Something Borrowed (44 page)

anything was going on this summer, while she was still with Dex.

"Yeah. An engagement and two friendships finito," he says.

I wonder which part Dex is sadder about. I hope that it is Marcus.

"You really think you won't ever be friends with Marcus again?"

He sighs and adjusts his pillow. "I seriously doubt that we'll be

grabbing a few beers anytime soon."

"Are you sad about that?"

"What's the point of being sad?" he says. "We're here now."

I want to tell Dex that I love him, but decide that it can wait until

tomorrow. Or maybe even the next day.

Twelve hours later I am on my way to Hillary's office when Les

ambushes me in the hall. "Good. You're back. I need to see you."

Yes, I had a lovely vacation. Thanks for asking.

"Now?" I ask.

"Yeah, now. Come to my office. Pronto."

I want to tell him that normal people do not use the word

"pronto," unless they're kidding or playing Scrabble.

"I need to get a pad," I say. So much for easing into my old

routine.

Seconds later I am sitting in his office, which smells of onions,

furiously scribbling instructions for three new assignments. All

time-consuming, mind-numbing, bullshit first-year research

projects, riddled with false deadlines. It is my punishment for

taking a vacation. He talks at me in aggressive run-on sentences,

his tone condescending whenever I dare to interrupt to ask a

pertinent question. As I study his bulbous nose, I am thinking that

I don't need this. I remember how free I felt in London, being

away from this place. I fantasize about quitting, getting another

job in New York, or maybe moving to London with Dex. I will

resign in mid-assignment. Leave Les high and dry. Tell him what I

think of him on my way out the door. Tell him that he really

should do something about those hairs in his nose.

After an hour of being held prisoner (he even takes three lengthy

phone calls during my sentence), I am released. I head straight for

Hillary's office. It is a war zone, worse than usual.

Documents

clutter up every square inch of floor space. Both of her guest

chairs are covered with papers, and her desk is piled high with

folders, treatises, and old newspapers.

She spins around in her chair. "Hey, you! Have a seat.

Tell me

about your trip!"

"Where do I sit?"

"Oh. Just dump that stuff anywhere So how was England? How

are you?"

"Well. Let's see," I say, as I clear off one of her chairs.

"England

was great. I made some progress in getting over Dex But then I

came home last night and learned that Dex called off the wedding

after all."

She gives me a quizzical look. "He called it off? For sure?"

I tell her the whole story. She hangs on every word, and in the end

she looks like one of those people who answers the door to find Ed

McMahon with a big check and a television crew. She covers her

eyes with her palms, laughs, shakes her head, and then comes

around her desk and gives me a hug. I am not surprised by her

reaction. I didn't expect her to get any of the subtleties the fact

that Darcy and I are no longer friends, the fact that my parents are

upset, and that word of my treason is traveling at the speed of

light all over Indiana.

"Well, that is awesome, awesome news. I owe Dex an apology.

Shit. I really had him written off as another womanizing pretty

boy."

"He's not like that."

"I can see that I'm so happy for you."

I smile. "So what has been going on here?"

"Oh, not too much. Same old shit Julian and I had our first big

fight."

"What? Why?"

She shrugs. "We got into an argument that escalated."

"About what?"

"It's a long story but basically we have this full-disclosure rule.

No secrets whatsoever."

"Secrets about your past?"

"Yeah. And just anything. So anyway, he was talking to this girl at

a party, and he introduced me to her. And the three of us had a big

conversation about all sorts of things. And later that night, I asked

him how he knew her He told me he met her two summers ago

and that was it. Then kidding around, I said, 'Did you sleep with

her?' And he just looked at me He had!"

I don't try to hide my smirk. "You got mad because of an exgirlfriend?"

"No. I got mad that I had to ask him if he slept with her. He

should have brought it up first! That wasn't in the spirit of our

agreement. So of course, I start to worry that he isn't as honest as

he seems."

I shake my head. "You're a trip. So stubborn."

"He is too We haven't talked in almost twenty-four hours."

"Hill! C'mon, you have to call him!"

"Not a chance. His finger isn't broken."

Her words and posturing are bold and defiant, but for the first

time I see her as vulnerable. Something in her eyes gives her

away.

"I think you should call him," I say. "This is silly."

"Maybe it is. I don't know and then again, maybe we're not as

perfect for each other as I first thought."

"Because of one fight?"

She shrugs.

"Hillary, I think you're overreacting. Pick up the phone and call

him."

"No way," she says, but I can tell from the way that she glances at

her phone that she is weakening.

I think to myself that when you're in love, sometimes you have to

swallow your pride, and sometimes you have to fight to keep your

pride. It's a balance. But when the relationship is right, you find

that balance. I am sure that Hillary and Julian will.

When I return to my office, I dial up my only other unconditional

ally. I know that Ethan won't miss the complexity of the situation,

perhaps because he knows Darcy better than Hillary does. In

some ways, he understands her better than I do.

He does not interrupt once as I tell him the story. "So did you

suspect that? When Dex called asking about my flight?" I ask him

after I finish.

"I hoped That's why I gave him your information. But I didn't

ask any questions. I just crossed my fingers."

"You hoped? Really? I thought you didn't like him."

"Aw, I just didn't like him for jerking you around all summer. I

like him now. I mean, I actually admire him now. He didn't take

the easy way out. I really respect him for that. So many people just

let the engagement tide roll over them and get washed up into the

hurrah of a wedding. Dex did the stand-up thing. I give him

credit. I really do."

"I'm just glad he was the one to call it off, instead of Darcy making

the decision for him after the pregnancy discovery.

Then I'd

always wonder, you know, if I was just the runner-up."

"So how do you feel?" His question is gentle, and I know he is

asking about Darcy.

I tell him that I am happy, of course, but that I am devastated to

lose Darcy, to realize that she will no longer be a part of my life.

Although in truth, I don't think it has fully sunk in yet.

"It's just

not a fairy-tale ending," I say.

"No. It never is."

"And it all happened so fast. One minute I thought I was going to

a wedding on Saturday. Next minute, no wedding, I get to be with

Dex, Darcy is with Marcus, and she's having his baby.

It is nuts."

"I can't believe she's pregnant Shit! That girl!" he says, with

some amusement.

"I know."

"Never a dull moment."

"I know I think I might miss that about her."

"Yeah. Well. Maybe she'll come around."

"Maybe."

He clears his throat. "Although I doubt it."

"Me too."

"So Marcus and Darcy." He whistles. "That's certainly a twist."

"Yeah. You're telling me! But I can actually see it now It makes

sense. She was always railing at Dex for working too hard. And

Marcus takes the opposite approach."

"And you're more like Dex."

"Yeah. So much for the 'opposites attract' theory."

"Sounds like everything may have worked out for the best. Except

for James, that is. He'll be wrecked."

"Yeah, right," I say.

"And of course, I'm a little disappointed."

"Why?"

"I thought you were going to move here."

"Who knows? Maybe I still will."

"And leave Dex?"

"He can come with me."

"Think he'd do that?"

"Maybe."

Maybe he loves me enough to follow me anywhere.

I hang up and start my assignments, signing on to Lexis,

skimming and highlighting case after case. I keep checking my email

and waiting for the phone to ring. At first I think it's Dex I

am waiting for, but then I pick up the phone and call him, and still

have an empty, aching feeling. That's when I realize that it's Darcy

I am waiting to hear from. I expect her to call at any minute. Yell

at me, say mean things to me, but talk to me.

Communicate in

some way. But my phone does not ring as I work through lunch.

Around four o'clock, I finally get a call.

"Rachel?" Claire bellows into the phone.

I roll my eyes. "Hello, Claire."

"What in the world is going on?" she asks, pretending to be foggy

on the exact details. I know that Darcy has put her up to this call.

Maybe she is even listening to me now. It is pure, classic Darcy. I

think of all the times in high school when she cajoled Annalise

and me to undertake such assignments.

I do not take the bait. I briskly tell Claire that I have to be in court

in thirty minutes, and don't have time to discuss the situation with

her.

"Okay" Her disappointment at the lack of juice is palpable. "Call

me back when you can"

Don't hold your breath.

"I just feel terrible for both of you. You've been friends for too

long" Her voice is dripping with false empathy. She is relishing

her new position as Darcy's best friend. I picture them wearing

the "best friend" necklaces. If anyone could bring them back into

fashion, it is Darcy and Claire.

"Uh-huh." I give nothing away. Claire will be the one worthwhile

casualty of my split with Darcy. I don't have to pretend to like her

anymore.

It is Wednesday night. Three days after the confrontation. Dex

and I are curled up in bed when the phone rings. This will be

Darcy, I think. I both crave and fear her call, a call that might

never come.

I answer nervously. "Hello?"

"Hi, Rachel."

It is Annalise. She sounds tired, and for a second I think it's

because Darcy has dragged her into our saga. I prepare myself for

a tentative, mousy, Annalise-style lecture. Instead I hear a baby

unleash a wail in the background.

"It's a girl," Annalise says. "We had a girl!"

Darcy was right, is my first thought, before I become weepy. I am

overcome by the news. My friend is a mother.

"Congratulations!

When?"

"Two hours ago. Eight-forty-two. She's six pounds, four ounces."

"What's her name?"

"Hannah Jane Jane after you and Darcy."

Our friendship with Annalise and the middle name Jane are two

of the only things that Darcy and I still share.

"Annalise, I am so touched," I say. "You never told me you were

considering Jane."

"It was a surprise."

"Hannah Jane. It's a beautiful name."

"She is beautiful."

"Does she look like you?"

"I don't know. My mom says so. But I think she has Greg's nose

and feet."

"I can't wait to see her."

"When are you coming home?"

"Soon. I promise."

For a moment I think that Darcy actually refrained from dragging

Annalise into our scandal. But then she says, "Rachel, you and

Darcy have to make up. She called me last night. I was going to

call you but my water broke right afterward."

Leave it to Darcy to induce labor.

"Whatever happened it can be fixed, right?" she asks.

I want to ask her what she knows, what Darcy reported.

But

obviously I am not going to pull a Darcy. This is not the time to

delve into our soap opera. "Right," I say. "Don't worry about that

This is much more important. You have a baby!"

"I have a baby!"

"You're somebody's mother!"

"I know. It feels so nice."

"Did you tell Darcy yet?"

"Not yet. I'm calling her now"

I think to myself that if Darcy discovers that Annalise called me

first, she'd be even more enraged. "Yeah, I know you have a lot of

calls to make. Tell Greg I said congratulations. And your parents

I'm so happy for you."

"Thank you, Rachel."

"I love you, Annalise." I feel the tears welling up.

"I love you too."

I hang up, overcome with emotion that I don't fully understand. I

knew the baby would be here sooner or later. Yet I am still blown

away by the reality of what has just happened. Annalise is a

mother. She has a daughter. It is a moment that she, Darcy, and I

talked about as little girls. Now Darcy is having a baby too, and I

won't even get a phone call from her when it happens. I will hear

about it secondhand. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

Annalise's

baby makes the rift all the more tragic. Never has good news