Waters Fall (30 page)

I don
’t want to give up without fighting for us.
The words floated into her consciousness, like a song sung over the rhythm of the water. God had given her and Jake to each other, joined them as one flesh. Why wouldn’t He speak to her now through Jake’s awkward and tender appeal?

Will you stay and fight with me?

36

“H
ey, Jake.” Nora ducked her head around the
office door. “I’m here. Do you need any help packing?”

“
Hm?” He didn’t look up until he’d finished answering the question on the form in front of him in the best way possible. But he’d known the moment she arrived. He’d heard the kids’ voices raised in greeting, the quick footsteps of her approach to his office, her light tap on the door, and it took every ounce of concentration to stay focused on the task at hand.

The way she said his name these days made his skin flush. Something had changed. Something had altered, either in the way he perceived it, or in the way she projected it, since that night they
’d talked and prayed with the kids in Leslie’s room, and it made his pulse quicken.

Nora crossed the room and peered over his shoulder.
“What are you up to?” He smiled a little to himself at the curiosity in her voice.

“Hey Nor.” He turned around in his chair and looked up at her, giving her his full attention. “Sorry. What was that?”

“What do you have there?” She tried again to peek at the paper on his desk, but he covered it with the flat of his hand.

“Well, aren’t you nosey?” But he winked at her so she would know he wasn’t offended. “Actually, I’m applying for a job. You know Scott, from church? Well, we were talking last Sunday, and I asked him how work was going. He started telling me how busy he was and that he was thinking about hiring an assistant in the near future because he was feeling a little overwhelmed. I told him he needed me, that I could do the job. He agreed, and asked me to fill out one of these.” He lifted his hand so she could see the application he’d just completed.

“Is it inspections? What does he do again?” Nora propped one hip against the edge of the desk. Even the interest she showed in his work was sincere and encouraging, without an ounce of disdain. “Doesn’t he work for the county?”

“Yeah.
He’s contracted with Public Works. His company oversees the “Get Smart” programs. Get Smart About Water, Get Smart About Fire, Get Smart About Gardening, you know, all those reduce, reuse, and recycle programs. Anyway, he needs someone to monitor the presentation sites all over the county so it’s inspections of a kind. It’s a new position he’s just created so he’s starting it out part time. He thinks it will eventually go to fulltime, but for now he can guarantee me at least three days a week so far.” He laced his fingers behind his head and grinned up at her. “They have to post it publicly because it’s a public works related job, but Scott assured me it’s mine.”

Nora
’s eyes were bright with what he hoped was appreciation. “What are the presentation sites? Is that like that place at the park where they teach the community about composting and recycling and stuff?”

“Exactly.
Scott’s constructed almost thirty of them in public parks all over the county, and it’s just getting to be too many to keep track of on his own. He has a crew to do the maintenance and upkeep, but he needs help overseeing and managing the care. That’s what I’ll be doing; going from site to site making sure everything is in order. I know I’ll have to learn a little more about the whole program, but as far as I can tell, it’s mostly about teaching good sense when it comes to watering and planting and caring for your little piece of earth. I think it’ll be a good fit for me.” He studied her for a minute, toying with the pen in his hand. She looked really good, like she’d slept well. She had on a pair of shorts, an apple green V-neck top, and a pair of old school Vans in a checkerboard pattern. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and the only makeup she wore was a pale pink gloss that made him want to taste her lips.

“What?” She smiled self-consciously and tipped her head to one side.

He stood up and stretched, then slipped his arms around her, drawing her toward him.

“Smooth, Jake. Really smooth,” she giggled. “The old stretchy snake move from high school.”

“Stretchy snake? That just sounds wrong.”

“You know what I’m talking about.
At the movie theater. The guy pretends to stretch, then he casually drapes his arm around the unsuspecting girl’s shoulders. Next thing she knows, he’s snaked his arm over and is trying cop a feel.”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about…but does it work?” He grinned, then dipping his
head, he breathed in the smell of her hair, her skin, and gently pressed his lips against hers. “So what do you think?”

Nora leaned back in his arms and looked up at him, a sparkle in her teasing eyes.
“Of the kiss or the job?”

Jake covered her mouth with his again, this time with more intensity, and felt the tremor of his rising pulse as she sighed against his lips. When he lifted his head, she
smiled, her eyes soft, her cheeks flushed. “Now that, my husband, was amazing.”

He grinned, pleased with himself for making her look so satisfied.
“And the job?”

“The job sounds amazing, too, Jake.” She cupped his cheek with one hand and took a deep breath. “I didn’t know you were looking for something other than inspections.”

He didn’t let her go, but turned them so he was leaning against the desk with her facing him, standing between his legs. He let his arms relax a little around her waist, keeping his hands clasped at the curve of her low back, enjoying the way she fit tucked into him like she was. She rested her hands on his biceps, toying with the cuffs of his sleeves. Her touch sent small currents up his arms, making his scalp tingle with pleasure, and he flexed for good measure, making her eyebrows shoot up in response. He just grinned, feeling cocky and playful and on the right track.

“I’ve been working on a few different things, trying to come up with some alternatives to doing home inspections. My license is due to be renewed this month, and it seemed a good time to consider what I’m really doing with it. I’m not yet ready to give it up all together, because I like doing inspections. But I think I have to accept that it’s more of a part time business, at least for me, because of my strengths and weaknesses.” He leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose. “I just do better when I know where I’m supposed to be, when I’m supposed to be, and what I’m supposed to
do, and I’m okay with that.”

“I don’t know what to say,” she acknowledged. “It sounds like you’ve really processed through some things.”

“Yeah. It’s been a big help, talking to Pastor Rob. He’s encouraged me to think outside the box, to talk to other men, get involved in guy stuff at church. The whole ‘iron sharpens iron’ thing. But it’s making me realize how much I’ve been leaning on you all these years, Nor.”

She didn
’t respond, and for a moment, he felt the usual trepidation rising up, the fear of her criticism, but he stopped his thoughts from spinning out of control with a blast from his spiritual shotgun, and continued, suddenly wanting to tell her everything in his heart. “Nora, I’ve been so wrong about you, the way I’ve had you up on a pedestal. It’s like some form of sick idolatry, because part of me always expected you to fall; almost like I’ve been waiting for it so I could point my finger at you and say, ‘See? I
knew
you weren’t perfect!’”

He felt her tense, her body shifting in his arms, as though gearing up for another skirmish.
“No. Don’t pull away from me. I need you to listen, to hear me out. Please.” He waited, silently willing her to stay, to trust him.

She didn
’t meet his eyes, but she nodded and relaxed her stance a little, her hands sliding over to rest against his chest. He could feel the warmth of her palms through the thin fabric of his shirt. 

“I love you, Nora. I love everything about you. But I’ve been putting you, in both good and bad ways, ahead of everything else and everyone else in my life, especially God. I don’t want to do that anymore.” He leaned forward to put his forehead against hers. “I want God to come first. It just doesn’t work any other way, does it?”

“No. I don’t think it does.”

He released her and leaned back so he could read her face easier. Taking her hands, he brought them both up and kissed her fingertips.
“As for the job, I’m excited about it. I hate to admit this to you, because it makes me sound like a schmuck, but it’s almost as though when I finally admitted that I didn’t have to compete with you, the Lord opened doors in a whole different direction for me.”

Nora nodded encouragingly, her voice soft, but rich with emotion.
“I think the Lord opens doors all the time for us, but we have to keep our eyes open to see them and be ready to walk through them. You seem like you have your eyes open, Jake.”

“It’s like I told you and Les the other night; I really do feel like I’m waking up.” He shrugged. “I’m seeing things differently; myself, you, the kids, our future. I want you to be proud to call me your husband, not because I’m all that and a bag of chips, as Les would say, but because I’m the man God created me to be. I know I’ve sold us all short too often. I know it’s going to be tough to reinvent us,
Nor, but I also know that’s what I want to do.” He turned her hands and held them pressed tightly to his chest again. His heart was beating hard against his sternum and he hoped she could feel it under her palms.

“I know I’m going to fail miserably on a regular basis, and that I’ll let you down again and again.” He grimaced slightly. “But if I can convince you that my heart is yours, and that God gave you to me to love and protect, then I will have succeeded in fully waking up.”

Tears welled up in Nora’s eyes and he was thrilled at the sight of them, no longer afraid of what they meant.

“Oh, Jake,” she murmured, and his name on her lips was like a cool draught to his parched soul. She leaned forward and buried her face in his neck. He could feel the dampness on her cheeks. “Jake, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” She whispered again and again. “I’m so sorry. I was so wrong.”

He wrapped his arms around her again, enfolding her like a child. He stroked her back, brushing his fingers along the soft curve of her neck, not saying anything at all. Words and emotions welled up inside of him until he thought he might burst, but he kept them in, setting aside his own feelings, wanting to be only what she needed him to be. This is how it feels to be a man, he thought. This was what it means to be a hero.
Lord, teach me.

Finally spent, Nora reached over his shoulder and grabbed a couple of tissues from the box on his desk. He waited quietly while she blew her nose and sniffed a few times,
then he cupped her chin, turning her to face him. She resisted at first, but he knew it was only because she hated the way she looked when she cried.

“I think you’re beautiful,” he said gently. “Look at me.”

She finally lifted her glistening eyes to his, and he smiled, his heart overflowing with love for her. “I love you, Nora. I forgive you. And I need you to forgive me, too.” He put both hands on either side of her face when she tried to turn away, his thumbs brushing away the few tears that still collected in her bottom eyelashes. “I have been a rotten husband to you.”

Nora shook her head, but he wouldn
’t let her speak. “No. I need you to listen to me. I have been the worst kind of man, Nora. Even as I put you on a pedestal, it was because I didn’t want the responsibility of taking care of anyone but me and my needs and my desires. Then I lashed out at you in the cruelest of ways, because you didn’t want a selfish man like me.” He closed his eyes briefly, then opened them again, wanting her to see into his heart. “I’m sorry for the things I’ve said to you, the horrible names I’ve called you, even for some of the things I’ve thought about you. You are my beauty,” he repeated. “I don’t want you to doubt that, ever again. Can you forgive me?” He paused and waited for her response.

“Yes.” It was only a whisper, but he needed to hear it before he went on.

“And I’m sorry for all those years I drank and acted so selfishly. I know for a fact that I’ve never really apologized for that. I’m sorry for not being the kind of man you could count on, depend on. I think I had myself convinced that the alcohol was my battle, and the decision to quit drinking was my gift to you, like it was some noble act.” He took a deep breath, noticing that her eyes widened as he spoke. “I pompously believed I was sacrificing my desires for you, and that you should be grateful. Can you believe that? I never felt I needed to be remorseful or repentant for those years; I excused my behavior, blaming it on the drink.”

He shook his head and swallowed the lump in his throat. Saying these words—finally
—felt so different than what he’d feared. So empowering.

“
And then last October. Oh Nora, I’m so sorry about going out like that. It was my pride, you know? And now I see that my pride nearly destroyed us. Will you forgive me for those wasted years, Nora, and for that horrible night?”

She was silent, but the way she chewed on her lip made him think she wanted to say something.

“What is it?”

“Your waitress.”
It came out just above a whisper, her voice breaking over the next words. “I…I don’t even have the right to ask this, but what about your waitress? Are you—were you…with her?”