Tangled Up in Daydreams (19 page)

“We will be on top of things in no time.”

Molly and Renee returned to work. They moved about each other in a tacit ballet, a fluid dance of rolling pins, pans, and fruit. Molly always felt at ease handling food. There was something very comforting about slicing and dicing. The repeated, methodical motions were almost trancelike. As her hands kept busy, Molly's mind was still. With so many tasks at hand, there was no time to fritter away worrying about anything. Hours past, desserts were made, and Renee's “to do” list shrank. At around four, Vanessa came back. Vanessa was a tall, gangly teenager, with freckles and red hair who plated appetizers and desserts every night.

“Hey, Renee.” Opening the fridge and pulling out whip cream and bunches of mint. “Anything new?”

“Nope, same menu as yesterday. I think you need to make more chocolate sauce for the banana cream pies, and if you have time, I would love you to make more ganache for the chocolate cakes.” Taking off her apron.

“No problem.” Beginning her tasks. “I'm Vanessa by the way.” Smiling at Molly.

“Molly.” Untying her own apron.

“The daughter?”

“That's me.” Hanging it on a hook.

“Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. Have a good night.”

Renee and Molly walked through the kitchen and into the front. Helen was setting the last of the tables and the wait staff was milling around, getting everything ready.

“I thought you had left,” Helen stated as she caught sight of Molly.

“Nope, the little tyrant over there put me to work.” Gesturing to Renee.

“You volunteered.” Renee, grinning at Molly. “I'll see you tomorrow, Helen.”

“I'll see you later, Mom. Renee and I are going for coffee and then I think I am going to head home and do some work.”

“Work?”

“That box was filled with all my tools from home. Susan bought everything I had made and wants more.”

“That's great. I'll see you later.”

“Anyway, I love you.” Grabbing her purse from behind the counter.

“ 'Bye, girls.”

Molly and Renee walked to Renee's navy Volvo station wagon.

“I used to be cool.” Renee, looking at her car. “Now I'm driving a station wagon.”

“Uh, oh.” Getting in the front seat. “Pretty soon you will be donning a yellow sweat suit with a very large fluffy cat on the front and be used to getting puked on.”

“I will never wear a cat sweat suit.” Starting the car.

“Sure, Mommy, whatever you say. I seem to remember when you were fifteen you were the only girl to match her shoelaces to her outfit.” Tapping her lightly on the shoulder. “I'm sorry to say, but you were never cool.”

“Fuck you, sister.” Renee laughed, knowing just how true the statement was.

While Molly had always believed that she scored that day in middle school when Renee sat down and joined her for lunch, and never really had questioned why Renee could so easily embrace the new girl at school, Renee knew that it was truly the other way around. For Renee that fateful day meant she had met one of those special girls who knew how to make her, someone with braces, glasses, and twenty extra pounds of baby fat, glow. So while it may have looked from the outside like two oddballs finding a home with each other, Renee had found her first real friend. When they became friends, Renee felt smart and funny and beautiful for the first time. Slowly she blossomed and eventually what she saw in Molly's eyes felt real.

Molly especially helped Renee escape from under the judging eye of her diet-obsessed mother. Every ounce of Renee's frame was catalogued and weighed, measured and pinched. Whether it was pushing Atkins or Weight Watchers or fat camp in the summers, her mother constantly critiqued her daughter and undermined Renee's self-esteem. And all the negative energy only made Renee obsess over food even more. Early on, Molly somehow got a sense of Renee and her mother's battles, and always tried to deflect and compensate for the ego blows she knew Renee suffered at home. She wouldn't let Renee degrade herself and encouraged, with the help of the rest of the Stern family, a different attitude about food. With regular sleep-overs and hanging out after school, Renee finally had a safe, nonthreatening space to explore cooking, and her love for baking was freed.

Junior year in high school, Molly threw her a perfect birthday party. Henry was on hand to cook up a Renee feast. Everything Renee loved was prepared specially.

“Henry, this is too much!” Renee beamed. “It's like my very own Vegas buffet.”

“That's the point, my dear.” Handing her a plate. “Not a thing is missing from Molly's ‘Renee's favorite foods' list.”

“This is the best party I have ever been to,” Corey, one of Renee's and Molly's school friends, praised through a mouthful of food. “You Sterns really know how to do it.”

“Corey, there's plenty. No need to eat as you go.” Molly laughed.

“True.” Stuffing another mini quiche in his mouth.

“No manners.” Renee giggled. “But he's right. All of you are awesome.”

The rest of the gang, Lisa, and Abby all moved through the maze of munchies and piled their plates high with macaroni and cheese, sushi, bacon-wrapped dates, chicken sate, and more. They hurried into the living room and tucked away everything from the banquet. After an equally insane dessert bar, Lisa, Abby, Corey, and Molly huddled around Renee while she opened her presents. A candle, some CDs, a hand-knit scarf. Then came the gift from Molly. Renee opened the slim envelope and inside was a card for a subscription to
Food and Wine
magazine.

“I love it! It's my favorite magazine!” Renee gushed. “I always sneak a peek when I come over here.”

“I know.” Molly grinned. “My dad will be happy now that he doesn't have to hunt high and low for his.”

“Thanks, Molly.” Giving her a hug.

“You're welcome. But there's a condition to this gift.”

“What?”

“We,” gesturing to the gang, “get to be your guinea pigs. Lots of mouths here eager for good food.”

“Food? Did someone say food?” Abby groaned.

“What?” Corey jumped up and grabbed a cookie from the coffee table. “I know you want it.” Hovering over Abby.

“Stop, Corey!” Abby yelled, trying to cover her mouth.

“Open up, here comes the birdy!” Corey went on.

“Corey!” Laughing harder. Soon the room dissolved into laughter.

Renee smiled at the memory and looked at Molly. Here she was, years later, still her best friend, but now also her sister. She was one lucky girl, for the family who adopted her as a shy, unconfident teenager and encouraged her to find her passion and herself, was now truly her family.

“Okay, no cat, but maybe the sweat suit will have a horse on it. At least that is very Chloe 2000,” Molly went on.

“Hysterical. You and your keen fashion memory.” Pinching Molly's arm lightly. “Just wait until you get pregnant and fat. Only then can you comment on elastic waist bands.”

“Ow!” Slapping her hand away. “That's going to bruise. And, by the way, babies and me are not going to get together for a long while. I am perfectly satisfied being a moderately thin aunt who spoils and then returns child to parents.”

“To be honest, that sounds pretty good to me too.” Rubbing her belly. “By the way, Abby and the rest of the gang have been asking about if and when you are going to make a move to see them.”

Molly thought about her high school pals. There was Renee, of course; Abby, newly back in town with a husband and a new medical practice; Lisa, a stay-at-home mom with a very cute toddler whose pictures Molly proudly displayed on her fridge in LA; and Corey, a lawyer at his father's firm, which used to be her father's firm. In high school, they were all inseparable. A small, tight group in a small, tight town. They all stayed in contact peripherally over the years, a few phone calls here and there and greetings over the holidays. When Molly took off to LA for college, she sort of set off alone. They used to call her the “lone rider.” They even gave her a mask affixed with feathers when she left. Molly had worn it for her first Halloween in LA. Everyone thought that she would come back after school, open a painting school or something, but she never did come back, minus a few weeks here and there. They all found comfort in the quiet; it just made Molly long to be louder.

“Everyone must think I'm a supreme bitch.” Fiddling with the radio of Renee's wagon.

“Actually, ‘bitchy' is the word Lisa used, not ‘bitch.'”

“I just haven't felt like dealing.”

“Molly, we're your friends, you don't have to deal with us.” Pulling up to the coffeehouse. “You should call.”

“I will. We'll get drinks.” Looking at Renee's stomach. “Well, we will drink and you can sip some water.”

“I just keep getting more and more boring.” Getting out of the car slowly.

“You and Alex make a nice pair,” Molly cooed.

“Come on, Molly. You're buying.”

Molly and Renee went in and ordered: a latté for Molly and a hot chocolate for Renee. They found a small wood table in the back and settled in.

“I must smell really bad.” Molly, taking a whiff under her arms.

“I think I must be immune. Alex and I sometimes have smell-offs when we come home from work at the same time.”

“Smell-offs? I don't want to know.”

“No, you don't.” Redoing her ponytail. “I think it's one of those couple things better left secret.”

“Couple things.” Repeating after Renee.

“Okay, Molly, what the hell happened? I've been getting all these little pieces.”

“It's been really hard to talk about. Certain things I can't tell my parents because I feel too ashamed. And then, what if I go back? We get back together, which isn't going to happen, but if it does, then they will never be able to look at him or me the same way.”

“Look, I'm family but we are friends too. Well, really we are friends first. I can just be your girlfriend right now and not your sister.”

“I know. Renee, why is it when you decide to end something, your brain keeps replaying all these moments when you were so in love? I keep flashing back to all these memories and while some really awful ones pop in, I usually am overwhelmed with this need to go to him and love him and feel all of that all over again.”

“Because you are human, and Liam has been a huge part of your life for a very long time. And he fits into your whole teenage romance-novel archetype.”

“What type?” Feigning ignorance.

“The one born from the hundred-plus
Sweet Dreams
books you read all through middle school and high school detailing your perfect rebel with the perfect tender heart fantasy.”

“I don't shape my relationships from some silly girl books.” Defending herself.

“Really?”

“Well, maybe.” Giggling a bit. “But I did not, I repeat, did not, read them in high school.”

“You so did.”

“Did not!” Laughing. “I guess I did find my cliché rocker boy.”

“Yup. Rough around the edges until he met you and swept you off your feet by playing a few jingles on his guitar.” Renee, elaborating.

“It's humiliating how tacky that sounds when you say it out loud.” Molly laughing harder.

“Kind of.” Laughing with her.

“I remember this one time early on in our relationship when I had the stomach flu. I was nasty and beyond gross, and kept telling him to stay far, far away. Instead of listening he showed up, brought me every fashion magazine, a case of ginger ale, washed me in the tub, and cleaned up the mess in the bathroom without even flinching.”

“Everything?”

“Everything. I was still in the too-afraid-to-poo-at-his-place phase and he just rolled right through it.”

“What made you leave then? Seems like this is fantasy fulfillment at its finest.”

“Let's just say that he is a constant maker of bad decisions.” Grabbing two sugars and pouring them into her drink. “His promises don't last because he can't resist. It's like he is drawn to the light socket even when his fingertips have already been burned.”

“So it is an issue of trust.”

“I guess. I'm afraid that no matter how hard and fierce I love him, he will always do the wrong thing even though he promises me he won't.”

“I think that it all depends on what these wrong things are. No one is perfect. I think to love is to ignore the perfections and embrace all the flaws. If you can love them that way, then that's true and real. To sustain love is to love all the shitty things about someone.” Taking a sip. “Well, maybe not love but accept.”

“I know what you have accepted and sometimes I think you are a saint.” Smiling at Renee. “How my brother managed to snag you is a mystery we Sterns pondered daily.”