Unexpected Chance (21 page)

Chapter 26

Chance said hello to Frank as he got
into the back of the car with me. We rode in silence to Dr. Beaumont’s office
building. Maybe Chance didn’t want to talk in front of Frank. It was weird. We
arrived at the office and walked into radiology. Chance wished me luck. The
test took about an hour. Normally, I would have felt claustrophobic, but that
was another sensation I was lacking since my loss of vision. The radiologist
told me that I would hear something in a day or two. I thanked her, and she
walked me to the reception area to where Chance was waiting for me.

I heard him thanking someone and saying that he
would let her know if he had any questions. I wondered what that was about. He
must have spotted me because he called out my name. The radiologist whispered
in my ear, “Lucky girl, it looks as if you are in good hands.” That was odd.

Chance and I walked outside. I loved the fall
weather. Something about it felt so cleansing. Chance spotted Frank and told me
he would lead me. I put my arm through his, and we started walking to the car
when all of a sudden I was jerked back and landed on Chance’s arm. “
Baiseur
!”

“What the hell was that?” One minute we were
walking and the next I was pulled back. Apparently, Chance was pissed; I knew “
baiseur
”
meant “fucker.”

“Are you okay, Aubrey? A car came really close to
hitting you. I am so sorry. I never saw him coming. He flew around the corner
at high speed. What an asshole!”

I could feel him shaking. “Chance, I’m fine. I’m
just glad you were here with me. You saved my life.” He let me hold on to him. It
felt really good to be held by a man again, even if it was platonic.

“Here comes Frank. Let’s get out of here and go
get a drink or something.”

“Okay, my treat though.”

Frank came up to me and put his hands on my shoulders.
“My God, Aubrey, are you okay? You have no idea how close that car was to
hitting you.” He was right; I had no idea.

“I’m fine thanks to Chance here.” I smiled, but
deep down that really scared me.

“I should have been at the curb, waiting for you.
I did get his plate though and called it in to the police. He was driving as if
he had been drinking. He didn’t even slow down or notice you were there. He was
reckless.”

My thoughts went to Alex. I wasn’t able to
imagine him receiving the phone call that I was killed by a drunk driver.

“Let’s go.” Chance guided me into the back seat
of the car. Frank asked if we needed to go anywhere else, and Chance asked him
to take us to a restaurant so we could grab something to eat.

Chance’s voice was still a little shaky. “So how
did it go? Were you okay in the MRI machine?”

“It was okay, just really loud. Who were you
talking too when I walked out?”

“Dr. Beaumont’s nurse. She was talking to the
receptionist, and I heard her mention your doctor. I asked her for some
information about your condition. She retrieved some pamphlets for me.”

“Why do you want to know about my condition?” I
hated that I had a condition.

“I want to see if there is anything that we can
do to help you. I am sorry if I overstepped.”

Not wanting him to feel bad and knowing he just
wanted to help, I smiled. “So, Dr. Chance . . .” I suddenly realized I didn’t
know his last name. “What’s your last name?” It was weird that that bit of
information was bypassed in all of our other conversations.

“My full name is Chance L’Amour.”

“Your name is Chance Love?” I tried to suppress a
giggle.

“Yes, I know. It sounds cheesy, right? Now we are
here, so let’s go eat, and I will tell you what is in these pamphlets.”

We were seated in a booth, which I preferred. There
were days when I felt that if I moved the wrong way my ass would fall off the
chair. Booth seats were much more forgiving to my clumsiness. The waitress came
to the table and started off in French naturally. Chance said something to her,
and she converted over to very broken English.

“Your drinks? You know what you drink?”

Trying to contain a little chuckle at her
question, I ordered a Perrier with lemon, and Chance ordered a beer.

“Maybe we should let her speak French. You can
translate for me.” I was smiling.

“No, she will be fine. Do you know what you want
for lunch?”

“If I order the feesh, do you think she will know
what I want?” We both laughed. “What are you doing right now?” I really wanted
to see him. I willed my eyes to have him appear. It didn’t work.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you can see me, but you’re just a shadow. You’re
a shadow! I see a shadow! Oh my God, Chance! I can see an outline. It’s fuzzy,
but it’s there. Hold up your hand. I want to see if I see anything. Please, just
humor me. Put your hand up, just for a minute. Come on, Chance. Please?”

“It’s up, Aubrey.”

Dropping my head, I could feel the tears starting
to come forward. I couldn’t see his hand, not even the outline or shadow of it.

Chance answered my question. “So what am I doing?
I am looking at the most beautiful woman I have ever had the pleasure of being
friends with. She is smart, honest, and one of the bravest people I know. She
is a good friend and person, and I hope that she will want to sit across from
me for many more years.”

Looking up, I realized that the shadow was gone;
it went as fast as the flash of light in the park. “Your shadow is gone. And
for the record, I would love to sit across from you for many years, but someday
you’ll fall in love with someone, and she may not want me across from you.” While
waiting for his response, my tablet chimed. “That might be my mom; I never
called her after the MRI.” Holding the tablet in my hands and running my
fingers over the screen, I started trembling. I read his name quickly; I
excused myself for a minute and put my headphones on.

Alex: 3:13 p.m.—I’m worried about you. Are you
doing okay? I miss you and love you more than anything in the world. Come back
to me. Please. I downloaded music to your tablet; please listen to it. Listen
for the wave.

I put the tablet and headphones away, reached for
my water, and took a sip. It had been months and he texted me now. He told me
he added music to my tablet? I hadn’t listened to any music . . . yet. And
wave? What wave?

“Are you okay? You look pale.”

I shook it off. “I’m fine. Where were we? Oh
yeah, tell me about the pamphlets. Is there a miracle cure?” I sounded
sarcastic and Chance was quiet. “I’m sorry, that was rude of me.”

“I take it that wasn’t your mom?”

Shaking my head, I said, “Please, tell me about
the pamphlets; curiosity is getting the better of me.” I didn’t want to talk
about the text from Alex.

“Well, it says that eating the right foods and
vitamins are good for you: foods high in vitamins C and E, leafy vegetables,
salmon, and citrus. There are quite a few things that keep your eyes healthy.”

The waitress came and took our orders. “I can’t
read the menu, but if you have it, I’d like a spinach salad with grilled salmon
and a glass of orange juice.” Chance ordered the same meal. “Thank you.” I
reached across the table, searching for his hand. His found mine and he laid it
on mine. “You have no idea how much you mean to me and how much you’re helping
me. Before meeting you . . .” Pulling his hand toward my lips, I kissed his
palm.

He left his hand on my side of the table until
our orders came. “You want to talk about that text you received?”

“There isn’t much to talk about.” I exhaled. “It
was Alex. I haven’t heard from him in weeks. Mark told me that Alex asked about
me, but he’s never contacted me before today.”

“Did you want him to?” I tilted my head and
lowered my brows. “Did you want him to contact you? You can try to deny it, but
the look you got on your face when you heard the message says otherwise. We’re
friends. You can tell me. I won’t judge you, ever.”

Thinking about how I could phrase this was
difficult for me because I really didn’t know. “Yes, part of me has wondered
why he hasn’t contacted me. Unfortunately, as I always do, I assumed it meant
he had found someone else and wasn’t thinking of me. Pitiful, I know, but if
you saw the flurry of female activity that I witnessed not just once but all
the time, you’d feel the same way. To tell you the truth, it makes me sad,
really sad. Loving and what I thought was being loved by Alex was everything to
me, and in a blink of an eye, no pun intended, it was gone, and not just him
but everything. My job, my friends, my apartment, and everything I went to
school for and studied so hard to achieve were just gone. I don’t blame him. That
wouldn’t be fair. This was my fault, all of it. What hurts the most is that he lied
to me. He deliberately did something that he knew would crush me so deeply. Just
thinking about it makes my chest hurt, and he did it anyway. I thought he loved
me. That’s not love, is it?”

He was very quiet. Maybe that was too much
information to blurt out. Taking my hand out of his, I rubbed my chest, trying
to get rid of the pain that was there. Although it was most likely emotional,
it was felt physically. “Was that too much?”

“No, it wasn’t. I’m just trying to figure out the
right thing to say. Unfortunately, I have been in his shoes. I hate that it
needs to be said, but it is the truth. Losing someone not too long ago myself,
I understand both sides. It makes me wonder if he felt just as hurt by you. My
girlfriend did some things that I didn’t agree with, and by pushing all her
buttons the right way, I caused her to walk away. At the time, I thought it was
a way of protecting myself, but now, seeing how hurt you are, I wish I had
taken a different tack. It makes me second-guess my actions. Unfortunately,
they cannot be taken back. We need to learn from them, accept them, and move
on. We wouldn’t be the people we are today if our past didn’t happen.”

I was really thinking about what he said. How
different would I be if there’d never been an Alex and me? If he’d never
entered my life, would it be better or worse? Eyesight aside, other than coming
clean on the journal, which was really a non-issue because it wasn’t even
important and I honestly was starting to forget about it, my life was better
because of him. Still, the hurt was there, and it didn’t seem to want to leave
my heart.

“I understand what you’re saying, and I’m so sorry
that you’ve endured the hurt that we’re both feeling. The thing is he didn’t
just break my heart; he destroyed my heart . . . destroyed me. I’m not
referring to my eyesight. If I could have him back, us back, before all of this
happened, I’d give my eyes away, but that isn’t the case.” That was the truth
too. Having my eyesight was nothing in comparison to having Alex. “Do you think
I should text him back?”

“Why don’t we eat lunch first since the waitress
must have brought it without our realizing? You can think about whether that is
something that you really want to do. I can’t tell you what to do. My job as
your friend is to listen, give my opinion when asked, and be there for you in
good and bad times. I’ll always have your back, no matter what.”

The rest of our lunch was silent. I felt as if every
word in my brain was expelled that day, and I was getting tired, so we went
home after lunch. Frank dropped Chance back off at his place, and we agreed
that we would take a day or two to relax at home, well, Chance at his and me at
my parents’ place.

Chapter 27

There was so much that I needed to
think about. My parents weren’t back yet. Bringing my tablet to the back patio
and sitting on a chaise, I thought about my conversation with Chance. Maybe
Chance had a point about the fact that I hadn’t made contact with Alex. I felt
so confused. I really wanted to email him. Maybe I would feel better and it
would start to lead to some closure.

My feelings were all over the place. When I didn’t
hear from him, my heart hurt. When he sent me a text message, my heart hurt. When
I heard his name, my heart hurt. I decided that I was screwed no matter how I
looked at it, so I decided to email Alex rather than text him. I spoke into the
mic and laid it out for him.

5:10 p.m.

Hi Alex,

I received your text. I’m doing well. Thank
you. My parents’ place is very comfortable and accommodating. There’s no need
for you to worry.

I can’t say I wasn’t surprised to get your
text message, because it did surprise me. I don’t want to rehash what happened
the night of my accident. I know that I should have told you about my romance
research, but we turned into so much more that it wasn’t even important to me anymore.
You were. I didn’t even want to write about it. I didn’t have to because I had
you. I was living romance.

But, I’m tired, Alex. Losing you and trying
to get over you are exhausting. There are days when I force myself to not think
about it. But you need to know that it’s over; we are over. I will always care
about you and want the best for you, but the hurt and pain that you caused my
heart is too much for me to get over right now, if ever. I’m trying to figure
out why your first reaction was to do the one thing that you said you wouldn’t
do. I am not talking about the kiss; I am referring to the hurt.

Some say that loving and losing someone is
better than never loving at all; and others say that if it is too good to be
true it probably is. Those are the thoughts that plague me every day.

Take care,

Aubrey

I hit send and let out a deep breath along with
tears. Alone again and lost in my thoughts, I knew that I would never get over
him and that no one would ever be able to take his place. It always came back
to the same question: How could I trust him again? And now it was worse because
I couldn’t even see if he was doing anything. Being blind makes you realize
that trust is the most important thing in life. Aside from my parents, I trust Julie
and Mark with my life, I trust Frank to drive me places, and I trust Chance with
. . . everything. I did trust him just as I trusted Julie and Mark. I wish that
I could trust Alex that way; I did at one point. He convinced me that our love
was real. Seeing him kiss Leah was bad enough, but the intent he had when he
did it was difficult for me to comprehend.

I decided to explore my tablet in greater detail,
now that I was able to read more braille. My instructor had showed me where the
music app was and had told me that some songs had already been downloaded; I
assumed they had come with the tablet. I never imagined that Alex put them
there. I remembered Julie saying he had downloaded books, but I couldn’t
remember if she said music as well. I opened the app, put my headphones on, and
played the first song. It was the song we danced to, the song about lovers who
were separated by an ocean. Tears immediately came; the lyrics affected me in a
way that they hadn’t before. It wasn’t my first time hearing this song, but now
the lyrics meant more to me. Was this why he said, “Listen to the wave”? I felt
as if Alex were singing it to me from across the Atlantic.

The rest of the songs followed suit. I dragged my fingers down
the song titles to see what else was there, and as I passed the last one, I
brought my fingers back up and slowly moved them over the title of the song. My
heartbeat got stronger, and my hands started shaking. “The Way You Look
Tonight” by Frank Sinatra. It was the song we danced to at the benefit. I
rolled on my side, hit play, and wrapped my arms around myself, almost trying
to remember what it felt like to be in his arms. The song didn’t play right away;
instead, I heard Alex’s voice. I immediately sat up, feeling completely
disoriented. For a moment, I thought he was there, but his voice was in my
headphones. I lay back down, started the track over, and listened to the sound
of his voice; it had been so long.

“Aubrey, I added this song to your playlist because it reminds me
of a very happy time, the night you accompanied me to the benefit dinner, a
night I will never forget. Every other year that I’d attended the event I was
sad. It reminded me of what I lost and the horrible way I lost her, lost them. This
year I had you. I had you dancing in my arms, consuming my thoughts, and
occupying my heart. That was a great night. I wish I could talk to you and try
to make you forgive me, but I don’t want to hurt you more than I have, so I
won’t let myself call you, and it is killing me.”

“I am so sorry for everything—for not asking you about your
journal before I assumed the worst, for drinking that night, and most of all
for hurting you.” I could hear his breathing changing as he was talking. “I
broke my promise. I’m thinking about selling the club to Brett and Tyler. I
don’t want it anymore. I don’t want anything else but you, Aubrey. Please
forgive me. No other woman means anything to me; nothing does, only you.” Tears
streamed down my cheeks. “I have loved three women in my lifetime; my mom, my
sister and you, please don’t tell me I’ve lost them all.”

I heard muffling, as if his hand were over the microphone. Was he
crying? God, I hope not. He sounded so sad; there was no life in his voice, no
buoyancy; it was just flat.

“I want you back. I’ll show you the world through my eyes; we’ll
see it together. Please come back to me. You’re everything to me. I hope you
enjoy the song, I listen to it every day.”

Then the song started playing. The next thing I knew, my tablet
was on the bed, I was standing next to my bed with my hands in the dancing
position, and I was swaying to the music, dancing by myself. I could feel his
right hand on the small of my back, his thumb rubbing my spine, his left hand
holding mine, not too tightly, but tight enough to know that he had a hold of
me. I realized that he still had a hold on me. I could have tried to deny it,
but it would have been no use. The song ended and I was still swaying. It was
the last song on the list, so it was now eerily quiet.

I replayed his message. I didn’t want him to sell the club. It
was his, and now, with the addition of
Amoureux
,
it was so beautiful. If he sold it, what would he do? I couldn’t let him do
that because of me. It was about twelve-thirty in the afternoon in New York, so
I decide to call him.

My fingers were trembling as I tried to dial his number. As I
heard the phone line connecting, I thought that maybe he wouldn’t be there and that
I could just leave a message.

One ring—that was all it took.

“Aubrey?”

“Hi, I listened to your message. Um, thank you for the songs.” I
pictured him pacing.

“You’re welcome. I hope you liked them. How are you?”

“I’m okay, getting by, you know? I don’t want to drag this out,
so I am just going to say it.” I grabbed a tissue because my eyes were
watering, but I wasn’t crying. I didn’t understand my eyes anymore. “As I said,
I listened to your message; I actually listened to it twice. I miss you too. I
truly do.” I heard him let out a breath. “That doesn’t change anything, at
least it doesn’t right now. I know I lied and I am very sorry. I never used you,
not even that first night. You shocked me that night. I think I started falling
for you then. I know I was wrong not telling you, but it really wasn’t a big
deal since we were so much more than those words. It wasn’t my
intent
to
hurt you.” And there it was. I made sure to stress “intent.”

“I know that, Aubrey. I’ve told you over and over how sorry I am.
I don’t know what else to do.”

“There isn’t anything you can do.”

“Okay, I understand. It doesn’t mean I’ll give up; I’ll never
stop loving you. I know you have your parents there, but if you ever need to
talk, I know I wouldn’t be your first choice, but I am here if you need me.”

“Thank you, but I actually made a good friend here. He’s helped me
out a lot.”

“Oh? He’s a friend or is he more?”

“He’s a friend, but I’m not going to lie to you. He’s a good man.
I think you would actually like him; he’s a lot like you in some ways.”

Chance would never take the place of Alex; no one would.

“Alex, for what it’s worth, I don’t think you should sell the
club. You created that club and named it for your mom. It’s you. Don’t sell it.”

I cleared my throat and wiped my eyes. I blinked a few times and
saw the shadow of the bed, and then I saw a flower pattern that adorned the
bedspread. What was happening? I could see light and color. This had never
happened before. I needed to get off the phone.

“I should go. It was good talking to you. Take care.”

“Wait, can I talk to you again? Can I call you sometime?

“Sure. Bye, Alex.”

I sat down and looked around my room. I was dabbing my eyes with
a tissue. I felt the need to lower my eyelids, but I was afraid that if I did,
I would open them up to nothing. I could see a window and what looked like a
tree outside. I saw the sun; it must have been starting to set, because it was
low. I hadn’t seen a sunset in so long. I never thought about it before. I saw
a chair in the corner and a door on the opposite wall. I was taken aback by
everything that is so normal to see on an everyday basis, but I hadn’t seen in
months.

I didn’t understand what was happening, but I was alone in the
house, so I decided to call Chance.

“Hello there.”

“Chance, I just saw my bedspread. I saw shadows, light, color, and
flowers. I could see them. I really could. It was fuzzy, but they were there! I
saw the window and the chair. I think I even saw the sun!”

“That is amazing, Aubrey! Were you with your parents when it
happened? Can you still see?”

I exhaled. “No, I was actually talking to Alex when it happened,
and I am just seeing shadows right now.”

“Oh. But you told your parents, right?”

“I’m home alone. Frank is off for the night; can you come over
and pick me up? I want to go to the park.” I wanted to be able to see things so
badly.

“Give me the address, and I will be there as soon as I can. Aubrey,
I am really happy for you.”

I called my mom and told her I was going out for a bit. Then I walked
out the main door and waited for Chance on the porch. It dawned on me that the
first person I’d thought of calling was Chance and I’d already been talking to
Alex. My heart broke a little at that thought. I wanted to give Alex a hug so
badly when he sounded so sad, but when I had happy news, my thoughts went to
Chance. I wished I could combine them; they were both amazing men. I guess the
difference was Chance hadn’t hurt me and I didn’t think he would, or worse, I
wouldn’t give him the opportunity to. My heart was closed, and it would take a
lot for it to open.

I heard a car pull up. I looked up and saw an outline of what
looked like a sedan, and then a shadow was approaching me.

“Hi there, are you waiting for a handsome non-kidnapper to take
you to the park?”

I laughed. “As a matter of fact I am.”

“Well, here I
am
. Let’s go.”

We got in his car and the music was playing. I didn’t know the
song, but it sounded like something that would be played at a club. A club? Yeah,
he would always be in my thoughts. “What song is this?”

“‘The Big Bang’ by Rock Mafia.”

“I like the beat of it.” I was shifting in my seat; it was as if
there were ants in my pants. I couldn’t wait to get to the park.

“You okay over there? Do you need the ladies’ room?”

“Ha-ha. I’m fine. I just want to get to the park.”

“What are you seeing now, anything?”

“Just moving lights. Do the cars have headlights on?”

“Yes, some do, yes. This is wonderful, Aubrey. Can you see me?”

I really wished I could see him. “No, I can’t, just an outline.”

He exhaled. Was he nervous about the way he looked? Maybe he was
one of those metrosexual guys or whatever they are called who are very
particular about their appearance.

I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt as if I were beaming. I didn’t
want to get my hopes up, but I was. How could I not? The car came to a stop,
and I heard Chance’s door open and then mine. He touched my hand and led me out
of the car. I paused for a moment to listen. “It’s quiet here, are there many
people here? I really wish I could see for myself.”

“No, not many. The park might be closing soon.”

I could listen to him talk all day. “Your accent is beyond hot. Have
I ever mentioned that before?”

He laughed. “As a matter of fact, yes, you have, but you can keep
telling me that. I packed us some dinner, nothing heavy, because I didn’t know
if you had eaten already.”

He lowered me down to the familiar blanket, and I sat down and
looked around. I felt Chance next to me.

“I am not going to constantly ask if you see something, because I
don’t want to make you feel bad if you don’t.”

“I won’t feel bad, but right now it’s still fuzzy. I’m going to call
Dr. Beaumont tomorrow and make an appointment. I’m hoping my MRI results will
be in soon too.”

Chance was rubbing my arm. “Please call me and tell me what he
says, okay?”