Withholding Secrets (28 page)

“I just went to check on them. That’s all.” Guilt spread across her face as her eyes panicked, the lighter gray separating from the darker gray. Her lips pressed together tightly as her fingers played with the hem of the shirt. “It’s still just … I get a little nervous. They are my kids, Kane.”

“I know, Keri. You don’t have to explain to me. I know how much you care for them.” Pushing off the counter, I went over to her and wrapped her into my arms. I had those two kids to thank, Jordan mostly, for bringing Keri into my life. “I understand how you feel.”

“I need to talk to you about something.” Those eyes pooled with so much shame and hurt that I almost dropped to my knees with the weakness she was robbing from them. I never wanted to see that look in her face ever again. Not that one. It was the same look that she had in her eyes when she walked into my busy club wearing nothing but her tank top and a pair of panties with that little girl behind her, covered head to toe.

“Keri, never, ever be afraid to ask me anything. Don’t ever be afraid to talk to me.” Spreading my hands over her lower back, I molded her body to mine, noticing just how she was made to fit right to me.

“It’s hard to, Kane. It’s hard to admit when I need some help.” Her body was actually trembling. I hoped to hell that she was just cold and not scared. I admit, I was a piss poor excuse of a man before I met her, but since I had the pleasure of her storming into my rink, I changed into the man that my mom always wanted me to be. A good man. One that I would continue being because of her and her two kids.

“No, Keri. You come to me for anything. That’s why I am here. I have everything that I need right here, and so will you.” Pecking the tip of her petite nose, the love from her wrapped around me and filled into my heart even more.

“I know, but I still feel like we are invading your home.”

“I couldn’t give a shit about my home, Keri. I have you, Jordan, and Sky. You three are my life now. This is what I want. This is all that I want. If you ever need help or anything, just tell me.” Pulling back just enough to look at her, I watched the questions run through her mind, over and over, as she was weighing out the consequences.

The tears rolled down her cheeks as the shame and hurt sank deeper, bringing the strength in my knees to an instant
Jell-O
. That was not what I wanted to happen. I needed that look to wash away before I really did drop to my knees. For her, I would do anything in a heartbeat. For only her and those two sleeping downstairs.

“You’re starting to scare the hell out of me. Please, talk to me.” Pulling her even more, the thick, salty tears rolled down her cheeks, one by one, robbing a piece of my heart along the way. Seeing her cry was my biggest weakness, and I never wanted to see her cry again. Not matter what I needed to do to fix it. I would, or I would pay to have someone make the problem go away.

“I want to get the kids some cell phones. I just think that those missing girls and the trouble at school … I can’t get them cell phones because I have to use your account for my paycheck and … I was hoping that you would help me with getting them some.”

Guilt slammed into my chest, taking the breath from my lungs. I had gotten the two cell phones already and never told her. She was going to hate me for that, but what was I supposed to do? She was doing everything in her power to protect them. Now, she wasn’t the only one who had the job of taking care of those two kids and keeping them safe. As my mom told me, if I was dating Keri, I would be dating the kids also and it would never be
just us
. It would be
all of us
. And I was perfectly content with
all of us
.

“I know that you are going to be mad, but I … I kind of already got them cell phones and they know the rules with them.” I witnessed the wrath of Keri when she went against Sky’s math teacher, and I knew that this wasn’t going to be good. How stupid could I be? I should have just told her to begin with. I should have, but I didn’t, and now, I would be paying the price.

Her arms wrapped around my waist tightly as she buried her face into my chest and just cried as hard as she could.

“I am so sorry, Keri. I am sorry that I didn’t tell you, but it’s my job, too, now. Being with you, I am with them, too. I’m not sorry for doing it, but I am sorry for not telling you.” So, maybe I wasn’t such a good man yet, but I was trying my hardest by jumping into this with two feet instead of one. It was wrong to keep the secret from her, but I didn’t want her to feel more horrible about having to break down and rely on someone else for help.

“If something happens to me, Kane, I want you to take them. Would you do that for me? Would you take care of them and see that they get a good education? Make sure that no one ever hurts them again. Please. Please do that for me.” Her cries turned into begging that was shredding apart all the muscles in my body.

My stomach knotted. The thought of ever losing Keri wasn’t something that I wanted to think about. I loved her too much to want to imagine life without her now. Sure, life before her was simple, easy, carefree, but this … this was a whole lot better than anything I ever had in my life. This was another time in my life that I knew everything was getting better for me than the crap I was born and lived through for the first part of my life.

I smoothed her long, ash brown hair back and dried her tears using the pads of my thumbs. The shadows around her silvery eyes had told me that she was exhausted. Exhausted like on the days that she spent looking at a computer screen for hours on end. “Don’t talk like that. I can’t lose you, Keri. You are my life now. I don’t want you talking like that.”

“It’s just … my mom died without any warning, Kane. She always told me that, no matter what, when you had kids, you had to protect them and always think ahead. What if something happens to me and they go back into foster care? I can’t take that risk of them getting hurt again.”

That hurt dug so deep inside of her it made me wonder if she wasn’t telling me something. Of course I would see that the kids were in the best place possible. They weren’t just hers now. They were mine, too, and if we had to live without Keri, then we would be together no matter what it cost to make it happen. Her talking to me about it, making plans, proved just how damn lucky those kids were to be on her doorstep. And I would make sure that they never forgot her either.

“We will see what we can do, but I promise you, nothing bad will ever happen to you or those two again.” Picking her up, I carried her back to the bedroom and put her down on the bed. “You need to get some sleep. You look like you spent hours in front of a computer screen.”

The color faded from her face so fast that fear shot down my spine and disrupted my stomach by knotting it instantly. What in the hell was that about? Was she sick? Was something wrong with her and she wasn’t telling me? If I lost her, life would never have any meaning anymore.

“I can’t risk anything, Kane. I watched my mom walk out the door and I never thought anything bad would happen to her. Then I got the call saying she was killed in a car accident. I can’t have that happen to my kids. Anything can happen and they would be right back in the system where anything bad can happen to them.” Her hand filled into mine, her fingers slipping between mine, and she held it as tight as she could.

“Maybe you should think about quitting your job or going down to part time. I would hate to see the day that you would have to miss one of Jordan or Sky’s games.”

She was right. An accident could happen at any time, and she could be gone in an instant. Then, the kids would be sent into foster care until someone adopted them, which would never happen, or they turned eighteen. If I didn’t have legal rights, I might never get them back.

“I can’t quit, Kane. I have to work. If I didn’t have my job, they would be taken away. You know that.” Her fingers brushed my cheek as her eyes dug into me. “I will never be able to tell you how much you mean to us. You have done everything to help us. I love you so much.”

“You helped me, too, Keri. Don’t ever forget that.” Covering her mouth, I took full advantage of her and crawled on top of her, knowing damn well that she needed to get some sleep instead of having me pounce on her again. Still, I was a man with the most amazing woman ever to live. How could I keep my hands off her?

As I watched Sky in the kitchen, my heart sank deep into my stomach, bouncing my breakfast into my throat. Her hair was still messy from crawling out of bed and her t-shirt clung to her hardly-developed body. With her turning thirteen in just a couple of weeks, it sickened me more. She was developing more and more by the day, I swore, and it made me just want to cry. I wanted to cry for what might be coming to her. She was just a little girl who had a monster crawl in bed with her already, and now one wanted her for more disgusting rituals, and I had to bring it to an end before it happened.

With Kane in the bedroom and Jordan downstairs, I cringed as she poured herself a bowl of cereal. That man was so good to us. The kids didn’t have to want anything, didn’t have to
need
anything. They never asked him for anything, but he was sure able and willing to give them what he thought they would like. And they did, too. They both made sure that he knew they appreciated everything that he had given them.

“Kane told me that you both have cell phones.” Her shoulders tightened as she lowered the gallon of milk and placed it softly on the counter. She knew that it was a secret. Personally, I didn’t want her to tell me that her dad was contacting her and I didn’t want to see that in her eyes. “I think that was pretty great of him. I’m glad that he got them for you.”

“Are you mad, Keri?” Her hands pressed down on the counter, not knowing what to do with the interaction. And the last thing I wanted to do was to scare the hell out of her again.

“Not at all. I was thinking of getting you one just in case. You know, you might want to call your friends or might need a ride.” Reaching over, I scooped her long, dark locks off her shoulder and lifted it up into the light that was pouring through the windows. It was a darker shade of brown, almost black, but a color that I could easily do with my hair. Darker was a whole lot easier to dye than going lighter, if in fact, I did pose as her to lure Joe in.

“I just talk to Alicia. Is that okay?” When her eyes shifted over to me, I concentrated on the coloration. They were a rich dark brown that looked like thick melted chocolate. An easy fix with me having such light colored irises. Colored contacts were easy enough to come by. Just a simple visit with the eye doctor at the local store and I could be in and out with a trial pair in a few minutes.

“Why wouldn’t it be? She’s a good girl, Sky.” Forcing a smile, I pointed at her bowl of cereal sitting on the counter. “Go ahead. Eat. I just wanted to talk to you, mother to daughter. That’s all.”

Nodding, she finished pouring her milk and put the gallon back into the fridge. Then, carefully, she took the bowl to the island table and took a seat across from me. Her eyes shifted up to me nervously. Brown. A soft brown. That was what they were, and she had beautiful eyes. Just like her brother.

It was a matter of time before Kane would come out and Jordan would be awake. I had to take my chance to talk to her. Pressing her would only work her up, and I didn’t want that. Then again, I didn’t want her to confess that Joe was contacting her. If she blurted out the truth, then Kane would sure find out, and I couldn’t risk having him know. This was my problem and I would bring this all to an end.

“So, your birthday is coming up and I wanted to know what you wanted to do. We could get a cake and some ice cream, play some games. We can even invite Ben and his kids over, if you would like—”

“I don’t want anything, Keri. It’s just a stupid day.” Her bite was harder than I thought it would be. She loved me. She was my little girl. This whole deal with her dad contacting her was really getting to her, and maybe she did tell him where we were. If she did, I would never see my little girl again. And I wasn’t willing to take that chance.

“What about Christmas? You said that you wanted…”

Her hands were fisting and her knuckles were turning white. Soon she would be shutting down, and I couldn’t have that happen. Not when I needed to get some information from her in order to concoct my plan. I had to watch her mannerisms close enough so that I could mimic them to lure that bastard out.

“I don’t want anything, Keri!” Tears were swelling her eyes so fast that it caused my stomach to jump into my throat. Just a few weeks ago, she was so excited over having an actual Christmas and wanted a tree and decorations—things that I wasn’t even sure I could give her because of the money. Now, she was upset and I was fearing the worst. Would she break down and tell Joe where we were staying?

Our new place was locked down, and Kane never did reveal the code to disarm the alarms. Anyone who tried a door or a window would be in a world of hurt. Police responded the quickest to those who had money, and Kane had plenty of it.

“Sky, I want to give you what you want. You were so excited about having a Christmas—”

“I don’t want one! I don’t want anything!” Her hand came down, connecting with the bowl and flipping it onto the floor. The tears rained down her face as she stood from the stool and backed up into the counter along the back wall. “God! Just leave me alone!”

“Sky…” My breath caught in my throat. What happened to my happy little girl? It wasn’t that time of the month for her, and even if it was, she wasn’t the kind to get moody like this. She had to have told her dad. Now, she was scared. She was hiding from me, and I needed to get her into protection and get my plan into place now before Kane caught wind of this.

Her chin quivered as the sobs came, hard and painful.
Oh, no. Please don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t tell me that you told your dad
.

“Sky, I am here for you. This is us. We are a team.” Reaching out for her, I wanted to take her into my arms and hold her, bring her back to trusting me, but she pulled away, hiding back into her shell.

“Yeah, well…” The gasp was painful as she sobbed harder, the pain filled cries stealing her breath away. “No one … wants … to be … my … friend.”

“Hey now. You are a great girl, Sky.” The pit of my stomach fell onto the floor, not believing in her actions. Something was even more wrong than I thought. This had to go farther than Joe contacting her. Was she approached physically by him or someone else? Did someone try something with her that I wasn’t aware of?

“No … I am … not … Keri!” Backing up to the counter, she wrapped her arms around her waist as she slid down to the floor, crying as hard as she could. “They all hate me!”

The pain in her eyes hit me hard. Did the girls have a fight and I didn’t know about it? When would she ever be able to trust me? Not with the secret that she was keeping, but with herself. I wasn’t her real mother, but I was the one who got her out of the house when the break in happened. I clothed her and ran around with my goods in the open just to protect her. Didn’t she understand that? Didn’t she understand the lengths that I would go to keep her safe?

“Sky, please. Talk to me.” Moving over to her, I sat next to her with my chest tightening even more. If she knew something, I needed her to tell me. I needed her to tell me now. “Look at me, Sky.”

When she did, the cries came even harder and to the point where she could barely breathe. “Keri, she’s not talking to me.” Opening her arms, she wrapped them around me tightly and buried her face into my chest. “I called her yesterday and we talked. I had a bad dream and I just wanted to talk to her. She told me that some of the kids in class were making fun of me about you going after Mr. Donaldson. I told her that she was just jealous because she didn’t have a mom who cared for her like I did.”

“Oh, Sky.” My heart dropped hard and fast. Ben had a horrible marriage and the woman was a selfish bitch, but we didn’t know how the woman really cared for her daughter. “We don’t know about that. I am sure Alicia’s mom—”

“She won’t even talk to me now. She won’t, and it hurts so much. She was my only friend, Keri.”

“I am sure that she’s just doing chores right now and she will talk to you.” Ben had a lot of acres to take care of, and animals to boot. The kids were probably doing chores. Ben was a stickler on getting work done before playing.

“No. I hurt her feelings and I didn’t mean to. I was just mad that no one sees what you do for me. For all of us. You are so good to me and Jordan and Kane. No one sees that, Keri. And she was my only friend.”

Tears came to my own eyes, and I just let her cry for a little longer. Rubbing her back, I chewed on my bottom lip. I had to fix this with Alicia and Sky, though I didn’t want to get involved in the girls’ argument. But, Sky was this upset over it, so maybe it would be best that I just actually check in on the situation at the other end. “How about we go over to Ben’s later and we will talk to her and let her know that you didn’t mean it? How would that be?”

“She hates me, Keri. She hates me, and I don’t blame her. She told me that if my mom cared so much for me, then why did she give me away? Why did my mom do that to us? Why, Keri? Why would she hurt us like that when you have been nothing but good to us? Aren’t moms supposed to be like you? Aren’t they supposed to be like you and your mom?” Scooting closer, she rested her body against mine as she draped her slender legs over mine. Holding her to my chest, I just cradled her, wanting to cry, wanting to find their mother and beat the life out of her, too. But, then again, if their real mother was any kind of mother at all, I wouldn’t have Sky or Jordan. I never would have met Kane. And I certainly wouldn’t have the life I did. 

“Some aren’t good, Sky. Some aren’t like us. But, you have me now. I am here. I am yours, and you are mine. I would protect you with my life. Nothing would ever make me think differently. You
are
my whole life. I will never let anyone ever hurt you again.” Tears soaked my cheeks as I just held her as tight as I could. I knew what her fate was, and I would die to save her from that. I would risk my life before letting her into the hands of monsters again. “Sky, I love you so much. I love you. You’re my little girl. Mine, Sky. I will never let anyone ever hurt you again.”

“It hurts so much. It hurts to know that she let him … Keri, she let him into my room. She let him touch me! She let him…”

“Sky, never again. Never again will anyone ever touch you like that. Never. Do you hear me? They would have to kill me first, and I will not go down without a fight.” Pulling her onto my lap, I just held her tight in my arms, rocking her back and forth while trying to calm her down. The anger was swelling up inside my heart and gushing through my veins from just thinking about the man who had the audacity to do that to a little girl.

“He touched me, Keri. He touched my places! He touched me where no one is supposed to.”

“If I had known then, I never would have let anything ever happen to you. You are with me now, Sky. I would protect you with my life.” Tucking my face into her shoulder, I cried right along with her. This poor girl. My poor little girl. It was as if I could feel what she was feeling. It was sick. It was painful. It was so horrible to be under hands of a grown man when all you thought about were dolls and boys having cooties. It was disgusting. I could feel those hands on me. I could feel those…

No! Stop, Keri! Don’t think about it. You are going to keep her safe. You are going to make sure that no one ever touches her again.

“Keri?” Jordan’s voice hit me hard. Snapping my look up to his panic ridden face, my heart crashed. The laptop was in his arms as the fear was sinking deep into him. His black plain t-shirt was tight to his chest, and his green and black checked pants hung low on his hips. The dark hair was tousled, and it looked as if he had been pulling at it all morning.

“What’s wrong, Jordan?” Wiping my tears, I held my arm tight around Sky, letting her just cry out her pain.

Going to his knees, he crawled over to me as he held up the computer. “I need your help.” Whispering, the fear sunk in deeper as he curled up next to me. Putting his hand on Sky’s back, he cringed, hating the sight of her in so much deep hurt and pain. “I broke his computer.”

“You broke his computer?”

“Oh my God, Keri. I don’t know what I did. Please, help me fix it before he finds out. Please.” Putting it on the floor, he dug his hand deep into his hair and tugged as hard as he could. “I was just doing my report for English and I don’t know what happened. God, Keri. Please. Please. I can’t let him know that I broke it. I forgot to turn it off, but I was tired. He’s going to hate me. Please … please…”

Grabbing his hand, I pulled him toward me. He didn’t do anything. I fried the damn hard drive on it. I was the reason, and…

Oh no! I fried everything! I lost all his homework
! “You didn’t do anything. I came down to check on you two and I went to shut it off and it was already messed up. Things happen.” What else could I tell him? I had to take the guilt off his shoulders somehow. But I just couldn’t tell him the truth of how the computer actually did break.

“See?! I did break it. Please, don’t let him find out. Please…” Just as Jordan held it up, the color drained from his face.

“Find out, what?” Kane’s deep voice rumbled through the kitchen as his eyes shot down at the computer. His jaw tightened as his eyes roamed over the scene. Yes, there was a mess, but my kids were in the process of freaking the hell out. I didn’t care about any spilled milk. Not when these two were having breakdowns. Well, one of them was already there.

“The computer is broken. I used it last night. I just wanted to check my emails at work, and I don’t know what happened.” Tilting my chin up, I took complete blame for the damn thing. I was the reason after all, wasn’t I? I was the one that fried it … on purpose. I had to.