03. Gods at the Well of Souls (5 page)

"No, not precisely. In the sense of stimulus-response to females, yes, but you  would not think of yourself as male or have male responses and desires, in some  races a small percentage of people are born this way. It would solve your  problem, because you would be unlikely in any event to encounter females outside  of Erdom, but not as completely as neutralization, and of course drug and  hormone therapy to restore normalcy would be very unlikely." 

She considered it. Bizarre-that the worst-case scenario would be to wind up  viewing women close to the way Julian Beard was brought up seeing them. But  Beard had always been fully capable of giving up almost anything, even sex, for  very long periods, and certainly, if it couldn't be Lori, she would rather not  ever be tempted, even accidentally, by one of those native men. "How-how soon would I see a difference?" she asked him. 

He shrugged. "Impossible to say for sure. Still, only automatic and  stimulus-response chemical actions in your brain would be affected, so the  change would be quite rapid. The practical effect might be noticed in days,  perhaps hours, although total and permanent change might take a few weeks. We  are dealing here only with a very small reprogramming of an even smaller area.  But the permanence of the process is important to remember; if you wish to have  anything else done, it is best to have it done all at once." 

"Anything else?" She could see his gaze. "Oh, the hands. I thought about that  after what you said, but ... Well, you said it would take away my desire. Would  it do more? Would it make me antichild, for example, or incapable of loving  someone or having other normal emotions?" 

"Again, you'd need an Erdomese physician to fully answer that. It is not like  this has been done before, let alone repeatedly, with someone of your race.  There are bound to be some ancillary changes we can't foresee, but not drastic  ones. I doubt if you will become some sort of emotionless, cold individual or  anything like that. It might even work the other way. You might find that your  emotions in other areas are stronger. There is often that sort of compensation.  But would you love your child if you had one? Of course you would." "Then I cannot have the hands done. If you check your data base, you will see  that these are essential for one of my kind to have a normal childbirth. I want  as few options closed as possible. I just want relief." 

"Then you shall have it," Doctor Drinh assured her. "We have your residence  here. I will get our computers to work on this and see what is what, then call  with price and such. I really do think this might well be the best thing for  you, considering your circumstances." 

Alowi left, and the doctor immediately went into the back of the clinic and  walked briskly into the laboratory portion of the building, where a huge,  sluglike creature was working at a machine using countless wormlike tendrils. "You heard and followed, Nuoak?"' Drinh asked the other. 

"I did. The problem she seeks relief for is real." 

"I know, I know, but I haven't felt fully comfortable since they moved here. I  almost told her there was no help, but I think that would have been worse than  the truth in arousing suspicion." 

"Your professional pride and bragging got the best of you, and you know it. She  is exceptionally bright and knowledgeable and as an offworlder has the education  and possibly the cultural background to eventually put two and two together,  particularly with the added detail you gave her. I don't like it." "But what can we do? We can hardly dispose of her. The Dillians are her comrades  and titular employees of their state. They have council contacts that make them  too dangerous to involve. But if we play normal, she will almost certainly put  the facts together and start snooping in earnest. Then what?" He thought a  moment. "I suppose we could slow down her data processing speed and limit her  retention. Do it slowly, and she wouldn't even be aware of it or even care if  she did notice. If the Dillians noticed and wouldn't accept it as some natural  mental problem, we could always claim it as an unfortunate side effect." "Too obvious," Nuoak responded. "The data that we got from the security police  suggest she learned Agonian in only a few months and is well on her way to  reading Standard. No, looking over the data, a more interesting suggestion comes  to mind." 

"Yes? You have an idea?" 

"I do not believe that she is a direct threat to us. The chemistry here is  fascinating. She is almost totally nonaggressive, quite literally incapable of  defending herself against any significant threat. It must have taken every bit  of her willpower to just come here on her own. She might well suspect the truth  to a very great degree, but she would be incapable of acting upon it." "She had the guts to come in here and be pretty cool about it." "That is less a function of biology than force of will over biology, resulting  from the fact that before Well processing she was male and, to some degree, by  her mind battling against her body. The urges inside her must be excruciating.  But no, we must accept that she will suspect, or already does, and perhaps even  tell her friends about her suspicions. The fact is, though, that they can do  nothing at all about it. They remain here only as her friends and protectors and  possibly out of a bit of fear of actually returning to Dillia and taking up  normal lives there. It must be quite a difficult thing to actually bring  yourself to do. Still, they must be unhappy here, and bored and frustrated. They  would leave if they saw a way, I feel certain. They are held by the one pressure  this Erdomese girl can bring to bear; a version of passive aggression. 'If you  leave, I'll stay here and die.' Remove that and you remove the problems, all of  them." 

"I am listening." 

'The odds you quoted were correct, but surely you noticed that we can tip the  scales on one of them. We have the orientation model from the male Erdomese in  the computer now. If we use that as our model, it would also be possible to  introduce a tapeworm of sorts. It would search through her catalog of memories  while she slept looking for the specific pattern of her memories of her husband  and their time together, and allow her mind to restructure those events." "A tapeworm is the most dangerous thing you can do in a sentient creature,"  Drinh noted nervously. "We might as well change all her memories for the mess it  would be likely to cause! Best to just kidnap her and be done with it if that is  your solution!" 

"You misunderstand. The limited nature of this program is so subtle, she  probably will not even be aware of it. At worst, she will either blame it on the  results of the reorientation and accept it as a minor side effect or take it as  an inner revelation of something that's been there all along. It won't matter.  It will not change her relationship with the Dillians one bit, and it will  produce a logical result. She will not only have little motivation other than  friendship to want to find this husband of hers, she will have an even greater  motivation for fearing finding him as she remembers him. As this plays out, we  can find someone, perhaps connected to the Great University at Czill or some  lesser institution, with the potential to offer her some sort of position. She  would be among many species and would not stand out as particularly alien, and  her knowledge of Standard would allow her to do academic research. I believe her  offworld profession was some sort of geologist, at least judging from those  secret police reports. A passive, productive, rewarding job in a protected  setting. You see?" 

"I see. It is a good plan." 

"Only you do not agree?" 

"I agree because I have no choice," Drinh replied, "and nothing better to offer.  But you are a logical scientist from a race that does not have the sexual  context both her race and mine share. People do not always react logically in  this sort of situation. Nor do I think the Dillians stayed for her alone. Not  this long. There is something to be said for comradeship and for the sense of  personal violation, of insult, when it is broken up the way their group's was. I  don't even think the two lost people are at the heart of it, not anymore. Some  people simply have a strong urge to see justice, and I think that may be in play  here." 

"There is no such thing as justice if you have a good enough attorney," Nuoak  commented. 

"There you go being logical again!" 

The call came in only a day later. The clinic could perform the procedure at any  time, given a few hours' warning to actually synthesize and program the tiny  microgadgets. They were confident, it was a simple procedure, and the price they  quoted was considerably less than the translator had cost. Considerably less. "Well, I don't like it," Anne Marie said flatly. "It isn't natural. And what's  to keep them from fouling your brain chemistry all over to hell and gone? Why,  suppose they can do all they say! Why, after that stuff's inside you, you won't  be able to stop it! You could wind up being turned into a cow or something  worse!" 

Alowi shook her head. "I do not think he would do that. He might if I were some  captured guinea pig, but not to paying patients who come in the front door. I  got the impression that they were a lot more experienced with this than they  want to admit. And they have probably won friends by doing big favors-fixing  congenital defects, perhaps regrowing limbs, maybe even the reverse of what I am  thinking of." 

"But what if, somehow, sometime, we or somebody finds and liberates Lori? How's  lie going to feel with a permanently frigid wife?" 

"I-I thought about that, but I can no longer let that enter into my plans. If I  am to be the first totally free Erdomese woman in history, then I have to go all  the way with it. If he is found, then I will still be me, and if he wants more,  well, Erdomese are polygamists. Actually, I have had more dark thoughts about  Lori since consulting with Drinh." 

"Huh? What do you mean?" Tony asked her. "Well, everybody says that the clinic  works with criminal gangs, and we know who is most likely to have that kind of  clout and protection. Suppose there is a really good reason why nobody has seen  a trace of Lori or Mavra. Suppose they were two of the clinic's guinea pigs for  its ambitious experiments. He said he could actually make me look Agonese. What  could he make either of them into?" 

"Oh, my I" Tony exclaimed, sounding exactly like Anne Marie. 

"But that makes putting yourself in their hands even worse!” Anne Marie  protested. "If they did do something to Lori, something monstrous, then they  almost certainly know who you are. Suppose they think you're really there to spy  on them! That you're on to them! They could do something to you and then, when  it was noticed, say, 'Oops! Sorry! We made a big mistake! But it was  experimental and we didn't know everything about Erdomese women and you were  warned of the dangers.' What could we do? Nothing!" 

"I thought of that, but I do not think they are the kind to panic, and I really  believe they will be extra careful not to do anything wrong simply to keep us at  a dead end. Besides, if I do not do something, I am going to go crazy. If they  are the ones who stole the life I was content to lead, then they owe me a life  of independence at least." 

"I have a bad feeling about this," both centauresses said in unison, another  thing they did more and more often. "But if you are determined, we will not  stand in your way." 

"Thank you." 

"If they do anything other than what they promised . .." said one. "... Then we will be on them like a ton of lead," the other finished. They set up an appointment with Doctor Drinh. 

Alowi sat there on the stool as before, in the outer office, feeling nervous but  determined. 

Drinh was the competent physician now, taking final samples, giving her a  thorough checkout, and running the resulting data through his medical computers.  Finally he said, "All seems in good order. All that remains is to ask once again  if you really wish to go through with this, because once done, it is done." She nodded. Sorry, Lori, but I just can't stand this otherwise. "I would not  have returned if I had not already decided. Let me get it over with." Doctor Drinh walked to the back of the office and opened a compartment, removing  a clear rectangular container in which there was some equally clear liquid. He  took out an Agonian syringe, which resembled a small flashlight with two nubs,  put it against the container, and pushed a button on the syringe. Almost  instantly the fluid was gone, drawn into the syringe. He then walked over to  where Alowi sat and stood by her. "This is it," he told her. "Say no now or it  is done." She swallowed hard. "Do it." 

She felt the two nubs of the syringe against her right rump, then a sudden  tingling sensation much like a minor electric shock, and then nothing. The doctor put away the syringe and replaced the container. She sat there a  moment, wondering what was next. "You may go now," he told her, sounding  satisfied. 

She felt surprise. "That is it? That is all there is?" 

"That's it. Period. You might feel some dizziness or disorientation off and on,  and you might run a slight fever, so take it very easy for a few days. There  might also be some confusing or bizarre dreams and thoughts for a bit, but that  should last only a day or two. You should certainly notice a lessening in your  tension by tomorrow at the latest. Also, I would walk back rather than ride if  you feel up to it. It will help distribute the serum in your system." She got up. "I hope it works," she told him. 

"I hope it works, too," he responded with a sincere smile. 

Liliblod 

LORI, TOO, COULD NOT HELP BUT NOTICE THAT JUAN CAMPOS'S well-planned and  fiendish revenge was not as complete as it had been intended to be. Overloaded  with the mind-numbing drug, sent through a training course over and over and  over again until all action was automatic, he had been beyond even caring what  had happened. Weeks of Pavlovian training and then the real thing, trips back  and forth by night without the slightest deviation along back trails laced with  an overpowering scent unique to him, all seemed to be one continuous blur,  without a sense of time, place, or event.