The Douchebag Bible (74 page)

complex, wall street, the banks—neither of these

men are willing to rock the boat. Obama has not

stopped the wars (major combat operations in Iraq

actually ceased in compliance with Bush’s timetable

for withdrawal!), he has not prosecuted one CEO or

Banker in connection with the crash of 2008. He has

not made any real effort to close Gitmo. He stopped

calling our Patriot Act/domestic spying/drone

strike/military occupation bullshit “The War on

Terror”—but he has continued to wage it! Obama, at

the end of the day, is just a more articulate George

W. Bush with a tan.

People who promote voting third party are

often derided as idealists—but in my opinion, the

people who think any real improvement can come

from our two puppet system are the true idealists—

that is to say, the ones truly disconnected from

reality.

I was going to vote for Obama, but was stopped

by the sudden and vivid realization that I was going

to help give power to a scumbag just because he

pandered to my desire to see gays treated as equals.

I decided not to be a part of his re-election. Why

should I reward him just because he is crassly

manipulative enough to take a handful of decent

social positions and policies? His overarching

political philosophy bears little resemblance to my

own—so why would I make myself an instrument of

his power and influence?

Yet it seems that no matter how abominable

the corporate sponsored establishment candidates

are, the general public will still back one of them.

That’s why I shed no tears for this country's plights.

Elsewhere in the world, people lay down their lives

for Political choice. Here in America, we run

screaming from real choice.

I wish that the problem were merely that the

American people are being lied to, but the problem

isn’t that people are being lied to, it’s that the people

don’t give a fuck about what’s true. Everyone knows

that our justice system is comprised of thugs that

brutalize and incarcerate people for non-violent

drug infractions. Everyone knows that our

government conducts illegal wars all around the

world. Everyone knows that moneyed interests have

bought the political process and use the government

as little more than a means of consolidating money

at the top and seeing to it that it stays there.

Everyone knows. But nothing happens. That is

insanity.

“I gotta vote for the lesser of two evils,” they say.

Yes—it’s the same tired point that has held back

social progress for the better part of a century.

Guess what, folks? If you keep voting for evil,

the system cannot possibly change. You cannot vote

for evil every election and then wonder why evil

never leaves power.

I will never again in my life vote for the lesser

of two evils! If I choose to vote at all, I will vote for

candidates that actually reflect my values. I will not

vote for someone who is 95% evil just because he's

running against 100% evil.

7. RIOTS

I said in a video shot during the London riots

that I really like riots. Many people seemed to get a

little upset by that, so maybe a bit of clarification is

in order. My love of riots is based on 4 things.

1.
The beautiful aesthetics of a riot.
I enjoy the

sight of a massive fire in the middle of a city

street—because it’s an uncommon sight

outside of action movies. Just look at the

orange glow it casts on the buildings. Imagine

the heat of it, even to someone standing 10 feet

away. It’s a visually powerful thing—very

repellant, but at the same time inviting.

2.
The disruption of the status quo.
I think day-

to-day life is a terribly boring thing without

some big events thrown in to make life more

fun and fascinating. Now, maybe you guys get

your jollies “condemning” riots and pretending

you don’t enjoy the distraction. That’s fine. I

won’t judge you for that.

3.
I like when the underclass revolts against the

rich—even if their revolt is a logically

inconsistent, unorganized mess.
Let’s face it,

these people aren’t doing this because they’re

happy. There is discontent here (in London)

and they’re expressing it. Are they expressing

it logically? No. Because they’re uneducated,

violent idiots. But damn do they put on a good

show.

4.
I like all the arguments that spring up about

riots.
Mostly it’s a battle between the liberally-

minded, who urge that we look at the root

cause of these riots and address the social

issues that caused them and the conservative

minded who don’t care why these people are

such amoral scum and just want to dispose of

them.

One thing you have to say about riots, regardless of

how you feel about them, is that a society that can

riot is far better off than one that can't.