Truth and Humility (40 page)

Ignored.  As usual.  One-two-three push!  A few pillows were shoved under his back and bare ass.  The tubes and cords were rearranged and the covers were replaced.

Now he was facing a different part of the ceiling.  The highlight of his fucking night.

Or was it morning?

Nurse number two disappeared, glad to escape the verbal abuse.  Nurse number one hung back to enter data into the computer.

As he watched her – a perfectly nice, perfectly normal looking middle-aged woman with a hint of a mustache and man-hands as her only physical flaws – he realized he never hated anyone more in his life.  She was the reason he couldn’t eat.  She was the reason he had this godforsaken tube down his throat, chewing a fucking hole in the back of his nasal cavity.  She was the reason he pissed in a bag.  The reason the potent cocktail of chemicals and drugs that he didn’t want oozed through his system.

She was the reason he lived.

Done entering data, the nurse picked up her scanner and shot him a tentative look.  “Your girlfriend is still in the waiting room, Mr. Bennett.  She insists on seeing you and visiting hours are over in twenty minutes.”

That meant...holy crap, it wasn’t even eight o’clock.  He could have sworn it was the middle of the night.  “I said...no.”

The thought of turning Melanie away yet again daunted the nurse.  Derek couldn’t give two shits.  He above all others knew that Mel could be as stubborn and foul-mouthed as henowng Mela could.  They were equals in many ways.

At least they used to be.

Minutes later, just as his eyes were about to close again, the curtain swished outside his peripheral vision.  His sister popped into view and he knew he was about to get it.

“I see they moved you,” Danny said, plopping her purse down by the chair.

“No shit
,
” Derek retorted, going for mock surprise but failing miserably.  “And I thought...everything else...tilted on me.”

When she reached his bedside, she gave him the look.  “Why won’t you see her, Derek?”

Christ.  Derek closed his eyes.  “You...of all people...”

“If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for her.  She loves you.”

“Danny...”

“And when you pull through this, she’ll be the one waiting for you.  You can’t ignore her forever or you’ll lose the best thing that ever happened to you, all because of your damned pride.”

Obviously, Danny wasn’t going to let him talk.  It was more frustrating than not being able to flip people off.  So, eyes closed, he listened to the spiel.  It went on and on about how good Mel was for him and if he’d give her a chance he’d realize things didn’t have to be so doom-n-gloom.  Hope.  That’s what he needed and that’s what Mel could give him.

When the lecture was over, Danny tilted her head to study her brother’s face.  Was he asleep again?  “Derek.”  Nothing.  It was so damned hard to tell...  “Derek.”

Expelling a breath, Danny plopped back into the chair and sat in frustrated silence for a few more minutes.  Then she got up, leaned in through the halo’s bars and planted a tender kiss on his forehead before leaving.

Herb and Mary’s turn.  “Hey, son.”

He opened his eyes a crack.  “Yeah.”

“They’re kicking us out. We’re going home to catch some sleep.  You should do the same.”

Mary regarded him through the ever-present sheen of tears.  Moms found it harder to turn off the faucet when their babies were broken.  Derek found attitude in that as well, but he’d never disrespect his mother.

“Can we bring you anything when we come back in the morning?”

“No.”

“How about one of those climbing videos you like so much?  I see they brought you a DVD player.”

Why the fuck would he want to watch something that would only remind him of a lind roughtfestyle he could no longer have?  “Don’t.”

Herb squared a look at him over his glasses.  “A movie, then?  Something action-packed or a comedy?”

Seriously?  “No.”

The two elders glanced at each other, then back at him.  “Why don’t we bring you a selection of everything,” Mary decided, smoothing the covers over his body.  “That way you’ll have it if you change your mind.”

And again the decision was no longer his.  Could hell be any worse?  Derek pursed his lips and refused to say anything more while his parents said their goodbyes.

Austin reached over, grabbed his watch from the rolling table beside his bed.  Twelve forty-nine a.m.  His vision moved past the watch, blurred as he thought of his interaction with Derek.  The following argument with Danny.  Sleep was impossible with so much occupying his brain.

The doc said he could go home tomorrow as long as he had someone to take care of him.  But suddenly he didn’t want to go home.  If he went home he’d be a visitor at the hospital, not a patient...free to roam the halls at any time of night.

It was something he’d thought of after being personally escorted to the elevator by Herb Bennett and a handful of his sons. 
Remember what I said, Cahill.  Better not catch you up here again.

Okay.  That he could manage.

By feel, he located the button on his bedrail that turned on the light behind him.

The meds were wearing off.  Such a heavy feeling...like struggling to float upward with a cement block tied to your feet.  Coherency was cold when he finally broke the surface.  Hadn’t he specifically refused that last round of sleep medication?  Fuckers.

His head hurt.  An alarm was blaring from another patient’s room.  A scuffle as nurses scurried to the room pushing machines indicated some poor bastard had code blued.

“Shut...that shit off,” Derek croaked.  Such a wasted effort since he could barely hear himself.  He swallowed.  The pain in his throat was excruciating.

Something creaked beside him.  The chair?  Since he couldn’t turn his head, all he could do was open his eyes and hope whatever made the noise was within his line of sight.  Filtered light from behind the closed curtain illuminated the length of a man lounging beside him.  Recognition came instantly.  For some reason he wasn’t surprised.

“Visiting hours...are over,” he whispered.

Austin leaned closer, barely able to hear over the shouted orders and incessant mechanical noises coming from across the hub.  The fact that someone was dying within earshot hihinustt him deep in the pit of his stomach.  And Derek was a part of this environment, had to listen to it.  Absorb it.  A man so full of life suddenly surrounded by...
this.

Austin waited, his eyes trained on the lights bleeding through the closed curtain.  Seconds later, the machines were turned off.  A time of death was called and half the staff dispersed to prepare for whatever came next.

“I was...wondering...what time it was.”

Instead of being shocked by Derek’s cold comment, Austin was almost prepared for it.  Despite the fact they’d been enemies for so long, he could still read his former friend without fail.  Knew that Derek had simply acclimated the only way he knew how.  “It was a woman,” Austin informed in the stillness.  “She had a husband and four little kids.  I saw them in the waiting room earlier.”

Derek swallowed.  Shit.  “What happened...to her?”

Austin shrugged, inhaled deeply.  “Don’t know.  An accident of some kind.”

It came to Derek’s mind that the Cahill bastard who’d caused him such misery over the years was the only person he didn’t want to run off.  For some fucked up reason, he was glad for Austin’s company.  The man didn’t sugarcoat and bullshit the way everyone else did.  “Does...
your
mommy...know you’re here?”

Now that Derek was awake, Austin scooched the chair to where he could see easily.  Face-to-face.  The IV had been removed that night, thank God, and he wore his own sweatpants and undershirt beneath the bathrobe.  “Nope,” he said, propped his leg up on Derek’s bedside table.  “Back to sneakin’ around in the middle of the night.”

That suited Derek just fine.  He needed information.  “Did you...talk to Danny?”

The curtain moved a little and Austin gave the nurse a slight nod.  All was good.  “I tried to,” he answered heavily.  “She wants nothing to do with me.”

“Cuz she’s...smart.”

Austin couldn’t agree more.  “That she is.  And way more than I deserve.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Our kids are going to be stubborn little rascals.”

A long, drawn out silence.  “You think so?”

“It’s
all
I’ve been thinking about.”

“Not if I...cut your balls off...first.”

The fact he couldn’t was something sobering.  Austin’s balls were safe...at least from Derek.  “I’ve been soI size=" angry about Rena’s death for so long,” he said somberly, folding his hands over his middle and leaning back to study the ceiling.  “I was so wrong.  Too quick to judge.”

Derek listened, more alert than he’d ever been since the accident.

“Now I’ve run her off.  The best thing that’s ever happened to me...”

Sounded a bit familiar.  Melanie’s delicate face came to mind.  “Maybe if you...weren’t such a...pessimistic asshole.”  Wow.  The parallels were endless.

Austin thought about that.  “God, I know you hate me.  I don’t blame you.  But if I could turn back the clock, I would.  Take back half the things I’ve done.  You were my best friend.  I loved you like a brother and I shit all over your love life.  It doesn’t matter that I didn’t know who Brynn was, I should have asked, should have known.  Just like Danny said, how many girls are named Brynn.”  Without looking to see if Derek still followed, Austin continued.  “It’s all on me.  Everything.  I own it.  I should have known a lot of things, like the fact you wouldn’t hurt Rena.  I was angry, so goddamned angry…”

“Don’t...pussy out on me...now, you prick.”  It was Derek’s way of owning up to his share of the trouble without turning this milestone moment into a volley of sappy declarations.

Somehow Austin knew that.  He lifted his head to study the face behind the light scruffy beard.  Their expressions mirrored a mutual understanding.  “Is that what I’m doing?”

Brown eyes glinted even in the darkness.  “Estrogen...makes you soft.”

A slight nod.  “I cried during Bambi just before lights out.”

“Christ.”

“It was the only thing on TV in this God forsaken place.”

“Danny...turned you into a...goddamned woman.”

No.  She turned him back into a human being.  But Austin could understand Derek’s need for normalcy.  “I’m still not giving you a blowjob.”

Derek felt an involuntary spasm in his chest.  Did he just laugh?  And something else...  His eyes got big.  “I...I think I just...”  No.  He shouldn’t say it.  If he even voiced that he felt something below the neck for the first time, the possibility of it might go away.

“What?” Austin pushed, sensing something big behind the wide-eyed look of surprise.  “You want me to get the nurse?”

“Uh...”  No.  Better not blow it out of proportion.  Better to wait and see if it happened again.  “No.  Anything but that.”

“Got a problem with your nurse?”

“Just tired of her...flirting with me...all the time.”

“Since when?”

Ah.  Derek stared at the ceiling, thinking about the small ache that was developing between his shoulders.  Pain.  God blessed pain.  If he ignored it, would it move lower?  Down below the waist perhaps?  As he waited, he thought of all the things he’d denied himself for the last two days.  “Do you think...it’s possible...” he swallowed.  Damned tube.  “For a woman...to love a guy...who looks like a...an erector set?”

Austin swept his gaze up and over the halo device keeping Derek’s neck from severing.  “I s’pose if you toned the pessimistic asshole thing down a notch, you’d have a decent shot.”  He put his leg down and leaned forward again, studying the whimsical frown on Derek’s face.  “Anyone in particular you want to smooch between the bars?”

In and out.  The air moved Derek’s lungs.  His steady heartbeat thumped his chest ever so slightly.  “Mel...I’ve loved her...since the first time she...batted those...eyelashes at me.”  Did he just say that out loud?