Trifecta (62 page)

T
hat evening, as Eve sat at the dinner table with
Sabrina and Mark, she felt a sad anticipatory nostalgia.  The dining ritual represented
normalcy, warmth and pleasure in her short life span.  The clock on the kitchen
wall ticked pleasantly as the salad bowl was passed.  Eve heard Mark's heart thump
an extra beat when Sabrina smiled at him.  Morris, sitting in Sabrina's lap purred
loudly, his head occasionally popping above the table to peer in Sabrina's plate,
gauging when he would receive his treats.

Eve wished the dinner could go on forever.  The poignancy
she experienced was because she knew she would have to leave soon.  The thought
made her desolate and sad.

The only thing missing now, making the comforting scene
perfect, was Ivar.  He had been following them almost all day as they had looked
for a new place to open Sabrina's Fashions, and the knowledge was like a little
warm sun making happiness in her chest.  She had tried to call him but there had
been no answer.

For a moment, Eve wondered if he was with another woman. 
It was an obvious Sabrina Thought.  Ivar would never want another woman.  Eve knew. 
She was sorry that Sabrina Thoughts tended to be so negative.  Sabrina had those
unconscious thought processes from childhood, having never been adopted into a real
family, and having had the men in her life tend to use her, rather than want to
keep her forever. 

Eve wished she could change the Sabrina Thoughts and make
them happy, but this was not a two way street.  She would receive thoughts circuits
from Sabrina's brain, but could not reciprocate.  It was a pity in a way.  Sabrina
was a fabulous designer and doubted herself.  She also doubted the fact that Mark
cared for her, which was a definite mistake.  Everything about the way Mark behaved
pointed to the fact that he was deeply in love with Sabrina.  It was as if she had
blinders on and did not know that Mark would do anything in the world to make her
happy.  There were too many messages insisting that he could not love her, so Sabrina
pushed him away unconsciously to avoid getting hurt.  That confused Mark and made
him think she didn't care about him.  Emotions were so very complicated. 

As Eve ate her third Lean Cuisine Cheese Cannolini, which
she loved intensely, she listened to Sabrina telling Mark about the loss of her
store.  Eve knew Mark blamed her for all of Sabrina's current problems.  He was
right.

Eve enjoyed being with them both, but decided to leave
so that they would have time alone together. 

Eve did exercises in front of the television in her small
apartment and growled fiercely each time the evil killer in the movie came on the
screen, thoroughly enjoying being uninhibited by her natural reactions.  When food
commercials made her mouth fill with saliva she didn't have to worry if it dripped
a little, with no one watching.  Eve exercised strenuously because she still had
horrible dreams that woke her up, screaming and tearing up the sheets. 

Eve called Ivar and arranged for him to stay the night. 
She never ruined the bedclothes when Ivar was with her.

O
ne of the perks in owning a clothing store was that when
Sabrina decided she needed any of the merchandise she could take it home.  Today
she had stuffed a beautiful black lace teddy into her purse, right next to the gun
she was still carrying around.  She wanted tonight to be very special.  She was
determined to ask Mark if he was satisfied with their love life.  The thought that
he wasn't had been nagging.  Of course, she would be very sensitive and delicate
when she brought the subject up. 

Sabrina did not wear provocative night wear.  In fact,
she never had done so with Mark and she was almost embarrassed when she went into
the bathroom to change.  She thought it would be a nice surprise for him, but discovered
that she was, indeed, very embarrassed when she looked at her image in the mirror. 
She looked like a prostitute at the very least.  Whore was what she really meant. 
Not a courtesan, harlot, a fancy kept woman or a tramp, but a whore.  The black
lace revealed more than it covered and she tightened the too cute bow that held
the two halves of it together and frowned.  She looked stupid.  It was nauseating
to have to display oneself in this manner to get some kind of physical response
from a man.  It was also demeaning and humiliating, as if one had to present a sexual
package for perusal. 

Sabrina decided to take the stupid thing off, redress in
her clothes, go back into the bedroom and get a regular nightgown.  If the Japanese,
who had fantasies about her wanton bedroom behavior, had seen this kind of modest
conduct they would have been very surprised.  But this was real life.  She could
pose in small bathing suits as a model.  That was business.  And besides, she knew
the camera would add a little weight.

To Sabrina, her reflection looked like an anorexic string
bean, a scarecrow, in a silly, frilly, revealing nighty.  She sighed at the prominent
bones of her clavicle and hips and wished she could gain just a little weight. 
Sabrina didn't see the long firm legs, tiny waist, the breasts that did not need
a bra, or the concave stomach.  All she saw were arms she considered too thin and
the too visible bones of her rib-cage.

As she was starting to untie the bow, Mark knocked on the
bathroom door.  "Oh, hell,"  Sabrina whispered.

"What's taking so long?"

"I was trying on something from the store."

"Oh.  Can I come in?"

"No.  I don't want you to see this." 

"You design everything yourself."

"Stupid looking."

"Why?"

Sabrina opened the door.

"Oh!"

"I'm going to take it right off,"  Sabrina said,
and passed him into the bedroom to get something decent.

"You look beautiful."

"I look like trash."

"I like beautiful trash,"  Mark said, smiling
and following her into the bedroom.  "Keep it on for tonight.  You remind me
of a beautiful centerfold in Playboy or Penthouse."

"Skinniest centerfold you ever saw."  Sabrina
was rummaging in her dresser, pulling out a conventional nightgown.

"It even looks good from behind.  You should wear
those things all the time."

"Why? Are you so dissatisfied with our sex life that
you need me to wear sleazy lingerie?"

Sabrina turned around and saw Mark's eyebrows bunching
up.  So much for bringing up the discussion with delicacy and tact.

"No.  But you're not skinny.  You're perfect and can
wear that kind of thing and look beautiful.  Everybody in the world wants to be
tall and thin, Sabrina.  I don't know what the problem is."

"The problem is that you don't like our sex life. 
You even thought of sleeping with Eve."

"Keep her out of this,"  Mark said harshly, and
Sabrina suddenly knew he was really angry.  "She's caused too much trouble
as it is.  I already explained, it was only that she looks exactly like you."

"Well.  Still.  You go out with other women," 
Sabrina said stubbornly, feeling inadequate and disadvantaged in the revealing teddy. 
She knew she was defensive because of the attire.  Logically, he was right.  He
had seen her with nothing on at all, and still liked her well enough.

"And you go out with other men and make sure I know
about it.  What are you trying to do? I just don't understand you."

"I don't sleep with them." 

"And I don't understand what's happening with our
relationship, either.  If we have one any more.  I feel like the third, and very
unnecessary wheel, every time you and Eve are together.  One of you says one word
and you both start laughing hysterically.  Or both nod in perfect understanding. 
Like there's some kind of weird symbiosis going on."

"She has all my memories,"  Sabrina said, trying
to be reasonable.  "We don't mean to leave you out."

"You said we.  We! She comes into your life and you
destroy private property.  Then she bites someone because you both are almost kidnapped. 
Definitely not normal behavior.  And now you've lost your store.  And probably most
of your bank account, the way she eats.  And that's not even counting all the clothes
you have given her.  Or renting an apartment for her.  And everything is just fine?
As far as I am concerned she's put you in serious jeopardy.  The damn CIA, the damn
Japanese and the damn Russians are after you, and the two of you silently communicate
about it all, and act as if nothing important is happening."

Sabrina shook her head but did not interrupt.

"That lady is a walking time bomb, and I'm afraid
she's going to get you hurt or killed.  Or stuck in jail to rot away for years."

Mark was now pacing the bedroom and throwing his arms around
for emphasis and Sabrina stood still watching.

"And I can't help it, but I hate that she knows our
most secret and private memories, and just bandies them about.  Like saying our
sex life is good.  As if she knew exactly what she was talking about.  I hate that. 
And I hate the fact that you think everything she does is just Hunky Dorry.  Just
plain fine.  And I hate the fact that I can't even tell you apart any more.  I might
find this grossly heavy woman in my bed some night, and that would be the only way
I'd know it wasn't you.  She could just squeeze me to death.  She scares me and
I wish you had left her at the...the mad professor's laboratory, where she belongs."

"Well, if you don't like her, then you don't like
me, because we are exactly alike.  She has my body and my brain, and my memories. 
But in some ways she's better.  She has freedom I wish I had.  She cuts through
all the hypocrisy with her computer.  She can behave in ways I wish I could."

"I'm afraid she's changing you, Sabrina.  I want you
to be the person I know.  I want you on my side."

"I'm always on your side."

"No,"  Mark said, shaking his head.  "You're
on the side of your unnatural sister."

"Unnatural? Unnatural?"  Her voice went up high
in disbelief.

"Get real, Sabrina! Think! She was made in a lab. 
She's an experiment.  What if she suddenly went lunatic? With her strength she could
go cuckoo in a major way.  Cause a lot of damage.  Not even mentioning she has a
tendency to growl when she's angry.  I think she's dangerous.  I wish she would
leave."

"She's the closest thing I've ever had to a family."

"That's pretty sad."

"Yes it is,"  Sabrina said, suddenly feeling
sorry for herself.

"I didn't mean it that way."  Mark sounded apologetic.

"It's not my fault that my mother died when I was
born and that I don't have a father.  You just don't understand.  Eve is like my
sister.  And she actually likes you a lot, Mark.  She knows you like I know you,
because of my memories."

Mark shook his head.  "This whole thing is just too
damn weird.  I can't accept it.  And I don't want her around all the time."

"Then maybe you better leave,"  Sabrina said
sadly, sitting down on the bed, forgetting all about the trashy teddy.  "You
obviously don't want to be around the person most like me in the world.  Eve's a
part of my life, now."

Mark sat down beside Sabrina and took her hand.  He was
looking right into her eyes.

"You know how I feel, Sabrina.  She's a danger to
you.  The whole situation is getting out of control.  I don't want you to get in
trouble with the government, or to be kidnapped, or to go off to Japan.  So I'm
going to make a stand."

"What do you mean?"  Sabrina was frightened by
his obvious seriousness.

"You have to choose.  Me or her."

Sabrina looked at Mark.  He was very grave and totally
intent.  His brown eyes were staring at her seriously.

"You know how important she is to me,"  Sabrina
pleaded.  "How can you ask that? And what do I do? Tell her to hit the road?
She needs me now."

"She doesn't need anyone anymore.  She has plenty
of money and an identity.  She should leave and set you free.  You're both in serious
danger and you two have to split up.  So I'm going to ask you to be the one to do
it.  I want you to ask her to leave."

"And if I don't?"

"Then I will."

"Ask her to leave?"

"No.  I'll leave."

Sabrina looked at Mark.  He was offering her nothing except
his continued presence; not marriage or a future or anything permanent.  If Eve
left, she would continue to have Mark's presence, when it was convenient for him. 
She felt sad and empty and hoped he cared enough to stick by her.  If he left, it
would mean he didn't understand how scared she was at the situation herself, and
how much she needed him now. 

Sabrina looked at him and wanted more than anything in
the world to ask him to stay, to give the situation a little time, but felt that
asking would be unfair.  She and Eve really might get in trouble that would implicate
Mark.  She looked at him for a long time.  She would have to take the chance.  "I
won't ask her to leave." 

Sabrina stood up quickly and went into the bathroom.  She
didn't want him to see her cry.  She stayed in there until she could get control
of herself.  It took a while.  The impact of losing her store that day had also
taken its toll. 

When she came out of the bathroom Mark was gone.

Sabrina wandered around the apartment trying to remember
how to breath.

I
f Sabrina slept at all that night she was not
aware of it.  Flashing images kept whirling around in circles, like bats screeching
out of control in her mind.  An impression of Mark's face.  A scary image of the
Russian kidnapper threatening her with a gun.  Hashimoto, with his awful yellow
teeth and disgusting mole, coveting her for a mistress, and dripping greasy noodles
on his chin.  Mark.  Census Takers.  A strobe of the hulking Steinbrenner's, with
their malevolent glare as she had left the meeting that morning.  

Practical problems deviled Sabrina too, as she twisted
and turned.  Her design shop.  Would it be successful in another location, or would
she lose everything? The space on Wilshire Boulevard in Beverly Hills was exorbitantly
expensive.  It was also perfect.  A depressing future of terrible debt and the necessity
of working at a menial job for years, until her talent was beaten down or gone,
loomed in her thoughts.

Then surrealistic images of Mark came haunting.  She remembered
picnics, vacations and walks along the beach in Malibu with painful clarity.  The
years with him seemed like a beautiful dream.  It was too painful to contemplate
that he was really gone forever. 

Sabrina used her old trick of counting with each breath
and trying to empty her mind, until she got to about a hundred and five.  Then she
got up and made hot chamomile tea.  She surprised herself by bursting into tears
when she burned her tongue.  The crying jag lasted long after the pain from the
scalded tongue subsided.  Finally, Sabrina told herself harshly to quit acting like
a baby.

She turned on the television and lay in bed with the remote
in her hand, changing channels every few seconds, rejecting stupid sitcoms and moronic
late night talk shows.  Finally she turned the television off and hugged a pillow
as tears leaked slowly down her cheeks and into the feathers. 

Sabrina's mind replayed the scenes from earlier that night
with Mark, devising brilliant comebacks to each objection he had made to Eve's presence
in her life.  The problem that kept haunting was that Sabrina could not see exactly
how Eve could logically continue to live here. 

With the doubts came anger at Mark.  How could he have
left her, now, when she needed him most.  He was selfish and pigheaded.  She was
well rid of the conceited creep if he thought all he had to do was snap his fingers
to get her to do his bidding.  He couldn't care a wit if he could leave so easily. 
She should be glad he was gone.  The selfish snot. 

Sabrina knew the painful changes, losing her store and
Mark's abandonment, were due to the presence of Eve, but she didn't blame Eve and
did not regret for a minute bringing her home.  It was as if Eve had awakened a
new, braver, kinder part of herself and opened possibilities she had never dreamed
of.  She knew she would live through the loss of Mark, painful as it was.  She had
lived through abandonment before, at a much younger age. 

The idea Sabrina had advocated a few days ago, to come
out publicly with the fact that Eve had a computer, now seemed naive.  If Eve was
ever to have a real and free existence the computer had to be kept a secret, along
with her other special abilities.  Eve would never be safe if it was public knowledge
that she different.  She would be perceived as strange, threatening and therefore
dangerous.  She would be besieged by the curious and imprisoned to be studied. 
Her imprisonment would be said to be for the enrichment of all mankind, and for
her own safety, but Eve would never be free.  Too many greedy people wanted to use
her and would do anything to get her.  They would kill Eve to get the computer. 
And now, already, too many people knew about her. 

The two of them together drew too much speculation and
attention.  And it was difficult and uncomfortable to try to hide that there were
two of them, even here at the building. 

Sabrina wrestled with the problem, and when she blearily
got up at dawn and found herself clutching a tube of VO5 hairdressing to brush her
teeth, concluded that Mark had been right.  Eve would have to leave.  She spit out
the greasy hairdressing and went into the kitchen to make coffee.

Eve knocked on the door and jauntily walked into the apartment,
looking well rested, young and very energetic.

Even in her depressed mood Sabrina couldn't help smiling
at Eve's pigtails, which made her look about twelve years old.  Eve followed her
into the kitchen, got a bottle of syrup out of the refrigerator and sat down to
drink it with vitamins.  It was still fun, refreshing and unusual to have her presence
in the kitchen in the mornings, and Sabrina felt her spirits lifting as she sat
down with her cup of coffee.  She could see Eve looking at her steadily.

"You're eyelids are drooping."

"I didn't sleep too well." 

Eve nodded and said, "When I deposited the cashier's
check yesterday, I put the account in your name, too.  So when I leave you won't
have to worry about the new store.  You should get the place on Wilshire."

What was she talking about, Sabrina wondered.  Did everyone
understand Eve had to leave except her?

"The location is perfect,"  Eve went on.  "Right
next to the Beverly Wilshire Hotel where lots of rich people stay.  Of course, the
serious rich expect serious prices.  You'll have to jack them up.  You'll lose money
for about six months.  After that, you'll have a spectacular designing house."

How perfectly neat, Sabrina thought.

Eve sat looking at her expectantly.  "It's Mark."

Sabrina nodded.

"What happened?"

"We had an argument,"  Sabrina said dismissively,
not wishing Eve to know how preeminent a part she had taken in the disagreement. 
"I don't want your money."

"You really need that Beverly Hills location."

"How will you live?"  Sabrina asked.

"To stay free I have to be extremely wealthy and keep
hopping around."

"I don't want you to leave."  

"You understand that I have to?"

Sabrina nodded reluctantly.  "How can you make so
much money?"

"Speculate on the market.  Invest in real estate and
land.  I'm good at predicting."

"I don't understand."

"Everything I read is stored, you know.  I read the
newspaper every day.  I know all the prices of every item on all the stock exchanges."

Sabrina suddenly had the feeling that Eve was moving light
years ahead of her. 

"Now, tell me what happened with Mark." 

"I wanted to have a perfect night, and brought home
a lace teddy from the store."

"The black one? With the lace?"

"How'd you know?"

"I would have picked it.  You must have looked spectacular."

"Mark liked it."

Eve nodded, "Men are very strange.  They like to see
the female form through things that partially hide it.  It's obviously partly sociological,
because nakedness is supposed to be wicked, and partly fantasy.  But it's so silly,
I don't bother.  Ivar likes me, and I like not wearing cloths.  He never complains. 
But I ought to try something slinky like that.  What did Mark do?"

"We argued because I looked like skinny trash."

"Sabrina, if he liked it, why say that?" 

"It was true."  She paused and swallowed hard. 
"Mark's not coming back."

Eve shook her head sadly, rolling her eyes and looking
worldly wise, like she was some kind of idiot.  Sabrina had to laugh.  Then she
sobered quickly.  Other people would not understand Eve like she did.  It was scary
that Eve was leaving with so little real knowledge of how malicious and mean people
could be.  

"I'm very sorry, Sabrina.  This is really the biggest
loss you've ever had."

Sabrina nodded.  The enormousness had not even begun to
penetrate yet.