren’t letting
out any details on what happened, but my brothers said she was
dating some guy but nobody knew who. After dating him for a couple
of months she was looking
very ashen and
had circles under her eyes like she was starving herself. Her
parents were really worried about her and rightly so. The boyfriend
can’t be found, it looks like he took off, they think out of
state.”

As soon as I heard the word
murder everything Storm said started to sound further and further
away, like I was in a tunnel, I felt my face get even hotter and I
flashed on “
his”
face, my heart began to race and I pictured myself in the
coffin. I told myself, think of something else something positive –
I looked right into Storm’s eyes and he looked at me quizzically
scrunching his eyebrows together. Why was he looking at me that
way? Probably because my face was red and hot, my eyes were welling
up, but it was hot in here and it was a wake. But realized I had a
death grip on his hand. I tried to relax and tried getting Logan
out of my head.

He leaned over, although he
didn’t have very far to lean because we were sitting so close. I
tried to focus everything I had on Storm, but that
“
guy”
that
“leach”
was there on top of me again. Storm whispered
“Breathe” and I took a deep breath. Storm was looking straight
ahead and I just stared at him, I thought of our long conversations
on the phone the year before when we had sort of dated briefly,
well we had one sort of date. I didn’t appreciate him then, but I
was appreciating him now. I was remembering how he kept checking up
on me at the roller rink, which at the time I found annoying, I
thought he was being intrusive but now I could see it was just
because he cared for me. The last day of school last year was the
last time I talked to him and told him “I guess the next time we'll
see each other we'll be freshman.” He just agreed with me and we
went on our separate ways. I was right, our paths never crossed and
he never called, I didn't call him either.

Storm was on the wrestling
team back then and Nic and I were wrestling managers.
He was
very skinny and gawky looking then but he didn't look that way
anymore.

I was breathing more
normally and I was having visions of Storm holding me instead of
that dreadful moment in my life that was defining me. I leaned
right back into Storm’s ear and whispered “Sorry.” He looked back
at me and asked “What for?” I replied “For being difficult and
acting all weird. I'm nervous; I've only been to one other wake.”
He turned his head looking at me scrunching his brow. Then
relaxed them and said “No problem” like he hadn’t even thought
about it twice.

I hadn’t a clue on how to
act, what to say or ask; Nic looked at me, shrugged her
shoulders and pushed the corner of her lips downward, I did the
same. Storm began “On another note, she isn’t the first one to die
in this school of something suspicious.” We both looked at him,
questioningly. He responded “My Uncle's a cop.” Nic and I looked at
each other and shrugged our shoulders again. That explained a
lot.

Storm was holding our hands
and I wasn’t about to let go, it was nice; it made me feel like all
three of us had a connection. Plus, I’m glad Nic and I were with
Storm, he needed a friend. As the minister finished his sermon, I
heard him mumble something about last respects when passing by the
casket..... That’s all I heard. The students in the first three
rows stood up and made a single file line that went to the casket
and ended at the pew, just like when you went to take communion,
except they emptied the pew to the right instead of the middle
aisle and made a line. As students passed by the casket to pay
their respects you could hear some crying and sniffling going on.
We were in the last row on the right side. I was hoping we would
high tail it out since we were so close to the doors, none of us
knew her personally so I was thinking we didn't need to pay last
respects especially to someone we didn’t know.