White is for Virgins (32 page)

My chair jerked forward, and I frowned as I opened my eyes. Not only was Mrs. Sawyer approaching (and if I didn’t sit up there would be consequences), but it took me a minute to process that Fox had just saved me.

I turn around once Sawyer retreated to her desk, and arched my brow at him.

“What’s with you?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I muttered, covering my mouth as I yawned. My eyes watered and I wiped the corners of them, careful not to smudge my eyeliner.

“You look like shit,” he observed.

“Really? Aww, thanks,” I snorted, turning back around so I could start on my stupid fifteen-page report.

“No, seriously, did something keep you up at night?” he pressed, leaning forward in his desk.

“Yeah,” I said, mid-yawn. “Homework,” I answered after wiping my watery eyes.

“Homework?” he smirked. “Why’d you put it off so long? You had something better to do yesterday?”

“Actually, yes, I did,” I snapped, turning back around to face him “Is that so hard to believe?”

His smile faltered, and he glanced at my hand. It was resting on his desk, right next to his - our fingers were mere centimeters apart. He looked up as I pulled my hand away and ran it through my hair.

“What’d you do yesterday?” he asked, suddenly interested.

I remembered what Nick had told me Saturday night after that disastrous double date.

You like playing games, Fox? Let’s play a game.

“Why don’t you ask Nick?” I suggested innocently.

I smothered my wicked smile until I was facing forward in my chair, tapping my pen against the desk yet again.

***

Life is built on lies
, I decided as I headed for the Red Cross Center that afternoon. When I was six, I caught my mom replacing the baby tooth under my pillow with a five dollar bill. When I was seven, I realized Santa Claus couldn’t get into our house because we didn’t have a chimney. So as I waited all giddy by the front door for him to show, I caught my father tip-toeing down the creaking steps with a handful of wrapped gifts. But little kids are gullible;
why not take advantage to make them happy
?

Growing up, you didn’t stop with the lies. You just got better at them.

Nina continuously asked me if she looks fat.
Fat?
No,
of course
not.
Pregnant?
Just a tad. My dad swore he’d applied for countless jobs and had several upcoming interviews, when I knew for a fact he’d given up on that a long time ago. Lily? Lily had yet to mention any sort of a past with Nick. And that hurt. It wasn’t like we’d shared everything with each other… but I thought we’d shared enough.

I should’ve caught on… She’d always been up front with how much she disliked Fox,
and then she goes on a date with him
? I should’ve questioned her about it, gone with my gut-feeling.

Instead I was stuck in this web of lies; I was the fly that was stupid enough to soar blindly into the sticky silken trap, woven by a heartless, son of a bitch spider.

Nina had Fox and I drive around, posting flyers of the free Thanksgiving dinner we’d be serving at the homeless shelter. I groaned but did as she’d asked, ‘cause you’re supposed to humor pregnant women.

“So, how do you like Nick?” Fox asked, not wasting time as we drove off.

I stared at the half-naked trees, watching as the wind stole a few red leaves from their weak branches.

“Well I spent a whole weekend with him. I obviously
hate
him,” I shrugged sarcastically.

“I see,” Fox muttered. I couldn’t help but notice the muscles in his arms as he turned the steering wheel.

Guys turning steering wheels was a turn on?

Oh God, I’m a pathetic little virgin
.

I bit my lip and rubbed my eyes.

Maybe my brain wasn’t functioning right from the lack of sleep. We went around, taping up flyers everywhere we could. The chilly wind made me shiver as it slipped down my back and ruffled my hair. After about an hour, we had completed our mission and returned to the center. Or so I thought.

“Um, what are you doing?” I asked Fox as he steered the car into the parking lot of a Burger King.

“What’s it look like?” he sighed, unbuckling his seat belt.

My stomach, the traitor it was, growled and gave Fox the initiative to unbuckle my seat belt as well.

I sat in my seat, unflinching. It wasn’t that I didn’t love fast food. It was simply that I didn’t want to spend any more time with Fox than absolutely necessary. He had a bad effect on me.

I sucked in my stomach and held my breath as he leaned over and his face appeared inches before mine.
What on God’ green earth was he…
oh. I exhaled sharply as he pulled the handle and shoved my door open for me and then opened his own.

He ordered the Whopper, and I ordered chicken fries. We both got large sodas and split the French fries.

I felt like I was committing some act of treason. Fox was bringing back memories of Nick and Lily’s past, and he had no right to put them through that!

He set the tray of food down in front of me and I grabbed a chicken fry. It was hot, but I bit it anyway.

“You should’ve gotten a burger,” he commented, biting down on his.

“Had one on Saturday,” I mumbled.

“I’d eat a Whopper every day if I could,” he said.

I don’t care
, I thought in my head. But I kept quiet and dipped a fry into some ketchup.

We ate silently for a minute, but it didn’t take long for Fox to catch a rift in the mood.

“Are you mad at me or something?” he asked.

I shrugged, not sure of how to answer his question. I
was
mad at him, because he had upset my friends. I was mad at him indirectly.

“You seem distracted by something? Did Nick try anything?” Fox asked suddenly.

I almost choked on my soda, but I sipped some more as I eyed him.

“Define ‘try anything’,” I said mischievously.

He clenched his jaw as he asked, “Did Nick kiss you last night?”

“Did Nick kiss me?” I repeated, toying with him.

“What are you, an echo?” he muttered.

I smiled innocently, trying not to laugh.
I’m so bad.

“Did his lips touch yours?” he reiterated.

I thought for a moment, replaying last night’s events.

“No,
his
lips did not make advances on
mine
,” I said solemnly, picking up another chicken fry.

He watched me eat it, and I felt slightly uncomfortable. The heat his eyes were emitting made me uneasy.

“What’s that supposed to mean?
You
kissed
him
?”

My only reply to his questions was another sly smile. He sat there, obviously bothered by my lack of straight answers. I munched on a fry happily, waiting for him to pounce with a reworded question.

Instead he stated, “I don’t believe you.” His emerald eyes were cold as he waited for my reaction. He was challenging me.

I nodded, wiping the grease from my fingers with a napkin.

“You don’t have to,” I said, grabbing the tray and throwing our trash away. We got in the van and drove back to the RCC without a word.

I couldn’t decide if he believed me or not; all I was sure of was that when I was with Fox we either had conversations involving sexual references, or we didn’t talk at all.

I hoped Nick wouldn’t tell Fox what really happened yesterday; I’d kissed him on the cheek. It was a chaste little thank you and I had blushed like mad afterward.

Fox didn’t need to know that. I figured he wouldn’t care.

Chapter 21

Enough was enough. Nick, as awesome as he was, was a totally different person around Lily and Fox. It was like he was trying to impress them. And they weren’t any better, sitting all close and talking suggestively.

I stabbed at my salad.

“Is anyone going to tell me what’s been going on?” I asked as soon as I’d swallowed a bite.

The table was silent. And quite frankly, I didn’t care anymore. I deserved answers.

Nick stared at the deep blue hue of the lunch table. Fox was glaring at Nick, while Lily was staring at me, fearfully.

Nothing.

“Because I’m done humoring you all,” I stated.  I found that when I was angry I was a force to be reckoned with. “This is immature, and I’m done. What’s this all about?” I demanded.

Fox opened his mouth as if to say something, but he closed it and ran a hand through his hair instead. I shook my head, looking right at Lily.

“Nick wouldn’t tell me what went on between you two,” I told her, “But considering we were each other’s only friends here, I figured you’d have the decency to tell me. I didn’t want to push you Lily, but not knowing bothers me.”

Her eyes watered, and she put her face in her hands. I could hear her breathing from across the table.

“Nick won’t tell me anything, Lily doesn’t trust me, and I sure as hell can’t count on
you
,” I muttered as I glared at Fox.

My strength was wearing thin, thank God the lunch period was almost over and it was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving weekend.

I got up and headed for the exit, dumping my salad into the trash can on the way.

I paced through the empty hallway, but it wasn’t long before I heard someone behind me. A strong hand gripped my arm and spun me around.

“Done playing this game?” he asked, “You seemed pretty damn into it on Monday.”

“That’s because I was pissed that you started all this shit and got me dragged into it!”

“I set it up, Lily took the bait, and Nick sure as hell did too,” he explained.

“As if that justifies what you did!” I countered, “Screwing with your friends like that is sick, Fox. Why can’t you ever just mind your own damn business?”

“I was only screwing with them to get them to admit they were stupid in the past and that they still fucking care about each other!”

“And you think Nick would get jealous by seeing Lily with
you
? If anything, he’d get angry that you’re moving in on his ex. You weren’t all that believable Fox, that came out of nowhere.”

“Obviously he did get jealous, because he asked
you
out,” Fox said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked through my teeth.

“It means he was trying to get even,” he explained.

“That doesn’t make any sense, I can’t compare to Lily. If anything, it ruined our friendship, because I broke the girl code,” I said in a shaky, but still furious tone.

“Emery, it wasn’t supposed to be like this,” he said, a bit calmer. He lifted my chin so I was looking up at him.

Just as the space between us slowly started to decrease, something snapped.

“Well it did, Fox. That’s what happens when you fuck around with people’s feelings,” I growled, “Lily probably hates me now. All I wanted was to get by this year, maybe make a few friends… Why are you making that so goddamn hard for me?”

Before Fox could say anything else, I wiped my eyes and walked towards the girl’s room. From behind the door I heard the bell ring. It not only signaled the end of lunch, but the end of the game.

***

“Corn? Mashed Potatoes?” I asked, blowing at the small wisp of hair escaping my hair net.

The woman nodded slightly, and I asked if she wanted gravy. She shook her head and moved on. Seeing her look so solemn put a dent in the whole point of this Thanksgiving. This was about forgetting your hardships for a day, and celebrating what you were grateful for.

I forced a brighter smile and continued to supply people’s trays with vegetables and starches and sauces.

When everyone had a full plate and plastic utensils, I rid myself of the annoying hair net and apron. I hoped I still had a chance of reviving my hair. I went to the bathroom - a small, murky green colored room that smelled like cleaning products and cheap soap. The mirror was adequate, and I quickly applied some powder to make my face less shiny. My hair was surprisingly just as it’d been the second I put the curling iron down.

Smiling, I hastily opened the door and went back to the dining hall. Before I made it fully out the door however, I collided with someone.

“Oh, I’m so sorr–” I started, but paused when I realized Fox was looking back at me. I didn’t waste a second walking around him and returning to Nina.

I was so unbelievably frustrated. If they only knew how stupid I felt. Taking Nick’s bait, letting Lily just go about her merry way pretending to date Fox – I should’ve said something earlier.
I should’ve… ugh!

I tried to shove everything aside and focus on sharing Thanksgiving with all of these people. They had it so much worse, I needed to stop being so selfish.

While everyone was eating and talking amongst themselves, Nina and I pulled up beside a table and joined in.

As interesting as the current conversation on politics and Obama’s plans for change was, I got distracted.

All the children were flocking to the far right corner, where a guy was sitting hunched over his guitar. He shook his white-blonde hair and offered everyone a smile as he started lightly strumming the guitar.

The flex of his fingers and the way he shook his head ever so slightly as he kept his rhythm had me paralyzed. I fumbled with my fork and scooped up something from my plate. Most of it made my mouth, but a drop of something warm hit my khaki pants.

My gaze moved down to my pants, just as Fox looked over in my direction.
Shit!
A gravy stain the size of a dime was splattered on my right thigh.

I sighed and excused myself as I got up from the table. I sat on a cold metal chair in the lobby, needing to get away from that music. I crossed my arms and dropped my head.

I heard the shuffling in the seat next to me, and slowly picked my head up. I swiped the curls from my face and instantly wished I hadn’t.

“Why aren’t you in there with everyone else?” Fox asked.

“Because I can’t stand people right now,” I muttered.

We sat there for a bit, until he sighed in defeat.

“You wanna know what happened between them?” he asked angrily.

I didn’t say anything, because he knew my answer.

“There was a party,” he began. I snorted.
Isn’t there always a party?

“They both got really drunk, and said some things they shouldn’t have said, and got into a huge fight,” he said. I shook my head,
how typical.

“Let me guess,” I interrupted, “They both slept with other people.”

Fox glared at me. “No, I made sure they didn’t do that,” he said, knowing exactly how to make me feel stupid. I waited for him to continue.

“Nick and Lily got in his car after a few hours, and he went to drive her home,” Fox said, “I shouldn’t have let them go… but they seemed completely fine.”

My mouth gaped in horror, but I didn’t dare say anything.

“Nick ended up hitting a tree, and they both went to the hospital,” he continued, breathing a little hard, “Lily hurt her leg; Nick got a few cuts on his face. But he couldn’t bear to see her, and she stayed away from him.”

I bit my lip as I peeked at him from the corner of my eye.

“They got back together, and then all of a sudden Lily broke up with him with some bullshit excuse that things weren’t working,” he finished. “He never accepted it. I don’t see how anyone would. People stopped talking to her.”

“Oh wow,” I murmured.

“Yeah,” he sighed, “It wasn’t easy for them, so don’t hate them for not telling you.”

I nodded, but something clicked in my head that made me jump to my feet.

“You really are sick,” I accused, “You had no right to just drag them into such a painful past… you’re so–” I paused.

“So what?” he pressed.

“So heartless,” I said, shaking my head.

***

.3
rd
PERSON POV
.

Fox felt so misunderstood. Yes, he had no right in toying with Nick and Lily’s relationship, but he hated seeing them stand there with so many matters unsolved, so many thoughts unsaid.

He hated even more so that Emery could only see the bad in him. Why did it bother him that she hated him so much?

He almost reached out and brushed the loose curl from her eye, but he stood up and kept his hands respectively at his side.

“You’re only making me out to be heartless, Emery,” he reasoned. “You honestly think I asked Lily out to make Nick angry and to take advantage of her? You think I wanted to bring back all this shit just to watch it eat at them?”

She just stood there, glaring at him. He was so angry; he wanted her to see his side of it.

“This doesn’t make any sense, Fox,” she murmured, “That was so freakin stupid of you…”

“I was trying to make them face what they’d been avoiding for the entire year!” he explained, “I caught them looking at each other all the time, it made me sick watching them sit there and not face their problems.”