Shielder — A new Science Fiction Romance (Book 1, Shielder Series) (22 page)

He stood and approached her. Her attention
snapped back to him, her eyes widening. The rich brown of her tunic
emphasized the golden glow of her satiny skin. Her eyes, dark
whirlpools of emotion, swirled him into their depths. He thought he
might explode right then. He clamped down mentally, determined to
master his body.

When he felt he'd regained a modicum of
control, he spread his arms invitingly. "Why don't you undress
me?"

Her gaze skittered down him, pausing at his
straining erection. "Is that an order?"

Irritation cooled his ardor, if only a few
degrees. Why was she so reluctant, given the extent of her sensual
nature? He knew firsthand how incredibly responsive she was, how
capable of enjoying his caresses. She'd come to him eagerly enough
before, had come apart in his arms in the shower.

Maybe she still felt shy in this new sexual
arena and just needed encouragement. He leaned forward and pressed
his mouth to hers, teasing her lips with his tongue. "Consider it
an order, if you wish," he murmured.

She stiffened, but her hands slid to the top
of his flightsuit seam. He buried his face in her hair, inhaling
the fresh scent as she pulled the fabric off his shoulders and down
his arms. When his arms were free of the sleeves, he pressed his
hands against the panel on each side of her head and captured her
mouth again, this time plundering the sweetness inside.

Her hands fluttered helplessly before
flattening on his bare chest. The contact was electric.
Touch
me, Nessa. Touch me. Make me forget.
The words formed a litany,
flowing through his mind. Blindly, he sought her breast and claimed
it.

She broke the kiss and sidestepped, gasping
for breath. Chase reached for her, but she evaded him. Baffled, he
stared at her, noting her obvious reluctance. She squared her
shoulders. "Do you wish me to finish undressing you…master?"

Master
? His passion-fogged brain
struggled to make sense of her actions.
Master
? Why would
she say that, unless….

Realization speared through him, evaporating
the sensual haze like a photon torpedo. She considered mating with
him a requirement of her duties. The duties slaves performed for
their masters. Hadn't she said earlier she'd do anything to earn
transport passage?

Understanding washed over him, with much the
same effect of a cold shower. His mind cleared rapidly. If his
guess was correct, last night had not been the mutual explosion of
passion he'd assumed, but simply reluctant participation on Nessa's
part. Rape—if he wanted to get really technical.

And in the shower, she'd been too
inexperienced and helpless against his sensual onslaught not to
respond, albeit unwillingly.

What else would she think, after the words
he'd hurled in anger last night? He could rescind those words
easily enough, but to what end? It wouldn't change the fact that
she didn't want to have sex with him. Hadn't wanted anything to do
with him since he'd blundered her first sexual experience.

Frustration roared through him and he
pounded his fist against the panel. He'd never forced himself on
any female, and he'd always despised those shadowers who raped
their female prisoners.

He'd just sunk to their ranks.

"We're not finishing anything," he growled,
striding to the console and grabbing up his half-empty bottle from
last night. While he was at it, he yanked open the cabinet above
the console and took another bottle.

He stormed back to the entry, the top part
of his flight suit flapping against his legs. He glared into
Nessa's startled eyes. "You're safe from me, do you understand?
Safe
! I won't make any more advances toward you."

He headed for the cockpit, where he could
lock himself in and find that oblivion he'd been anticipating
earlier.

Only it wouldn't be in Nessa's arms.

* * * *

Nessa stared after Chase, totally confused
by his actions. For a few moments, she'd been certain he planned to
mate with her. She didn't know whether to be relieved or
disappointed. Her mouth still tingled from his passionate kiss, and
her body hummed with stirring sensations. She should be relieved,
she told herself firmly. She didn't want to be chosen for mating
solely because she was available and owed him a great debt.

But she wouldn't have to worry about that
possibility. Apparently Chase had found her so repulsive, he
couldn't even force himself on her.

She shouldn't be surprised, especially after
seeing the abundance of beautiful, gifted women in the quadrant.
She shouldn't feel the hurt, not after ten seasons of rejection,
not since Chase had made his disinterest clear from the first
mating. His actions last night had been influenced by the liquor,
nothing more.

She knew all that, understood it on an
intellectual level. Yet, she still found it hard sometimes to
accept her shortcomings as a woman. To accept the fact that no man
would ever find her attractive, that she could never bear
children.

The reality didn't ease the heaviness in her
chest right now, or the tightness in her throat…or the ache in her
heart. Reality didn't allow her the luxury of self-pity or
self-centered desires, either. She should thank Spirit for forcing
her to remember the crucial goal at hand.

Eleven days. Cold fear crystallized inside
her. Only eleven days remained before the Orana began actively
invading her body.

And they were still two days from Star Base
Intrepid.

* * * *

Knowing Orana wasn't contagious until the
final stages, Nessa slept with the children, curled protectively
around them. They stirred early, stretching with the precious
innocence of youth before they awakened fully. They blinked in
sleepy surprise to see her in the bunk with them. She cuddled them
close for a few minutes, discovering Chase had been right. Touch
was
healing, for the giver as well as the receiver.

An hour later, Nessa faced the food
replicator in the galley, studying program codes. She heard Chase
calling her. She stepped into the corridor as he headed from the
cockpit toward his cabin. "Yes, Captain?"

He paused, glaring at her through bloodshot
eyes. "Replicate some of that black tea we had yesterday. Make it
strong. Bring it to my cabin—and be quick about it!"

She nodded, and he trudged to his cabin,
swaying slightly. She suspected he'd drunk all that alcohol last
night and would pay for it today. On second thought,
she
would pay for it today. She replicated the tea and carried it to
his cabin. He didn't answer the tone, so she entered cautiously. He
wasn't in sight, and she could hear the shower. She left the tea on
the console and returned to the galley.

Chase appeared some time later, while Nessa
and the children were eating the morning meal. He didn't look quite
as pale, although red still streaked his eyes. She rose. "Can I get
you something to eat?"

"No, no food. The very thought of it sickens
me. Just make me another cup of tea and bring it to the cockpit.
Don't take too long. And keep the noise down!"

He stormed from the galley, leaving Nessa
relieved to see him go. Raven looked up, her mouth trembling. "What
did I do wrong?"

Nessa leaned down beside her. "You didn't do
anything wrong, sweetness. What makes you think that?"

Raven shivered. "Master is mad. I did
something wrong. Will he use the rod on me?"

Nessa fought the distinct urge to go hit
Chase. "Captain McKnight is just tired this morning, and he's
grouchy. That's all. He's not mad at you. And we never,
never
use the rod on this ship."

When she glanced over and saw Brand had
pulled up his knees and buried his head in them, she mentally
amended that last statement. She might just use an electrolyzer rod
on Chase if he upset the children like this again.

Several minutes passed before she convinced
Brand that Chase wasn't mad at him, and there weren't even any rods
on the ship. She didn't know if the child believed her, but at
least he sat upright on the bench again.

She made more tea and took it to the
cockpit. Chase ignored her when she set the tea beside him.
"Captain McKnight, I'd like a word with you please."

He didn't take his eyes from the wanted
offender screen. "Later. I don't want to be disturbed right
now."

She blew out a frustrated breath. "You
terrified the children in the galley this morning."

He dragged his attention from the screen,
his brows drawing together as he scowled. "Damnation! All I did was
ask for a cup of tea."

Staring into his haggard face, guilt
besieged her. He'd done so much for her, only to be repaid with
trouble. He'd been wonderful with the children.

"I know you didn't mean to," she tried to
explain, "but your tone and your scowl made them think you were mad
at them."

His brows drew even closer together. "I do
not scowl. And I don't have the time or patience to deal with
overly sensitive women and children."

His unreasonable mood annoyed her. "Well,
you frightened them. They thought you were going to use an
electrolyzer rod on them."

"Right now, I don't give an Antek's ass what
they thought," Chase snapped, anger flaring in his eyes. "I have a
ship to run, and I don't want to be bothered."

She held on to her temper. "You have good
cause to be angry, Captain. I know I've been a troublesome burden.
But please, wait to reprimand me when the children aren't
around."

"You do not tell me how to conduct my
affairs. Now, get moving. Bring me an entire pot of that tea, and
then sterilize the damn ship again. Are those orders clear?"

She resisted the urge to kick him. "Yes,
Captain. Perfectly clear." She left the cockpit, pondering his
angry mood and deciding liquor had a strange effect on some
people.

She took the children to the relative safety
of her cabin, then fixed Chase's tea. She spent another two hours
sterilizing the ship. After that, she and the children remained in
the cabin.

She told stories and introduced Brand and
Raven to Turi. Displaying a surprising acceptance, he even allowed
the children to pet him. After Turi had been safely returned to his
case, they let the silver lanrax out of the lav, coaxing her over
with scraps of bread. She proved to be gentle enough, daintily
accepting the bread and chattering when Brand tentatively touched
her. They decided to name her Lia, after one of Elysia's silver
moons.

Having no desire to deal with Chase again,
Nessa slipped furtively to the galley for the midday and evening
meals. She brought the food back to the cabin, and they enjoyed a
picnic on the bunk. The cycle slipped by pleasantly. When the
children's eyelids began to droop, she herded them into the shower,
then into bed.

Just as she was tucking the cover around
them, the tone sounded. She straightened, her heart speeding up.
What could Chase possibly want now? Reluctantly, she went to the
panel and opened it.

He stood there, dark shadows beneath his
eyes. "I wanted to tell the children good night. May I come in?" he
asked quietly.

He didn't seem angry. Nessa drew a deep
breath. "Of course." She stepped back for him to enter.

The children watched his approach,
apprehension in their eyes. As Chase reached the bunk, Brand
squeezed his eyes shut and rolled into a ball. Raven drew the cover
up to her trembling chin.

Chase sat on the edge of the bed. "I didn't
mean to frighten you today," he began, his deep voice pitched to a
soothing level. "You're both good children, and I'm not mad at
either of you. I know this is hard for you to believe, after the
way you've been treated, but we do not punish anyone on this ship
by hitting or shocking them. If you do something wrong, we will
discuss it and decide on a fitting discipline. But I promise you,
no one will hurt you in any way."

He offered his hand to Raven. "Okay?"

Tentatively, she placed her hand in his.
"Okay," she agreed.

Chase reached over and rubbed Brand's back.
"How about you, Brand?"

Brand made no reply, and Chase patted him
and rose. "Good night. See you tomorrow."

He paused by Nessa, his eyes locking with
hers, and for a brief moment, she thought he might say something.
But he simply nodded and left.

* * * *

The next morning, everything seemed to be on
an even keel again. Chase joined them for the morning meal.
Appearing more rested, he ruffled both Brand’s and Raven's hair
before he sat down. Nothing was said about the day before. After
the meal, he went to the cockpit to check for incoming
transmissions, which he did first thing every cycle.

The children remained in the galley with
Nessa, helping her clean. Raven proved to be an able helper and
such a joy, an inseparable shadow who tugged frequently on Nessa's
tunic. She returned Nessa's hugs now, and even slipped her delicate
hand into Nessa's for reassurance. Brand didn't offer any
affection, but neither did he resist.

Chase's serious voice came over the
intercom, startling all three of them. "Nessa, could you come to
the cockpit please? Leave the children in your cabin for now."

He didn't sound angry, but her internal
alarm clamored. Something felt wrong. She ushered Brand and Raven
into her cabin, giving them pieces of bread to feed the
lanraxes.

She went to the cockpit. Staring out the
portal, Chase appeared to be deep in thought. He turned at her
entry, and her heart skipped when she saw his resolute expression.
Uneasiness snaked through her. She sensed he was about to convey
unwelcome news.

He gestured to her seat. "Sit down."

She sank into the seat, tension stiffening
her spine.