Sleeping Beauty (58 page)

Leo shook his head. “Look around you; nobody's worried.”

“Yeah, but these are the ones who
came.
What about the ones who canceled and went to Vail or Aspen? They read the papers, you know. And they think twice about us.”

“Tim, are you really hurting?” Anne asked.

“I didn't say that. But business is down; nobody can deny it. And houses aren't selling like they used to, and we've had a few shops close.”

“How much worse is it than last year?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Maybe ten percent. It's not so bad now, but I guess I'm scared it could get worse. I don't think people trust us anymore, you know? They get worried once, they don't forget in a hurry.”

“Well, don't broadcast it,” Leo said. “You never know which of these happy tourists is a reporter from ‘Good Morning America' or the
New York Times.”

When they walked on, Leo was frowning. “The worst publicity for a town is its own people. But how do you make them understand that when they're scared? They put all their eggs into this crazy basket of a resort town, and then they pray for the right weather and word getting out that this is a glorious place to be. Which it is, God knows, but that won't get people here if they think it's not safe.”

In Carver's Pharmacy, Leo bought his regular newspapers, and the soft drinks Gail had asked him to bring, and they turned to walk back to the car. “Are you going to bring it up at dinner?” he asked Anne.

She nodded. “I'll tell Gail in advance; I think we have to talk about it.”

“It could be awkward, with Charles here.”

“Then I guess it's going to be awkward.”

Leo glanced at her. She was looking straight ahead, her face showing no emotion. All that hurt, he thought, still deep inside her. And so she chose his and Gail's feelings, and their future, over those of her father.

He watched her that evening as she and Gail worked in the kitchen while the family was gathering. The two sisters had put on long, plaid skirts with deep fringes at the bottom; Gail wore a dark green turtleneck sweater and Anne a wine-red one, with a silver Indian necklace and long silver earrings. Once again Leo realized how much more beautiful she was than Gail, and how much more dramatic. He knew everyone would turn to Anne first, and then notice Gail, and the familiar sense of protectiveness of his wife rose in him. But he knew Gail did not need it; she felt no envy of Anne, only pity, and love.

Anne looked up and smiled at him. Their morning trips around the mountain had drawn them close, and sometimes Leo thought he might be the one to help her break free of her rigid control. But of course it would not be him. It had to be someone who was able to take her a step beyond that, and give her a chance to love. He knew he was right the moment Josh came into the house, and Anne looked across the room, and their eyes met. That isn't over, Leo thought. I wish I could do something to help them. But he could not do that either. All he could do, he and Gail, was hang around, ready to lend a hand if either Josh or Anne, or both of them, needed it.

“Merry Christmas,” Josh said, coming up to Anne. “You look very lovely, and very festive.”

“Thank you.” She felt relieved. What an odd emotion, she thought, to feel relieved to see Josh. And very glad. “I'm glad to see you.” She smiled as she took in his dark red sweater, almost the same color as hers, over a white shirt, open at the collar. “We all dressed for the season.”

“Life and growth,” Josh said. “The colors of the plants that thrive despite winter. It makes hope seem quite reasonable. Have you been well?”

“Yes, thank you. And you?”

“Very well. I've missed you.”

She looked at him steadily. “I've missed you,” she said quietly, because she could not lie to him. “Has your crew reached the tomb yet?”

“No, but Hosni thinks we're close.” He wanted to talk about the fact that they both had missed each other but still stayed apart, but it was not the time, with family members gathering around them. “I'm going back in a few days. They're very far along, almost three hundred feet; it would be remarkable if it was much farther than that.”

“And then they'll reach the door.” Anne tried to picture it in her mind: the long, dark corridor illuminated fitfully by lamps, ending at a sealed door that waited for someone to break it open. “I envy you,” she said. “To step into a whole new world, so completely different from ours . . .”

“Not completely. It's amazing how characters and plots repeat themselves. The pharaohs behaved like every king in history, and the workers were like all workers; they even went on strike. Part of the fun of studying the past is finding how much of it is still here. We're not unique, though we'd like to believe we are.”

“We're all unique,” Anne said. “Our pain and our pleasure are our own; no one else can feel them or even completely understand them.”

Josh gazed at her somberly. “You mean we're alone in the universe, with no chance, ever, to share, or to touch another person.”

Startled, Anne gazed at him. She had never thought of it in such absolute terms. She saw sadness in his eyes and for the first time understood how lonely her world must seem to others. But I'm not lonely, she thought; I'm much too busy to be lonely. And I don't need to lean on anyone for sympathy; I'm fine on my own. Josh's words echoed behind her own:
No chance, ever, to share.
Well, that's the way it has to be, she thought defensively. That's the way my life is and there's nothing I can do about it.
No chance, ever, to touch another person.
The force of his words swept against her.

No! It burst inside her.
That isn't what I want.

She was looking at Josh, her eyes wide. “I don't know,”
she said, and there was bewilderment in her voice. “I don't know if we're alone or not.”

“Anne dear,” said Charles, his hands outstretched as he came up to them, “how wonderful to see you.” He leaned forward, then stopped, and a little awkwardly, held her hand in both of his. “I'm so glad we're having Christmas together. Hello, Josh, we haven't seen you in a long time. Leo tells me you've bought a place up here. Lucky man; it's a beautiful spot. I never had time to do anything like that myself—this was Dad's place and mine was Chicago—but I might think about it, one of these days. It seems that all of a sudden we're all turning up here; quite a change, you know.”

He was nervous, Anne thought, talking too much and too fast, his eyes flickering over the family in the living room, then back to her and Josh. It occurred to her that he had already sold The Tamarack Company and was steeling himself to tell the rest of them. No, it's too soon, she thought. But he may be close, and feeling guilty. She watched him as he and Josh talked about mutual friends in Chicago. He looked more uneasy than he had in September, with pouches under his eyes and lines deeply etched on each side of his mouth. There was a tremor in his hands. For the first time, she felt sorry for him.

“—ulcer,” he was saying to Josh. “Nobody in our family ever had one, as far as I know, but it really knocked me out for a while. Of course they know what to do about those things, now, without any special diets or that sort of thing; the biggest problem is figuring out how to stop being so tense—”

Fred Jax put his hand on Charles' shoulder. “Did Beloit call back? Anne, Josh; merry Christmas. It really could be a great one for Chatham Development, couldn't it? Have you heard from him, Charles?”

Charles looked haunted. “I told you he said he'd get back to me after the first of the year.”

“Right, but he's been so hot for it, I figured he'd talk to his accountant and be back the next day. You could ask Vince what's happening; he'd be up on it.”

“Vince isn't involved in this,” Charles said shortly.

“Why would he be?” Josh asked curiously.

“Well, they're together all the time,” Fred said. “And you know they've got to be talking about a lot of things besides politics.”

“Beloit is Vince's campaign manager,” Charles said when Josh still looked puzzled. “They were business partners in Denver. But it has nothing to do with us. Nothing's settled,” he added angrily.

“Yet,” Fred said. “Well, we can wait; we know he wants it. Marian and I feel very comfortable about it, you know, and Walter, too. There's a great future at Chatham Development; you watch: we'll put the name right back on the map where it belongs.”

“How?” Anne asked interestedly.

Fred smiled. “You wouldn't be interested, Anne; nothing near as glamorous as the law and the glitzy people who line up outside your office. Great projects, though, for a developer; just what we need. That and a little capital, and we'll be surefire.”

“Merry Christmas, my dear,” said Nina, inching herself into the cluster they formed near the dining-room door. “What a lovely evening, isn't it? All of us together like this. It's too bad about Vince, but senators do have such demands on them. Is that what you were saying, Fred, about being comfortable? That we're finally all together?”

“That we're selling The Tamarack Company,” said William, just behind her. “That makes Fred and Marian comfortable.”

“Well, not exactly,” Marian said. She slid around the group to insert herself between Charles and Anne. Keith was behind her, listening. “We're not comfortable—what an odd word, Fred—we're very sorry and not happy at all.”

“I'm going to help Gail,” Charles said. “Pour the wine or whatever she needs . . .”

Gail, coming from the kitchen, heard his last words. “Thanks,” she said. “We're about ready to eat.” She was holding a stack of butter plates, and Anne took them from her. “I forgot my job,” she said, and began to put the plates around the table. Robin joined her, laying a butter knife on
each one, and Ned came in with the water pitcher. Leo put more logs in the large fireplace open to the dining room and the living room. “More drinks for anybody?” he asked.

When they finally were seated, there was a silence. Leo held his hands to each side, and around the table, everyone took a neighbor's hand. Josh, who had found his way to Anne's side though it had been planned that he would sit at the other end of the table, held her hand lightly; her other hand was in Leo's firm grasp. Gail lit the candles that ran down the center of the table amid arrangements of holly, spruce, pinecones, grapes, and red and yellow pears, and took her place at the other end.

“Dear God,” said Leo quietly, “we're grateful for the many good things of the year that's ending, for the good fortune that gives us a comfortable life, for our health and energy that help us live fully, for our curiosity that makes the world full of interest and excitement, and for our work and the sense of fulfillment it gives us. But most of all, we're grateful for our family. It protects us and nourishes us, it makes it possible for us to give as well as take, and this year, it finally became complete. That's the greatest gift we could have asked, and we'll hold it close, whatever else happens to us and the dreams we have.”

“Amen,” rumbled William. “Very good, Leo. Very good.”

Anne's eyes were fixed on the bright berries in the center of the table. My family, she thought.
To share . . . to touch another person.
She joined Gail at the sideboard, to fill soup bowls and carry them around the table, to Josh, who sat beside her empty chair on Leo's right, then Robin and Ned, Fred, Marian, and Nina. On the other side of the table, on Gail's right, were Charles, Keith and his friend Eve, William, three-year-old Gretchen Holland, and her parents Walter and Rose. I don't like all of them, Anne thought as she set a bowl of clam chowder at each place; a few of them I don't want to know any better than I already do. But except for Josh, they're my family— Her thoughts stopped.
Except for Josh.
But he sat there talking to Robin and Ned, so much a part of the group it was hard to imagine the table without him. And in the past weeks she had missed him. She had
missed his voice and his smile and the easy way they shared ideas and understood each other, often without completing a sentence. Oh, enough, she told herself angrily; I was thinking about the family. She looked around the table again. They had betrayed and wounded her, but now she found herself leaning toward them, wanting to have a place among them. I want to do something for them, she thought; help them if they need it. But mostly she wanted to help Gail and Leo, who had not been part of that long-ago betrayal, and who had been the first to welcome her back.

She returned to her chair and Josh stood to help her. “Of all the good people in the world,” he said, “Leo is the best. Does he ever get angry, do you think? Or hold a grudge?”

“Not since I've known him.” Anne tasted the chowder and glanced around the table to see how the others liked it.

“It's perfect,” Josh said. “You made it?”

She nodded. “A friend of mine in New York gave me the recipe, years ago; she always spent summers in New England and this is supposed to be authentic.”

“Anne—” he began.

“That's a lie!” Ned yelled.

Conversation stopped. “Ned?” Leo asked.

Ned's face turned red. “Well, it is. It is a lie. Uncle Fred says we're selling the company.”

“Ned, we're not talking about that tonight,” Gail said quickly.

“Talking about what?” Ned glared at Leo. “Dad, you said you wouldn't sell it! You
said!”

“Your mother's right,” Charles murmured. “We shouldn't be talking about—”

“We should too! Dad, did you say you would?”

“No, he didn't,” Marian said firmly. “But it wasn't up to him. We all own shares in the company, and we decided to find out how good a price we could get for it. That's all we did.”