03_A Family To Call Her Own (13 page)

So, my friend, I ask you from my heart to take Isabel for a few weeks, until things settle down here and it is safe for her to return to me. I know it is a great favor, one I should probably not impose on you. But I do not know where else to turn. There will surely be many details to work out, arrangements to make, red tape to cut through. But I am confident that with your help, we can accomplish this and keep my Isabel safe.

I will wait anxiously for your reply, Zachary. And may God be with you.

With a heavy sigh Zach rose slowly and walked over to the window, folding his arms on the sash and staring pensively out into the darkness, his brow deeply furrowed. It had been quite a night, he thought grimly. First he’d frightened Rebecca. No, more like traumatized her, he corrected himself harshly. That incident had thrown him off balance, leaving him with equal measures of guilt, confusion and compassion. And then he’d come home to be hit with this devastating news. With sudden anger, he slammed his fist against the sash, making the glass rattle, as he railed silently against any Higher Power that might be listening.

Dear God
—if
You’re even up there—how could You do this to Josef?
he demanded.
Katrina was everything to him. He’s a good man who doesn’t deserve to be hurt. He’s always lived by Your rules, done the right thing even in the face of personal danger and sacrifice, and how do You reward him? You deprive him of the wife he loved beyond all measure, and You deny his daughter the mother she so desperately needs. It just isn’t fair!

Even as that last thought flashed across his mind, Zach sighed. It didn’t do any good to complain that life wasn’t fair, he thought resignedly. It was just a fact, plain and simple. He saw proof of it every day in his job. But the truth had just never hit quite so close to home before.

Wearily he walked back to the computer and printed out Josef’s message. Somehow it seemed even more real when he held the hard copy in his hands, the black words stark against the white paper. Josef’s request seemed more real, too, and more urgent. And therein lay a problem.

Zach remembered their promise, of course. And they’d both meant it, with every fiber of their being, during those heady years in J school that now seemed a lifetime ago. But promises made in the optimism and fervor of youth weren’t always easy to keep years later, he now realized. Circumstances changed, life became more complicated. Yet a promise was a promise, a sacred trust not to be treated lightly. His father had always told him that a man was only as good as his word, and Zach believed that. Without integrity and honor, a person was nothing. Zach knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that if circumstances were reversed, Josef wouldn’t hesitate to keep their promise. Could he do any less for this man who was closer to him even than his brother?

The answer, of course, was no. Zach stared down again at the letter as he considered the situation. The logistics could be dealt with, that wasn’t a problem. He had plenty of contacts from his years of reporting, colleagues all over the world who knew how to cut through red tape. No, that would be the easy part, he thought dismissively. But how on earth would he, a man who had virtually no experience handling young children, cope with a little seven-year-old girl who had just lost her mother and was being sent far away from her beloved father and the only home she’d ever known?

Zach didn’t have the answer to that question. And he wasn’t sure where to find it.

Rebecca hooked the pepper spray onto her belt, pulled a sweater over her head, secured her long hair loosely with a barrette and locked the car. A good long walk in the fresh air and quiet woods, next to a bubbling brook, would lift her spirits, she told herself resolutely, though in her heart she wasn’t convinced it would help. But at least it couldn’t hurt. Her spirits were so low right now that the only place for them to go was up.

She struck out purposefully on the state park trail, determined to return to her apartment with some sense of perspective. She’d spent a sleepless night staring at the ceiling, going over and over last night’s disaster in her mind. And the more she thought about it, the more she empathized with Zach.
What must he think of her?
she wondered, her face flushing even now. She had overreacted—dramatically—to what, for him, was probably the standard way to end an evening with a woman whose company he had enjoyed.

In retrospect she realized that her attempt to fight off a nonexistent attack had probably not only hurt his ego, but insulted him, as well, by implying that she thought him capable of such an act. Dear Lord, she had really messed things up! If only she could relive that moment! But with a profound sense of discouragement, she admitted in her heart that it would probably end the same. Here, alone, in the fresh air and sunshine, she could think rationally, logically analyze her reaction. But in his embrace, held captive by the strength of his arms and the pressure of his lips, she would panic. It had become an instinctive response through the years, until now it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. She could no more control her irrational panic in that situation than she could stop the flood waters that had slowly but powerfully risen to threaten the town.

Rebecca wished with all her heart that there was some way to overcome her problem. But her hopes seemed doomed and, as a result, so did her dreams of a husband and family.

She trudged along, her gaze fixed on the trail to avoid stumbling over the protruding rocks, so lost in her misery that for once she was oblivious to the beauty of nature around her. In fact, so deep was her introspection that when she glanced up and saw Zach it took a moment for his presence to register.

She stopped abruptly, certain she must be hallucinating. He was just off the trail, sitting on a large flat boulder by the stream, arms around his bent knees. But what on earth was he doing on this secluded nature trail? she wondered in confusion. The state park was usually deserted this time of year on week-days. She hadn’t expected to see anyone, let alone Zach. But it was definitely him, she realized as she stared at the pensive figure not more than twenty feet ahead.

Rebecca considered beating a quiet—and hasty—retreat, but before she could make a move he glanced up, as if sensing a presence, and their eyes connected.

Zach’s reaction was much the same as hers—a double take, followed by an “am I imaging this?” look. But he recovered quickly, greeting her in weary voice. “Hello, Rebecca. Fancy meeting you here.”

“Hello, Zach.”

“Nice day,” he commented, tilting his head to look up at the cobalt blue sky, the canopy of branches above him exhibiting the first tender buds of spring.

“Yes, it is. But…” She stopped uncertainly, still bewildered by his presence in this unlikely place.

He looked back at her, his lips curving up into the semblance of a smile. “What am I doing here?” he finished for her.

“Yes.”

He turned back to gaze down into the stream. “Mark told me about this place a while back. It sounded like a good spot to think.”

His face looked haggard, Rebecca thought, as she inched cautiously closer. She knew he was upset about last night’s fiasco, but for some reason she had a feeling his subdued mood today wasn’t caused by that incident alone. Maybe the much-creased sheet of paper in his hand was the key to his uncharacteristic melancholy, she thought. But whatever the reason, he didn’t seem anxious to discuss it with her. Not that she could blame him, considering her behavior last night. Yet she couldn’t just walk off and leave, when she sensed that he needed someone to talk to.

“Zach…is everything okay?” she asked tentatively, trying to give him an opening.

He turned back to her once more. She had moved close enough now for him to see the dark circles beneath her eyes, eloquent evidence of her sleepless night, and he knew with a pang of guilt that he was to blame. But much as he wanted to work out the situation between them, it wasn’t his priority at the moment. He had a more urgent problem to resolve. He glanced back at the letter in his hand and sighed. “Not really. I got some bad news last night.”

“A letter?”

“E-mail. It was waiting when I got home.”

“Something to do with your family?” She was only a few feet away now, and she paused uncertainly, still unsure of her welcome.

“You might say that.” He turned to gaze at her, his eyes troubled. “Look, Rebecca, you don’t need to keep me company. You obviously came out here to be alone. I’ll work this out myself.”

She bit her lip. Was he trying to tell her to get lost? Or just being considerate of her needs, trying not to intrude on her day? There was only one way to find out. “I can be a good listener, Zach, if you want to talk about it,” she offered quietly.

His gaze dropped to her belt and he gave a mirthless chuckle. “Well, at least you’re prepared today. A blast of that pepper spray should keep me in line.”

In the instant before she turned away, Zach saw the shaft of pain shoot through her eyes at his rebuke, and he felt like someone had kicked him in the gut.
Of all the stupid remarks!
he berated himself. Just because he was upset about Josef’s situation was no excuse to take it out on this gentle woman who had just offered him a much-needed sympathetic ear.

He rose in one swift movement to follow her, reaching her just as she stumbled on a rock. His hand shot out to steady her, and she reached up to swipe at her misty eyes, trying to clear her clouded vision.

“Rebecca, please forgive me,” he implored, his voice raw with pain. “That remark was totally out of line and completely insensitive. My only excuse is that I’ve had a really lousy twelve hours. Look, stay awhile, okay? I could use the company.”

Rebecca held herself stiffly, blinking back the tears still welling in her eyes. She’d always been overly sensitive, wearing her feelings so close to the surface that they were easily hurt. In her heart she knew Zach wouldn’t have made that remark under normal circumstances. Something must be terribly wrong. Refusing to forgive him would only add to whatever trauma he was trying to deal with. Rebecca struggled with forgiveness sometimes, often finding it hard to forget callously inflicted hurts. But she needed to learn to let go, and this was a good chance to put that lesson into practice.

She let her shoulders relax and reached up to wipe away the last traces of her tears before she turned to face him. “Are you sure you want me to? I didn’t mean to force myself on you.”

Zach’s own shoulders sagged in relief. He knew his curt remark could have alienated her permanently, considering that they were on shaky ground already. Thank God she was willing to give him another chance! he thought gratefully.

“Believe me, you’re welcome,” he assured her, the husky timbre of his voice more pronounced than usual. “Come on, let’s go back and sit on the rock.” He took her arm protectively as they made their way over the rocky ground, releasing it as they sat down on the large boulder. Glancing down at the letter, he drew a deep breath. “Do you remember the friend I mentioned once, the one in Eastern Europe?”

“Yes.”

“We went to journalism school together. Mizzou. I can’t think of anyone in this world I admire more than Josef. He’s a man of deep conviction, impeccable character and great faith. He’s always been an inspiration to me when things got tough.” Zach paused and picked up a pebble, fingering it absently as he continued, his eyes fixed on a spot across the stream, but his gaze clearly turned inward. “We’ve kept in touch all these years, despite the distance. About eight years ago he and his wife, Katrina, came to the States for the birth of their daughter, Isabel. Katrina had a problem pregnancy, and was always a little frail, anyway, so Josef didn’t want to take any chances. They stayed with me for six weeks, and I was even Isabel’s godfather at her christening.” He paused to pull out his wallet, flipping to a photo before handing it to Rebecca. “This picture was taken that day.”

Rebecca took the wallet and examined the shot. She saw a much-younger Zach, gingerly holding a tiny bundle in white, flanked by an attractive, delicate-looking woman and a slender, dark-haired man with compelling eyes. “They look like a nice family,” she said softly.

“Yeah, they were,” Zach replied. “That’s a more recent picture of Isabel up above.”

Rebecca’s gaze flickered up to examine the solemn face staring back at her, framed by long dark hair, the delicate bone structure mirroring that of her mother. But it was Isabel’s eyes that held her. They were Josef’s eyes, no question. But they were also eyes that had seen too much for someone so young, she thought, her heart aching with compassion. No child’s eyes should look that wary and vulnerable, so old for their years.

“I got this last night,” Zach said quietly, handing her the paper before turning away.

Rebecca looked at his rigid back, knew that whatever this letter contained had brought him great anguish, and wanted to reach over and comfort him. But she held back, not sure that he would welcome her sympathy, and forced herself to read the words on the sheet instead.

As her eyes scanned the page, and the horror of the situation unfolded, she felt her stomach clench, and by the time she reached the end, she wanted to cry. She didn’t know Josef or Katrina or Isabel. But in the brief, eloquent note Josef had written she could feel the love and devotion, pain and loss, desperation and fear that now consumed his life. Her heart went out to this grieving man and his cherished child, and she felt suddenly guilty and small for spending so much time agonizing over a personal trauma that paled into insignificance compared to what this family had endured.

“Oh, Zach,” she murmured at last, her voice choked. “I’m so sorry. Poor Josef! And Isabel…no wonder he’s concerned. The conditions sound so awful! And terribly dangerous!”

“Yeah,” Zach replied, a muscle clenching in his jaw.

“What are you going to do?”

He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “I’m going to take Isabel, of course. How can I not? Josef has always prided himself on taking care of his family himself, so I know he would never ask me to do this unless the situation was desperate.” He sighed and threw the pebble into the stream in frustration. “But I don’t have any experience with children. Especially girls. Then there’s the teaching job. I was going to approach the school about it, but I really can’t take it if I have Isabel here. I’d like to bring her to St. Genevieve, though, because I think it would be good for her to spend time in a place like this after the environment she’s been in. But I can’t afford to keep an apartment here and in St. Louis unless I take the teaching job, and it’s not worth closing my apartment in the city for just a few weeks.”