When You Least Expect It (30 page)

             
“
I have a personal ad in the classifieds
.”

             
Amanda was horrified.  “
Lover, that can’t be safe. Aren’t you afraid?”

             
“No, I’m very careful.  I read the emails that these men send me, and then I pick the ones that interest me.  We email back and forth and through this, I kind of get a feel for them, whether they are legit or just looking for a
quick lay, or if they are kinky or slimy.  It’s pretty easy.  Then we talk
on the phone a few times, and when I feel comfortable, I meet them for a drink.  I never get in their car, and it’s always in very public places; at least the first few times.”

             
Amanda was dubious.  “
Have you met some nice men, or are they skuzzy?”

             
“LOL.  I don’t meet the skuzzy ones. Just the ones I think are on the up and up.  Mandy, you should try it.  You would be amazed at the response and it would give you some options.”

             
“I don’t know Lover, Ray might object.”
  Amanda knew the absurdity of that statement as soon as she hit ‘send’.

             
“Well if he does then he has a problem.  You guys aren’t married, or even a couple per se.  He lives a long way away.  You don’t have a true commitment yet I assume, since you’ve never met.”

             
“You’re right, of course.  Maybe I will place an ad
,
just to see what happens
.”  Even as she wrote it, she
wondered if she really would.

             
“Give it a try.  It’s very much the new thing.  I promise you that you will be safe as long as you are selective.  I’m out of here, lady, and next time we meet, I want to hear all about your adventures.  Aloha!”

             
“Bye Lover; and thanks
.”

             
Amanda hated to admit it, but the conversation with Hawaiianlover had intrigued her.  She was an executive, elegant and smart, yet she placed an ad.  Maybe there was something to it.  After all, she had a pager and wouldn’t even have to give out her phone number.  It could be as innocent as she wanted it to.  If she found some dates out of it, what would it hurt?  She decided it would be fun just to check it out and went to the website.

             
She could not believe all the different ads! Men for Men…Women for Women.  The other categories included Long-term, Flirtatious, and Just for Fun.  Amanda decided to go to the Just for Fun category.  She read some of the ads that were there.  Nothing too personal and they didn’t ask for any private information, except for the email address.  She decided to go for it. 

             
She deliberated on what to say.  She decided going for the truth was her safest bet.  She kept it brief.

              HI!  TexasRose here!  I am a 5’1” brunette, 40, looking for companionship.  I like movies and dancing, going out to dinner, or anything that sounds like fun.  I’m not looking for anything serious, just a night out with someone who is looking for the same thing. I’m looking for a fun-loving, respectful and cute man in his early forties. If you fit the bill, write me and we’ll go from there.  Hope to hear from you soon!

             
Amanda reread her ad about ten times before deciding to submit it.  Her true fear was that Ray wouldn’t like it, but her Internet friend was right, they had no hold on each other, they were just friends.  She held her breath and hit ‘submit’.  She’d done it!  She laughed out loud…she must be having a mid-life crisis!  She turned off the computer and went to the fridge.  She popped open a soda and wondered what she would do with any responses that she might get.  As she sipped on her soda, she made a pact with herself to keep an open mind and look for a new adventure.  If Lover could do it, then so could she.      

                                                                      ~~~

             
Ray was lying in bed unable to sleep.  His conversation with Amanda tonight had left him feeling uneasy.  She had seemed very uninterested and bored.  Was she losing interest?  Ray turned on his stomach.  Just because she was not her usual self did not mean it had anything to do with him.  They seemed to be getting along great—weren’t they?

             
He considered the possibilities.  Hmm, let’s see, he was twenty-five hundred miles away.  That in itself seemed like an insurmountable problem.  But wait, there’s more!  He was in the middle of what promised to be a horrendous divorce, if Carrie had her way.  He had three kids who he’d never be able to leave, and Amanda loved El Paso and had kids still at home.   What did he have to offer her?  He laughed out loud.  Just as Carrie promised, the only thing he had was a small one-bedroom apartment, and a lot of unwanted, irremovable baggage.  He covered the pillow with his head and hoped for suffocation.

             
                                                        ~~~

             
Amanda opened her mail the next morning to see if she had gotten any nibbles.  She had ten nibbles in response to her ad.  She clicked on one just to see what she had to look forward to tonight.  She chose one from TexasTiger.

             
Hey TexasRose!  I liked your ad!  I’m a 42, very male, good-looking man who has a lot to offer, if you know what I mean.  I’m a golf pro and have time to spare.  Just to keep everything open, I’m a married man, but my wife is no fun.  Let’s have some fun!  So what do ya think, shall we exchange pictures?  Let me know!  TT

             
Amanda deleted this immediately after a good belly laugh.  Oh no!  What was Hawaiianlover thinking setting her up for this?  A married man?  Oh well, this would be good for some laughs if nothing else. 

             
She got ready for work, still laughing as she walked out the door. 

             
After dropping Alex off at school, she went to work and poured herself a cup of coffee.  She dug around in her bag for a phone card.  She thought she’d give Ray a call.  She felt bad after last night.  He had no clue how she was feeling and he was probably confused.  He didn’t understand her moodiness which had nothing to do with him.              She dialed the zillion numbers from the calling card. 

             
“Ray Knight.”

             
This alone brought a smile to her face.  “Hey.”

             
Ray was stunned to hear her voice.  “Hey Mandy.  What’s up?”  Ray wished he felt as casual as he sounded.

             
“Nothing much, Ray, I just wanted to call and say hi.  Are you busy?”

             
“No, not really.  Is everything okay?”  Why is it every time she sounded like this he was sure she was ending it with him?

             
“I guess.  I just wanted to apologize for being so distracted last night on the phone. I had a lot on my mind.”

Ray had a feeling it was about him. “Getting tired of me?”  Ray felt his heart sinking.

              “No. I’m just wondering if I can continue to do this...maybe my friends and family and everyone on earth who knows about us is right.  This is insane.”

             
The only feeling Ray could describe at this moment was panic.  “Mandy…”

             
“Ray, let’s talk about this later.  I can’t do this right now.  I didn’t plan on this phone call going in this direction.  I have to think about it.  Call me tonight?”

             
“Yes, of course.  I’ll call you at the usual time.”

             
“Thanks.  Later.”  Amanda hung up.

             
Ray sat at his desk, stunned.  What could have brought this on?  Did he do something?  Had she met someone else?  Ray wished he had someone he could talk to about Amanda and this whole Internet thing, but he hadn’t told anyone.  It now seemed like he may never have to. 

             
                                                        ~~~

             
              After her conversation with Ray, her day at work went downhill from there. She’d worked in pediatrics and almost every baby that came in had needed immunizations.  That meant three to four injections per baby.  That also meant three to four piercing screams per baby, followed by tears from the mothers and hateful looks from the freshly immunized victim.  It made her want to run to the bathroom and cry. 

             
Next, her supply order hadn’t arrived, doctors had yelled and Mariah was in rare form.  They had not been the same since she had accused her of being the ‘other woman’ and Amanda missed her friend.  She left the office depleted of all energy and emotions.

             
Once home, she popped a frozen dinner in the microwave.  Alex was at work for the night, and since she rarely cooked for just herself, always had them on hand.  Fortunately, since Alex worked at a restaurant, he ate there.  Amanda looked around her kitchen as the minutes on the timer wound down.  The last thing she wanted tonight was to be alone in her house.  She missed the kids.  She missed having company.  She went to the phone, dinner in hand and called Hilary.

             
To add to her misery, Hilary’s chipper answering machine came on.  She was out with her family.  As she ate her almost cooked frozen ravioli, she felt that if someone poked her with the fork she was eating with, she would fly around the room like a deflating balloon. 

             
She looked at the clock.  Ray would be calling soon, and the last thing she wanted was to get into that again.  She turned on the computer, logged on and went to email.  She had ten more emails to add to this morning!  She decided to spend the evening sorting through them, and writing back to the ones who looked promising. 

             
Out of the twenty-some emails she received, Amanda only replied to two.  She sent a standard email to both, polite but noncommittal.  She stressed on the fact that she wanted to take it slow.  She shut off the computer and decided she wasn’t going to hold her breath.  She went to bed, fighting the urge to have a good cry.

             
                                                        ~~~             

             
Ray was standing in his kitchen eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich over the sink.  As he gulped down his milk, he wondered how he would ever get to sleep that night.  He’d tried all night to call Amanda, but no answer.  She knew he was calling, and usually she told him when she wasn’t going to be there. 

             
Unfortunately, Ray knew the answer…she didn’t want to talk to him.  Her ‘confusion’ was keeping her away.  There were times he wished he had never met her.  He laughed.  Technically, he
had
never met her. This was the problem. They were hanging out their feelings to dry on people they had no idea would connect. It was scary.  It was probably starting to feel pointless to Amanda, which was leading to her confusion. 

             
Ray plopped himself on the side of the bed.  He sat there in the dark for a long time before he willed himself to lie down and try to get some sleep.  It took a long time.  Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her.  First, it was Amanda in the picture she sent, smiling, cute, petite and bubbly.  Then it moved to how he pictured her.  How she must look when she laughed, or when she twirled her hair around her finger.  How sexy she must be.  How she’d feel in his arms, or how his lips would feel on hers.  He could almost feel how soft they’d be.   Ray ached for her, both physically and emotionally, yet he was beginning to feel that they’d never get the chance to be together.

Chapter 24

Amanda was standing in line at the post office.  She was mailing out the present she had bought Ray for his birthday.  She had decided not to be petty and to surprise him. 

             
She hadn’t taken any of his calls since Thanksgiving.  He called everyday almost and left messages on her answering machine. He really didn’t say much, except that he wanted to talk.  She listened to the recordings and fought every urge she had to pick up the phone.  She missed him; hence, the birthday package.  The card was very benign, it simply was signed, ‘your internet friend, Mandy.’   She didn’t mention in the card how she still thought about him endlessly, or how she’d lie awake at night and wonder what he was doing, hearing his soft voice in her head and reliving all the great phone conversations they’ve had. 

             
She paid the postal clerk and watched as he dismissively tossed the package in to the bin.  Much like she had done to Ray.  She squelched her brief moment of guilt and quickly went on to finish her errands.