The Resurrection of Aubrey Miller (26 page)

Session 32:

(Four Months ago, the first week of classes)

Palmer: Uh, hello. It’s been a while. Please come in.

Me: (Sits on couch) Yeah.

Palmer: (Takes seat in front of me) Well, I’m very surprised by your appearance, to say the least. The last time I saw you, you looked…different.

Me: (Pushes the blanket to the edge of the couch) Yeah.

Palmer: (Narrows eyes) Do you have a problem with the blanket?

Me: Oddly enough I do. It used to be comforting to me, now I just want to burn it.

Palmer: (Raises eyebrows) Hmmm. Well, how is Kaeleb?

Me: Haven’t seen him.

Palmer: Why is that?

Me: (Inhales deeply) It’s for the best.

Palmer: (Nods) I see. And Linda?

Me: She’s dying.

Palmer: (Nods again) Yes, I’m aware. How is she?

Me: As well as can be expected, I guess.

Palmer: (Exhales) And Quinn?

Me: She’s gone. Surely you know about her suicide attempt.

Palmer: I do. Just wondering how she’s doing.

Me: Well, I have no answers for you there.

Palmer: Okay. (Shifts in seat) Want to tell my why you’ve gone back to using Raven as your identity?

Me: (Scoffs) Well, isn’t it obvious Doc? I mean, Linda’s dying. Quinn almost died. Aubrey had to be buried. End of story.

Palmer: (Nods) Do you think she will ever be brought back to life?

Me: Nope. Never.

Session 34:

(Approximately two months ago)

Palmer: You need to discuss everything that happened last year at some point. It’s unhealthy to keep it all inside.

Me: (Laughs) My health is the least of my concerns.

Palmer: (Narrows eyes) Well, you’re not giving me anything to go on here. I’m not sure why you insist on visiting. It’s obvious you seek no help from me.

Me: True. I’m not sure either. I’ll just be going.

Palmer: (Exhales as he rises) Well, I’m here if you need me. Like I told you, my door is always open. When and if you decide you want to discuss the true nature of your problems, instead of providing me with evasive answers to my questions, I can help you get through this particularly difficult point in your life. But you have to want to be helped. I can’t force that desire upon you.

Me: Yeah. (Turns and leaves)

Session 35:

(One day ago, the day before Winter Break)

Palmer: (Eyes wide) You’re back.

Me: I’m back.

Palmer: (Takes seat) I’m happy to see you. How are classes?

Me: Fine. Not much to do other than study. And drink. (Laughs)

Palmer: (Leans forward) Are you drunk now?

Me: Why yes. Yes, I am.

Palmer: How did you get here? Surely you didn’t drive.

Me: (Shakes head) Took a campus shuttle bus. Wouldn’t want to unnecessarily endanger people’s lives. Give me
some
credit.

Palmer: (Clenches jaw and reclines) Why exactly are you here then? After a full two months?

Me: (Laughs again) Because I finally figured it out, Doc. Why I insist on coming back here.

Palmer: Why is that?

Me: Well, you see, it’s twofold actually. The first reason is that I’m pissed.

Palmer: (Nods) That’s to be expected. What exactly are you pissed about?

Me: (Narrows eyes) I’m pissed at you actually.

Palmer: Why is that?

Me: Because you gave me hope. You made me believe that I could be something that I’m not. That I could be happy. That I could have things that I was never meant to have.

Palmer: Such as.

Me: Love.

Palmer: (Leans forward again) Why do you feel that you can never experience love?

Me: (Shrugs shoulders) Because death annihilates love. I am death. I’m not meant to love. It’s a proven fact, Doc.

Palmer: I see. And your second reason for coming here?

Me: Confirmation.

Palmer: What do you need to confirm?

Me: (Sighs and rises to leave) That no one can help me now. Not even you.

My head is spinning so I just sprawl out on my living room floor in my pajamas among the trash and vodka bottles that litter it. I can’t stop staring at the fan, even though it’s making me sick as it keeps going round and round and round. My head bobs as I watch it, identifying with its repeated motions.

Round and round and round.

Spiraling.

Sinking.

I close my eyes. Round and round I go in my darkness as I drift off to sleep.

“Jesus Christ, Bree.” A familiar voice barely stirs me from my rest, but I don’t open my eyes. I just lay there and allow it to take me to another place as I dream. I dream of the heat of Kaeleb’s body, his soft lips as they mesh with mine, the taste of his tongue as he kisses me in a way that only he can.
His
touches aren’t sloppy or rough. They’re perfect as I allow them to blanket the constant ache in my chest. The one I still refuse to acknowledge but is always there.

And as my body lifts in my dream, I inhale his scent deeply and wrap my arms around his neck, holding him tightly as I’m tenderly reminded of his loss. The feeling of being near him soothes my heart, my mind and my soul. I lose myself in it as I drift further into sleep and for the first time in a long while, my body hums with contentedness, relaxing and unwinding as his essence carries me away.

I remain there as long as I can, until light begins to penetrate through my closed lids and the rolling of the road enters my consciousness. My head is pounding, my mouth is parched and pasty, and my body is trembling from the amount of alcohol my body was forced to process last night.

Slowly, I peel my eyes open, only to cover them with my hands at the bright light surrounding me. What the hell? My room is never this bright. Ever.

A harsh snicker fills my ears, the familiarity sending an erratic set of jolting shocks through my system.

“Some things never change I see. Once a vampire, always a vampire.”

My heart sputters and then begins to race, increasing the rate and intensity of the throbbing in my aching head.

Oh. My. God.

Shock morphs into anger as my hands drop to my chest and my eyes fly open, only to fall into a squint when they’re harshly reacquainted with the sun.

I twist my neck and shield my eyes to see Kaeleb sitting in the driver’s seat of his car, no smile on his face and his hands on the wheel. I reach over to the side of the seat and lift the lever, catapulting me into sitting position.

“What are you doing? How did you get into my apartment?” I shout, immediately wincing afterwards.

Another laugh is released with no absolutely no humor in its tone. “It turns out I not only have ninja hands, I also possess ninja charm.” His eyes remain forward. “Seeing as how you refuse to speak to me, I’ve been forced to keep tabs on you through Palmer. He called me yesterday, worried, and asked me to check on you, so I spoke to the apartment manager and finagled a key.” He glances at me as he shrugs. “
Ninja charm
.”

My eyes roll into my head before breaking away from him to look out the window. Deciding it’s easier on my head if I take it down a notch, I ask, “Where are you taking me?” Glancing out the window, I catch site of a familiar town café which sends more excruciating throbs to my pounding head. And as I eye my surroundings, it becomes blatantly clear where he’s taking me. I’ve passed through this town every single time I travel to Linda’s.

Absolute dread overrules the prospect of pain, and I don’t even give him time to answer before shouting, “NO! I’m not going!” Panic floods my chest and I fiercely shake my head back and forth. My nails dig into the seat underneath me and then I draw my knees up to my chest, removing my grasp and hugging them tightly as my head continues saying what fear has robbed my voice from shouting.

“You’re going, Bree. I’m sorry. This has to be done.” Kaeleb doesn’t bother to look at me. He just flicks the turn signal and glides into the other lane before shutting it off.

“Kaeleb,
please
.” My voice breaks and moisture pools in my eyes as my chin trembles. “Please, don’t make me do this.”

“It’s not going to work this time, Bree. You aren’t going to be able to ‘Kaeleb, please’ your way out of this. Not today. This is too important.”

“Kaeleb—”

“So help me, Bree, if you say
please
again I will completely lose whatever self-control I’ve managed to contain thus far.” His jaw ticks and he pulls his attention away from the road, glaring at me. “
Please
is exactly what got you into this mess to begin with.
Please
is what landed you right back into this bullshit martyrdom while practically drinking yourself to death in the process. And
please
is why I was forced to sit back and do absolutely nothing while I watched it happen.”

He shakes his head. “Nope. No more
pleases
. Mark my words…This. Shit. Stops. Today.”

My mouth flies open, but Kaeleb cuts me off once again. “Save it. We can hash this out when we get there, but right now I need you to remain quiet until we arrive.”

Tearing his eyes away from me, he signals again as he passes another car. “I’m too fucking pissed at you right now to have any sort of productive conversation anyway. It’s just better if we don’t speak,” he adds, his tone clipped.

I close my mouth and grunt my agreement, turning to the window and setting my cheek on my knees as I watch the familiar terrain as it flies by. Mile by mile my anxiety grows exponentially until the point that when we finally pull into Linda’s driveway, my nails have dug into the skin of my palm, forming moon impressions tinged with blood.

Flexing my fingers, I set my bare feet back on the floorboard before turning to Kaeleb.

“How do you even know where Linda lives?”

He pulls the keys out of the ignition before reaching for the door handle. Opening it, he sets one foot on the driveway and offers over his shoulder, “Well, in a shocking twist of fate it seems we have become extremely close during your…
absence
.”

My face falls as he shuts the door and I quickly bound out of his car, following him to the entryway, surprised when he pulls a key from his pocket and unlocks her house. Glancing down at my attire, I begin to straighten my shirt and pajama pants when I realize I don’t even have any shoes. “You don’t need to worry about what you look like. She’s not here. You
do
need to take a shower before we go, however, because I refuse to take you to her in this condition. It would break her heart.”

“I can’t do anything about my hair, Kaeleb,” I respond, his condescending tone not helping with my agitated state.

He scoffs. “I’m not talking about your hair. You’ve got black smeared all over your face, Bree. You look like death warmed over, and if I weren’t so frustrated with you right now, I’d have a killer joke primed and ready, which kind of pisses me off in its own right.”

I lick my fingers and begin to wipe under my eyes just as he jiggles the handle, opening the door and waiting for me to enter. Black covers my fingers as I pass him by and say nothing, but that doesn’t stop him from speaking. Unfortunately.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” He grins a devious, toothy grin. “When I packed your clothes, I left the contact case. So, I guess when you take them out today, which you
will
, your freaky cat eyes will be a lost cause.
Oops
.”

I narrow my eyes and turn around. “What makes you think I’m taking them out?”

He mockingly replicates my expression. “Because I refuse to let you walk into that
hospital
– where that woman has been lying for a solid month now, waiting for you to call her, to check on her, to give her one single ounce of hope that you give two shits about her, all the while fighting for a life that you’re so quick to dismiss, and have her see you looking like…” He reaches forward and presses his thumb under my eye and slides it to the side before bringing it directly into my line of sight, “
this
. She wants
you
. Not
Raven
.”

Eyeing the black on the pad of his thumb, my throat constricts and I swallow slowly as I meet his glare. “I can’t go, Kaeleb.”

He drops his arm, exhaling his irritation and running his hand through his hair before answering. “You owe her this.” He tightens his gaze and his features harden. “You’ve already buried her Bree, but she’s
still
alive.” He shakes his head. “Look. I know we’re not in a good place right now, but one day when you wake up from this nightmare you insist on reliving, you’re going to realize what you’ve done. What you’ve sacrificed.” I watch as his face relaxes a smidge before he leans forward and whispers, “Regardless of what’s transpired between us, I care about you too much to let that happen.”